Home > Uncategorized > Match Report – 2013 Ballyearl Guinnesss Festival of Squash

Match Report – 2013 Ballyearl Guinnesss Festival of Squash

2013 Ballyearl TeamRoving reporter – Simon Pollock provides us with a report that is just vague enough to keep up the old adage “what goes on tour, stays on tour!”

Ballyearl – Northern Ireland June 2013 – A particularly tough tournament this year by all accounts! As I walked into the Ballyearl Bar the first member I met held out his hand saying “Are you the new guy? Good luck, I hope you make it!”. So it was straight into it with no hanging around as the first round was ordered.
As the Ballyearl virgin, I went on at 5 (pints) literally against a particularly handy, and crucially sober female and immediately discovered drunk squash is a dark art. After half an hour of playing “which ball should I hit” she said “why are you playing after 5 pints” to which I replied “I thought that was the rules”.
At 4 (foot) Stu Ward climbed out of my hand luggage raring to go. Didn’t see much of this one but must have been a tough game as he had to leave early muttering something about hitting a wall….


At 3 (strikes and your out) Rich (Goose) Cant(p)lay has obviously been working on his movement, particularly to Candi Staton’s ditty Young Hearts Run Free. This raised more than a few eyebrows, and, he would like to think, one or two Tim Henman’s…..
At 2 (sandwiches short of a picnic) Jase was a bit put off his squash game when his opponent was heard to  remark, “when I heard you were a vegetarian I was expecting someone ……. well ….. thinner”. So he decided to take up golf…turns out he hits a mean “tree” iron!
And finally at 1 (for the road) Barry Sutherland managed to get through the entire weekend without hitting a squash ball. On more than one occasion someone would say “I hear you’re a pretty handy player, can we see you in action?”, to which his reply was “Yep……..on Youtube”.

So we took home both the winners plate and wooden spoon (see attached) by virtue of beating the locals and being the only team left standing (just)!

Then it was off home after a delayed flight whiled away discussing the merits of renewable energy……..anyone for next year??

Interesting that none of the pictures involve squash!

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