Match Reports DLWE 2012/13

  1. October 4, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 1st Team

    1st game of the season! Fabulous! And at Newlands where there were 40 players and a great atmosphere.

    Newlands 3rd team were our opponents and first up was our very own Captain Cantlay v John Rae. John had his intimidating Scotland t-shirt on, but Rich must have just though he was just one of the Tartan Army as he tried to start a sing along and buy him a pint!

    Richard was obviously still in Tour mode in the 1st game as he lost it. John was volleying well and Rich appeared happy to give him plenty of practice on this shot; the first game came and went. But the 2nd saw a completely different Richard. He started boasting well on the backhand and sending his opponent the wrong way at the front of the court. It was soon all even and if Rich (who naively tried to pull out of the team match on Monday, without success, as I told him a hamstring tear didn’t warrant a good enough excuse on a Monday; or after!) kept to the same plan he was going to start looking more and more in control. He did just that for the next two games and came off the court with a well deserved 3-1 victory at No.3 (hamstring tear my ass!).

    Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) on at No.5 against Andrew Morris. Great performance this week from Ben with a solid performance. He dominated the match from start to finish with a good length that was struck crisply. He followed this up with some tricky front court play and Andrew was always on the back foot. Great to watch and I look forward to seeing him improve every week and maybe challenge his way up the team (if he’d only stop over stretching. I wince every time he goes into another injury inducing splits).

    David Craig was on next at No.4 and what a tussle this turned out to be. He was against David ‘the glove’ Simpson and was having a torrid time of it in the 1st game. He lost this one, but if he could slow it down and get a better length he would be in with a great shout. Richard and I were stunned to see David use a drop shot in the 1st game, as Richard said he’d never seen Dave get the drop-shot out before November. “He may regret using that up, by the business end of the season.” remarked Rich.

    Well needless to say it went to 5 (I have a suspicion I may be saying this a lot with David!) AND David coming back from 9-14 to win the 4th game (?!?!?!).

    The crowd were enthralled and David C was giving it everything. Unfortunately David ‘the glove’ hit a purple patch in the middle of the 5th game and took a big lead at around 12-9. David fought back and even had a match ball…………..with the whole front wall to aim at………………all 15 feet of it…………except the 19 inch tin bit. Guess what he hit!

    After that it just wasn’t to be and Newlands Dave piped our own David Lloyd David 3-2 (still a good 2 points though). MOTM to their David I’d say.

    Sean (Norris) went on next against the fastest man in the world. It was like watching Usain Bolt on steroids. Still just as well this Usain (Brendan) was quite inexperienced as in a few years he’ll be a very good player. Sean was getting a little frustrated in the 1st and kept pumpin’ the ball to the back, but as soon as he opened up the court, playing drops to the front left especially, he began to take control. It was a good performance by Sean who could have easily got drawn into a hit-a-thon, but kept the pressure on Brendan to win 3-0

    I was on last against Mic Cockburn (you do pronounce the ‘C’ ‘K’!) who is a superb player (thanks for the bribe Erdingers Mic!). He has recently returned from Oz where his game has obviously benefited from picking up heart, courage and a brain (all he needs is the ruby squash shoes now!). He was playing some great shots tonight from all over the court; volleying my backhand cross-court away, the big booming forehand and some good tight drops. However I was also playing well and I thought I volleyed particularly well on the backhand to keep the pressure on throughout the game. We were very close in all 3 games up to around 10 points (in fact I was down in 2 games), but I seemed to get a good run around this time to take each game (it’s a long way up to 15 isn’t it!) but I had to straighten up my game and concentrate to do it. Still I sneaked home 3-0 and was glad to cross the finishing line.

    Pizza for dinner and there was actually some left when I got there (must be coz it was veggie!). All washed down with the aforementioned Erdinger. Altogether it was another great Wednesday night and some good chat to boot (except from Sean! Who tried to nick my pizza – unsuccessfully!). A nice bunch the Newlands 3 lads and I look forward to the return (where Mic owes me a lift home!).

  2. October 4, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 2nd Team
    Given that Townend is in the middle of nowhere we were delighted to hear it would be a shorter evening (via text from Jason in the afternoon) telling us two of Townend’s guys had dropped out injured. That gave us 6 points on the board and one more would guarantee us victory in week 1.

    Unfortunately I got stuck in work, so by the time I arrived at Nic one was on one court and Douglas on the other. I missed Douglas’s game as I had to scramble up the dodgy ladders of Townend to mark Nic’s game from the roof thingy….felt quite unsafe!

    Douglas was up against a guy called Fraser ha nodt although els gled to take (8/15) the lean machine (who swears by 3 square meals a day, no snacks and no food after 8pm!) fought back and took the next 3 games (15/12, 17/15, 15/6) to guarantee us the win in week 1 of the new season!

    In parallel on court 2, Nic was doing his best to impersonate Doug by losing 8/15 as well in the 1st, but as soon as he realised that the guy he was playing (Graham) was a lefty he adjusted his game and powered through to win the next 3 games 15/7, 15/12, 16/14 – Nic was looking sharp and was never in any danger of losing the tie…he just needs to stop choosing to start serving from the left as it confuses the hell out of me and leads to me losing track which side is next – yup I am that thick…

    So with the win guaranteed the pressure was off me in the last match and that’s just as well given my current form in mini-league box 1 where I’m having a nightmare facing a possible (and likely) granny in terms of games won! I didn’t get off to a great start by going down 6-1 but I decided to give up on actual squash shots and started playing some cross court drops form the front which Jason keeps telling me to stop – Sorry Jase but needs must! Anyway I managed to bring the first back and close out 15/13 and the following two games were similar…I gave Brian (my opponent) a lead and then ran about like a blue ar5ed fly and sneaked the win (15/12 in the second and 15/13 in the third) 3-0. Brian deserved at least a game but I’m glad that the shoe was on the other foot for a change.

    Douglas marked my match on his ipad app – ‘court buddy’, which looks the future btw and would be great for emailing our group the scores straight after the matches – if only it wrote the match reports for you too…

    Paul and Ramzy were our absent 4 and 5 and never put a foot wrong

    The scran was good and unhealthy – chicken tikka pizza, pakora and chips – Douglas was nowhere to be seen when the food arrived.

    All in all a good 18-2 (I think) victory.

    Summary of scores

    DLWE 2 – Townend 3: 18-2

    Nic Coleman – Graham: 3-1 Win (8/15, 15/7, 15/12, 16/14)
    Kevin Cameron – Brian Terras: 3-0 Win (15/13, 15/12, 15/13)
    Douglas Cardiff – Fraser : 3-1 Win (8/15, 15/12, 17/15, 15/6)
    Paul Hannah: 3-0 Walkover
    Ramzy Ross: 3-0 Walkover


    PS – Oh and MOTM to me…although personally i’d have said Nic…Fraser got MOTM on their side.

  3. October 4, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 3rd Team Hi Guys my turn now. I promised to write a report from battle, but it wasn’t even a skirmish.

    We played Strathclyde Uni there were 4 people with very limited skills. We won 4 games 3:0 easy, faster wining then I was able to drink pint of Stella. From now I will judge games according how many Stellas I will be able to take during each game. E
    We expected to win the 5th game so nobody watched our number 1 borrowed from higher team. Unfortunately I was marking this game so I had to watch. I got fright about result when Alistairek fished for let ball (he didn’t get of course). This put him off from rest of the game so he lost 3:0. This time combination with squad didn’t work out! OK to be honest Alistairek’s opponent was their best player by a long way.
    But Alistairek it wasn’t glorious defeat as you were talking at the table. He was much better then the rest, but not as much good to beat you.

    Generally good overall win 15:3 but crap night as the match reporter.

    MOTM was Andrewek.



  4. October 4, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 4th Team
    The 4th team kicked off the season with a DL derby against Renfrew.

    First up was Dave Mazzucco against Stu (Hospital) Ward at 3. The first game was a tight affair with Dave seeming to have a spring in his step, cuttin aboot the court like a Gazelle and taking the game 17-15. Stu then took the second game to even things up and followed this with the 3rd as well. By the fourth game Dave was starting to resemble the Gazelle found towards the back of the herd that lions seek out as a target. Stu was up 10-5 but then suddenly squatted down in what I hoped wasn’t a Liz McColgan moment, but it turned out his back had gone into spasm. He came off court very slowly and had to lie down. It didn’t look good and Dave was the most vocal in suggesting he shouldn’t push it! Unfortunately it was just too painful so he hobbled off to the hot tub. Sensible decision. So game to the Thomsons by default!

    At the same time Iain the Drink (Beveridge) was up against Eric Sharkey at 5. Was this game going to be “The one and only” as his name sake once crooned? I didn’t see much of it as I was marking but it looked like a “strokey” match in which neither player actually asked for one! Anyway Iain eventually went down 3-1 against an awkward guy to play against for your first ever league match. Good effort getting a point on the board on his debut.

    Another game I didn’t see was Neil Ross against Paul Rogan at 2. By all accounts this was quite a tight one (as the Bishop said to the actress) with Neil getting 10 or 11 points each game but going down 3-0.

    And so both myself and Kev Reilly went on at the same time. Kev was up against Paul Scarff at 4 and looked up for it as the trousers were off but this may have had something to do with his opponents warm up consisting of him squatting down on all fours! I’m sure I saw Kev’s eyes light up…..
    I was up against Andy Jackson at 1 and it soon became evident this was a going to be tight length against speed. And that’s exactly how it went. I went 2-0 down to said tight length and was halfway through the 3rd before I realised he didn’t like the front of the court! Doh! Any way just add drop shots and suddenly it was 2-2. And so to the fifth which was a tight affair, but Andy seemed to be pushing to the front a bit more and getting more drops and so eventually I was pipped 15-12. Probably should have guessed it would go to five given my opponents surname…..

    It turns out Kev was also in the fifth and put in a great effort for a 3-2 win.

    So all things considered a 15-9 defeat (I think). Something to build on for the rest of the season.

    Food consisted of chilli and rice with bowls of salad for the veggies. It was either or, which is a good thing as they must have learnt that chilli is one of those dishes that doesn’t go on the same plate as salad. Guess its a matter of opinion though…..

    MOTM was Kev for a sterling effort. At the bar he said “I actually felt ok after the match, but now I feel pish”

    A fine note on which to end.



  5. October 11, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 1st Team
    A trip to Houston tonight and a match up v Strathgryffe 2 – and when I saw Lee Frazer and Garry McIlree at 1 & 2 I thought the 1st team must be strong (and surely that also meant that Ross Lawrie would be playing at 3 in the 2nd team!).

    I arrived late (I was trying a new route via Foxbar and got hopelessly lost) so missed the No.5 string match. The two youngsters, Ben (Mazzucco) and Alex Ward were battling it out and Ben managed to bring the match home 3-0 for us; but not before a really tough 18-16 first game. All who watched told me that both players played really well.

    Next on at No.4 was big Davie (Craig) v Colin Stewart. What a start Colin got, racing to 5-0 and 6-1 with some quick play and tricky shots. But Dave must have got his fishing rod out as he began reeling Colin in, inch by inch. By the time it was 10-10 the momentum was with Dave and he won the 1st 15-11. He must have been pretty pleased with his performance coz he took the foot off the gas in the 2nd and so was staring down the barrel at 12-14. Colin was tenacious in getting to 14, but Dave was like the proverbial “dog chasing a stick” at this point. He was flying all over the court and managed to keep himself in it through sheer force of will. Dave eventually sneaked it 16-14. The final game was much more comfortable as Colin tired and David took control with some much straighter play to win 15-5 and take the match 3-0.

    Captain Cantlay squeezed onto the court next to take on David Archibald at No.3. Dave was catching Rich time after time with his backhand boast and straight drops and Rich was spinning like a top up to 6-3. But at that point he got into the game and started to launch a comeback with 5 points in a row, then Dave got the next 4 on the trot, Rich the next 3 and Dave the following 2. It was soon 14-14 and just at the right time for us Rich managed to clinch the last two points to win 16-14.
    Rich would need to get his match head on or this was going to be a real tough one. Fortunately he did exactly that and took command of the game (and in-so-doing the match as well) winning it 15-11 (although he was 14-7 up!). He then routed the last game and at 11-0 down I was wondering where David was going to get a point. Just then Rich attempted a drop and there it was. None the less a good 3-0 win to the team.

    Sean (Norris) was up next against Garry McIlree at No.2 and this was a spicy one. It was tight all the way through the match and fiercely contested. Sean managed to sneak the 1st as both players were scrambling about for the ball and position. Inevitably this lead to a few incidents for the marker to call in the 2nd and 3rd games; Garry felt much more aggrieved with the decisions as he came back from 11-5 down to 11-12. Sean was trying to finish things too quickly and Garry had tightened up his shots. Fortunately for us Sean regained his composure just in time and won the 2nd 15-12. The 3rd again had the ref reaching for the rule book on more than one occasion, but with a 9-3 lead Sean was going to be difficult to catch. And so it proved as he eventually won 15-7 to take the match 3-0.

    I went on v Lee Frazer last at No.1 and this week I was very glad that the games all went up to 15 (instead of 11) otherwise I fear I may have got chopped! Lee has got some wrist on him and it’s very difficult to read what the next shot is going to be. Probably the best thing is to expect a standard shot and then just run in the opposite direction!
    At 11-6 down in the 1st I knew something had to change and fortunately it did as I pulled it back to 14-13 by tightening up at the back. Lee played some ridiculous shot to pull it back into a tie break, but fortunately I managed to just sneak home 16-14. The 2nd and 3rd games saw Lee start to play another ridiculously wristy shot. It was a cross-court drop from his forehand to mine (he’s a lefty) and normally they were too tight or in the nic at the front. He played this so much you would have thought I’d start getting them, but it was 15-10 to Lee in the 2nd and 8-4 in the 3rd before I was making any progress with this one. I managed to get the 3rd back to 12-12 and then went on to win it 15-13, but only because Lee was tiring. So keep the pressure on for the 4th and my mantra was “just make him play another shot”. I think it worked as I won the game 15-9 (at 8-8 I got the next 6 points in a row) and the match 3-1.

    In the bar after we all wondered why Richard’s tuby grip, which was on his ham-string last week, was only on his calf this week. Lee surmised that it was a new support and it wouldn’t stretch past the knee! Pizza and Houston Ale rounded up another good Wednesday night out.

    I’m off to the Edinburgh Octoberfest Squash Tourney this weekend for some serious training! And by training I mean beer!!

  6. October 11, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 2nd Team
    So I think it is fair to say that we had a very strong team going into our first home game of the season, however we were up against the team that seems to get younger every time we face them – Giffnock – so it was never going to be easy…

    First up was the lean machine Doug Cardiff. Doug had a slow start in the first and never really got involved dropping that game 4/15 however he took the 2nd 15/10 and was looking to gain some momentum going into the 3rd but it just didn’t seem to be his night and unfortunately his opponent (John Dick) took the next two 7/15 & 10/15 – on another day Douglas would have one this 3-0 but just didn’t seem to be his night – perhaps a sign of things to come?

    I was next up against the first of Giffnock’s Young Team (GYT!!!) – Patrick O’Sullivan. He hurried me thru the warm up which I was OK with but in hindsight wasn’t a good idea since he got off to a flyer whilst I was still digesting the banana I had stuffed down seconds before going on court – 5/15 in the 1st. He moved well around the court and unfortunately for me was able to match me for pace and read my cross court drop – damn it! Although I did start to click in the 2nd and it was a close one but he did sneak it 13/15. By the 3rd I composed myself and played a lot better with a bit more patience I was able to win this one 15/8 – the come back was on… I started the 4th well but soon started getting frustrated with myself and hitting my racquet off the wall, which funnily enough didn’t help my game and before I knew it I had lost the 4th 10/15 – come back was off…very disappointed in myself but thankfully Kevin Reilly was on hand to console me and teach me that when hitting my racquet off the wall it was best to hit the handle rather than the frame to preserve it – thanks Kev

    So not looking good for the match but perhaps our no. 1 Dave could turn things around? Was a close first game and Dave’s opponent Ewan Wallace looked the real deal with some great shots from all over the court – Dave had to be at the top of his game to beat this guy and came close in the first, but was edged out 12/15. Unfortunately a trend as starting to form and much like Douglas and I, Dave wasn’t playing as well as we all know he can – he lost the second 9/15 and he knew it wasn’t going to be his night when he banged his head off the glass on the last point. The third went the same, 9/15, and unfortunately that was the match.

    Meanwhile on court 2 (nice to see a 2nd court after DLWE 3 had been hogging them all night ) Steve Elms was up against the 2nd of the GYT – James Singh. I didn’t see much of this but from what I heard the youngster played well and unfortunately Steve’s new shoes (after the sole’s separated from the trainer last week at training – how old were those shoes Steve?) weren’t broken in enough to give James a run for his money – 5/15 in the first and 7/15 the next two.

    Finally (don’t worry not long to go) Sara at number 2 was up against Nick Firth. After 2 points it became quite apparent that Sara wasn’t her usual self – strange given how well the rest of the team had played! – and it became apparent fairly quickly that she had tweaked her lower back…she should have probably retired after the first (8/15) but she pushed thru the pain barrier, but just wasn’t moving well at all and never really got going (5/15, 5/15). She had been complaining of her wisdom tooth coming thru before the match – maybe they are related? Your the doctor…

    So overall an 18-2 Loss (reverse of last week’s result!)

    Ewan was clearly man of the match for them and they gave me the best of a bad punch prize for our MOTM.

    Most of us stayed for the scran, which was ok – pasta with vegetables…doesn’t count as a meal without meat in it…

    The highlight of the evening was Steve Elms getting 17% discount off the bill for us for being a member since the place opened (I’m sure there is a joke in there somewhere)

    So in summary (this is fast becoming a standard for me – and is useful for anyone not wanting to read the nonsense above) here are the scores:

    Match 1 – Dave Ritchie vs Ewan Wallace – 12/15, 9/15, 9/15 – 3-0 Loss
    Match 2 – Sara McDonald vs Nick Firth – 8/15, 5/15, 5/15 – 3-0 Loss
    Match 3 – Steve Elms vs James Singh – 5/15, 7/15, 7/15 – 3-0 Loss
    Match 4 – Kevin Cameron vs Patrick O’Sullivan – 5/15, 13/15, 15/8, 10/15 – 3-1 Loss
    Match 5 – Douglas Cardiff vs John Dick – 4/15, 15/10, 7/15, 10/15 – 3-1 Loss

    Overall Score – 18-2 Loss

    MOM for us – Kevin Cameron (honestly it’s not me giving this to myself – cause trust me I didn’t deserve it)
    MOM for them – Ewan Wallace

  7. October 11, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 3rd Team
    First up for the 3rds v (Strathgryffe 4) was the much awaited return of Iain Irvine to team squash at no.4. I think Iain (as Steve Elms in the seconds) made the mistake of agreeing with Jason to be an emergency reserve only for the call to come within a matter of hours that they were in. Iain, keen to return to the fray, arrived on time for the match and then wondered where everyone was. The opposition slowly began to turn up and Iain commandeered the show court and was a class above his opponent. Cruising through the first 15-4 just pushing the ball around never a shot hit in anger. The second was a tighter affair with his opponent Ben moving better but Iain had always enough command and he won 15-10 and then resumed total control by winning the last 15-6.

    Next up Peter who had the unenviable task of playing 12 year old Mathew who appeared half Peter’s size and a quarter of his weight. Peter welcomed Mathew to the big leagues by drilling a full blooded drive into him early in the match. Mathew was not for calling Childline and did not flinch. Mathew was very well coached and had some beautiful shots including a well-disguised backhand boast. This was a very close affair Peter won the first narrowly 17-15 and the second 15-12. But young Mathew did not crack and he came back to win the next two 11-15 and 12-15. All down to the 5th. Peter managed to prevail with some over the top Ryder cup hollering and fist pumping when a shot hit the nick and the return of some well-loved Polish swear words and scraped through 15-12 in the 5th.

    Andrew Alebi followed Iain on Court No.1 – Andrews movement around the court and the ability to keep returning just one more ball helped him win the first and second games fairly comfortably 15-9, 15-6. His opponent tightened up a bit in the 3rd and Andrew started hitting a lot of half court balls. Andrew lost this one 9-15 but started hitting a better length to win the forth 15-10 for a good 3-1 win.

    With still none of the 2nd team able to put a match on the shared middle court (Kev C take note) our David Wilson went on against Steve Archibald. Steve was looking very different from his Barcelona/ Aberdeen days(one for the younger readers) and was no match for the experience of Dave who ran out a 3-1 winner in 4 close games – I am afraid I didn’t see this one as I was getting battered on the other court.

    Last up me on Court No.1 and playing an awkward left handed opponent called Peter. (Described as Doug Cardiff’s big brother by Kevin R but I think this was more to do with his willingness to question a decision as he far exceeded the slimline Mr Cardiff in the weight stakes) Anyway tight match – lost the first 15-13 but won the second by the same score. 14-10 up in the 3rd when it tried to go for a ridiculous series of winners and managed to lose this 16-14. Pity because if I got that it would have saved me some pain later. Won the 4th 15-12 – all down to the last. Started really badly 7-1 down started to claw my way back but at 11-7 down after an exchange at the front I got hit by his follow through in the mouth. Could instantly feel my lip being split open and my teeth being rearranged and decided straight away with blood coming from my lip to concede the match. Turns out the was probably a bit of an over-reaction as it wasn’t as bad as first feared (just ruined my good looks). Could have done with a straw though to drink my beer.

    Anyway good 17-7 win to follow up last weeks win with everyone maintaining their 100% record (everyone winning their matches and me losing my matches).

  8. October 11, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 4th Team
    So the 4th team were in the Tropic of Hamilton Squash Club last night which ironically is part of an ice rink. I had heard about the heat and it was no exaggeration! Once I eventually found he place I was immediately handed a score sheet to mark Dave M’s match against the only opponent whose name I remember, Liam at 4. I climbed into the marking pulpit to see the ball bouncing around like an episode of Baywatch. The first game was a tight affair with serve changing hands just about every point but Dave was just edged out 17-15. His opponent seemed to go on from this with Dave unable to find a length and losing the next two and the match.

    Donald M was on at the same time at 3 in one of the non glass backed courts. Didn’t see this but Donald lost 3 zip and didn’t look himself saying he felt a bit under the weather. Man Flu season approaches…..

    Ian Bev and the Col went on simultaneously at 5 and 2 respectively. I tried to flit between games but kept arriving at the Col’s game at a break! He lost the first game but at the break I saw him slap on the factor 25 and pull on some Speedo “second skin” budgie smugglers to deal with the heat. This obviously worked as he went on to win the next three games and the match. Great effort.

    Meanwhile Ian Bev was having a right ding dong in the first game in his match narrowly losing it 15-12. It could have been oh so different if he hadn’t served out at least twice! The disappointment of losing the first obviously affected Ian as he was 9-0 down in the second in the blink of an eye. He got back into it a little but lost it comfortably. In the third Ian resumed trying to beat himself tactics with a few more serves out and some Uncle Bill style reverse angles that didn’t come off! He eventually went down 3-0.

    I went on last at 1 at first of all had to check the ball wasn’t a red dot it was bouncing so much! I struggled a bit with the “conditions” in the first two games but still played reasonably well losing 15-10 and 15-12. In the third game I started hitting the ball a bit softer and finding better length as well as getting a few cheap points from good serves, getting it back to 2-1 in games. In the fourth game I tried to do the same but my opponent seemed to step it up a bit and I eventually lost it 15-9. Probably should have done better but it’s all good experience!

    So all in all a right royal pumping 16-4.

    Lasagne and salad with lashings of garlic bread helped ease the pain. Dave M didn’t even let Donald’s (left early as not feeling well) portion go to waste!

    MOTM was Col as our only winner.



  9. October 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 1st Team
    My DLWE home debut tonight and Giffnock 3 came calling.

    Ben (Mazzucco) was first on court again this week at No.5 and he demolished his opponent. The first two games weren’t even close, but inevitably a lack of concentration in the 3rd meant he had to scramble his was across the 3-0 winning line, with slides and desperate lunges; thankfully no splits and so no injuries caused. However cross the finishing line he did and I (of course) put the 3-0 win down fully to the new Harrow Syncro rackets he used tonight! I think he played Ewan Wallace, but it’s difficult to tell as I never saw Ewan after that. Good performance Ben!

    Next up was Captain Cantlay & David (Craig) going on at the same time and I marked David’s game at No.4 against Mark Lesley. David’s warm up consisted of holding a Costa Coffee takeaway cup. An empty one?!?!? This may have had something to do with the fact that he looked like a plank of wood in the 1st game.

    To read more click on ‘read more’ below –

    Mark was immediately on the pace and David was bending and stretching about the court like he’d just fallen out of bed, so no massive surprise to report that he lost the 1st game. Still he needed to get a better length as well and his retrieval shots needed to go deeper. The 2nd saw him come out of the traps like a cheetah and took a great lead and although Mark came back at him it was enough of a lead to take the game. Again length was the crucial factor to taking hold of the game and David was starting to get to grips with this he won the 3rd and was about 10-2 up in the 4th. Mark made a great comeback at this point and at one point it was 12-11. However David realised, just in the nic of time, that if he didn’t get the ball to the back before attacking it was going to go to a 5th game. So he dug deep and did exactly that to win the match 3-1.

    Rich was on the other court at No.3 against Stuart Pitt. He was telling us this was a warm up for his 6 day Tartan Army trip and if this match was a game of football it was a real game of 2 halves – and fortunately I missed the first half! Richard was getting tanked in the 1st and I heard that the advise was to keep it off Stuart’s volley, but the second also went to Stuart although it was much tighter. The 3rd saw a bit of a transformation with Richard getting well ahead early on and then keeping the match pressure on to take that game. I started watching during the 4th game and it looked like a great battle Rich was concentrating really well and was prepared to keep the rally going for as long as it took; Stuart was retrieving like the rubber-man from Marvels ‘Fantastic Four’ comic. Some of the stretching was great to watch and it reminded me of when I was 16 and could do the same (actually that’s a lie – I could never do that! And I was never 16 either!?!). Anyway concentration won over elasticity and so to the 5th! It was more of the same in the 5th – Rich got a great start and Stuart was tiring. Volleying (a bit) also helped Richard take the 5th and so a great comeback at a 3-2 win.

    Sean (Norris) went on next against Noel Woods at No.2. This was never going to be a long game as Noel is all about finishing the rally of in as few shots as possible. So the question tonight was ‘Could Sean stay in the rally long enough for Noel to go for too much and make a mistake or could Noel hit a blinding winner?’

    The games were all tight, but Sean didn’t let Noel get into a dangerous position. He always made sure he was ahead at the crucial times and so although the scores were close Sean managed to win 3-0.

    I was on last against Caron Lawrie at No.1. Now Caron has been capped for Scotland in the past so you take her lightly at your peril. She put the 1st two rallies away easily and if this wasn’t warning enough then her dangerous serves and great volleys had me nervous (not to mention her off-putting uniform!). So I had to use a few of my own physical attributes to counter the onslaught; unfortunately being tall was all I had, fortunately ‘reach’ isn’t a bad thing at squash. So I reached forward to scrape shots back, reached up to counter her lobs and kept her off the ‘T’ by volleying and keeping her to the back. All this and a good old boom to the back and I was generally in charge of the match. I won the tie 3-0 and was relieved that it didn’t come down to a game of skill – as I would have lost!

    MOTM for us Rich and for them I’d say Stu.

    So another good win for the team and just when I thought I’d got away from baked potatoes every week guess what was for dinner! Still I did go to the pub for a pint after the entertainment. with Si from the 4ths for more banter! Noel said he was going home to drink a bottle of Jack (presumably to expunge the memory of losing to Sean!! Fair enough I’d say!)

  10. October 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 2nd Team
    So it was a full house at Western tonight – but to be honest when is it not! There were 3 Western teams playing at home tonight and, as you all know well, only 3 courts so we knew from the start it was gonna be a long night…throw into the mix that on our single court it would feature 23 games and it’ll be no surprise that we would struggle to complete our matches before the chinese delivery guy finished his shift – the infamous “duck and plum” was in danger of not featuring for the 1st Wed in god knows how long…

    Sara was on first this evening at no. 2 against Western’s answer to Gaultier – Mattheus. Mattheus looked sharp in the first and although Sara as looking much more like her normal self this week she didn’t get out of 1st gear in this game and lost the opening bout 9/15. By the second she had started to dig deep and this match really started to produce some top quality squash with Sara giving up on absolutely nothing and after some lengthy rallies Sara won this one 17-15. Mattheus then managed to find his rhythm again and although the 3rd was close he closed this one out 12/15. Sara then bounced back again and despite playing a lob off a low hanging light (more on that light later!) she managed to bring it back to 2-2 with a 15/13 win – it was starting to look like a long night already…In the 5th there only looked like one winner and the frenchman’s fitness could not match Sara dictating the play in the final game and thankfully we had 3 points on the board with a 15/11 victory. Definitely looking much more like her usual self this week and as I went to get changed I could hear Mattheus in the changing room acknowledging he simply didn’t have the fitness to pick up the tight boasts Sara was playing towards the end.

    Next up was Douglas at No. 5. He was up against strange kinda player called Brian. Although he seems unorthodox he was fairly effective and managed to go 2-0 up with 9/15 & 11/15 wins, however Douglas soon started to get back into the game turned the match on it’s head by winning the next two 15/11 & 15/8 – another 5 game match, brilliant. So going into the decider it was evenly poised, however Brian managed to gain a bit more momentum and closed this one out 8/15 but nonetheless two very valuable points on the board.

    I was up next at No. 4 against a guy called Euan – Euan is obviously a fashionable guy as we appeared on court looking like twins – Blue top, Black Shorts, Whit socks and Blue/White trainers – although we weren’t identical twins and were more like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger – No prizes for who was who…

    It was tight first game and although I let him gain a decent lead to start with, it was me that was serving for the game at 15-14. Now you’ll remember that Sara hit the low hanging light in her match well somehow wee Danny managed to hit it with his lob serve to throw away a perfectly good chance to close out the first game! Arnold won it 17-15! I had a quick change and managed to calm myself down, a lot of that I owe to the wise words of Mr Turner who encouraged me to stop trying to hit the ball as hard as Arnie was hitting it and instead concentrate on keeping my drives tight and not over hitting. I took this onboard and what a difference such a small change made, I won the second 15/8. Feeling better by this point. Into the 3rd and althoguh I had a few outbursts at myself I did enough to keep a safe distance and won the third 15/11. Onto the 4th match and my confidence was growing, so much in fact that I was 11-0 up – sensing that I might granny him I buckled and hit the tin with a daft drop shot – wasn’t long before I closed the match out with a 15/4 – much happier with how I played this week.

    So one more win would win us the match – Over to our No. 3 Jason. So top player that Jason is, he didn’t get off to the best start and the floppy haired Duncan, his opponent got off to a flyer in the first winning 7/15 and followed up in the 2nd with an 11/15 win. Jason, however, looked much better in the third and comfortably took the 3rd 15/11. Unfortunately I had a bit of a lift situation and had no option but to leave so afraid I missed the end of this match but it seems like Jason was making a monumentus comeback and that he did – He won the next two (not sure the scores) and took the match and sealed a win for DLWE2 – great work Jason!!!

    I completely missed the final match but was informed that JT took the first against “nice guy” Dan but didn’t have his best game in the 2nd and ended up losing that and the next – he nearly made a great recovery in the 4th but was just edged out 15/17. John usually seals the win for us in these big contests so just glad we could return the favour this time and thankfully we finished the night with points in every match and an overall 15-11 Win for DLWE 2.

    No idea who was awarded MOTM I’m afraid but I’d say from our side it was either Sara (WOTM) as she was up against a really tough opponent and had to dig deep or Jason for his really impressive comeback and especially since it sealed the tie.

    I believe Jason was the only one that stayed for the grub but I’ve experienced it before – Duck and Plum curry, BBQ Spare Ribs, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Beef and black bean sauce? That close to the mark? but it was all getting a bit too late and as John T said in his text to me – “Was so damn late when got off court when they asked if I wanted food assumed they meant breakfast”

    First time I’ve been on the winning side against Western so well down guys..Nite Nite.

    Summary of Scores:

    John Turner vs Dan – Loss 1-3 (15/11, 2/15, 11/15, 15/17)
    Sara McDonald vs. Mattheus – Win 3-2 (9/15, 17/15, 12/15, 15/13, 15/11)
    Jason Grinton vs Duncan – Win 3-2 (7/15, 11/15, 15/11, ?, ?)
    Kevin Cameron vs. Euan – Win 3-1(15/17, 15/8, 15/11, 15/4)
    Douglas Cardiff vs Brian – Loss 2-3 (9/15, 11/15, 15/11, 15/8, 8/15)

  11. October 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 3rd Team
    Apparently its written in small print in my terms and conditions that I have to write a match report even although our match away to Largs was cancelled.

    This is already proving a great season for me in that I was also selected to play away at Townend and that was cancelled as well so I am missing the joys of deepest Ayrshire on a Wednesday night.

    Anyway with a 3rd consecutive team win and personally a first win under my belt (of course I am claiming it) thought I would go and check out the teams playing at home. Immediately devastated to discover no draft beer on tap. I had to do a quick mental calculation of how many little bottles of Moretti at £3 a go my £10 would stretch to.

    Enjoyed watching the first team – Ben was devastating but will never last a season sliding around like that. Watched David Craig and Richard Cantly squeeze every penny of value out of their membership by playing for as long as possible. Good to see Sean show them how it should be done and left because I was not sure if Jason could cope if he lost (again) to a girl. Yes it has happened – ask him.

    Gave some good advice to Donald in the 4ths after narrowly losing the first and watched him score just one point in the second. Was there when Kevin R’s movement was compared to the boy band One Direction. Watched Neil and Mazz handle the girls and Simon win the battle of the DLWE members.

    What Wednesday nights are all about; beer, a win at the squash without any of this running about nonsense and no injuries.

  12. October 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 4th Team
    The 4th team were at home to Glasgow Uni 3 this week with hopes of our first win of the season. I turned up to find Dave (Mazzucco) and Neil (Ross) already warming up for their matches at 4 and 2 respectively. Both faced female opposition and had Dave known he may have at least ironed his top. Quite how he managed to get so many creases into a non-iron t-shirt is a mystery (Kev C from the 2nd team and his opponent at Western would have been ashamed! ….see above report!). On with the match and Dave was in control in the first game taking it 15-6. This may have caused him to relax a bit in the second as his opponent gained a few points advantage, hitting some better shots, but Dave reeled her in and landed the game 15-12. He came off court to find me standing with an ironing board, but he wasn’t interested. The 3rd game turned out to be similar to the first with Dave comfortably closing it out 15-6 for a 3-0 win.

    Neil R was on the next court feeling pretty pleased with himself. If the mirror on the wall was forced to choose it’s fair to say his opponent was in with a shout. The crowds were gathering for the warm up! Kev (Reilly) snatched the score sheet and even went home for a pen, so keen was he to mark this one. The game was a very friendly affair with Sarah hitting some nice shots but Neil was playing well and taking advantage of any loose balls and managed to win 15-6, 15-7, 15-9. I spoke to him when he came off court and said it was very gentlemanly of him not asking for a few lets/strokes he could have had but he replied if he had known they were lets/strokes he certainly would have asked for them! Maybe chivalry is dead…..

    By this time Donald “Where’s Yer” had turned up to discover he was straight on court at 3 against James McAllister. Now Donald (MacKinnon) just did not look himself this week, maybe running straight on court didn’t help, but he just couldn’t get anything going against an opponent he would expect to beat. He lost the first 10-15 but in the second he was in real danger of getting a visit from an elderly relative. I won’t say how many points he got but just that it starts with “o” ends in “e” and the middle letter rhymes with the item Kev R had to go home for (see above for all you skim readers). In the third, as Yazz and the Plastic Population used to say “The Only Way Is Up” and this was Donald’s best game, but ultimately just not his night losing it 10-15. As he came off court, Kev R, puzzled as to what had happened, enquiring “Did you get your leg over before you came out or whit”

    As Kev prepared his leg for the match at 5 against Josh O’Donovan, it was none of that fancy coloured tape p**h the olympic athletes use, no for Kev its good old fashioned gaffer tape. And it seemed to work as he took the first game 15-3. He had to work a bit harder in the second winning 15-9 but this seemed to take a toll on the old calf and he lost the third 10-15. But Kev has enough in his locker to see out a game even with movement like a well known boyband, One Direction. He controlled the game from the ‘T’ comfortably seeing out the match 15-2 in the 4th.

    I was then on at No.1 against a familiar face in Gregor Murray who plays in our mini-leagues and was along at the training a lot over the summer while the Uni was on holiday. He was obviously torn between playing with some young female students and us hairies…… So I knew what to expect from him, a lot of quick movement and good retrieving and thats exactly what I got. The first game was a close affair, but I just managed to see it out 15-11. By the second I realised that Gregor was getting to the majority of my drop shots so I started trying to play tighter length instead. This seemed to work better although I still had to work to win the game 15-12, with Gregor hitting some nice drives. By the third I seemed to be hitting better, tighter drives and Gregor was getting a bit frustrated as he gave away quite a few strokes. I was also getting some joy from backhand volley drops allowing me to close the match out 15-6.

    So a very good 15-4 first win of the season. I was given MOTM and James McAllister was the Uni’s as their only winner.

    There was a bit of a wait for the food coming out and there was no draught beer as they are changing supplier apparently. Baked tatties with mince and salad eventually arrived. A strange combo. Even stranger was a story at the table about a woman who never realised she had a tattoo on her lower back for 8 years! Apparently she had it done under the influence and it wasn’t until she got a new partner who asked about it that the penny dropped. Perhaps the new partner had an “access all areas” pass the previous one didn’t? Make up your own mind…..

  13. November 1, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Wednesday 24th October 2012 – 1st Team
    Once again my late arrival meant that I missed Ben’s match (poor commitment I know!). Richard said Ben played well and won 3-0, as did Sean. Also Western’s No.1 (Steve) said he was a great No.5 to have and his opponent said he was too strong, so when I asked Ben how he played I was thinking he’d be full of himself. Instead all I got was “I was rubbish”. “Well,” I said “I hope play rubbish and win 3-0 like you!” (I didn’t though I was fabulous!…….. In my own lunchtime!!). So a good 15-10 15-5 17-15 to kick the evening off against John Millar at No.5 (Ben spent the rest of the evening texting).

    I did see Captain Cantlay’s match though and he was playing a blinder. 15-9 in the 1st was followed by a great come back from 6-12 down to win a lung-busting 2nd game 15-13. “Hit straight,” was the advise “and even when you get tired of hitting straight and think that he (Hamish Foster their No.3) must be covering the straight he isn’t; so hit more straight.” Unfortunately Rich was of the opinion that Hamish would get bored of volleying his cross court drives away and so he didn’t change until 10-6 down in the 3rd (despite Sean and I telling him between every game). But digging deep Captain C straightened up and 6-10 down was soon 12-10 up. Enough of the tactics for Rich and just boom it any old place. Fortunately at 15-15 Rich found couple of good boasts to take the game 17-15 and the match 3-0 (MOTM to Captain Cantlay for sheer effort; and for winning the game without the use of a drop shot!).

    After last week’s comical warm up David Craig had obviously learned nothing from that experience, as this week’s warm up involved wearing his scarf!?! Still at least he had to stand up to watch the previous game, so he did get moving in the 1st (at No.4, against Paul Whitely). Paul must enjoy fishing when home in the Yorkshire Dales, as he turned up with his fishing-racket. He proceed to try and use it a couple of times fishing for ridiculous strokes, which I’d only previously seen from Sean and McSherry (and me!). He didn’t get them as I was marking – it was entertaining chat though! Paul did get 3 tough games however; the first was anyone’s and Dave sneaked it 18-16. The 2nd and 3rd followed similar patterns with Paul hitting all the shots and Dave chasing around after them up to 9ish, after that Dave dominated and Paul tired. David won the next two games 15-10 15-11 and took the match 3-0 (and the bonus points).

    During David and Sean’s games we had the fascinating sight of Rich and Ben texting each other from opposite ends of the balcony (youngsters today eh!).

    Next up at No.2 was Sean (Norris) v Borja Alcalde; a great name and a great game from Borja. The word idiosyncratic was invented for him on a squash court and at 5-7 down Sean was having trouble working out what was going on. Borja has invented a bizarre ‘backhand/forehand drop’ and an amazing drop from the back with the racket moving at 100mph; all very entertaining to watch. Sean came back fighting to win the 1st game 15-10.

    I told Sean something I thought I’d never say to him! It was that he was the squash player on the court and he needed to dominate the ‘T’ (normally I’m saying stop running around like a crazy person!). The marker (Hamish) was having a hard time of it as well, as both players kept asking him to justify his decisions (the best one being when he gave an A4 response to ‘a let’ that was obviously ‘a let’ and he explained all the rules of ‘a let’!). Borja poured everything into the 2nd game and 12-9 up he was going to be difficult to stop. Very difficult as it turns out as he won the game 16-14. I would say “Too little too late.” to Sean, but “Too little” is enough!

    Fortunately Borja was tiring quickly and Sean ramped up the pressure physically. Borja was spent and 15-5 15-4 followed quickly for Sean to take the match 3-1 (MOTM to the Spanish bull though for a thoroughly entertaining game).

    I went on last against Steve Luker at No.1 and we had a good old tussle in the 1st game. I was a bit lose and Steve was volleying well at 5-5. However I managed to take away his volley after that and this was the turning point in the match. I dominated the rest of the 1st game and won it 15-8. Ben was busy texting whilst marking our game (I know I move slowly, but I didn’t think it was that slowly!). I really took charge in the 2nd game and at 7-0 up I wondered if I could possible had out a doughnut in a game to 15! ‘No’ was the answer, but it was close! Paul (H) the roving reporter had seen enough of my silky skills and went to continue his report of the other match as I won the 3rd game to wrap up the match 3-0.

    A Chinese meal for dinner and Deuchars at the bar, whilst listening to Ben slagging Sean for everything from his shirt to his weight (serves Sean right for nicking half my meal!).

  14. November 1, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Wednesday 24th October 2012 – 2nd Team


    Unfortunately, Kev ‘Duracell’ Cameron could not play tonight (he’s probably still combing the streets of south Glasgow looking for a physiotherapist ) – means two things : firstly, the average team sprint speed reduced by about 90 % ; and secondly, someone else had to write the report – I drew the short straw, so here goes –

    When I was told we were playing Strathclyde Uni I assumed it would be a bunch of students – guys with their arses hanging out over the tops of their jeans, Dizzy Rascal and Tinie Tempah ( real name – Patrick) T-shirts on, T in the Park wristbands and student discount cards – well, I was wrong – three experienced hands turned up along with two very sharp young guys.

    In essence, every member of the second team played well, but sadly against better players – net result was we were gubbed !

    I lost to (Hey) Joe (where you going with that gun in your hand) 10-15; 5-15; 12-15

    Sara lost to Colin – 10-15; 12-15; 8-15 – I was marking that one, she played very well, some long and excellent rallies – gave him a classic ‘hard stare’ when he body checked her at the end of the second – oucha !

    Dave lost to Big John – 12-15; 8-15; 24-22 ( the old football vide printer would have to confirm that in writing – twenty four to twenty two) ; 14-16 – tight as, dug in deep in superb fashion – getting our only point of the match – the lone point by the lone ranger

    Nick lost to ‘young’ Andrew – 8-15; 9-15; 8-15 . Again he played very well, chasing everything down. Talking point of this match was the matching outfits – both in dark blue tops, black shorts, white socks – looked really sweet and cute. Kev would have appreciated that ( see last weeks report re Western), should have taken a photo for him.

    Steve lost to ‘young’ Robbie 12-15; 4-15; 13-15 – from what I saw he again played well and pushed the young man. Steve stepped in as Douglas couldnt make it. If we could apply the inverse age adjustment coefficient formula, Steve would have come out well on top.

    So, a clattering 18-1 defeat, but the play was good and reasonably close – they were all just a bit better than us. We will play much worse than that and win this season – well, hopefully !

    The food was two great vats of Lasagne which had been bubbling away since about half 10 this morning to make sure that there was no flavour in them by the time we were ready for eating. No salad though – nearly caused a riot – on reflection perhaps good job Kev and Douglas weren’t there – they would have been furious about that.

    Night all


  15. November 1, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Wednesday 24th October 2012 – 3rd Team
    Driving towards the club last night I was predicting a 15 – 7 defeat for the Team formerly known as the Colonel’s Carnivores. I was feeling quite content with the fact that there existed no more the burden of Captaincy. And I was embracing the new mind-set that (as the Colonel’s squash is in a committed and inexorable decline) the result didn’t matter. Just go on court and enjoy the run-around.

    First on court I was at No 4, and I should have known better. In the gladiator’s arena, the switch is turned on, and it was every bit as frenetic as in the previous stressful past. Felt unusually and unexpectedly spritely (!), injury free too, and managed a 3-1 win versus Dave Claxton.

    At No 3 Andrew Alabi played I think Tim Ross, and close contest, but after winning 1st game, ended up going down 3-1. Could have gone differently if Andrew had edged another early game. Improvement in his squash though.

    At No 2 David Wilson (Health & Safety specialist) was on against Veteran Whisky man Fred Laing. Never seen 2 players get about court so intensively without using their knees. They could shuffle about pretty well making light of the almost complete seizure of those all important shock absorbers – Fred especially. David had the edge and went 2-1 up but midway through the 4th game, he bonked / hit the wall / ran out of steam he was cooked / knackered. We could all see it. A slight resurgence in the 5th, but there was more chance of Europe fighting back to retain Ryder Cup. And he went down 3-2.
    Afterwards David disagreed and said he had a problem with his thigh muscle which caused his switching off (but that problem went away for the early part of the 5th).

    At No 5 Piotr the PoleDancer was back against one of the McClures, Ross I think. Ross hit the ball very hard, Piotr competed well, but faded to a 3-1 defeat. No Koorvar expletives – is this the new Piotr. A couple of times latterly and crucially the opponents balls seemed down beneath the tin, but all parties including the marker seemed to deem them points won by the opponent. I mentioned this to Piotrek after, and he agreed they seemed down, but was waiting for the marker to make that call. A bit more contesting next time Piotr, as the match was close, and these decisions might have influenced the result.

    At No 1 Alastair the Bairdster against another McClure, no relation. I observed that Alastair was looking leaner and fitter, perhaps having shed half a stone. His tee shirt looked loose and baggy, or was it just too big. David Wilson disagreed that Alastair had lost any weight. By way of explanation he stated that he attends most Thursday nights and is on court with Alastair. What’s that got to do with the price of Pish? Anyway Alastair managed to lose 3-0, but was up against their best player. I didn’t see all the game, because I was marking a 2nd team game – when it was time for one of them to step up to the marking plate, they had showers to take, or lipstick to put on prior to the impending lasagne supper.

    Indeed over the said lasagne we remarked that it was unusual for there to be only 2 McClures in the Whitecraigs side. From there we started reminiscing (me and Bairdster) particularly about that 1960’s TV western featuring Doug McClure as Trampas and James Drury as The Virginian (249 episodes each).

    So I was right – a 15 – 7 defeat.

    See link below …

  16. November 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 1st Team
    Broomhill tonight and although we had two courts to fill, the typical squash situation occurred where we had No. 4, 3 & 2 ready to go and they had 1 & 5!

    David (Craig) was first up and because of this I can’t comment on David’s warm-up this week, so I’ll have to assume that he did the full DLWE home warm up, which as we know is wearing a scarf whilst holding a Costa coffee cup (an empty one). Still David is obviously getting used to this, as he won the 1st game tonight 15-4 against Jim Paton at No.4. This was all a bit too much for Big Davie and as he was obviously in shock at winning the 1st, he promptly got chopped in the 2nd! But as ever it was the straight length shot that David needed to tighten up and he did just that to win the next 2 games, although the 4th was a bit too close for comfort at 16-14.
    Before the match Captain Cantlay asked Sean to do the scoring, but Sean refused saying he can’t mark. Rich did say that Dave never asks for lets or strokes so you don’t need to mark – you just need to be able to count to 15! But Sean was still having none of it.

    Sean was on next at No.2 against Dave Lamont and he was happy to play by his mantra “Why win in 3 games, when you can string it out to the 5th”.
    In the 1st game Sean was trying to win every rally in maximum three shots. Fortunately with a bit of scrambling he managed to do it – just. All was going well in the 2nd at 3-1 up when I had to go on court so I left in the knowledge that Sean would probably win in three straight games. The next I heard it was 2-2 (Sean having been 2-0 up). David must have played well to get the 3rd and 4th games and so MOTM to him I’d say. However it’s difficult to turn these situations round so fair play to Sean for coming back and winning the 5th. So with his full 5 game allocation under his belt, Sean was feeling he’d earned his pumpkin.

    I went on next at No.1 against Euan Henderson. My game drew some fantastic crowd support (thanks Yvonne and Iain) and so after an exhausting drive back from Manchester I was hoping to give the massive audience some entertainment. However it was Euan who won the knock-up and he looked a bit too athletic for my liking. So there was nothing else for it, but to try and give him nothing to hit. Still even my high serves got a thrashing down the wall, about 1cm above the tin (I used to be able to retrieve those ones, about three stone ago!). Fortunately for me, however, at 8-7 up I got on a good run of points and went all the way to 14 without reply. No one’s beating me from 14-7 up!
    The 2nd game wasn’t dissimilar to the 1st, except that I started spinning my serves and Euan started hitting the tin instead of the fabulous shots he had been playing. This made a massive difference to the score and his free points became mine! 8-3 Bish-bosh!! I then got on another good run to 13-4, before proceeding to assume I’d already won the game! Dobber! Euan got the next five points, before I eventually got the match head back on and won 15-9. The 3rd game wasn’t dissimilar to the 1st (and 2nd!). 8-7 up and a good run of points to win the match 15-8.
    The bottom line was that I was able to stop Euan playing his game, but it was a good match and Euan was a real gent and great guy to play (all down to Euan’s gaff ‘Paperinos’ for the Christmas night oot).

    On next was Ben (Mazzucco) who had just arrived – must have been out guising with the family as all three Mazzuccos arrived on mass (no Satsuma’s in sight though!). Ben threatened to play with a blue and pink flowery shirt, which he claimed was a rugby top; looked more like his Halloween costume to me! He was on against Dennis Liddell (Dirty Den and I are mates from the Whitecraigs LT&SC days – them were the days! I won’t go into the story of how Den and I lost a game of tennis doubles to an 85 year old guy with 2 plastic hips and his 60 year old partner, coz that would just be embarrassing!).
    Both Den and Ben are/were rugby players and they were playing this match like they were on the pitch. Den clattered into Ben in the 1st game, but in true rugby style Ben didn’t even seem to notice/care too much. And then Ben returned the favour in the 2nd and left Dennis sprawling on the floor for a second or two before he got up and carried on as if nothing had really happened! I’d have been off to A&E! The match however was reasonably straight forward with Ben winning comfortably 3-0. He was just a bit too quick, fit and had a few too many shots for Den – apart from that it was close!
    Dennis remarked later on that he only seemed to be playing youngsters this season, mind you that’s what the 85 year old tennis player said to us Den!

    Last up was Captain Cantlay and we were soon wishing that he’s gone on 1st on one court and we could have all played on the other one as the mammoth 1st game went to 20-18 – in favour of Rich. During the break Ben suggested that Rich volley more, to which Richard said “Can you not tell me something I’ve got a remote chance of being able to do?!” Without missing a beat Ben countered “OK then, lose a stone!”
    A good start for Rich in the 2nd game 6-1; a rubbish middle 6-7; and a terrible end 11-15.
    Better length shot was required and was largely found in the 3rd – 15-10.
    The 4th was a car-crash 6-15.
    Great last game (15-7) to win the match 3-2 (at 14-7 down it was good to hear all the “big-four” swear words used in one sentence by Paul!)

    Hard to say who our MOTM was, I’d be inclined to give it to myself (certainly not Sean or Rich though). However maybe it should really go to Iain Beveridge & sandro Mazzucco (our 4th team No.4 & 5) for winning ther first ever West team matchs. Congrats Iain & Sandro – joint MOTMs.

    So it was beer o’clock, but in Halloween style I was left with the horrific situation that DLWE have got rid of all the beer and only larger is now being served! Disaster. Rich mentioned that Tennents had even been taken off “Why’s that?” asked Euan “Too many fights breaking out?”

    What would Wednesday be without the banter?

  17. November 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 2nd Team
    Bad start to the evening when I tried to access the address of Wishaw Squash Club on the west-squash website – Bad- the link is/was broken (depending on whether they get their finger out any time soon fix and/or whether you read this tonight or tomorrow) and the output is something that I’m used to seeing at work:

    findRecords(‘name ASC’, 30); echo $Record->getPagination(); echo $Record->showTemplate(‘club_list’); ?>

    …anyway techie chat aside, I was hoping and praying it wasn’t the place that I grew up playing badminton in when I was younger, Wishaw sports centre, but I soon found out that it in fact was! Doesn’t actually look as bad now on the inside, and the M74 certainly makes it seem closer to civilisation.

    When I turned up Donald was on one of the two saunas…I mean courts…and from what I’ve seen, briefly, he seemed to be playing well. I had to go and get changed as my opponent was on the other court waiting. Donald narrowly lost the first 15/13, but bounced back in the second to take it 11/15, he then again narrowly lost the next 15/13 (again) I caught the 4th game which looked out of sight when his opponent (Paul) was up 14-9 on match point…Donald then impressively started to claw it back and thru some clever serve variety managed to get it back to 14-13, it was almost a superb comeback but Paul just managed to nick a point in time at 15/13 (yes again) and it is just as well he did a it looked like Donald could have turned this around if he’d have got it back to 14-14. Unlucky in the end, but this is the first time I’ve seen Donald play so great to have someone of his quality in the teams.

    At the same time I was playing a guy called Mark, a runner much like myself. He tried to hit the ball too hard, much like myself, and was a bit of a headless chicken, much like myself! So it made for an unskillful yet competitive game. Two things occurred to me during the warm up 1.) I wouldn’t be able to rely on dropshots getting me out of trouble as it was bl00dy roasting! and 2.) I now have a new least favourite away venue…sorry Bowfield it was nice while it lasted.

    Whilst I acclimatised to the conditions I found myself 6-3 down before I started to take a bit of pace off the ball. I managed to find my feet just in time and brought it back to 8-8 and then kick on to win the first 15/10. At the break I went outside for a cool down then back into the furnace. Same again, 8-1 down this time before I got used to the heat, but after shouting at myself a few times and hitting my racquet off the wall (I will need a new Harrow racket soon Jase!) I pegged it back again…bit closer this time, but I won 15/13. 3rd game was a bit more comfortable and I won that one 15/10.

    Sara was up next, although I was marking Steve Elms game and never saw much of her match, I fear she had a similar issue with the heat but unfortunately was up against a better opponent (Norman). The first was close with Norman winning 15/13, but it seemed to go down hill in the next two 15/9 & 15/4 – Can’t say for sure what went wrong but I do think the conditions must have played a part.

    Next up was Steve against a guy called Kieran. Seemed a good match up at the start but Kieran kept asking for lets when he was nowhere near the ball – He took offence at one point in the first game when I said he wasn’t going to get to the ball before it had bounced twice and from that point onwards I was quietly urging Steve to give him a hammering! That he did 15/12, 15/11 & 15/9 – Steve looked too good for him but it was a hard fought match.

    So it was all on Dave R in the final match to take the points home…unfortunately i had to shoot off (poor form I know) and when I left Dave’s opponent (Peter) hadn’t even turned up! Not sure what time he arrived, but his stalling tactics obviously worked as Dave never managed to get into the game and ended up losing 3-0 (sorry don’t know any more than that).

    So 4 x 3-0s (I think there was a 5th one on the southside of Glasgow in the Scottish league cup, but don’t want to upset anyone so I won’t mention that one) and one 3-1 meant that we lost overall 12-7. We will bounce back but a fittingly “horror show” result for Haloweeen! (boom boom)

    Nite Nite.


    1.) Peter Shivas vs Dave Ritchie 3-0 (?, ?, ?)
    2.) Norman Paterson vs Sara McDonald 3-0 (15/13, 15/9, 15/4)
    3.) Paul Eley vs Donald McDonald 3-1 (15/13, 11/15, 15/13, 15/13)
    4.) Mark Howells vs. Kevin Cameron 0-3 (15/10, 15/13, 15/10)
    5.) Kieran watters vs. Steve Elms 0-3 (12/15, 11/15, 9/15)

  18. November 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 3rd Team
    We lost 18 – 2 with only the Pole Dancer picking up points. Really didn’t feel like doing a match report last night.

    Bairdster occupied the champion’s role at No 1 and lost 3-0 to Graham Clarke, 1st game very close.

    Andrew Alabi at No 2 v Phil McFadyen. Some good passages of play from Andrew (bringing on the jaunty gait) but also periods of lapsed concentration and runs of lost points (hands on haunches time). Lost 3-0 but came close in 1 game.

    Paul Hannah at No 3 v Alan Ovenstone. Paul took the 1st game to warm up (as he often does), played some very good squash in 2nd game but narrowly lost, and faded a bit to lose the 3rd. A touch ring rusty (so to speak) but the start of his return to Club team squash.

    At No 5 Piotr competed well v Ray Small. Won the 1st and 3rd games, apparently could have won the 4th, but lost 3-2, the Polish expletives expanding into drawn out rants at times.

    And at No 4 I was up against our old member (Big) Garry Dickson. Came close in 1st and especially 3rd games, but Garry had the edge even in those and won 3-0. I know what the problem is – Jason let’s try to get it sorted, when suits?

    It felt more like an 18 – 5 defeat, but those close games all went away from us.

    Found myself somewhat deflated after that defeat and stoated about a bit before heading for the shower. It was a steamy compact little shower room, with no room for the Colonel when Garry (big) Dickson, Piotrek and his opponent Ray Small shall we say “lingering” for quite a while. Peering into the steam I sensed something decidedly unsavoury about it all. When Piotrek and his opponent came out I noticed that they were identical from the Adam’s Apple downwards – I won’t go into any more detail.

    In the bar my mood had worsened. Garry’s eccentric chat was as bad as ever Locums / Cruises etc. He forgot to offer me a drink so I was consoling myself by saying in my match report that he was till as tight as ever, and what a relief he is away! Unfortunately though someone did eventually offer me a drink, but I was in such a sulk, I declined (my match report ruined by that generous offer) – or perhaps they had nothing on offer that appealed to my droothy palate.

    Truthfully though twas good to see Garry again, I think, possibly.


  19. November 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 4th Team
    Think it is probably best to do the reporting in reverse order as there was three fantastic performances from our team tonight with Sandro Mazzucco, Iain Beveridge and Kevin Reilly rightfully victorious. Dave Maz and I could only add some morale support as I was in the words of Mr Reilly, “Feckin Pesh and should chuck it!” Point taken well made.

    Anyway onwards and upwards

    Game 5 Sandro the Slayer Mazzucco vs John the builders hairy arse Kennedy, this was a great result from Sandro who fought back from 2-1 to win 3-2 playing some of the best squash we have seen him playing, once he realised if he kept varying his shots from drops to drives John was not at the races. Well done Sandro. Man of the match for Sandro and John for their efforts.

    Game 4 Iain Beveridge vs Mark Sherret who was actually George Dawers without the drum kit! This was a hard fought victory for Iain who played really well throughout the match and managed to close this one out 3 -1, think he took some inspiration from Sandro’s result.

    Game 3 Kevin “One Direction” Reilly (Who was actually witnessed going backwards, forwards and side to side!) vs Andy Duff who ran around like a man possesed. After Kevin’s lengthy warm up which included more stretches than would be witnessed at an oaps beauty contest.

    Game 2 David Mazzucco vs Roddy Grindlay, 3-0 less said the better

    Game 1 Donal MacKinnon vs David Tenant, 3-0, think i got stuck in the tardis, enough said.

    Overall Score 12-11 which was a great result and just reward for those who played so well.

    Well done and good luck next week.


    My version of the same report!
    Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 4th Team
    4th team match report v SSRC home (if no one else is doing it….Dave….Kev….!!).

    @ No.1 Donald McK – if it wasn’t for Donald the whole team would have had to play 1 place higher and would have got gubbed. No.1 is a tough position to play in any team (as all the No.1s found out last night – sometimes you even come up against the club coach). Donald was on first and lost 3-0, but is clearly still on the way back from the cold he was suffering from. But he’s a stalwart and a real team player for turning out through thick and thin (well thick and something!). Donald we salute you and all the other No.1s last night as well!

    @ No.2 David Mazz – Dave (on last) had obviously been out guising so was late. He was playing a good player in John Thistle. Same as Donald though for all other points and stalwarted-ness.

    @ No.3 Kev R – Kev has been around for a million years and so knows how to win matches at No.3. Classic 3-2 and probably had his opponent reaching for a noose! (also has to be congratulated for going on 2nd and stalling the game for long enough for the No.2, 4 and 5 to arrive late!).

    @ No.4 Iain B – Wonderful performance. Iain was 1 game down, but came back to win his first ever West Team match 3-2. What a performance, what a night for the youngster. MOTM for Iain and as he went on 4th , he also brought home the winning bonus points for the team as well!

    @ No.5 Sandro – First outing of the season (on 3rd) for Sandro and what an outing it was with a 3-2 win. “Well played.” I said “Thanks, but I was rubbish!” was the reply reminding me of his brother’s comments last week. Great ability that the Mazzucco lads have to play ‘rubbish’ and win! Still Sandro went back on court for another 40mins practice after the match as well! Now that’s dedication. Would have undoubtedly got joint MOTM with Iain if he hadn’t told me he was rubbish! In fact scrub that – he is joint MOTM as I’ve just heard that this is his very own 1st West League win as well. Two players on one night amazing stat. Congrats Sandro – brilliant rubbish!

    Team win – well played all.

    Play as a team win as a team!

  20. November 16, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Wednesday 7th November 2012 – 1st Team Well we knew that the Uni lads and lasses would be one of the best teams in the Division (as they’d come down from Division 1 last year) and sometimes you’re just gotta take a thrashing! You may think the report is shorter than normal this week coz we got chopped (and that’s true), but also I didn’t see many of the games as we had two courts and to get from one to the other you had to go about 200 yards up and down stairs!

    Ben was off to see Kevin Bridges (or something) tonight so had to get on first. He’d played and left by the time I’d arrived, but he’d picked up the points 3-0 against Tal Ramsay (who sounds like a character off of ‘Game of Thrones’). Everyone commented on how well Ben had played so another good win at No.5 for him.

    When I arrived Dave (Craig) and Richard (Cantlay) were both going on at the same time. Dave was up against Mhairi Charlton at No.4 and I saw the first game of this one. Dave was getting the run around from Mhairi and all his retrieval shots were getting put away much tighter than he’s used to. So either the rally ended or he had to do more work just to stay on the end of the rally. Mhairi was really in control of the 1st game and won it 15-not very much! Dave was dropping too much and needed to get the ball much deeper and straighter; so that was the plan as I went to watch Captain Cantlay on the other court.
    Rich was on at No.3 v Charlie Hibbert and was also getting the run around. Charlie has a strange bendy/curvy swing and the ball wasn’t going where Richard expected it to. Charlie’s swing was a great weapon against Richard and the strange length of the Uni courts were not helping either. Charlie was in control of the whole match and Rich couldn’t get his normal game going (or wasn’t allowed to – more to the point). Charlie won 3-0 with some good volleying and trickery and thoroughly deserved the win.
    Meanwhile Dave was still struggling on the other court and was 0-2 down when I came back and although it was close in the 3rd he was still being given the run around. Mhairi wrapped things up 15-12 (ish) and took the match 3-0.

    Sean and I went on next at the same time. Sean was playing Ben Carpenter at No.2 and I was up against Liam Dickson at No.1. I didn’t see Sean’s match, but he was soundly beaten 3-0 by Ben who apparently volleyed everything and dominated the ‘T’.
    I wasn’t having much more success against Liam. Two of the first three points were rolling nics off Lam’s serve! This pissed me off! Liam was a lefty; this also hacked me off! The courts had a very strange length which Liam was a master of and I was rubbish at; this really cheesed me off!! (angry emoticon). But what got to me more than any of that was that Liam was just too good and there was really nothing I could do (surely there was something I could do?).
    The 1st game was a real chopping and Liam boasted me to oblivion. The 2nd I tried to slow things down and dominate, but all I managed to achieve was to slow things down (the score was a little more respectable, but not much). In the 3rd I tried to hit a better length on my forehand and this helped a little, but Liam was just too sharp and I fought to the end, but really there was nothing I could do!

    So a sound 3-15 trashing and off to Ashton Lane for beer, pizza, chips and garlic toast! Great spread from the Uni team and even the salad got eaten.

    Captain Cantlay wants it known that he’s missing the Scotland friendly match v Luxembourg next Wednesday for the team! I said (with a smile) that “Playing the squash match is probably doing you the favour of not seeing Scotland lose!” To which Rich replied “I remember when that used to be joke!”

  21. November 16, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Wednesday 7th November 2012 – 2nd Team
    I felt sorry for those that had to endure some peshy football game in East Glasgow, instead of coming to Largs. Although it was dark, Bairdster and I had a lovely drive though Kilbirnie and along the higher terrain. We saw a badger, then a fox, and later another fox. Further along an owl flew across in front of us. Bairdster said tawny owl, but i knew it was barn owl.

    There was an exotic international feel to the 3rd team (sorry 2nd team) tonight. Piotrek is very Polish, and Andrew Alabi (emphasis on 2nd syllable – alAAAbi) won’t mind me mentioning his West African roots. Jason from the windswept wilds of Geordie-land and me … Devon born, Devon Bred, Strong in the Arm, Sh*te in Bed. Only the Bairdhound homegrown.

    As we came into the picturesque fishing and sea port of Largs circa 7.15 we ventured who would be last to arrive, and find the Inverclyde Sports Centre. To our astonishment the Pole Dancer was already warming up and about to start!

    We lost 18-2, with only Jason sparing the teams blushes. His final game went to 14-14, then the lights went out. In the 5 minutes it took them to turn the lights back on Jason stiffened up, and the game went away from him. Different class though to the rest of us, with a portfolio of shots one can only dream of. Like last week we all came close in games, but weren’t able to convert.

    Saw the last 10 minutes of the amazing Celtic / Barca game with curry, rice and Guinness.

  22. November 16, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Wednesday 7th November 2012 – 3rd Team
    Short and to the point report.

    At 1 Dave Mazz was playing, wait for “Nobihudaf, just call me Nobby” and lost 3-1, lost the first where at one point Nobihudaf was close to taking Dave’s heed off! Dave rallied well in the second winning this and giving us some hope but lost the third and fourth in what were close encounters.

    At 2 I played Robby who was a much better player and managed to run him close in the first couple but ran out of steem in the third, 3-0

    At 3 and our man of match was Iain Beveridge playing Josh who again got stuck in losing the first, winning the second, losing the third, winning the fourth and closing out the fifth 16-14 in what was a classic encounter and one his opponenet thought he should have won and was not too impressed when his drive was called down at 14-14 in th last but the decision was correct and Iain managed to squeeze out the result

    At 4 Wendy lost to Katy 3-1 and really should have ran her closer as had a lot of chances but didnt manage to turn the screw, on the whole played some great squash but didnt manage to complete the job.

    At 5 Sandro played Sarah and lost 3-1, losing the ifrst and winning the second, when he got his eye in he had her running about the court, great to watch! The remainder of the games were tight and Sandro just lost out.

    Overall a not too dissappointing 18-6 defeat but a good effort from all involved and a big thank you to Ian for helping to mark and organise things.



  23. November 22, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Wednesday 14th November 2012 – 1st Team
    I arrived (almost) on time this week, however due to an early start Ben had already played! Once again he’d won 3-0 and not only that, but the challenge is also now in against Dave Craig for his team spot – this Monday – high noon! Well 5pm anyway! Ben played well (according to him) and if you look at the results on the web-site Ben seems to have gained an inflated ego, as he’s given himself MOTM every time he puts the scores in! However he was sitting with an ice pack on his leg when I arrived so he must have been pushed around the court a bit.

    Our captain, Rich C, was on next v Roger Dunlop at No.3 and it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that Roger is a marathon runner. He ran everything down and kept going and going – in fact it would be fair to say that Roger Dunlop (warning, rubbish pun approaching) never got two tyred! Sorry! Rich was in charge of the 1st game, but Roger came right back at him in the 2nd game winning on a 14-16 tie break. In a single match I’d never seen so many back wall boasts in my life ** Roger must stand miles up the court to have to hit this shot so much; all this exertion must have made a difference in the 3rd and 4th as Rich seemed more in control and won them to 9 & 8 thus winning the tie 3-1.

    Next up was Big David (Craig) at No.4 against Jim Kenny. Jim was rubbish in the 1st and got tanked 15-9 (9 was flattering) so I settled down for a 3-0 gubbing, however Jim then woke up and Dave did the opposite. I was marking and had to do a bit of investigating in the 2nd as the ball hit one of the players and no-one was admitting to it!
    “I know what you’re saying about him not getting the next shot, but did the ball hit you?” I asked three times and when I eventually got a sheepish “Yes” back it was stoke to Davie and on we went.
    Great 2nd though and at game ball to Jim 12-14, Davie got into full retrieval mode to peg him back and take the game 17-15. Jim was getting better and better as the game went on and he was now using his backhand drop to great effect. Again he got to 14 first (9-14) again Davie started a great comeback (12-14) but just then a magnificent/fabulous/marvellous/lucky/jammy over-head volley nic won Jim the game. David managed to rescue the momentum in the 4th and ended up winning the game 15-8 and the match 3-1, but it was a good contest (however where was Captain C to support, surely a shower can’t take that long??!!).

    Sean (Norris) went on next v Phil McKie and at 11-1 up it was difficult to see how Phil was going to get into the match. Although he lost the 1st, Phil came back to a respectable 15-6, but the next two games followed a similar pattern and Sean was just too strong for Phil winning 3-0 (still no sign of our captain).

    I went on last against John Robertson at No.1 and was trying to get my movement smoother than normal. With a few people watching me I was very pleased that this worked to a large extent and I took the 1st game 15-6 and the 2nd 15-9 (I say a few people but no sign of captain Rich) . However John was getting better and better as the game went on and the 3rd was much closer or maybe I was getting too obvious! There were some great scrappy rallies and John was winning most of them, but fortunately I managed to keep the movement strong enough to sneak the 3rd 15-12.

    I was amazed to see Captain C at the meal table later and when I asked him what the final match score was, he replied 2-1 to Scotland. Aaaaaaah this explained where he was all night! One of the Townend team wasn’t remotely interested in the friendly football results – right up until he heard that England lost 4-2! Then you couldn’t shut him up!
    There was some good scran after the match and the lads looked very jealously at the quantity of food I had for my veggie meal, until Ben pointed out that the dish (of beans, peas and the odd current) looked like someone had taken the contents of a rabbits cage and put it on a plate; then everyone just laughed. The rest of the team tucked into chilli and Big Dave had at least three plates full (!) which must have weighed more than Sean. And certainly the chilli’s jokes were considerably better than Sean’s.

    ** except for Barry Sutherland who used to play back wall boasts for a laugh from all over the court. This also included right at the front of the court (which isn’t an easy or safe thing to do! But is very funny and therefore OK, but only if you’re Barry!).

  24. November 22, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Wednesday 14th November 2012 – 2nd Team
    There were only three questions on the minds of the second team warriors in our match against Whitecraigs Rugby tonight :

    1. How many times can we get to 13:13 – 14:14 and fail to close out the game ?

    2. Has Dave Ritchie actually bought new squash gear ?

    3. Will we get any post match salad ?

    By the time I turned up Steve Elms had clinched his match 6-15; 15-7 when his opponent ( Alister Ross ) retired hurt – so 3 – 1 victory ; and our very own wonder woman Sara had beaten Graham Kelly 3 – 0 (12; 8: and 2) – she said it had been ‘reasonably easy’ (go girl!). So, we were 6-1 up when I arrived and jinxed things……………….it was, sadly, downhill from that moment.

    Dave played very well indeed in his first two games against Allan Brown – but went down 0-3 (6; 14-16; and 4). He was the first to blow a 14-14 position, but unfortunately Dave couldn’t take the replayed point. However Dave was sporting previously unseen black top and shorts (close to matching) – looked kinda new – and a noticeable change from his usual standard (which I recently noticed included an old Third Lanark top – neat!)

    Next up Jason lost 0-3 to Mark Reid , managing to not close out 13-13 twice, and going down to 10; 13; and 13. So damn close – and a great effort.

    I lost 0-3 to Jim Cross – played quite well, like Dave and Jason beforehand, but just couldn’t get on the board – going down 15-17 (from 14-14 again); 5 and 9.

    So, 13-6 defeat – but reasonably close against good opponents.

    No salad – or was it that by the time I got there, those big bad beasts from the First Team had polished it all off already, thereby creating ‘lettuce envy’ amongst the rest of us?

    Night all


  25. November 22, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Wednesday 14th November 2012 – 3rd Team
    New territory for me tonight – writing match report for the 3rd team. Glad to say the outcome is bit better than I’ve been used to, with the 2nd team

    Turned up at Western to find out that – surprise surprise – Western had three home teams and three courts…it was gonna be another long one!

    At No.3 Piotrek was already on court and our paths crossed as he was coming off court from his third game and i was heading up the stairs – “Any Advices!?” was the shout that followed me up the stairs.

    Apparently I missed an absolute belter of an opening game where Piotrek was 14-8 down to his opponent (Ross) and came back to win 16-14 – gutted I missed that but Andrew, Iain & Dave filled me in. He narrowly lost the second 15/13 but managed to edge ahead in the 3rd to win15/12. The fourth game I did see and it was an entertaining affair – Piotrek asked for a stone wall stroke at one point yet to everyone’s amazement was only awarded at Let and then the very next point the exact situation happened again to which Piotrek proclaimed “I suppose that is a let as well” – not this time – 2 identical Lets = a Stroke in this marker’s book, or perhaps he realised he got it wrong the first time. Piotrek closed out the match winning 15/12 in the fourth and looked to be playing some nice stuff from what I seen – keeping the ball at the back of the court. Good start.

    Next up was Iain at No. 5. In the first game Iain was running about like a blue ar5ed fly bouncing off all four walls (yup I know – pot, kettle, black…) and couldn’t really get the better of Andrew (his opponent), he went down 15/9. He must have been watching/learning from Piotrek earlier as he had a very impressive comeback to win 16/14 in the 2nd. At this stage he was not getting the ball to the back of the court enough and serving too many out, but his sheer determination got him thru this one. Some wise words from Mazzucco at the break got him on track in the 3rd though and he really started to turn the screw winning the next 15/11.

    Going into the last Iain was getting his length right and only serving out once every 3 points however he loves his “Uncle Bill” Style, reverse boasts, even when it means it is going straight back to his opponent. However regardless of that, he just was too good for his opponent as the match went on and he comfortably closed out the 4th 15/7. A great 3-1 win for Iain who looks very comfortable with his Wednesday Squash and has clearly learned a lot since the start of the season.

    Next up on the court where time stands still, was Dave Mazzucco against another Dave (Cooke) – Was the battle of the baldy Daves – sorry Dave (& Dave). He seemed up for the match and in the warm-up looked sharp(ish) but not sure what happened in the match it’s self – just couldn’t get his touch right and was struggling to control the point. I’ve seen Dave beat better players with ease in the past so can only put it down to the fact he was waiting off court for so long for his match to start. Unfortunately went down 15/9, 15/4, 15/8. He’ll be back.

    On at No.2 was Andrew. I marked this one, and wish I hadn’t. First of all the warm up went on for so long I was able to go and get changed, come back and still have to ask them to make a start. Once they eventually started we seen why his opponent (Michael) was playing so high up – he was rapid! Although playing some dangerous shots when he should have been asking for a let and swinging for the ball missing then asking for a let – “eh, noooo I’m afraid” Despite the crazy calls and some tough decisions from me (which were mostly wrong in hindsight!) Michael won the first 15/8. Andrew then got into gear and started to match Michael’s running about the court – yup that’s right! He was doing great and won the next two 15/10 & 15/12 respectively, however that came at a cost – he fought hard in the 4th but just didn’t have enough left in the tank and went down 15/9. By that point Andrew was spent and the last one he faded. Two good points though but alas a 3-2 defeat.

    So at 2-2 a piece and 3 hours later I couldn’t really be ar5ed going on court…but I changed the batteries and headed on down the stairs. A quick warm-up with Neil Craig, as we were both starving and I could hear the duck and plum sauce Chinese being ordered in the background. Not my best performance but the guy I was playing was about 6 ft 5 (although everyone seems 6ft 5 to me) so i tried to keep him to front of the court as he wasn’t keen on leaning down that far…managed to edge the first 15/9 and with some ridiculous “Iain style” running I had a much more convincing second game winning 15/4. In the third I was still relying on my running as opposed to decent shots but it was enough today and I took the third 15/8. So a 3-0 win for us to take the match 14-8 – A good win as Western always seem to have a good team (all 6 of them!).

    Turns out the Chinese order was not for us – it was for their 4th team, so we got hit with Pizzas + a few chips, but to be honest they weren’t bad. Was approaching 11 by the time we got a slice so most folk didn’t hand about too long. The chat was mostly around our glass sided court at DLWE – Why can’t folk just deal with it – but they changed their minds when we started to explain the advantages of it which I won’t go into – Rob McMillan would have appreciated the level of chat


    Neil Craig vs. Kevin Cameron : 0-3 9/15 4/158/15
    Michael Ward vs. Andrew Alebi : 3-2 15/810/15 12/15 15/9 15/8
    Ross McKenna vs Piotrek Prosowski : 1-314/16 15/13 12/15 12/15
    David Cooke vs. David Mazzucco : 3-0 15/9 15/4 15/8
    Andrew Carson vs. Iain Beveridge: 1-3 15/914/16 11/15 7/15

    MOTM – Kevin Cameron & David Cooke

    Overall 14-8 Win for DLWE 3.

  26. November 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Wednesday 21st November 2012 – 1st Team
    A massive seven min trip for Captain Cantlay and the team this week all the way to Maryhill to face SSRC 2.

    I fought my way through the cross town traffic and was on time this week and just as well as Martin Sullivan greeted me wielding a dust pan & brush in his hands and said “Right we’re on court now, as I have to leave early.” I replied “OK. Are you gonna play me with the dust pan or the brush?”
    So on we went at No.1 and it was a tough 1st game. Martin volleyed away my serves and anything else that was high and loose, fortunately I just edged the game 15-13. The next two were much more straightforward, as I didn’t give Martin the same opportunities and won reasonably comfortably 15-7 15-2. Good to See Andrew McSherry supporting the team (especially as he was the only one to applaud my best shot of the night – an inch perfect forehand drive – which even Martin was surprised didn’t get more recognition!).

    The courts were nice and warm due to the new heating system and the balcony was roasting. In fact Rich said it was so hot Davie C may have to take off his scarf and duffel coat soon! But it was obviously all part of the infamous DC warm up.

    Next on was our new No.5 John Turner (as Sean couldn’t be bothered to pop back from America to play the match!). JT was up against a good player in Kenny McGill and played some good stuff in the 1st game. Both players looked a bit nervous early on, with some uncharacteristic ‘tins’ from John, but at 10-9 in the 1st it was anyone’s game. Unfortunately Kenny managed to shore things up at this point and went onto win 15-12. The 2nd was much the same at 8-8, but Kenny grew in confidence with some great volleying at this point and won 15-8. And the volleying was the key in the 3rd as well, as Kenny continued to keep control and won the match 3-0. Their MOTM to Kenny for a good performance.

    Ben (Mazzucco) went on next at No.4 against Billy Garbett and I marked; it’s great to mark in a normal position above the court on a balcony!
    It was a bit of a tin fest in the 1st game for Billy and so Ben ran away with it 15-7, but he tightened up considerably in the 2nd and made Ben fight from 0-4 down all the way through the game; Ben just sneaked it 16-14 but it could have gone either way. The 3rd was tight at 3-3, but not so tight at 14-3! An amazing run of points from Ben secured the game (15-6 in the end) and the match 3-0.

    Dave (Craig) and Rich (Cantlay) both went on at the same time so I was flittin between both courts to see their progress. Dave was playing Chris Farrell at No.3 and he was way off the pace in the 1st. Chris was melting the ball an inch above the tin and boasting into the nic for fun (Davie did well to get to 11-15 in the 1st). Big Davie needed to keep the ball off Chris’s volley and run down as many of his booming shots as possible. Every time I watched Dave he seemed to lose a run of points so I stopped watching him and what a turnaround! He won the 2nd 15-13, the 3rd 15-8 and the 4th 17-15 to take a very impressive 3-1 win from a very good player.

    Meanwhile Captain Cantlay was 1-0 up against Dave McCormick and looked in control of the 1st game. But a great come back from Dave to take the next two games. During this break I said to Rich “Which side do you think he’s stronger on?” Rich replied “I hadn’t really given it much though. Is it his forehand?” I agreed “Yup. But which side is his forehand?” There was a moments silence and then Rich exclaimed “**** me! Don’t tell me he’s left handed!” Well this revelation was a miracle and Rich started serving and playing much more to Dave’s backhand! Bish-bosh he won the next 2 games and the match in a very close 15-13 in the 5th!

    So with both Dave and Rich in trouble at one point, a potential 3-2 loss became a 4-1 win! Ya dancer!

    Chilli for supper and no veggie option for me (frowney face). During dinner Ben and I had to convince the SSRC lads that Richard definitely wasn’t MOTM as he couldn’t spot a left hander in 3 games! We got the ludicrous decision overturned and Dave C, rightfully, got the accolade in the end!! Classic! (although if Ben was putting the scores in I think you’ll find he’d have won it!).

    The SSRC 4th team arrived back victorious from Strathclyde Uni. However they were also ravenous and complaining that our 4th team had nicked all the food at the venue – I bet it was David Mazzucco who scoffed all the grub! Like father like son!

  27. November 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Wednesday 21st November 2012 – 2nd Team
    Back to 2nd team duty for me this week – both on the court and on the laptop…

    When i turned up at 19:05 all 5 of their players waiting beside three empty courts – but Steve and Jason were already there so within 5 minutes we had 4 of ours ready to face the enemy. Just as well we had three courts as we had another team refusing to play on the hugely intimidating glass-sided court 1!?!

    First up was Jason on Court 2 against Jim Orr. I never seen any of this match as i was warming up on Court 3 but it was clearly a tight affair with Jason edging out the first game 16-14. Unfortunately Jason had to retire in the 2nd when he tore his calf muscle – ouch! Hopefully it isn’t as bad as it sounds but he did say that he thought he’d actually been hit with the ball when it happened so clearly not a good sign. Good effort Jason and wish you a speedy recovery.

    At the same time i was on Court 3 and against Peter Miles who had been warming up for about 15 minutes before i got on the court. He started by telling me that the ball we were playing with was his. I was happy with how i started, was keeping the ball to the back and controlling the T from time to time which is a big improvement. I managed to win the first 15/10 and the 2nd 15/9 but Peter was much closer than those scores suggested and when i gave him a 7 point gap at the start of the 3rd game then it was too much for me to claw back and i went down 10/15. I regrouped and got it together in the 4th and when he got hit a rim shot early on that luckily dropped right in the front left corner and didn’t even apologise! I would have ……… maybe!??!?! Anyway i won the 4th 15/8. Happy with the way I played this week and with a touch of the cold, which Nic seemed to have too, I surprised myself.

    Whilst my match was wrapping up Steve was now up against Ian Paterson on Court 2. I missed the first game but unfortunately Steve hadn’t got into his stride and went down 9/15. I caught the second game which Jason was marking (fair play as he must have been in a lot of discomfort) and it looked closer than the 9/15 score int he first game had suggested. Steve just wasn’t finding his signature forehand drops today though and although he got closer in the 2nd he lost 11/15, and unfortunately the third 9/15. Unlucky Steve.

    Nic was next up against Graham Downie. When i saw them walk on the court i thought to myself Nic’s athleticism would leave the big man with no chance. Two shots into their warm-up and I realised how wrong I was and that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. He was a class act and this match was gonna be a belter. Nic got off to a flyer and although Graham was hitting the nick every second shot “Nic got to the Nic, just in the nick of time” and kept himself in most points. With sheer determination he closed out the first game 15/13 and a marathon second game 19/17. Every point was so close and as i started to mark the last game on Court 2 I had to be shouted away from court 3…for that reason i couldn’t catch the rest of this match but the third was very close with Graham reversing the score in the first 15/13 and with Nic’s cold and the massive commute from Aberdeen he finally ran out of steam and lost the last two 10/15 in both. A brilliant effort and a fully fit and rested Nic may well have won this one.

    Finally on Court 2 Dave was up against John Pinkerton, and i was marking. Dave got off to a slow start and John had quite a few flicky drop shots particularly a front court backhand cross court drop (respect for those shots!) By the time Dave got going in the first it was too late and although he so nearly brought it back he lost the first 11/15. In the 2nd it was another slow start from Dave but he really finished the game strongly and was picking up most of John’s unorthodox shots now but John edged it out and won this one 13/15. Going into the 3rd Dave came flying out the traps and was in control of the game throughout – won this one 15/10. Unfortunately the 4th seen John change it up again and start to control the game a bit more then in the 3rd and he finally closed the match out 15/10. Dave played well but on another day a bit of luck might of went his way…and maybe a better marker would have helped…and he might have brought home the 3 points.

    So all in all a disappointing loss 7-16. I couldn’t stay for the food as the mrs gym class finished at 8pm so my lift home was revving the front door…but i did enjoy a ping of Amstel whilst marking Dave’s game…Sorry bout the decisions Dave. Steve, Dave and all their guys stayed though and Dave has already put the scores up using his iPad whilst ordering drinks at the bar – nice multitasking Dave!


    Results Summary

    1.) Jason Grinton vs. Jim Orr: 1-3 Loss (16/14, retired)
    2.) Dave Ritchie vs. John Pinkerton: 1-3 Loss (11/15, 13/15, 15/10, 10/15)
    3.) Nic Coleman vs. Graham Downie: 2-3 Loss (15/13, 19/17, 13/15, 10/15, 10/15)
    4.) Steve Elms vs. Ian Paterson: 0-3 Loss (9/15, 11/15, 9/15)
    5.) Kevin Cameron vs. Peter Miles: 3-1 Win (15/10, 15/9, 10/15, 15/8)


    DLWE 2 – Kevin Cameron
    Parklands – Graham Downie

    Overall: 7-16 Loss

  28. November 29, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Wednesday 21st November 2012 – 3rd Team
    A confidence boosting 18-2 win for the 4ths against a team of students, who haven’t been playing for long. Some of them are quite good, and will improve fast, so watch out in the Spring. Those of us with teenagers might be hoping ours turn out as polite and friendly by the time they get to further education.

    I was on early at no 1 v Kelvin, who wasn’t able to confirm or deny that he was named after the river on whose banks he was conceived. A good thrash, but a few decades experience, plus Jason’s recent lesson, saw me through quite comfortably.

    At no 5 Iain Monaghan notched up his first win 3 zip, but unfortunately I didn’t see it.

    At no 3 Ian Beveridge also won 3 – 0 against slightly ungainly rubber man. Ian is developing Malcolm Day’s trademark boast from front of court, not perfected yet though!

    At no 2 the bold Mazzucco let a 2-0 lead slip against Liam, who was playing rather well. Mazz said his Achilles heel was his Achilles heel, but found some fresh focus to win the deciding game.

    Finally Kevin Reilly at no 4 who hurt his leg falling into a hidden pit in a murky riverbed. Still cannot decide if he likes fishing or squashing best, he loves them both. He played against a lad who had the most flailing extended follow through, especially on the back hand. Kevin not nimble enough to get out the way, but negotiated a comfortable 3-0 win.

    So, 18-2. They are keen lads, but no one coaches them.


  29. December 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Wednesday 28th November 2012 – 1st Team
    Cameron House came to visit last night and it’s difficult to know who has the better home advantage between our clubs? Us – with the strange glass side wall or them – with their sauna courts.

    David (Craig) was on first this evening and he turned up in fancy dress (see pic of MJ signature white glove) as Michael Jackson! He was on against Rolf “Harris” Hanson at No.3 and after the first rally it seemed like this game could be on for a long time. But looks were deceiving as David (MJ) dominated proceedings and Rolf didgerri-diddn’t get too much of a look in. All the rallies were competitive and often quite long, but David seemed to win most of them. After the first game Rolf said to me that he was knackered and not feeling very fit “Well you picked the wrong opponent tonight then!” I said! As the match wore on Rolf got more into it, but as Rolf couldn’t tie MJ down sport (!) the final result was always going to be a win for MJ…. SHAMONE!

    Sean was anxious to get on early and get away (Ben was disappointed he didn’t have Sean to take the piss out of over the food) so he went on second at No.2 v Alan Barbour. Alan seemed out of it at 12-8 down in the 1st, but Sean let him back in and at 12-12 it could have gone either way. Fortunately Sean wrestled the game away and won 15-12. The 2nd was much more convincing at 15-7 and despite a good come back from Alan in the 3rd Sean wrapped things up 15-10. MOTM to Alan though (decided by Ben in an attempt to wind Sean up via the match report!??!).

    Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) against Chris Brown at No.4. The 1st was a fun game with a frenetic pace and both players sliding all over the courts. In fact it looked a bit like the Keystone Cops at one point ( with bodies flying all over the place and Ben picking himself up from the splits half the time. Chris was really fast and Ben seemed happy to play ‘see ball hit ball’ squash. Michael (Davie C) Jackson was marking and when Chris faulted a serve and Ben queried it Dave said “It was borderline.” and just left it at that. Ben scratched his head as Davie wasn’t volunteering any more information! And the game just seemed to go on with no decision given (well it made me laugh anyway! Davie loves marking!!). Ben squeezed home 15-12 in the 1st, but after that he started constructing rallies much more sensibly rather than just throwing himself about the court he started taking control of the match. Chris continued to use his speed well throughout the tie, but Ben kept control and wrapped things up 3-0.

    John (Turner) arrived and he and I went on at the same time. John played David Cargil at No.5 and I went on against Jim Marsland at No.1 so I didn’t see John’s game. However I did see him coming off the court regularly and looking content so I assumed he was winning and he really was. The score suggests he gave his opponent a bit of a thumping 15-3 15-5 15-8 and so definitely MOTM to JT for such a dominant performance.

    Meanwhile on the other court I had the mother of all first rally’s. It was never-ending and neither Jim or I was prepared to give an inch! I managed to win it after about 500 hits! And both of us were breathing very hard indeed – ‘Handout 1-0 in the 1st’. Jesus! At this rate I wasn’t gonna last past 3-4!!!

    Fortunately the rallies went down to a more manageable level (although still far too long for my liking – as anyone who has played or watched Jim will know!).

    Jim was doing about 5 times the amount of running that I was and this was exemplified by the fact that whenever he drove the ball straight down the BH wall and I volleyed straight and long – Jim ran all the way to the ‘T’ and then all the way around me (like I was a roundabout). And for anyone who has ever played me will know, that is a b****y long way to go!). I was delighted to let Jim continue doing this as long as he wanted and he obliged for most of the 1st game and I sneaked home 15-12. The 2nd was another energy sapping game and we were locked together all the way through it. At 12-12 it was just a matter of keep on doing what worked and don’t worry if you’re too tired. I did and took the next three points 15-12.

    Jim dominated the early exchanges of the 3rd game and went 4-2 up, but I then managed to work him around from that point and he tired (as unlikely as that sounds!). I got the game back to 9-4 and won it 15-5 Which means that………… wait for it…………. I beat Jim Marsland on fitness!?!?). Quality!

    So a good 5-0 win for the team to keep us in contention. There was curry for dinner and a nice big bowl of salad for me. What an athlete!

    If you’ve ever played at Cameron House you’ll know that there isn’t any space for 10 guys to sit together for food. Old habits obviously die-hard as I was amused to see that the teams were split on two different table, despite us having a table for about 15. I asked Davie why 3 of the Cameron House guys were sitting on their own and he just said “It was borderline.” And no one was any the wiser!

  30. December 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Wednesday 28th November 2012 – 2nd Team
    First time I’ve played at Newlands but have to say i was impressed with the set-up they have, although it would yet again be another late one with 4 courts ad 4 home teams…kinda getting used to the late nights now.

    When I arrived sneaky Sara had managed to “bagsy” the court first with some lame excuse about an exam to study for She was up against Amanda Nicoll for the 2nd time this week. She had a fiver gamer on Monday in the Ladies League (is that what it is called?) and had narrowly lost 2-3. I’m sure Sara will be ragin that i brought that up, but thankfully she had an opportunity tonight to reverse the result. There wasn’t much in the first game but Amanda had a slight lead, 9-11, just as i left to fill up my water bottle (no that is not a euphemism!). However when i returned Sara was serving for the first game at 11-14 – which she closed out with some good movement 11-15…great work, maybe I’m not as supportive as i thought and should stay away! The 2nd game was another tight affair but this time Amanda was playing some tighter forehand drops and managed to bring it back to all square with a 15/12 win.
    Sara had to think what she needed to change up – and it didn’t take long to occur to her – shoes! Couple of mins later Sara appears back on court sporting some brand spanking red and white Asics pumps….what a difference. The extra grip was all she was missing and she took the next two 12/15, 12/15 and got us off to a great start with a 1-3 win.

    We’ve now decided that the order that people should go onto the court is in order of who is changed first…Sara was there first and Steve managed to get out just before me – hence he was next on. Next week I’m turning up changed!

    Steve was up against the league organiser Kieran O’Neill so there was no chance I was gonna mark this one – Andy obliged and I bet he wished he hadn’t. Some contentious shouts but Andy handled it well. Steve never really got into the first game and loss it to 5, and although he got closer in the 2nd, he struggle to get the last few points he needed to equalise and went down 12/15. The third game was completely different and Steve dominated from start to finish winning 4/15 although as he came off the court was quick to point out that Kieran lost it rather than him winning. That score must have upset Kieran as he got the bit between his teeth and closed out the match 3-1 with a 15/3 win. Kieran played very well and deservingly took their MOTM.

    Next person to get changed was me and i recognised my opponent as playing for another team – turns out he played for ayr but had recently moved (2 days ago!) to Newlands – David Morrison. I remember seeing him before and thought he was a good distance above my standard, but I put my game face on and decided to get on with it. He got off to a bit of a flier and I was struggling to contain my frustration (and language), but as the game went on i managed to peg a point or two back and before i knew it, it was 14-14! bit more believe now, i even had the chance to take the opening game but eventually I lost it 18-16. I then realised that i had this guy fitness wise so i should just keep myself in the point as long as i can. In the second game we had another 14-14 situation, this time i made no mistake – 14-16 win, woohoo!
    These first two games were the hardest I ever remembering running in a squash match and quite honestly i was absolutely shattered and felt a blistering forming on the ball of my right foot (nice!) and i kinda ran out of steam int he third and ended up losing it 15/8. As we finished that game two things:
    1) Dave Ritchie pointed out that he is not as consistent on his backhand and that i should keep trying to play it in the back left corner
    2) I happened to noticed exactly how cream-crackered he was
    Dave was absolutely spot on and with that bit of advice I reversed the score in the 4th and won it 8/15. So onto the 5th and final game it was…it was a marathon! nothing in it the whole way but i managed to get to a match point at 13/14. I served and managed to keep him in the back corner, had him right where i wanted him, he eventually scrambled to boast it to front of court but slipped and i had an free shot to win the match at the front of the court – TIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Damn it! I was raging with myself but he was shattered (thank god), and regained concentration to win next two points an take the match 14/16 for 2-3 Win! That has got to be my most satisfying win to date against a player who quite honestly should have beat me. They gave me MOTM for sheer effort.

    Poor Andy had been 2nd there tonight and was only going on now at 2145 – as the match started Andy got off to a slow start – a very slow start. He found himself 0-10 down but thankfully got warmed up just in time and managed peg back quite a few points but in the end lost the first 15/7. He then started to play a bit more like his usual self in the second and was a very good match for his opponent (Mike McCusker). Just a few consecutive points lost at the end saw him go down 15/11 in the second and he came closer again in the third by taking 12 but unfortunately lost 3-0, too much waiting about and too quick a start for Andy, but a good effort.

    So at 2-2 it was all down to Mr Ritchie – by this point the place was a lot emptier given that it was about 22:30. Dave was up against a very good player in Micky McLeod but in the first (which i never saw as I was marking Andy’s match) the nocturnal Dave was in his element and convincingly took the first 10/15. I the caught the tail end of Dave’s 2nd game and he looked remarkably relaxed – so much so that be hit a couple of tins at the end of the 2nd to lose 15/12 but really looked in complete control. When i spoke to him at the break he mentioned the fact that we were 1-3 down anyway – no Dave, it’s 2-2!!!! He looked disappointed that the pressure was on him to bring home the points but his court craft said otherwise…the 4th was a tight one but he edged it 13/15 and he brought home the bacon in the 4th with a 7/15 win and an overall 10-13 win for us which we were over the moon about given the disappointment of recent weeks. Top drawer stuff Dave.

    Just me and Dave left at the end for the food/drink – so we had a feast of three large pizzas and three portions of chips between 5 of us and a couple of Peroni’s for me (cheers for the lift Dave) and a soda water and lime for Dave. Good chat with dinner but it wasn’t long before it was last orders at the bar…

    Finally glad to write a winning match report, nite nite.


    1.) Nicky McLeod vs. Dave Ritchie 1-3 Win (10/15, 15/12, 13/15, 7/15)
    2.) Amanda Nicoll vs. Sara McDonald 1-3 Win (11/15, 15/12, 12/15, 12/15)
    3.) David Morrison vs. Kevin Cameron 2-3 Win (18/16, 14/16, 15/8, 8/15, 14/16)
    4.) Kieran O’Neill vs. Steve Elms 3-1 Loss (15/5, 15/12, 4/15, 15/3)
    5.) Mike McCusker vs. Andrew Alebi 3-0 Loss (15/7, 15/11, 15/12)


    10-13 Win for DLWE 2


    Kieran O’Neill & Kevin Cameron

  31. December 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Wednesday 28th November 2012 – 3rd Team
    4th Team Report vs Broomhill 3rds
    With the cull of dodgy reporters expected as a result of the Levinson report things have come to pass that I have been nominated …forced to become this week’s reporter

    A good night to make my virginal debut as it was the local West End Derby against the wee team down the road Broomhill

    The demolition of the Uni boys from Strathclyde last week meant the 4th team went into the game with high hopes. The only change in personnel being the Colonel having being called to serve at a Drive Thru we had the youngest and most promising Mazzucco join the team

    First up was Sandro playing a fellow youngster called Andy and to keep the Football Derby cliche going ” it could have gone either way” One minute Sandro was playing like one of Jason’s best pupils hitting in the corners and long, especially on backhand the next his drop shops were resembling the finesse of Big Daddy (A wrestler for our younger readers). Sandro lost the first game won the second comfortably, got good advice from his Dad( who Sandro told me later he always ignores) and as a result lost the third and fourth to lose 3-1

    On next was young Iain as opposed to old Iain ie me, I saw the start of this game and Iain looked in control playing the Jason way, I then came to witness him lose the fourth to go 2-2 had he too being listening to good advice !.I watched the decider and Iain either raised his game or he been asleep previously as he comfortably dominated to win the last game easily . Well played and gave hope to the fourths that the veterans would bring home the bacon

    On that note I was next up playing a guy called Danny Cameron, which as they also had a Darren Cameron reinforced my belief the name Cameron ie our Kevin had some mystic Squash roots.The Cameron’s of old had developed from Shinty experts into the field of Squash .The less bright ones had become Tories and gone into politics instead. As it was this Cameron was made of the beatable variety but conversely this Beveridge proved to be the girls blouse clan tonight, no offence to girls blouses, as I managed to ignore again wise old owl Jason’s top tips of length etc. Things were not helped by my attempt at a world record of ball out services in a row I managed 5. Ultimately lost 3-1 and back to the squash drawing board.

    Kevin was then up and his match proved to be a ding dong , I ended up marking David’s game so only saw the first game, it seemed to me to be a battle of technique vs fitness I will let the readers judge which camp Kevin veered towards. As it was he lost the first narrowly and after what became a big tussle took the match eventually 3-2 well played

    At number one was the head of the Mazzucco clan or at least the male side David . I marked this game and enjoyed the clash of styles David’s elegant play up against an all action Ulsterman in Michael Jackson yes I am sure he is related to the sadly departed Prince of Pop, David won the first in a easy style lost the second in an even easier style and then had the annoyance of Sandro giving him advice in this case “don’t run into the walls and don’t serve out ” both of these I have to report David up to then had been avoiding. He lost the third but came back strong in the fourth leading 13-10 and then having game points, but Michael just pipped him 17-15 and celebrated with a moon walk.

    So the wee team had done it and brought down the mighty DLWE – the phones in on Radio Clyde will be buzzing with accusations!

    The meal proved to be a good curry and David had the final bit of advice from his sons to pick up the tab for them

    Sandro Mazzucco – lost 3-1 (8-15 15-13 13-15 7-15)
    Iain Monaghan – won 3-2(15-12 15-17 15-8 13-15 15-4)
    Iain Beveridge – lost 3-1 (13-15 15-11 7-15 13-15)
    Kevin Reilly – won 3-2(12-15 15-11 5-15 15-12 15-13) MOTM
    David Mazzucco – lost 3-1 (15-9 3-15 10-15 15-17)

    Match Score Lost 16-9

  32. December 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 1st Team
    After coaching at Whitecraigs Dick McClure asked me if I’d give Andrew Murphy a lift to the match tonight as they were playing our 4th team at DLWE so we travelled together across the Arctic Circle to North Glasgow.
    When we arrived, Ben (Mazzucco) had already played and won against Mike Tomlinson at his new No.4 position (beating DC in the mini-league). He had to play early to nip off to see ‘Mumford & Sons’ at the SECC (Davie McAleese asked later if they were a firm of solicitors! Mind you he is about a million!!).
    Obviously it doesn’t matter how well Ben played (apparently quite well though) as he can’t get MOTM because he didn’t play the whole match; he just played his own game and left! (Having said that, we sent the scores back with his dad so he’ll probably make himself MOTM)
    David (Craig) was also on court when I arrived. He was 2-0 up but struggling in the 3rd against Dean Coleman at No.5. Dean was going for it, but looking a bit tired as well however with some tenacious squash he crossed the finish line 15-12 with a great drop. I think this must have taken a lot out of him as Davie took control of the 4th and won it 15-9 (from 7-8 down!) to win the match 3-1.
    I went on next at No.1 against Calum Philip. Now before the match I was very full of myself thinking that I’d hope to beat some of the Hamilton 1st team so therefore I should win against the 2nd team! However when I saw Calum rocketing the ball all over the court I thought I may have to eat my words; and I never really felt comfortable against the pace and shots Calum had. He was 8-4 and 11-9 up in the first before I got a few lucky ones to close the game out 15-11.
    Richard told me to keep it off his volley and watch him more closely and he was right. I got a good lead in the 2nd doing as advised. At 14-6 up it was going to be the mother of all comebacks to beat me with 8 game balls, but Calum almost did! At first I didn’t care much, but as he started thwacking ‘more and more nics’ about I got a bit worried! Fortunately I got it together just in time and won it 15-12 with a trade mark ‘forehand attacking boast’™.
    I also had the crucial lead in the 3rd at 12-10 but before I knew it Calum was 12-14 up and he won it 14-16. He did spend a lot of energy doing it though and it told early on in the 4th. I got an 8-3 lead and so just needed to keep my head this time. Well this one was close as well, but I won 15-12 and was mighty relieved to do so.
    Sean went on next against Graeme Jones and Davie Mc said this is going to be a long one; I realised after the very first rally what he meant. Graeme was all over the court like a demented octopus on speed (and with legs!). Mind you Sean wasn’t doing too badly on the court coverage front either. A real good performance from Sean to control the pressure that was thrown at him, but he moved the ball around really well to take the 1st game 15-10 and the 2nd 15-12. I didn’t want to tell Sean how well I thought he was playing in case he took the foot off the gas. He didn’t, but in the 3rd he did stop moving the ball around as well. This was because Graeme was getting a lot back and so Sean’s drop shot disappeared a bit. Graeme won the 3rd with a good tough performance, however after Richard reminded Sean to keep the ball past his opponent he went back on court to do just that and seal the game 15-11 and the match 3-1 (MOTM to Sean for me).

    Last on was Rich against Davie McAleese at No.3. Richard seemed to have Dave on the end of a lot of the rallies, but Dave is always dangerous if he is within a couple of points. A quick volley here and a back-court drop there and old McAleese can turn things around very quickly; and he did just that to win the 1st 14-16. Rich ramped up the pressure in the 2nd and kept well ahead in the score line and Dave didn’t get a sniff at 15-5.
    The 3rd was interesting though! David Craig had to mark for a second week in a row (which he was far from happy about it!) However all was fine up to 14-14 in the 3rd when he gave Rich (how shall I put it) a generous ‘let’. Dave Mc was amazed that he didn’t get a stroke, so Dave C took no time at all to even things up with a decision the other way! Rich won the game 19-17 and it was a perfect bit of old school umpiring to keep both players on board!
    Rich ran away with the 4th game as 8-9 became 14-9 and there was no doubt who would win from there. So a good 3-1 win for Captain Cantlay and the team got another win to cement our place at No.2 in the Division and the worrying prospect of going up to Div 1!
    Dave C was up to his usual 3 portions of curry for tea and I got my usual athlete’s salad! What a pro! The Hamilton 2 lads were a good laugh and Dave Mc especially entertained us with his one liners i.e. “Not even the tide would take her out!” etc etc.
    “I’m going home with dick.” said Andrew (my car share buddy from earlier) out of nowhere.
    “Don’t say that too loudly.” I warned “people may get the wrong impression!”

  33. JT
    December 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 2nd Team
    Only a short report tonight

    Not a great night as second team went down 17-5

    Kenny lost 1 – 3 – but massive respect for traveling all the way up from Derby to make it.

    Steve won 3 – 2 – digging deeper than a Chilean miner to come back from match point down – and get very well deserved MOTM – his opponent (Emma) also got M (W) OTM

    Donald lost 1 – 3 – but played well in a very competitive match

    Dave ( sporting that fluorescent top ) lost 0 – 3 – but said he was happy with the way he played

    I was like Frankie Dettori in France ie not at the races – went down 0 – 3 and not happy with the way I played

    Spicy beef chilli. Brown wholemeal rice. No salad. Sat in a dark corner.

    Night all


  34. December 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 3rd Team
    3rds were at SSRC playing their 3rds. I arrived sharp and was about to play dentist Maggie Dick, when the veterinarian rushed his 2nd team players seconds ahead of us onto the 2 warm courts. Maggie wasn’t happy about playing on the cold court, so we were all waiting about. As were several other SSRC types whom in recent years would have been playing against us – people like Michael Patrick. A strengthening squad at SSRC.

    No 5 game. Cold courts were not an issue though for our dentist from Katowice and indeed their Geordie Nick Allan (whose pals are wondering round the Bigg Market in tea shirts and mini skirts as I type). Piotrek lost the first game circa 15-6. Bairdster asked whether I had any advice for Piotr for the next game. “Nope!” Piotr lost 3-0 and may have felt a little more fitness would have helped.

    No 4 game. Me v dentist Maggie Dick. Nice warm (or warum as they often say up here) court. A bit heavy footed I was as I went down 15-10, 15-11. Won the 3rd though, and 4th was close but lost maybe 15-13 for overall 3-1 loss. Actually showed some appropriate hunger towards the end, but too little too late.

    No 2 game. Another new member at SSRC – Jason taught him all he knew – I recognised the tattoos all over his legs. George Allan versus David Wilson. David returning from injury came close especially in 3rd game but it went away from him 15-13. George explained the reason for his move from Strathgryffe to SSRC was down to transport issues. “There but for the grace of God” etc but to get caught by speed cameras (very shiny conspicuous ones) twice on the same A9 road on the same day, and to go from 6 points to 12 (and a year’s ban) is more than a little careless. George without wheels means he can only get to SSRC with ease.

    No 3 game. Andrew Alabi v Callum Baird. Straightforward to mark I thought. Not! Almost every serve from Callum Baird was a gnat’s proverbial above the service line. Andrew declined a couple as being down, but I had my glasses on. A lot of loose shots to back middle and they both seemed to like doing cross courts from there – how they didn’t sting each other’s legs I don’t know with hot squash balls passing a gnat’s proverbial again. Also they were not getting out of the way of each other, and actually seemed to be drawn into close contact by a powerful gravitational source. 3 legged squash almost. There was some good squash though, not least from Andrew but he went down 3-0 tiring in the 3rd but close early games.

    No 1 game. Al Baird v Jimmy (?) ageing “plop and drop” . Didn’t see much of this (as was marking) but another 3-0 defeat for our team. But a difficult chap to play against. Alastair seemed despondent over chillie and rice afterwards, but I think it was more because Celtic made it through to the last 16.

    So an 18-1 defeat. Some more people playing further up would assist but will not criticise as I am not available next week, and nor is I think Andrew. On the positive side though, our presence in the 3rd team no doubt contributed to the fine 17-4 win for the 4ths. Important point to remember.


  35. December 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 4th Team
    vs Whitecraigs LT&SC 3rd Team

    Ice Ice Baby !

    Yes it was cold tonight as the 4ths got on the long – johns and got the games in early before the big freeze.

    We were at home tonight and as a result had cold advantage whereby the freezing nature of the courts helped our all action style. We arrived to find the big team the Firsts had decided to play all their games on the show court to no doubt please the groupies. The fourths therefore had two courts to grace and fully exploited this to make it to the bar early.

    Neil Ross was first up , having just got off the plane from Vietnam and suffering from a dodgy curry in Singapore he played as though he had never been away or so I was told as only saw three points. The first game was close at 16-14 but as he acclimatised to the sharp drop in temperature he went on to win 3-0 .

    Old Iain ie me was on the second court at the same time against guy called Angus who being of a certain vintage, can remember when Beer was 50p a pint and Jason played junior Squash. Angus indicated the cold courts were not helping him get to my drop shots which to be honest must mean it was really cold. I ultimately won 3-1

    While Angus and I were gracing court 2 on court 3 young Iain was playing a contact game called touch rugby sorry squash as the game seemed to centre on both players not calling lets or points as a matter of honour. I saw the third game and looking beyond the lack of lets and bumping, Iain had just enough to win reasonably comfortably 3-0

    I then scored David Mazzucco against Dick, David was wearing a new rather fetching all black number with a Celtic green strip down the side very new season. The new kit seemed to work as David really dominated from start to finish the only scare being the dreaded Achilles playing up. While his Achilles did cause him to stretch and moan like a Dutch porn star in between games, he also won comfortably 3-0

    As I and others looked forward to a pint Kevin on last decided to show what squash was all about by having a real ding dong with a guy called Bob. The match had games going either way, good shots, poor shots, racket strings broken, questioned calls, much perspiration and gratuitous swearing, basically all the crowds could want or at least the two of us watching. Kevin played well mostly but so did Bob who eventually won narrowly 3-2

    Neil and Iain could not make the curry maybe out of reputation, if so they would have been pleasantly surprised Dick from Whitecraigs had four helpings. Much chat at food amongst the older guys over big freezes of yesteryears not one mention of the Chancellors Autumn statement.

    Result Won 17-4

    David Mazzucco won 3-0 vs Richard MClure 15-10 15-9 15-10
    Kevin Reilly lost 2-3 vs Bob Brodie 13-15 15-13 9-15 15-10 8-15
    Iain Beveridge won 3-1 vs Angus McKay 15-13 15-4 12-15 15-11
    Neil Ross won 3-0 vs Andrew Murphy 16-14 15-9 15-13
    Iain Monaghan won 3-0 vs Chris Balflour 15-11 15-10 15-8

    MOM Bob Brodie and I think they said Kevin or so Kevin told me

  36. December 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 1st Team
    I haven’t been to Craighelen to play squash for about 20 years, so the team met at the club at 6.15pm (although Ben turned up 30mins late and Sean went to the wrong club!). Captain Cantlay made his way to Craighelen via Edinburgh – Orkney – Edinburgh – Glasgow and Hellensburgh and he still arrived first. And all on 12-12-12 (it’s the last time we’ll see that numeric novelty again!)

    It was good to see that Craighelen have installed heating, but it was still pretty cold as David (Ritchie) went on first at No.5. Well to say that his opponent (Si) had home advantage is putting it mildly. He volleyed really well, and his cross courts in conjunction with his boast really put paid to David’s resistance. The first two games were tight up to 12-11, but Si took both games 12-15. Throughout the match Dave looked a bit confused and was ending up in some strange positions on the court; I just put it down to his opponent’s wileyness, and it was to a certain extent, but little did I know what was in store for me! Si won the 3rd as well and so a frustrated Dave left the court (Sean marked shocker!).

    Ben (Mazzucco) went on at the same time as David and he played Kieran Martin. Despite a slow start he walked the 1st game 15-7, but Kieran sprang into life and almost took the 2nd. He was up 12-14 and Ben had to scramble to make a last ditch effort to win this one. Ben used the pace of the court well (or lack of it) and managed to keep his opponent under pressure to win the 3rd comfortably.

    Sean and I went on next so I missed his 3-0 win at No.2 against Jo Rainey, but he was off quickly so I assume that it was straight-forward-ish. I played Ronnie Campbell at No.1 and in the knock-up I was determined to get moving (and get the ball moving as well) but I was preoccupied with the fact that the ball kept coming back at funny angles. I had to scratch my head on a number of occasions as I hit a perfectly good shot and it ended up miles away from where I’d aimed. I had a look at the front wall and saw the reason why. There were big cracks and uneven parts all over (this explained David’s match now). Despite all that I got a good start and was 13-7 up. Ronnie then staged a great comeback, but I won the game 15-12. The second was a different kettle of fish and Ronnie went into a completely different style of game. He was lightning to the front and kept playing strange angles to confuse the hell out of me! I was getting more and more frustrated with the bounce off the front wall (and the side one sometimes – I discovered that the side wall was damp and so made the ball skid to boot!). Ronnie eventually won this one 15-12.
    RIGHT! Match head on. Concentrate and follow the ball really carefully, as it’s not doing what it should. I did this and started to stamp my own game on proceedings. I’m looking at the score now and I won the last two games 15-5, but I remember them being much harder than that score suggests. Ho-hum! Maybe that’s what happens when you concentrate!!

    Richard (Cantlay) was on last (the old adage – 1st to arrive/last on) and he played Kurt Hart at No.3 which really surprised me as it was clear to all that Kurt was the best player at the club according to the ladder where he was the only player on it (having said that he was in the 4th slot down!). Rich was 2-0 down (14-16 & 13-15) and struggling. He just needed to keep the ball straighter and off Kurt’s volley and he did this well in the 3rd to win comfortably 15-4 and the 4th 15-11.
    During the game I saw something I’d never seen on a squash court before and I can only describe it as the “Kurt Dive/Slide”. It must have been similar to when the first person turned up to the Olympic high jump in 1968 and saw Dick Fosbury perform his “Fosbury Flop” for the first time. It’s difficult to describe, but there is none of that diving forward with your racket out, hitting the ball in mid air and then landing nonsense for Kurt! He sort of slides on his side/ass into the corner to retrieve the ball and then is back on his feet like a whippet chasing the next shot. It’s a fantastic innovation that I fully intend to copy (when I stop laughing!)……………..(don’t try this at home kids)………….. (or on a squash court!!)……………(normal conditions apply)………………….(seek medical advice first!)
    And so to the 5th game. Kurt was no doubt tiring, but he was also dangerous with his lobs and drops (and dive/slides). Richard decided not to play anything straight in the 5th and give Kurt the maximum opportunity to beat him, but a good run from 7-5 to 13-5 sealed the game and the match to Rich 3-2. MOTM to both players.

    So pizza for tea and when I asked if there was any veggie I was told I could have the ham & mushroom one! “Just coz it has mushrooms on it, it doesn’t automatically make it veggie I ventured!” So chips it was and pint of Newky Brown (haven’t had that in ages – howay man it was foo**** magic!

    PS – is anyone else confused as to why the 2nd half matches are starting next week??

  37. December 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 2nd Team
    First outing as Captain for me and i got off to a flyer…turned up at 18:15 (mainly due to the fact the wife had an early Body Attack Class), collected the sheets from reception, had a quick chat with the first team before they headed off to play Craighelen and even had time for quick Sauna to loosen up those muscles…or so i thought. By the time i wandered downstairs at about 5 to 7 i could see that I’d lost track of time as was almost a full house with the DLWE 3 team marking games on scraps of paper – whoops! Lesson learned.


    Steve was on first after we managed to work out that Paul H was in at No. 5 as Sara had a sick note (bet she wrote it herself) – So we all shuffled up a position. There was a lot of fuss over Court 3 since it was so cold but since Zahir was already on court 2 and Ian was just about to start on Court 1 for DLWE 3 team, then Steve volunteered to take one for the team. Besides, I heard the usual grumblings about the asymmetrical show court from Steve’s opponent Alex.

    The “cold court” obviously had an effect on Steve as he never really got going in the first and went down 7/15. In the 2nd however he got into a lot more in the 2nd and although it was a tight affair Steve edged it 15/13. The two were well matched and going into the third it was obvious it would be another close one, that it was but this time Alex reversed the score to take it 13/15. After that Alex had the momentum and unfortunately the match was closed out 4/15 in the 4th. First blood to Jason’s old stomping ground.


    Next up was Al Baird at No.4 on a normal court (2) against Peter Lewis. I was marking this one and as usual made some questionable calls…unfortunately for Al most of them were against him – sorry mate. Was a good start with point for point exchange up until 3-3 but Peter started to put a run together and at 3/9 he just had too much of a lead to be caught – he closed it out 7/15. I’m not the best for giving advice but i reassured Al that Peter really had nothing that Al couldn’t handle…he agreed and went out in the second and matched Peter a lot better getting to 9/10 but then peter got a run of points again and won the second 10/15. After that unfortunately Al couldn’t get back into it and lost the 3rd 5/15. A great effort and a tad hard done by, particularly when i gave a stroke when Al was clinging to the wall like spiderman demanding that he had plenty of space. I stand by my decision but feel bad.


    Next up was Paul at No.5 on the show court against Ross McClure. Unfortunately I was on at the same time on Court 2 so missed the whole match but from the sounds of it Paul was in all the games and but unfortunately after losing the first 12/15 and clawing back the 2nd 15/10 he narrowly lost the third 13/15 and then the last 10/15 to go down 1-3. I know Paul is struggling with his back after training on Monday so fair play for such a valiant effort.


    So then it was my turn against Ian McDermott with a new harrow that Jason had given me earlier that evening. Ian was a really nice guy and that made for a very well friendly and well mannered game between the two of us. However I think I perform better when i dislike my opponent as my head wasn’t in the first game at all! I was still picking up enough points to stay in the game but after hitting possibly the worst server in the history of DLWE late in the game i just couldn’t close it out and lost it 13/15. Seriously, the ball actually hit the ground then the tin so never actually hit a wall – Al Baird was a big support from the sideline though, when i turned around his head was in his hands and he was hunched over

    It was obviously me getting used to the racquet but thankfully i got a hit of a feel for it in the 2nd and when i added my usual shouting and swearing i was back to my best, I took the 2nd 15/5, the third 15/6 and closed out the match with a 15/9 win to take it 3-1 – I’ll keep the racquet after all Jase!


    I missed the start of the “battle of the Johns” as John Turner took on a very good player in John Howie. John T was moving well and picking up but John H was a very smart player with a great volley. JT lost the first 9/15 and really gave it his all int he second deserving to better his first game score but unfortunately only matched it losing 9/15 again. The third he gave it his all and some of the rallies made for great watching as i sat on the floor with a bottle of Moretti..and although JT made it into double figures this one John Howie took the final game 10/15 an MOTM to go with it. Again, great effort.

    So a disappointing 5-16 Loss for us and quite honestly we are in a bit of trouble I fear as this will most likely put us 2nd bottom of the division which given the way we have played first half of the season is extremely harsh.

    I’m sure the chat would have been good for the food/drink afterwards as they were a nice bunch but as my wife’s body attack class finished hours earlier i decided to skip the meal to avoid having to kip on the couch…

    Summary of Scores

    No.1 : John Turner vs. John Howie : 0-3 : 9/15, 9/15, 11/15
    No.2 : Kevin Cameron vs. Ian McDermott : 3-1 : 13/15, 15/5, 15/6, 15/9
    No.3 : Steve Elms vs. Alex Everingham : 1-3 : 7/15, 15/13, 13/15, 4/15
    No.4 : Al Baird vs. Peter Lewis : 0-3 : 7/15, 10/15, 5/15
    No.5 : Paul Hannah vs. Ross McClure : 1-3 : 12/15, 15/10, 13/15, 10/15

    MOTM : Kevin Cameron & John Howie

    Overall : 5-16 Loss

  38. December 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 3rd Team

    I only saw one game, the one I was in, so very brief summary of Wednesday’s game home to Newlands 7.

    Zahir was on at 6.30 at No 5 I think v Frank Logie and lost 3-2, then went to catch a plane south, like a migrating bird heading for warmer climes. I was at a cocktail party in Edinburgh while this was going on.

    Iain Irving played at No 4 against Linda Duncan and also lost 3-2. I was leaving the party just as all my friends and business contacts were arriving – it had the look of a belter of a party, as I was running full tilt alongside the team lines to Haymarket for 7.04 train.

    Piotr the Dancer lost 3-1 at No 3 to ??. I was sprinting from Queen St to lower level, off at Charing X, into my car, whizz along Expressway, up Crow Rd, thru Anniesland , and into DLWE just as Piotr was finishing. DW said, I could go on next immediately, as No 2. Somewhat craftily I think he wanted me to take cold court 3, so that he could play on slightly warmer Court 2.

    We were both beaten easily by Andrew and Stephen, who seemed much better than 7th team material, but Newlands have 200 squash players. Both matches lost to 8, 6 and 5 points, and left me wondering if I might be better off on drink no 8 at the County Properties do in Caledonian hotel. Certainly did not expect all games to be complete before 9.00pm.

    So a 18 – 5 defeat.

    At least there was no hangover for me yesterday morning.


  39. December 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 4th Team
    4th Team away vs Wanderers 2nd

    For some with a knowledge of Space Hoppers and Multi Coloured Swap Shop they will remember a so called seminal picture from the 70′s called the Wanderers

    In it the main gang were armed with mainly baseball bats and took great delight in clubbing various unfortunates, tonight I am afraid the fourth team too were at the end of a Wanderers beating

    As anyone who supports the England Football team (Is there anyone) will testify, the importance of a fit Captain cannot be underestimated. Look at Beckhams Metatarsal or Ferdinands dodgy knee, without these problems England would have won the world cup and I would have married Angelina Jolie. So on arriving tonight to find our Great Leader David Mazzucco was injured our entire team visibly shuddered or possibly that was from the freezing temperatures outside.

    Thus we were faced with only four players to face the baseball bats, first up was angelic Sandro who never got going at all, he seemed out of sorts and before you could say England face penalties again ,he was shaking hands at the end of a 3-0 loss

    On the other court Neil Ross was putting up a stiffer fight. I only saw the third game after marking Sandro’s but he led 14-11 and somehow lost . His mood was not helped by also leading 14-11 in the first game. Neil later confided at 14-11 his main thoughts were keep it in play. I to continue the England football theme thought of David Batty and Gareth Southgate making sure their penalties were on target. Another night he would have been 2-1 up, as it was another 3-0 loss.

    I then entered the three lion’s den and after winning the toss instantly put my first serve out I won the next point and served yes you’ve guessed it out again. I then proceeded to take a fearful clubbing as all thoughts of playing the Jason way went out the window and I ended up pictured as a vegetable on the front of the Sun – 3-0 battering

    As my game seemed as brief as Scotland’s stay in the World Cups I was able to watch some of Iain Monaghan’s game . I had scored his first game which Iain controlled and played well in . However when I came back the news of the various beatings must have filtered through to him as it was 2-2 going into the last. I would like to report he closed out the game but I can’t he lost 3-2

    So the Fourths run of winning matches ie one came to an end in a 18-2 humiliation. To think we had invented the game

    We repaired to the Press bar and tucked into another 70′s favourite of Pie and Beans

    7 days of hurt still counting

    Scores on the doors Anthea

    Neil Ross vs David Mcpherson Lost 3- 0 14-16 5-15 15-17
    Iain Beveridge vs Craig Jones Lost 3-0 6-15 4-15 11-15
    Iain Monaghan vs Peter Whyte Lost 3-2 15-11 6-15 16-14 7-15 6-15
    Sandro Mazzucco vs John McTiernan Lost 3-0 9-15 7-15 9-15

    MOTM Wanderers Peter Whyte DLWE Iain Monaghan

  40. January 10, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Wednesday 19th December 2012 – 1st Team
    As I arrived I saw Alan Susskind watching the match on court. It was Sean (Norris) playing David Fallis early on. I said:

    “Hi Alan. It must be you and me at No.1 as you’ve been playing in the first division for the 2nd team at No.5 recently, haven’t you?”

    “I have.” Replied Alan “but I’m playing No.4 in the 3rd team tonight”

    “Of course you are! Who am I playing then?”

    “Oh you’re playing a guy who’s not played for the teams this season.”

    “Of course I am.”

    “What’s that guy doing playing Sean? Isn’t he in your 1st team?”

    “Well he has played there, but he’s also playing for the 3rd team.”

    “OK. Tough night ahead then?”

    I got thrashed 3-0 by this bloke Ross (just in from Aberdeen Uni) who I never saw again.

    “And where’s Mic Cockburn?” (my opponent last time)

    “Oh he’s in the 2nd team at No.2”

    “Really? With who?”

    “The likes of John Bannister, Peter Cumine, Suart Brunton, John Singh & Mark Ford”

    “Your team order is a joke” I ventured

    “Well he hasn’t played for the teams this season”

    “Really don’t you have a challenge system? If Peter Nicol joined your club would you just try him out in the 3rd team? Let me help you out. Play him 2 in the 2nd team or 3 in the 1st team FFS.”

    OK the conversation didn’t actually go like that, but it did in my head.

    I didn’t see many of the other games; not because I was sulking (although I was), but Sean was on at the same time as me and he won 3-2 despite being match ball down in the 4th game! Good win and should have got MOTM for me.

    I marked the No.5 match John (Turner) v Andrew Morris. JT did well to take the 1st game 15-12 as he capitalised on his opponent’s errors. However the next 3 went the other way. JT did have a rally to go game ball up in the 4th – to take the match tantalisingly to the 5th….. and go for glory. Unfortunately he tinned it and Andrew won 13-15!

    As I was marking I didn’t see Ben (Mazzucco) v Brendan Forrister, but much the same happened to Ben. He took the 1st and then lost the next 3. Still that’s only Ben’s first loss (and David Craig’s 3rd match that he’s marked! That’s more than the whole past decade!!)

    I nipped away for a shower as I was freezing by this point and when I came back David (Craig) was 2-1 down against Alan Susskind at No.5. He then proceeded to win the next 11 points on the trot!?!!

    “What’s going on?”I asked

    “Dusty Dave got a bad call and he’s a bit annoyed.”

    “Well when he comes off court can you tell him he’s a tart and kick him in the shins before he goes on for the 5th game. Whatever it takes!”

    David won the 5th game 15-5

    So we lost tonight 3-2. Tough to take.

    Over our pasta dinner the following conversations took place:

    Sean & Ben
    Ben “ I passed my driving test yesterday.”
    “About time!” said Sean “It’s you’re 17th attempt. And anyway aren’t you driving a gay white car?
    “You’re car’s white as well.” Ben retorted.
    “Yeah. Good point” said Sean
    “Did you buy it to match your hair!”

    Sean & Me
    I said “I don’t mind getting beaten, but that fake order is just ridiculous.”
    Sean “You should be used to faking your wife told me.”

    Sean & Ben
    Sean “Barman can we stay an extra half an hour tonight please?”
    Barman “Why’s that?”
    Sean “Coz Ben is just off to reverse his car out of a space.”

    • ross andrew
      January 14, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      sorry but that bloke had to win quickly as was off out after it, sorry 😉

      • January 14, 2013 at 11:06 pm

        And win quickly you did. Well played Ross and make sure you get a few chgallenges in, higher up the teams (much higher!).

  41. January 10, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Wednesday 19th December 2012 – 2nd Team
    Strange to start the reverse fixtures before the year end.

    2nd Team welcomed Townend 3rds to DLWE.

    Townend could only muster 3 people for their home fixture so it was not surprising that we received an e-mail from Kevin C halfway through yesterday to say there would only be 4 of them. There followed speedy requests from both Paul and I to achieve the coveted non playing slot. As this was unresolved we both went down to the club and tossed a coin (insert your own tosser comment) for it – I won which meant Paul would play.

    Quick Summary in the order they played.

    1. Steve lost 3-1 – played well in patches
    2. Andrew won 3-2, 16-14 in the 5th. Great effort MOTM. Think he had a match point in the 4th game but felt the audience deserved more.
    3. Paul won 3-0. Didn’t see it because I was marking but good effort since he didn’t feel up for it and hopefully he has sweated out his virus (didn’t know you could sweat red wine)
    4. Dave Ritchie – wearing his new shirt for this decade – won 3-0, In complete control against an out of sorts opponent.

    Overall 16-5 victory against bottom of the table Townend.

    Food – good spicy chicken pasta but usual early closing on the bar put a dampener on any early festive spirit.

    Happy Xmas

  42. January 10, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Wednesday 19th December 2012 – 3rd Team

    Strathclyde Uni cancelled the game – couldn’t get a side out this close to Christmas!

  43. January 17, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 1st Team
    The first west Team match of 2013 and it’s already the 2nd fixture of the 2nd half!? Eh??
    Great to see the Strathgryffe 2nd team lads make the trip to the north side to see us. First on were Ben (Mazzucco) v Alex Ward and Richard (Cantlay) v David Archibald. I marked captain Cantlay’s match so missed Ben’s game. Rich dominated his match and played some good squash; in fact Sean and I both agree that Rich is actually turning himself into a squash player these days! He was controlling the rallies and had David either very short with a quick hard punch to the front, or played a good deep length (and the drops were good as well). David was very quick and fit, but was just handing the initiative back to Richard most of the time. A good 3-0 win for Captain C.

    Meanwhile Ben was giving Alex the run-around. I went over to watch in-between games and Ben was moving well and not letting Alex in at all. So I wasn’t surprised to see that he won the match 3-0. Another solid win for Ben.

    David (Craig) creaked onto court at No.5 next against young Struan Grant (who is a giant and must be standing about 6’5” at the moment). David’s getting better at warming up these days though and he now has to take off a pair of trackies over his gutties, so that get’s him moving a bit.
    Well it was a good win for David and he was generally just too steady for Struan, although he did have to go the distance in the 3rd game to win 16-14 and take the tie 3-0. Struan played well and did move David about well and I reckon in a year or three he’ll be beating all of us! (as will Ben, and Alex!)

    Next up was the now legendary No.2 battle between Sean (Norris) v Garry McIlree. Now this isn’t the biggest match up you’ll ever see in a squash court, in fact I asked “Do you two need a full sized court to play on? Or maybe you could play your match under the stairs and free up a court for the rest of us!” You can imagine the abuse I got of little Sean for that!
    Another great game though and a five setter as well. Sean looked in control of the games he won – and tired in the ones he lost, so it was going to take a big effort in the 5th. And a big effort was what we got from both men (and a fair amount of fishing from Sean) – still all the antics and games-man-ship made not a jot of difference to the result, but the better length and waiting for the right opportunity did mean that Sean sneaked home 3-2. MOTM to Sean and Garry I say.

    I (Jason Broadberry) went on last against The Pirate (Chris Patrick) at No.1 on court one, with the all-glass-side-wall. Well you should have heard the moaning from Chris. He couldn’t see the ball, he couldn’t hit the ball, he could however “heed-the-baw”!
    “Well,” I said “if you actually look at the ball rather that the women walking past then you have a sporting chance big yin!” – We switched courts and when Chris stopped greetin’ we had a great game. I won the first two (with some unbelievable squash. No really you wouldn’t believe it!) Chris won the next two (with some quality hacking!) and so to the 5th.
    Between the 4th & 5th games Rich said “You’re not trying; now pull your bloody finger out and stop being a chump.” Well he didn’t use those exact words, but that was the gist! A bit harsh I though as Paddy is a bloody good player and he was also playing quite well. Still I would certainly have to concentrate better to stand a chance, and as concentration is the one thing Chris can’t do it may make the difference!

    And it did. I won the 5th game and the match 3-2.

    So a good match win for the team and maximum points as well.

    At the meal the youngsters wanted to know about my hair and my veggie-ness over dinner (have youngsters not got better things to discuss these days, like girls and cars?) so I batted off the questions and then and reminisced with Paddy about the old days, when we played in the same team. Happy days! (and the Ballyearl Festival of Squash – Chris is a legend over there!).

  44. January 17, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 2nd Team
    Happy New Year folks.

    I had a quick glance at the 3rd division league table at lunchtime today and wished I hadn’t since Giffnock 4 were sitting joint top! Was gonna be a tough evening. I haven’t played at Giffnock before but given they have 5 teams and and two teams in the top division I was surprised to see they only had two courts. What do they do when they have three home teams?!?! Anyway the recurring theme of late nights continues into 2013…

    I got there at 19:21 and Dave had just started his first game at No. 2 against Jim Thomson and what a game it was! it got to 14-14 all and then no-one wanted to finish it off eventually Dave decided that once he got to 20 he’d finally be happy to take the game and took it 19:21(same time i arrived!).Thankfully, for all our sakes, this would be the longest game of the night. Dave played ok in the first by his own standards although was chasing well as was his opponent. Was more a game of sheer determination rather than beautiful squash with many shots being played off the back wall. Dave had the fitness on his opponent though and used it to good effect to win the second game 11/15. Then third had much of the same but his opponent got a few more breaks than Dave and reversed the score 15/11 to pull one back. Dave wasn’t going t let Jim back into the match though and persisted in the 4th to win 12/15 and to give us a surprise lead after one match played. MOTM for Dave for a really gritty performance.

    Steve Elms was up next at No.5 against a very unorthodox player in Ed Swan. The first game was relatively straight forward for Steve and although his opponent got 11 points to Steve’s 15 he never looked in any danger of losing that game. In the second however things changed. Ed clearly(in hindsight) had a game plan and that was to get as close to Steve as possible to put him off his shots! I was marking this one and most likely made some bad calls although John T and Dave R agreed that a lot of them were difficult. The style of play was impacting Steve’s game and i’m sure he won’t mind me saying but he wasn’t playing his best squash. Ed won the second 15/7 with his unattractive style of play whereby he got hit on the head with Steve’s racquet about 4 times (i did give some as strokes!). Ed kept up the same and Steve unfortunately never managed to adjust to it and lost the next two 15/12 & 15/6. A valuable point but unfortunately a 3-1 loss here for Steve against a guy is so much better than that had a game plan.

    I also should mention that it didn’t really help that no-one was watching Steve’s match (Jason G!) as the view was apparently better (blonde hair, small top!) on the other court with Giffnock 2 playing Western. Why did I volunteer to mark!

    Giffnock asked if their No. 1(Mark Coyle) could go on next as he had his prelims to study for…and as John Turner had not long arrived I’m sure he was delighted to go straight on. Unfortunately for John i knew he was up against a 14 year old (or something like that) who was clearly very very good. I had played him last year and if it had not been for him hitting the self destruct button he would have hammered me! It was obvious from the start of the first game he was solo much better than last year too, so John was really up against it. On top of that John was playing the worst I’ve seen him for a long time, was getting into all the right positions but drives weren’t deep enough and the low volleys he is usually so lethal with were hitting the tin time and time again. A convincing first game to Mark at 15/5 and when i went downstairs to give some advice to John all that came out was “Get under his skin” which i know is terrible given he is only 14 but I think at least Jason “win however you can” Broadberry would agree and it was all the advice i had. John got stuck in in the next game and got a lot closer and if it wasn’t for a few unforced errors the 15/12 scoreline could have a bit kinder to us. However it wasn’t to be and Mark took the moment into the third and took the match 3-0 with a 15/9 in the third.

    Next up was Jason Grinton against another of the Giffnock Young Team – Jonathan. He was really quick about the court and the first game was a good game but Jason was well in control and as he closed out the first game 9/15 i decided to go and get changed. The second game was clearly a quick one as when i arrived back they were into their third game! Jason had no mercy in the 2nd and won 2/15 – He’s just a kid Jason! He must have felt sorry for him in the third as he let him get a bit closer but still won 0-3 with a 12/15 win. A fantastic three points and set it up nicely for me to go on last and get a shock win against the league leaders – maybe…

    So it was me on last against Neil Martin. We didn’t have much of a warm up as it was getting late so straight into it. What a crap start i had – I couldnae hit a coo in the ar5e wie a stick! No idea where my head was at but before i knew it i was 2-0 down it games (15/8, 15/7). Into the third, the exact same before i knew ini was 8-1 down…i was hardly even sweating! What was happening? This guy doesn’t even have that great technique but he was getting to everything and pushing me all over the court as he pleased. I had to get back to basics and get the ball in back corners (as John had suggested after my first and second games). I gave it a bash and couldn’t believe it, i was back at 8-8! a few more mistakes from me but eventually closed it out 13/15 – thank god. Unfortunately it came at a cost – i was gubbed – must be all that over indulgence over the festive period. I gave it everything in the 4th including a last ditch round the back drop shot at one point a thru the legs, back to the wall cross court drive to win a couple of points but it wash;t enough and i went down 15/1 in the 4th.

    Gutted to let the side down when it could have been out best victory of the season but an important 8 points i hope against a top, top side.

    I had to shoot off before the food was consumed but it looked amazing! stunning homemade lasagne and crisp white baguettes to soak up all the juices – i think Jason and Dave would have finished the lot!

    Summary of Scores

    1.) Mark Coyle vs. John Turner : 15/5, 15/12, 15/9 : 3-0 Loss
    2.) Jim Thomson vs. Dave Ritchie : 19/21, 11/15, 15/11, 12/15 : 1-3 Win
    3.) Neil Martin vs. Kevin Cameron : 15/8, 15/7, 13/15, 15/12 : 3-1 Loss
    4.) Jonathan vs. Jason Grinton : 9/15, 2/15, 12/15 : 0-3 Win
    5.) Ed Swan vs. Steve Elms : 11/15, 15/7, 15/12, 15/6 : 3-1 Loss

    Overall 13-8 Loss

    MOTM – Neil Martin & Dave Ritchie

  45. January 17, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 3rd Team

    And so to Houston, Renfrewshire – home of the famous and ancient hostelry and micro-brewery, The Fox and Hounds – to meet the top dogs of local squash, Strathgryffe.

    In the heyday of country sporting pursuits in Renfrewshire, the pub was formerly known simply as The Fox. It was later renamed in honour of a well known local pooch, who burst into the bar late one afternoon, wearing a stetson, and declared : ‘ I’m looking for the man who shot my paw’.

    In more recent times the pub has gained an enviable reputation for brewing some of the finest ales produced in that part of Johnstone.

    The Club is to be found across the road, and we were given a warm welcome.

    First up at Number Five was the Colonel, playing a young and eager pup, Matt Wright. The youngster was good, but the Colonel soon sent him away with his tail between his legs. The Colonel may be barking, but he produced some fine squash, to seal the win, 3 – 1.

    Next was Dave Wilson against the youngest pup in the litter, Jack Smillie. David looked sick as a dog as the youngster fetched everything David could throw at him, in one rally recovering from a spectacular fall, only to get up and win the point. Dave lost 0 – 3, at Number Four, against an undoubted future show winner. At the end Dave, in red shorts, white socks and white top was beautifully coordinated, his socks matching his top, and his shorts matching his face.

    At Three was Andrew Alabi, whose opponent was a fierce-looking terrier with a hairy muzzle, James Noone. Although his bark turned out to be worse than his bite, he ultimately out-foxed Andrew, who played some good stuff, but lost 3 – 2. James was the master.

    At Two was Strathgryffe’s Steven Archibald against PH. Although the games were close, in truth, the match wasn’t, Steven winning 3 – 0. Which just goes to prove that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

    Last on at Number One was the Bairdhound, playing an old adversary, Michael Grant. Michael’s game had come on a lot since his days at Bearsden & Milngavie, and although Al retrieved well, he was eventually overcome 3 – 1, narrowly losing a number of points, but ultimately being left with something of a hang-dog expression.

    So the home team ran out 16 – 6 winners, and in the bar later they had the countenance of a dog with two tails. But the chat was good, and the food enjoyable, if not quite enough to ensure a shiny coat and healthy teeth and gums.

    This week’s Crufts winners were Jack Smillie and the Colonel.

    Quote of the night comes from me, and is to be found in a sad little incident at the end of the evening as I left the Club. To round off an already depressing night, I hit a dog as I drove out of the carpark. Happily the mutt wasn’t badly injured, but its owner quickly appeared and started shouting and swearing at me. I smiled and tried to calm her down. I explained that her beautiful little mongrel was man’s best friend. And mine too. And he was ok. But she continued ranting and raving, and accused me of making light of a very serious situation. Her little pooch could have been killed, and all I could do was stand there and smile. Eventually I decided that a sincere apology was the best response. ‘I’m sorry’, I finally said, ‘ that my karma has collided with your dogma’.



  46. January 17, 2013 at 9:53 am

    Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 4th Team

    Hamilton Races

    As the excess of Christmas and New year consumption settled on the mid riffs of the Fourth team we were faced with an easy task on the first night back against the current league leaders – Hamilton

    Could the form book be upset and the 50-1 Nag with a 14 stone jockey pip the winner at the finish, the answer was…………..No

    First up with his silks on (well is his lucky black top) was David Mazzuco riding number 3 on a head to head with Dougie Sinclair. Unfortunately for David I saw most of this game and I did not recognise his game in that he did not play well in fact he was ….. It takes an exponent of bad play to recognise one of course. David just never got going and Dougie playing a sort of pitty patty game brought out grunts of frustration from David. David lost 3-0, albeit in final game was beginning to have flashes of true ability to lose only 15-12

    I then went on court 2 against an older guy (yes there are some older than me) Jim Moore who looked beatable i.e. middle age paunch but as usual looks are deceiving (that’s what I tell the girls anyway!). Jim showed all his 35 years of playing squash were not wasted by immediately focussing on all my hit and hope shots to expertly kill them. I began to respond so that in the fourth trailing 2-1 I had game point at 14-13. I looked to see most of the fourth team watching me, swore under the breath to get a good serve in and then promptly served out to much more groaning from Mr Mazzuco amongst others. I then lost the next 2 points to go down 3-1.

    Meanwhile Donald Mackinnon (or McDonald if you are Jason) was playing at number 4 . Good to see Donald back but I cannot report much on the game beyond he lost 3-0. By all accounts he did make a decent fist of it and the scores reflect no game was one way traffic.

    Neil Ross then on playing at number 2 had the Mother and Father plus bairns of a fight with David McGregor. I saw almost all of this game and it lasted as long as a French Art house Movie without the gratuitous sex. There was a danger the bar would have had last orders before the finish, especially as David Lloyd now has decided to adopt 1960’s style closing times. Anyway I digress, the squash itself was better than any French film I have seen and fortunately both players stayed fully clothed. Neil and David hard hit every ball they saw and every point was played as though match point. David strayed into to the ”must be a let” territory at times and once got a good smack from Neils racket for his pains. It came down as it always looked to be to a 5th game. Neil from 10-14 down got back to match point at 15-14 had two more match points, but lost by a close head 18-20 . At least one nag had closed in on an upset, fully deserved man of the match for both players.

    At number one we had our nimble Pole, Piotr playing Hamilton’s Peter. Again did not see much of this game as engrossed with the Ross game, but Hamilton’s Peter said to me it was not an easy 3-0 win and that Piotr had had chances, but ran out of steam. More exercise for the prancing Pole I suspect, I know Kettle pot etc.

    All in all while 18-3 seems a bad beating there were signs we can do so much better.


    Piotr Proswski v Peter Bain 9-15 10-15 7-15
    Neil Ross v David McGregor 15-17 15-11 17-15 13-15 18-20
    David Mazzuco v Dougie Sinclair 8-15 7-15 12-15
    Donald McKinnon v Liam Grimshaw 9-15 7-15 12-15
    Iain Beveridge v Jim Moore 9-15 15-10 8-15 14-16


  47. January 24, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Wednesday 16th January 2013 – 1st Team
    There were 3 Giffnock teams playing on only 2 courts tonight, so I steeled myself for a midnight finish as we lined up against their 3rd team. Fortunately team 1 were playing team 2 so that helped!

    When I arrived David (Ritchie) was already on against Andy Penman at No.5, in a 6.30pm arranged match. Dave was 1-0 down, but when I joined it in the 2nd game I wasn’t sure what the problem was. David was dominating the game and was hitting a really good length, which Andy was either having to go and retrieve a lot or he was taking a chance and hitting too many down. Dave was moving to the front well as well. I thought this could be a good chance for us. It was! Davie won the 2nd and continued on in much the same vein for the rest of the match. Good 3-1 performance from our new No.5.

    David (Craig) went on next against youngster number one, Patrick O’Sullivan at No.4. This reporter is shocked to announce that David won the 1st game, which is a feat that he’s not managed this year (?) except last week (??) Having said that it was 16-14. I was thinking if he can win the 1st game he’s got a good chance in the rest of the match. However Patrick was just getting into the swing of things and was playing really well with some tenacious squash and a lot of good movement. The match swung one way and the other and inevitably to the 5th. David dug deep in the 5th and kept his nose in front most of the way and in the end this made the difference, as he pressed home the advantage (just as well as he may never beat him again!). Great game though and both players got MOTM.

    Next up was Rich (Cantlay) at No.2 v Ewan Wallace; now this was another real barnstormer. Ewan got off to a flyer and was breaking Rich’s rhythm really well with some good volleying (and a harsh stroke on game ball from our marker Dave R). However the backhand side was where this match was going to be won or lost as Ewan’s backhand was weaker and he made a lot more mistakes on this side. The first problem was to persuade Richard of this, the next was for him to exploit it with good length. Rich dominated the 2nd game by forcing quite a few mistakes on Ewan’s backhand. Strangely Rich didn’t believe this and instead put it down to the rhythm he was playing and promptly got chopped in the 3rd 15-5!
    Another sales job was required and I told Rich that the reason he lost was coz he let Ewan volley on the forehand too much, and dictate the play. If he played the ball more onto the backhand he would be able to dictate the rhythm and force a load of errors ……………… 6-15 to Rich in the 4th.
    Last game and last chance to persuade Rich to pound the backhand. He largely did this, although I’d have preferred to see a better length. He eventually squeezed home 15-11; a good fighting performance from Rich at No.2.

    I had a quick look at the Giffnock 1st and 2nd team No.1′s playing, Kevin Moran v Stu George. Well it looked like a totally different game to the match we were playing! Stu sneaked the 1st and I saw the 2nd game. What a performance by Kev in this one – he looked dominant and precise. The change I noticed since I saw him last (in just this one game admittedly) was that all his concentration was going into hitting the standard shots brilliantly (instead of over playing the trick shots) and his game looked great. He eventually won 3-1 I think.

    Back to our match and Ben (Mazzucco) took on Nick Firth at No.3 next and this turned out to be another great battle. Could Ben keep it off the tennis coaches volley and also hit a good length? Well the answer to this was ‘yes’ he could, but only just. It was 16-14 13-12 15-12 15-12, Ben played really well and there was a great battle of wills as to how many different places Ben could serve without giving Nick a volley (it would be fair to say Ben won this battle). Then it was a matter of whether Ben could get a good enough length and then dominate the rally from there, he certainly did this in the last 2 games and came out victorious with a 3-1 win (Nick was so upset with this loss he’s going to leave the country! Next week!).

    I went on last against James Singh (youngster number two) at No.1 and had heard that he’s been getting some good scalps in the team challenges recently, which worried me. Fortunately I was able to dominate this one and James made just too many errors. I’ve no doubt that he’ll be chopping me in years to come, but tonight I didn’t have to Singh for my supper! (sorry about that!).

    Talking of supper it was macaroni cheese topped with chorizo. And there was a novel way of making this vegetarian for James and I. Just take the top layer off and hey presto the rest was veggie! Still at least the beer was veggie – a lovely pint of Erdinger.

    So a good win tonight against the Giffnock lads and as 3 of the matches were really tight this could easily have gone either way.

    Oh look it’s the 17th Jan – Happy birthday to me!

  48. January 24, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Wednesday 16th January 2013 – 2nd Team
    It was the return leg of the “duck and plum” crew and given we managed to edge them out last time I was feeling hopeful we may be able to repeat the feat on home soil.

    I turned up on time for a change and their whole team was waiting with Paul H on Court 2 warming up – an early start for a change – great, especially with the new 2013 revised DLWE closing times!

    I marked Paul’s match against Duncan “Duck & Plum” Park (for those of you who haven’t played at Western, Duck & Plum is somewhat of a delicacy in those parts and Duncan it’s biggest fan) and it was a cracker. Paul and Duncan were evenly matched but Duncan was getting the better of Paul in the opening two games (11/15, 7/15) but it was a lot closer than the scores suggested and Paul was moving really well – might be somethgin to do with playing squash every single day in 2013! In the third Paul leap into the lead and was up 13/8 and the game looked over however Duncan stuck in and brought it back to 13/12. Thankfully Paul got a few crucial points and closed it out 15/13. Paul used the momentum to level the scores 2-2 with a 15/9 win in the 4th, setting up a tasty decider….and it was a great finale. Was like a game of leap frog throughout and when Duncan was 12/10 up near the end it was starting to look worrying, but Paul once again stepped it up won the next 4 points to set-up a few match points….he never managed to convert the first but took the next to get us off to a flier with a 3-2 win and a MOTM award to go with it. Superb work Paul.

    At the same time on Court 3 (much to his disappointment) Steve Elms was on against Euan Faulds – who i faced in the away leg. I remember the match with Euan being a really close one and knew it would be a tight game. I didn’t catch much of this one as I was marking Paul’s game but it was another one that went the distance. Steve, much like Paul, lost the first two(7/15, 10/15) and then brought back the next two(15/11, 15/13). I caught the tail end of the final game and although Steve made a real good fight of it Euan just managed to control the rallies a bit more and ended up winning 10/15. Another valuable 2 points Steve, good work.

    I was trying to encourage Nic to switch with me and play at No. 2 since he had been getting the better of me before he went to Brazil and Maldives (next tan btw) but insisted that I should go on at 2. So Nic was up against Geoff Cordwell at No.3 at the same time as I was on at No.2 against Dan Hackley. Didn’t catch any of Nic’s match but after a close first match, which he won (15/12) he really found his rhythm in the second and Geoff only managed to get 3 off Nic (should have played No. 2 Nic!). The third game Geoff pegged one back(12/15) but Nic reversed int in the fourth(15/12) to get us our 2nd win of the evening. I was hoping that would be the case and that I would be able to do somethgin in my match as I knew JT was up against a class act (Mattius Tesson) at No. 1.

    I got off to a great start against “nice guy” Dan, which isn’t like me, going 4-0 -> 7-2 -> 9-3 -> 14-8 and managed to close the first out 15-9. Was getting a lot of joy with drop shots in that game but Dan has hammered me before and I knew he’d learn quickly. That he did. He took the next two games 12/15, 11/15 and the ball was firmly bad in his court (so to speak). A few wise words from Paul H (who was marking) and I managed to screw the nut in the 4th and although it was close i brought it back to level pegging with 15/9 win and set-up the third 5 gamer of the evening. I had the momentum and i was giving up on nothing. Thankfully after last week’s disappointment i controlled the final game and won it 15/6. 3-2 Win to me and the match to us – Yas.

    By this point John Turner was on court 3 playing the classy frenchman at No.1. Sara had beat him in the home leg but she had played out her skin and he didn’t take the defeat well…John gave it his all but but the time i got there he was two games down(10/15, 6/15). I only managed to see the 3rd game and from what i could see John certainly seemed to be giving it everything. So much so in fact, at one point he stretched for a shot at the back of the court, tried to play it off the back wall, hit it over it but mysteriously the ball never dropped. On closer inspection, he had managed to smash the ball into a tiny gap of a vertical metal bar about an inch wide! See if you can see it next time your down. Impressive stuff! Unfortunately thought Matt was really on form and closed out the third 9/15. Was always a tall order and John definitely not looking his usual self, but a great effort nonetheless.

    So overall a win! 14-11.

    The scram was really good actually – Bolognese Pasta Bake – two portions each for those of us that were left and the chat was good – Revolved around the ridiculous amount of food Duncan consumes on a daily basis and the OCD routines around his food consumption.

    Summary of Results

    1.) John Turner vs. Mattius Tesson – 10/15, 6/15, 9/15 – 0-3 Loss
    2.) Kevin Cameron vs. Dan Hackley – 15/9, 12/15, 11/15, 15/9, 15/6 – 3-2 Win
    3.) Nic Coleman vs. Geoff Cordwell – 15/12, 15/3, 12/15, 15/12 – 3-1 Win
    4.) Steve Elms vs. Euan Faulds – 7/15, 10/15, 15/11, 15/13, 10/15 – 2-3 Loss
    5.) Paul Hannah vs. Duncan Park – 11/15, 7/15, 15/13, 15/9, 15/13 – 3-2 Win

    Overall – 14-11 Win!!!!

    MOTM – Mattius Tesson & Paul Hannah

    • January 24, 2013 at 1:02 am

      2 No. “Duck in Plum!!”

      YUM YUM!!

      (Tho Jeffrey sampled “Beef and cashews” from REGENT also and said it was OUTRAGEOUS!!”

      Sore today. thanks to Paul.

      • January 24, 2013 at 1:02 am

        I look forward to some Beef and Cashew next time Duncan. Given the Duck and Plum is actually more like Duck and Pineapple then I wonder what we’ll get instead of Cashews

  49. January 24, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Wednesday 16th January 2013 – 3rd Team

    A visit from Largs 2 tonight who are even lower than us in the division 5. I arrived 7.30 unavoidably detained. The bold and glistening Mazzucco already had the demeanor of a victor having despatched his opponent 3-0 at No 4. David Wilson on court at No 2 and he won 3-1, against Andy Auld (?). Apologies for lack of detail but I didn’t see much.

    I felt lethargic and was trying to wake up on the rowing machine upstairs when my meditative calm was interrupted by old mother hen Mazzucco fussing about me being on downstairs. Sprinted down (overtaking Mazzucco) but The Hound had taken the Court. He lost 3-1 against Graeme Bamford. Never seen Bairdster so angry and frustrated, shouting, cursing, racquet throwing etc. Meanwhile I managed 3-0 over Drew Shaw, close games though (the rowing woke me up a bit).

    Finally the PoleDancer at No 5, arrived later, and he and his opponent took to court both in dazzling white, but Piotr had red shoes (for dancing later). There was a sort of (un)poetic symmetry about their game. Piotrek won the first game, but tired, and went down 3-1. Needs to think about fitness – I consider it would have been a more even match against their number 4, not sure why.

    So a 14 – 7 win I think.

    As soon as they came off, sweating like goodness knows what they had to decide on their drinks order as it was 4 minutes short of 9.45 last orders.


  50. February 1, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Wednesday 23rd January 2013 – 1st Team
    Well that was an early one tonight! We started v Western 3 at 6pm and all had a really early night – must do that more often!

    Captain Cantlay had to get away early so arranged his match v Hamish Foster early doors at No.2. The pair had played each other in the first half and Richard had won the tussle, so he was favourite and I’d say that overall he played better this time round. Rich dominated the 1st game and although Hamish played much better in the 2nd, Rich did just about enough and managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. However he would have to hit a much better length to dominate the next game. He did this in the 3rd game and won 15-9 to take the tie 3-0. Another good performance from Rich and having beaten Sean twice in friendly’s recently he thoroughly deserved his new No.2 team position.

    Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) v Derek Manson and Ben donned the tubey grip, so was obviously keen to get his excuses in early. I marked this one and I was wondering why Ben wasn’t his usual self. Having said that Derek played really well and was chasing to the front well and was also very determined. Derek won the 1st 16-14 (after I gave him a stroke at 14-14 which I’m not sure Ben was too impressed about. However if you’re own team gives a stroke against you then you can be sure that it was a stonewaller…….. unless it’s Dave Ritchie of course!).

    The 2nd wasn’t much better from Ben as he tried to win without rallying. Having said that he did get better as the game went on and turned a 3-9 score line into a 15-12 win (by rallying!).

    Ben was again 1-7 down in the 3rd and so I said to Sean “Give him some encouragement.” So Sean shouted “Come on Ben pull your finger out and stop playing like a fanny!” – well it wasn’t what I meant, but it was effective, as Ben won the game 15-11.

    The 4th was much better from Ben – he actually re-discovered his length shots and dominated the game to win 15-5 and the match 3-1.

    At No.5 Dave Craig was on at the same time against Mattias (Rose) Deeson, who is an ex-DLWE member. He is also a tennis player (like Dave) – a retriever (like Dave) a runner (like Dave) in fact it was like watching Dave play himself! I only joined the match at the end of the 4th game and Dave was 2-1 up (obviously Dave had lost the 1st game coz his warm up is as bad as ever!). I noticed that Dave seemed to have forgotten to play any drop shots at all so Matias won this game 15-12 and it was left to a tantalising decider in the 5th. I mentioned the drop shot issue to the big man and ‘hey presto’ a great performance in the 5th game meant that Dave won 15-5 and picked up MOTM for the second week in a row.

    Both Sean (Norris) and I went on at the same time so I didn’t see Sean’s game. He played Chris Tames at No.3 and won 3-1 (Chris won the 3rd), tough game according to Sean.

    I played Karl (Stigal) at No.1 and had a good run around. Karl plays very correct squash with a few flourishes you have to really look out for, but I was able to dominate the match. I won 3-0 and I thought I volleyed particularly well and kept the pressure on Karl for the duration of the match. Karl is only on the comeback trail after injury, so I’m glad I didn’t catch him in full flow!

    So a good win for the team and an early night as well. In fact we were in time to see that Chelsea guy kick the Swansea ball-boy and get sent off. I fully expect that the ball-boy will get the freedom of Swansea City! Having said that I’m not sure what he was doing on a football pitch as he was acting like a rugby No.8 in a maul. Other than that all the chat was about Lance and doping. I’m a bit worried that we may get done for doping just for having Sean in the team!!!

    Quote of the night – “Come on Ben pull your finger out and stop playing like a fanny!”

  51. February 1, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Wednesday 23rd January 2013 – 2nd Team
    So not sure what the league tables on the website are all about as it would appear that Strath Uni have played 14 and won 14 yet are second to Whitecraigs who have won 9 and lost 5 – explain that one to me. Given we lost 1-18 in the home tie then we were always gonna be up against it tonight…

    A pleasant surprise to have so many available courts and have so many players turning up before 7pm…Strath Uni also had new changing facilities, looks a lot better than last year and “shed” load (that should save you editing the report later on Jase) better than when I studied there many moons ago.

    First up, at No. 3, was Jason G against John McIntyre. I was heading on to another court at the time of their game starting so missed the whole thing, but although the games were all close Jason was able to win the 1st & 2nd 13/15 and although he dropped the third (15/11) he closed the match out in the fourth(12/15) to give us a valuable 3 point start.

    I was on the glass back court, at No. 4, against student Robbie Paterson and it became obvious from the opening exchanges that the person who made the least mistakes would take this one. He had better shots than me, but he was his own worst enemy in the first when things didn’t go his way. Given I made fewer mistakes in the first i took it 10/15 but i soon spiralled out of control in the 2nd and when it was 14-11 to Robbie i looked out of it. However i fought back to bring it to 14-14….then made two more mistakes! In the third Robbie upped the “stakes with more mistakes” and i took it 8/15. We both started to play a bit better in the fourth thankfully but he definitely deserved to bring it back to 2-2 the ay he was playing and that he did(15/11).

    There was a lot of running from both of us up until now but it would be nothing in comparison with what was to come in the decider. The quality was miles better than the previous 4 games and there was absolutely nothing in it u until 9-9 but then Robbie got a few crucial points to go 12-9 up…but i wasn’t going to give up now. But although i got a few back i found myself facing Robbie with Match point at 14-12…i stuck in though and before i knew it was 14-14. None of us wanted to drop the pace now. 15-15, 16-16 17-17….21-21! Robbie threw his racquet over the wall out the court(is that a forfeit?) at 21/22 Robbie had yet another match point and when he served it looked to me to be down! I half stopped and half continued – but by that point i was out of position and Robbie finished me off! What a horrible way to lose the match! To add insult to injury Colin from their team told me in changing room he thought it was down – absolutely gutted! I got MOTM from their team for this but it was no consolation…

    Sigh – Anyway, onto No. 5. Steve was playing a suspiciously talented No. 5 in Andrew Forbes who could have easily given Robbie a run for his money and even John McIntyre. I didn’t see any of this but Steve was disappointed to pick up few points and we lost this one 3-0.

    I did catch Dave Ritchie at No.2 however playing Colin Clarke who had a lot of deceptive flicky shots going on throughout this match. The first there was nothing in it and at 14-14 it could have went either way. Unfortunately for us though Colin had the upper hand and closed it out 16-14. The second was bait more one sided and Dave never really matched his lung bursting runs he was making in the 1st and dropped this one 15/9. The third was extremely close and at 13-13 Dave looked in control of the rally but the bottle crashed right at the finish line and Colin swept up 3-0 with a 15/13 win. MOTM for Colin.

    Finally on at No. 1 John Turner was up against Strath Uni’s best player – Joe McDonald. As i was watching Dave’s game i seen none of this one(one downside to so many available courts) but unfortunately Joe was simply too good and ran out a 3-0 winner (6, 2, 4).

    So a hammering – 16-5 but this team will win the league and are very very strong.

    The food was a way down the road in “Home” which was mobbed with young students…we looked like the old Jimmy Saviles in the corner. Unbelievably the food was funded by the pub itself – as they sponsor the team! Think we are missing a trick at DLWE, but at least Colonel got our opening hours extended – top work! The spread was perfect for us athletes – Chips, Pizzas, Chicken Nuggets, Chicken Goujons, Onion Rings, Garlic Bread, Sausage rolls – all a tad cold but filling nonetheless. Washed down with a Budvar for me, a shandy for Jason and a couple of Softies for the softies – Dave and John.

    Summary Of Scores

    1.) Joe McDonald vs. John Turner : 15/6, 15/2, 15/4 : 3-0 Loss
    2.) Colin Clarke vs. Dave Ritchie : 16/14, 15/9, 15/13 : 3-0 Loss
    3.) John McIntyre vs. Jason Grinton : 13/15, 13/15, 15/11, 12/15 : 1-3 Win
    4.) Robbie Paterson vs. Kevin Cameron : 10/15, 16/14, 8/15, 15/11, 23/21 : 3-2 Loss
    5.) Andrew Forbes vs. Steve Elms : 3-0 Loss

    Overall 16-5 Loss

    MOTM – Colin Clarke & Kevin Cameron

  52. February 1, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Wednesday 23rd January 2013 – 3rd Team
    Alastair Baird had already lost 3-1 to Ross McClure but he “had chances”. Lost the 4th game 14-16, so anything could have happened. Piotr was then on at No 5 but lost 3-0 to Ian McFarlane. Close games though. Closer than score suggested. Paul Hannah on next at No 2 v Gordon ? and Paul lost 3-1. Didn’t see the game but suspect Paul might have hoped for more. I was then on the glass backed court against Fred Laing at No 4 and managed to keep my rustic nose in front for a 3-0 win. Meanwhile David at No 3 up against Scott ? who looked handy. David lost 3-0.

    So a 15 – 5 defeat. The 3rds are going to have to find something to avoid relegation, perhaps 1 or 2 players available further up could make all the difference.


  53. February 7, 2013 at 10:29 am

    Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 1st Team
    I took a picture before the match and have put it at the bottom of this report – guess which one I am? Answers on a post card!

    I had to drive to O.R.M.S.K.I.R.K – Ormskirk! on Wednesday; 440 miles later I arrived at Broomhill at 7.30pm. Dave Craig was on court when I arrived and was having a right old ding dong with Alan Marshall. It was 2-2 and I met Alan, between games, in the changing room and he was looking warm, but keen to see what the 5th game would bring. Well David ramped up the pressure in the 5th and Alan was doing a lot of running (as was Dave, but then he’s used to that in the 5th!). Dave managed to keep a crucial lead throughout the game and the pressure to come back was just too much for Alan. So an excellent 3-2 win for the big man.

    A despondent looking Graham Clark told me that he’d been soundly thrashed by some young whipper-snapper at No.4. So I assumed young Ben must have already played before I got there; and indeed he had. Funny that I keep missing his games, must be his early bedtime!

    Sean was on the other court at the same time and was struggling against Paul King. Anyone who knows Paul will know he suffers from a rare condition called ‘Squash F#*#ing Tourettes’ and it was clear to see that he’s not found a cure for the condition yet. He is however playing well and he was giving Sean the run around with some good volleying. It would be fair to say, however, that Sean wasn’t playing his best as he appeared to be targeting the middle of the court for every shot. But 1-1 Sean appeared to have a way out; could he do what all great players do and force a winning result even when he was not playing 100%. No he couldn’t (!) and he got chopped in the next 2 games to lose 3-1.

    As Sean sat in the changing room with his head in his hands I said to Ben “Don’t worry you can still take the piss out of him!” But Ben has obviously matured of late or maybe he could feel the pain Sean was in as he said “No, I can’t do that, it’s too soon. I’ll wait until he’s had a shower first!”

    Captain Cantlay was on next at No.2 and I marked the 1st game against David Lamont. Richard won this relatively easily, apart from David volleying all his serves about 1mm above the tin. This made the score look tighter than the game felt. I left to go on court at this point and Richard took the opportunity to slip back into his old style and give away games from a dominant position. Now I’ve no doubt that David played considerably better to go 2-1 up, but Richard’s analysis after the match was that he didn’t play a straight drive until the 4th and then won the last 2 games to win 3-2 (obviously he was purely relying on his silky shot making in the 2nd and 3rd games! Richard could learn from some advice that was once given to a good friend of mine, which was ‘play to your strength, hack it to the back.” True Graeme??

    I was not looking forward to playing Euan Henderson at No.1 and no one was looking forward to marking us as they all disappeared! I had to really motivate myself just to get my legs going at all. Just before going on I thought ‘this is going to hurt’, but strangely it didn’t. Euan was happy to trade 4 shot rally’s with me. He completely ignored the 1st rule of squash, which as we all know is ‘Don’t hit the tin’. So as Euan was happy volleying all his backhands into the tin, I didn’t break Barry Sutherland’s 2nd rule of squash (made up straight after he saw the 1st rule) which is ‘Don’t get tired!’

    I was astounded at how many volleys Euan hit into the tin, but also grateful as at about 12-12 in each of the first two I won. The 3rd game was much more straightforward and I was 10-0 up at one point (wondering if I could hand out a 15-0 doughnut). Unfortunately I was given a disgraceful decision (!??!) at this point, but there is little point in arguing when you’re already 10-0 up, so I just got on with it and won 15-3 in the end.

    So another good win for the team and during the food Sean was telling the story of some chump who had come to Broomhill to play a match against Alan and had been beaten 3-0. However in the 90 seconds between each game Alan was busy dashing up stairs to the kitchen to make the team chilli, and only having half an eye on the match itself! “That was me!” piped up Big Davie Craig! (thus falling into Sean’s cunning trap!).
    Still Alan also made some nice veggie chilli for me as well and some Thwaits Wainwrights to wash it all down. Good chat and a good night oot!


  54. February 7, 2013 at 10:30 am

    Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 2nd Team
    Quite a heated affair tonight in many of the ties…and some difficult matches to mark. Myself and Nic were also hoping for an early start at 1 & 2, as agreed, but unfortunately we found ourselves warming up for a good 30 mins. Luckily all of their team arrived together so once they got there we got started simultaneously on courts 1 & 3.

    I had the pleasure of marking on Court 3 – Douglas Cardiff against Mark Howells, at No.5. Good to see Douglas back but he wasted no time in informing me that he would not last very long. However but eh looks of the first game he was easily matching Mark’s lung bursting runs and even with a blatant bad call from myself in the first game he managed to draw first blood 16/14. The number of Strokes in the 2nd was in double figures and at this point my bottle of Morretti seemed a long way off! Both players unhappy with the marker in this one, but I feel confident i got the decisions right and Mark had a bit too much for Douglas in this one – 9/15. More Strokes in the 3rd but Douglas played much better – 15/11. At this point Douglas had given his all and it was starting to take its toll. Mark walked the fourth 4/15 – but guess what yet more strokes. Going into the decider Douglas was visibility zapped and found himself 0-9 down…but he strung together a few points and although he never managed to take the match he bowed out with a respectable 11/15 – not bad at all from 0-9 down and a great 2 points.

    At the same time Nic Coleman was on Court 1 @ No. 1 against Peter Shivas. This one i never seen at all but the first was extremely close and Peter just edged it 15/17. Nic must have thrown everything into this first game as the 2nd and 3rd were much more convincing for Peter (5 and 3). Peter was clearly a good a player being Wishaw’s No.1 and just had too much for Nic.

    At No. 3 it was Steve’s turn – He was up against Jim McFarlane. This one was marker by one of the non-playing Wishaw team and right from the start there were arguments. Steve wasn’t happy with a number of the marker’s calls and if i’m honest i think he had a case. Seemed that nothing was going his way and Steve was letting it get to him – losing the first 11/15. He started to find his signature drop shots in the 2nd though and pipped Jim at the post 15/13. However some more decision in the 3rd and fourth just weren’t going Steve’s way and letting his emotions get the better of him, with some kicking of the glass (i know I’m one to talk!) he conceded the next two (9 & 8). Unlucky not to get a bit closer from Steve but a point on the board nonetheless.

    Paul went on at No.4 at the same time as me, so missed this one too I’m afraid. By the sounds of it, their MOTM played too good and won 3 zip (9, 9, 7)…or maybe Paul was just keen to see the Celtic and Barca scores that bit quicker

    I was last up at No.2 against Norman Paterson on Court 1. I was really happy with how i started the first game and felt like i had the edge, even although Norman was clearly a very good player. It was close but i managed to keep far enough ahead throughout to take the first 15/11. The second game was completely different however, and i pretty much self destructed. I blame a dingy decision that Peter (the No. 1) took his time over but eventually granted Norman a stroke. It was a poor shot down the middle of the court from me that bounced off the back wall but i was crammed in the corner but the time Norman was about to play. I was fuming but it was mostly cause i was playing terrible. I think Peter thought i took it a bit far when i came off court to ask for an explanation but i genuinely couldn’t hear him. Anyway after that early decision i couldn’t get my head straight and lost 4/15! Onto the third and still playing p!sh i lost this one 7/15. In the fourth i was determined to not go down without a fight and with a few dives across the court i found myself with game point at 14/13 and thankfully i took it.

    Onto the decider and i felt i had the momentum. A good exchange in the first point seen me take the lead 1-0, only to be told from the marker that “he” wasn’t actually ready! and we had to play the point again. I felt I’d argued enough and it didn’t do me any favours last time so with a shake of the head i reluctantly replayed the opening point. Thankfully i won that, but it was a game of leap frog the whole game. At 12-12 I got a break and out of the blue i had two match points, but just like last week i couldn’t convert either! and it was Norman that finally closed out the match at 17-15. Not as close as 23-21 in the 5th last week, but I am not enjoying this run of so close yet so far i seem to be on!

    Myself, Paul and the Wishaw team stayed for the Chicken Pasta Dish that DLWE had to offer (pretty nice actually) and washed down with a couple of Morrettis (went down a treat!). DLWE manager had his customer services hat on with some reassurance that there was no rush to leave – the Colonel’s midas touch has clearly had an impact

    Summary of Scores

    1.) Nic Coleman vs. Peter Shivas : 15/17, 5/15, 3/15 : 0-3 Loss
    2.) Kevin Cameron vs. Norman Paterson : 15/11, 4/15, 7/15, 15/13, 15/17 : 2-3 Loss
    3.) Steve Elms vs. Jim McFarlane : 11/15, 15/13, 9/15, 8/15 : 1-3 Loss
    4.) Paul Hannah vs. Bobby Cameron : 9/15, 9/15, 7/15 : 0-3 Loss
    5.) Douglas Cardiff vs. Mark Howells : 16/14, 9/15, 15/11, 4/15, 11/15 : 2-3 Loss

    Overall 5-18 Loss

    MOTM : Kevin & Bobby Cameron

  55. February 7, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 3rd Team
    Meanwhile 3rd team also at home to 2nd in the table Broomhill 2. Again I arrived late as I was consuming a beef burger at Ketchup to mark Ben’s 12th birthday.

    The place was a decent temperature, not too hot not too cold – a refreshing change.

    Already Andrew Alabi had played at No 3 and lost 3-1 to Phil Mcfadyen. A useful point.

    David W was on at No 1 against former surveyor (and 20 years ago colleague at James Barr), now postie Dennis Liddell. Dennis’ new career has turned him into a Whippet / LongDog cross, he could do with some decent Sunday roasts. Always going to be a struggle for David, but he got several points in some games. 3-0 to Dennis.

    Then, Piotr at No 4 won first game against Brian (?), then went down 3-1. A useful point though, well done.

    About same time I went on as No 2 against Alan Ovenstone and Neil Ross at No 5 v Ray Small (?).

    I lost 3-0 with 1st 2 games both at circa 13 each before Alan got the important points. Annoyed not to sneak something out of this, but the truth is I know how Alan won his 15 points, and don’t really know how I managed to get 13 points, in 1st 2 games. Don’t eat a burger meal (even if the meat is provided by Simon Howie) before squash. Alan undeniably better though.

    Meanwhile Neil did well to avoid a 3-0 defeat, and went on to win 3-2. Excellent work, and these points may well make a difference come end of season.

    So, a 17 – 5 defeat. Away to Glasgow Uni next week.

    The other point that deserves a mention is that Piotr and Andrew are playing a mini league game this morning from 7.45! They will likely be finished by now. Andrew to enjoy a day off and Piotr to dance around a dentist chair east of Glasgow.


  56. February 7, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 4th Team

    4th Team VS SSRC 4th


    After picking up Sandro I actually arrived before 7pm to find the rest of the team doing a pre warm up and immediately Sandro and I joined in. That statement is only partially factually correct in that we turned up early.

    Their first team was also playing at home tonight in the rarefied delights of the first division so we ended up playing on one court only . It enabled me to watch all the games for good or bad.

    On first was Zahir playing at number one. The opposing player had to leave early and showed in the game that he looked keen to get the job done. He showed no mercy to Zahir who could just not get into his elegant style of play. In the third Zahir played more like himself and the score to a degree reflected that but still ended in a 3-0 loss. The only satisfaction from an away support viewpoint was a loud shout of bollocks from the home player as Zahir took a point . Good to see the opponents get angry!

    Next was Ian Monaghan at five and he proved to be the highlight of the night for us and I assume MOTM .Ian apart from some early scares was in control of the match from the first point. The opposition player was a league virgin and the main danger to Ian was a racquet in the head. To be fair he played pretty well but Ian too strong and ran out a 3-0 comfortable winner

    Sandro the enigma was up next , he was playing I thought a good player and had a tough task. In the first game he played so well ,at times I thought Ben was playing instead (Note I don’t say David). He won the game
    and we looked forward to more…. then for some reason he began to snatch at shots particularly his forehand. He lost the second so Donald gamely had a chat which led to him losing the third. I then tried some of my inspirational- get stuck in etc… which led him to losing the match. Sandro I know is not far from clicking and I do pity the man that plays him that night. Overall well played against a tough opponent 3-1 Loss

    Donald then entered the lion’s den. Again I thought his opponent was a good standard and did not let Donald get into the game at all. The first two games breezed by but Donald got more into the groove in the third but ultimately lost 3-0.

    Up last was yours truly against the only guy in the opposition I remember his name, Paul. This is probably as I kept on saying sorry Paul as I bumped into him. Having watched Donald I was determined to start well and for a change I did, taking a early lead . Paul however pegged me back winning the first 15-12 . The next two were similar ,close but no cigars, as a more court aware opponent took the match 3-0 only consolation only one serve out.

    I was acting Florence Nightingale last night as both Wife and Daughter had flu like symptoms so had to skip the meal and chat. Never got a copy of scores so sorry but brief summary we were gubbed

    Loss 15-4 “Bollocks”

    Zahir Fazal Loss 0-3
    Iain Beveridge Loss 0-3
    Donald McKinnon Loss 0-3
    Sandro Mazzucco Loss 1-3
    Ian Monaghan Win 3-0


  57. February 14, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 1st Team

    Well if you’d said that playing the top of the table side in Glasgow Uni, that it was going to be 2-2 with the last match going on I’d have said ‘I’ll take that’.

    We had strengthened our side by dropping Sean (!) So at No.5 David (Ritchie) went on against Oli Blakemore. The first game was all Oli, but David played well to get into the match and not let Oli have it all his own way. The 2nd and 3rd was 11-15 each, but in truth Oli was just a bit too strong.

    Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) v Paul Donnelly at No.4. Ben won the 1st game easily and was in control of the 2nd as well, but Paul was obviously just getting used to the court and Ben’s game as he dug in. The 3rd was a real battle and Paul ran everything down, however even at that Ben was match ball up (3 of them in fact!). But with some amazing digging Paul eventually took the game 17-15.
    Ben needed to keep the ball 3 foot deeper as he was hitting mid-court too much. Once again Ben was in the lead and Paul was coming back at him. Fortunately (at 12-6 up) Ben had just enough of a lead to will himself into 3 more winners, and he was mightily relieved to close this one out 15-12.

    Dave (Craig) was on at the same time v Ramzy at No.4. Ramzy doesn’t half crash the ball about the court! His racket zips through the air and the ball takes a hell of a pounding. I didn’t see the 1st game, but Dave won it 15-12 so I assumed he must be in control. He also won the 2nd and I joined it in the 3rd and saw Ramsey in full flow and Dave struggling with the 500mph speed of the ball! Ramzy won the 3rd 18-16 and was now really back in the match. I told Dave he needed to slow the pace of the ball down and make his opponent generate all the speed himself (and get it tighter). Well the 4th was also a good battle, but David managed to keep control in the early stages to go 13-5 up and just as well as he sneaked home 15-11.

    Rich (Cantlay) was on against Ben Carpenter at No.2. Poor old Rich was really up against it as Ben’s (who hasn’t lost a game this season that I can see on the results page – having said that they only go up to December!) game was the opposite of Richard’s and he was very good at what he does. Ben won the 1st two games to 10 & 5 with great drops and aggressive volleying. He was also 13-5 up, in the 3rd, as Rich screwed the nut and started the unlikeliest of come backs! 6,7,8 well done Rich, but wait 9,10,11,12,13 the crowd were getting really excited!! Just then, as Ben hit another tin he shouted in frustration “F#*# off you f#*#ing bell**d!” And that was all the motivation he needed to break the tension and find the final point! So 3-0 to the Uni.

    Well as I said earlier it was now 2-2 in matches and I went on the glass-side-wall last with new No.1 Charlie Hibbert. Charlie looked and looked at the side wall with great suspicision during the knock up and I could see he was far from impressed. I heard court 2 become available and so I offered moving court and Charlie almost bit my fingers off! When we got onto the new court he turned to me and said “No excuses now I suppose!” And it was a good point!

    What a forehand Charlie has got! You can’t read it, he’s lightning to the front left and deceptive in the back left (he’s a lefty by the way)! Right don’t put it there then! So most of the game was spent trying to get a wide cross-court onto the right hand side. I won the 1st 15-7, but the 2nd was a real tough one and although I had a small lead throughout the game Charlie kept coming back at me. At 14-14 I’d already squandered 3 game balls; Charlie got 2 game balls of his own and on the 2nd I asked for a ‘let’. I thought it was reasonable ‘let’ but Charlie thought it was a ‘no let’. The marker (big Davie Craig, who hates marking, but had to do this one as no one else was about!) Was completely silent for an absolute age (later on I heard Dave was muttering to himself ‘F#*#ing hell’) and then gave me a ‘yes let’. I’d been fearing the worst with a pause that long. I eventually won the game 19-17 on the 5th game ball. Phew!
    I steeled myself for an even harder 3rd game, but it didn’t come. I was up 11-3 with some lucky nics and Charlie was hitting the tin a bit too much. I was determined not to let him back into the match and was very relieved to cross the line 15-8.

    So a fantastic win for the team and good chat with the Uni guys after – we even gave them a lift to Ashton Lane to carry on their student lives of out every night and never up til lunchtime!!!

  58. February 14, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 2nd Team
    Apologies the 2nd team match report is a bit later than usual this week – but I didn’t have the energy for a 1am finish – anyway…

    For the first time this year(I think) our 1st and 2nd team were both playing at home and as I sauntered in at 19:15 two of our games and one of the the 1st team games were well started – could be an early night!

    Douglas was on Court 3 against Dave Armstrong at No.4 he was very unlucky not to get closer to Dave in this one. Was another difficult one to mark but thankfully i didn’t have the honour. Plenty of debate from each player throughout and although Douglas got more tired as the match went on he got closer in the scores (9, 13, 13) he unfortunately bowed out to a 0-3 loss. “Disappearing” Douglas did not hang about and I think he may have been last seen about 19:50…at least that’s the last time i saw him!

    At the same time the Baird Hound was on Court 2 hunting around for his first win of the Season…and was up against against an old timer – Frank Davidson. Frank and Al were a good match for each other and every game could have went either way, unfortunately for Al Frank just got the better in the first(13/15). However fortunately for Al at a crucial point in the second game at 12-12(i think) the marker(Paul H) gave a let when Frank was looking for a stroke – A fair decision in my eyes but Jason explained to me and Sara why it was in fact a Stroke – the ball hit Al before it bounced for a second time….difficult to explain so will leave it there. Anyway this was the turning point of the game not due to the let itself but that Frank wouldn’t let it go – Al just got his head down and closed the first game out 15-12. The third saw Frank get back on top (steady!) reversing the score, 12/15 but Al was not about to give up! He dug in brilliantly and won the next two in true fighting spirit 15/13, 15/9 to get his first win of the season on his Birthday of all days! Happy Belated Birthday Bairdster…and a superb 3 points!

    Sara wasn’t on till the end but was already starting to get bored of waiting and by this point had measured her height, weight and body fat index in the changing rooms – We decided that if either of us found a solution to address our height issues then we’d share that with the other…

    Anyway, next up was Paul H against Bill Hayburn at No.3 on Court 2. Paul never really got going in the first game and was playing some some quite impressive round the back shots but they weren’t quite playing off and he went down in the first to 6. In the second he had clearly warmed up a bit more and was getting a lot closer but Bill was a very good player and Paul never really played the silky Squash that i’m so used to seeing and unfortunately went down 0-3 (12, 7).

    Sara by this point was getting fed up and I started to worry that she might not get on court till after 9pm, at which point she can’t be bothered (her own words). I could have said why don’t you go on next but I was getting hungry and thought i might run out of energy so decided to be selfish

    I was on at No. 2 on Court 2 against Alan Murphy. He looked to have good technique in the warm up and I wasn’t really feeling that sharp so i feared the worst. However i ran about like an idiot as per usual, didn’t play particularly well but ended up winning fairly convincingly (10, 7, 7) to give us an all important 3 points with a 3-0 Win. I got MOTM from Largs but personally i’d have gave it to Al.

    I managed to get on and off court quickly to see the deciding match between the best Largs had to offer and Sara. Unfortunately it was well past the 9pm cutoff and Sara never really played the type of squash we all know she can. In saying that her opponent Paul Robson was No. 1 at his club for a reason and that reason was his Skid boasts – I’ve never seen the shot played so much in the one match and with so much precision. On top of that he ran everything down and although Sara was retrieving well she just never had the accuracy on the night and Largs took the match with a 3-0 win(9, 9, 7).

    So overall another disappointing Loss – 6-14 and it really is starting to feel like groundhog day with these 3-2 Losses.

    Jason Would have been happy for two reasons tonight – a win at the top of the table and a Veggie Pasta dish for dinner. Happy for first team on the win but gutted about the Veggie dinner! Chat was good with the Largs boys and me, Paul and Al but I’d trade some good chat for some more points any day of the week!

    Summary of Scores

    1.) Sara McDonald vs. Paul Robson : 9/15, 9/15, 7/15 : 0-3 Loss
    2.) Kevin Cameron vs. Alan Murphy : 15/10, 15/7, 15/7 : 3-0 Win
    3.) Paul Hannah vs. Bill Hayburn : 6/15, 12/15, 7/15 : 0-3 Loss
    4.) Douglas Cardiff vs. Dave Armstrong : 9/15, 13/15, 13/15 : 0-3 Loss
    5.) Al Baird vs. Frank Davidson : 13/15, 15/12, 12/15, 15/13, 15/9 : 3-2 Win

    Overall 6-14 Loss

    MOTM – Kevin Cameron & Paul Robson

  59. February 14, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 3rd Team
    A long time since I played at Glasgow Uni. In my view the students are not getting any younger, does that mean I am not getting older?

    Craig Paris (at No 5) had already lost 3-1 by the time arrived. I can imagine just how it went, close games, shouting, histrionics, more shouting, and the occasional volley taken with the right foot. He has already left the building, too.

    Piotrek at (No 3) was in a particularly funny mood tonight; don’t know why, perhaps he felt unusually mature. In his long 5 setter, he was revealing Polish humour with his own spin on it, plus a bit of Polish gamesmanship taking advantage of marker’s inexperience. Piotr was loving it though, and brought to the venue his best squash this season. At hand out though, he would hirple up to the service box like a lame old man, joke with the marker, before serving. Lost 3-2. It was 8.50pm by now.

    At No 4 Neil Ross played well to go 2-0 up; then lapses of concentration let his opponent win the 3rd. Belief flowed into the student, as it ebbed away from Neil, and anger , and frustration set in. A 3-2 loss for Neil tonight. In the Grosvenor Café they were putting the very average (even when hot) pizzas on the table at this stage.

    At No 2, I had a nice game, against Robin but lost 3-0, played ok, but not in the clutch, and managed to get around 40 points, but no games to show for it. And David Wilson (No 1) up against a very useful chap called Nobuhide Otsudo and also lost 3-0.

    An 18 – 5 defeat. Hopefully a few more can make it further up the teams to give us a chance, would make a huge difference to the 3rd team experience.

    Strange to be playing a team of students, who – collectively – were more mature than us! Whilst Piotr and I were struggling through the coldest pizza, their 1st team turned up, so we heard about their game at Anniesland. Be interesting to read Jason’s version.

    Nite Nite.

  60. February 14, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 4th Team
    Well I will keep it short and to the point, painful reading!

    Iain Monaghan was on at 5 vs Blair Wright, pipped 3-2 and should have beaten him.

    Sandro Mazzuco at 4 vs Gill Downie, pipped 3-2 and again should have beaten her, she got lucky in 5th, would have loved to have seen Maz’s face when she asked if he was sure about a decision!

    I was on against Ronnie Barron at 3 and got beaten 3-0 but should have done much better, losing 15-13, 15-13, 16-14.

    At 2 was Kev Reilly vs Brian Wright who lost 3-0, looking colour co ordinated, orange was the theme. Kev not at his best and struggling with injuries.

    At 1 Dave Maz was on against Russell Forsyth, Dave lost 3-1, started slowly and got better steadily, should have taken it further and beaten Russell but just couldn’t finish him off.

    so a dissappointing 18-5 defeat

    Quote of the night was ” Bollocks!”

    Topical debate of the night was whether it was a piggery or a stable, thats how interesting it got!

    Sandro was man of the match and not sure who was theres


  61. February 21, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Wednesday 13th February 2013 – 1st Team

    Sean and I arrived so early the club was still shut when we got there, so we nipped across the road to the Dreghorn Fish & Chicken Bar for some carb-loading! At 6.45pm we went back to the club and their No.2 & 5 had arrived and we had No.1 & 3! How does that always happen?

    Soon after Sean (Norris) was on at No.3 v Phil McKie so I took to the roof for refereeing duties. It was immediately obvious that this was going to be a clash of styles with Phil playing the shots and Sean chasing them. Sean was his normal nippy self which caused Phil to question some of the pick-ups and he was becoming more and more convinced that the ball had bounced sometimes up to 4 or 5 times! But Sean always calls his 3 bounce pick-ups so I was happy that all was good!!!

    Sean won the first two games with some good boasting to confuse his opponent (Phil was getting a bit grumpy by this time! Not sure why though? He must have forgotten to get the wife a Valentine’s pressie and was annoyed that it would have to be flowers from the petrol station! Again!!).

    Phil did take the 3rd game and played well to do it, matching Sean’s determination at the business end of the game, but Sean wrapped things up by winning the 4th. Phil was soon back to his normal self and said “Do you want me to spell ‘bad marking’ for your report? Bloody cheek!! MOTM to Phil – good grumpy performance!

    Talking of marking, John Crawford (SSq top ref) was there and was telling me about the recent ‘Edinburgh Open’ when they were experimenting with the 3 ref marking system, which is supposed to get rid of the bad calls as all 3 refs give a decision and the majority decision is taken. Anyway up steps Daryl Selby (World Ranked No.10) and asked for a ‘let’ and on one occasion he got 3 different calls from the 3 refs (no let, let and stroke!) Classic!

    Next on court was big Davie (Craig) v Graham Crawley @ No.5. Fortunately for Graham the signs were looking good for him, but unfortunately it was only the ‘signs’, that his company produce and are all over the walls, that looked good!! as David stamped his authority on this game. The best part of the game was when Graham and their marker started shouting at each other for no particular reason that anyone could see. I assume the reason this ‘Ayrshire rammy’ kicked off wasn’t the marking, but more the language used to describe what a ‘wee pr#*k’ the other was! Anyway markers changed and handbags were soon put away. Dave won this one 3-0 with a good dominant performance. Shot of the match did come from Graham though. I was sitting behind the glass court as Graham was in a lot of difficulty at the back wall. He smacked the ball straight at my face and when I opened my eyes I was amazed to see the ball rolling along the backhand wall (at the front of the court as a drop shot) and big Davie trying in vain to peel it off!

    Ben (Mazzucco) went on next v Jim Kenny and managed to win the first game easily. Unfortunately he assumed (and not for the 1st week) that this was the end of things and he could muck about for the rest of the night. Jim showed him how wrong he was as he volleyed really well to push Ben all the way in a nail-biting/entertaining 3rd but Ben sneaked it about 22-20. Ben got the match head back on and eventually won the 3rd more comfortably with some much straighter squash (3-0) to Ben.

    Captain Cantlay arrived late from Edinburgh and went on next v John Robertson at No.2. I went to change and when I came back Rich was 2-0 up, but John was thoroughly in control of the 3rd. He was dropping Richard all over the court and Rich was looking a bit slow. John took the 3rd and came off complaining about his Achilles, so I wasn’t surprised to see Rich wrap things up in the 4th game with some much more focused play.

    I was on last against my old mate Kenny Hardie. Kenny told me he had the cold and was hassled with life in general – get your excuses in early I thought!! I told Kenny that I’d never been playing better and felt great (despite a few too many jars last night at the pub and feeling a bit lethargic! Well the wife was away!). It was a good contest though and neither of us was giving any quarter. It was soon apparent that I’d have to a) play as straight as possible b) keep it off his big booming forehand and c) try not to get too involved with the chat! First game to me. The second was a real tough one and tight all the way. Kenny was on the charge and determined to test Jim’s marking skills! But in a stop start game I managed to get a few crucial points at the right time and just about sneaked home. I got a good lead in the 3rd and this was going to make me hard to beat as long as I kept my concentration, and so it proved as I won this one more comfortably. MOTM to me? Well in my head anyway!

    So a good win for the team and it keeps us in contention for (the dreaded) promotion! Great chat with the Townend teams afterwards and when I said “We could have been top of the Division if the Newlands match had gone our way, Ben replied “Yeah, and we could also have been top if Sean wasn’t playing every week!” – line of the night!

    So some more carb-loading with pizza and chips (and Belhaven Best) for dinner. Sean said he’d been to the doctor today and the Doc told him to watch what he ate, so he’s booked a trip to Ayr Races today! Boom-boom (thanks to Scot Morton for that gag!)

  62. February 21, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Wednesday 13th February 2013 – 2nd Team
    Afraid I arrived late and had to leave early last night as still hadn’t started packing for my work trip to Dubai -> Mumbai -> Hong Kong! Hopefully I get to spend a wee bit of time actually seeing the sights but most likely not…

    Anyway, when I arrived I was getting some funny looks and had to answer multiple questions about some dirt that I had on my head…Ash Wednesday in case you’re wondering – Dave was only one that sussed it out

    Donald was just finishing his second game(against Andy Walker – no not the ex-Celtic striker and p1ss poor football pundit!) by the time I turned my attention to what was happening on court but I was amazed that he was 2-0(17/15, 15/8) down as he looked to be in control from the few shots I seen – shows you what I know. Going into the third though Donald was playing some really smart stuff and was easily the better player in the third and the score reflected that as he pegged a game back (7/15). The fourth was an absolute classic which was getting more attention than the 1st division match on next door and quite rightly. It went to 14-14 and at this stage Donald had many chances to bring it back to level pegging but equally Andy had a few match points….in the end Donald dug in and set-up a grand finale with a 18/20 win. On to the last and Andy was diving all over the court…I now realize how stupid I look when I do it, so will be cutting that out my game…but Donald had control of the match now and he netted 3 points for us with an epic come back from 2-0 down in games…MOTM for sure for Donald – Excellent work.

    Al was up next against a bit of an athlete(Jim Cross, I think) with an unorthodox yet effective selection of shots which Al struggle to deal with from the off. After the first(15/9) Al was saying he was finding it tough to get warmed up and I knew exactly what he meant standing at the side. It was bl00dy freezing off court, although slightly better on. Jim didn’t really give Al a sniff in the 2nd and won to 6 and at that point there was no looking back. 3-0 Win to Jim (9 in the 3rd) and a suspiciously impressive performance from their No. 5 but I guess that is one of the reasons they are 2nd in the league.

    I was up next, and with tweaking my knee playing 11s at weekend, I wasn’t holding out much hope…especially after seeing how hard Donald had to fight and how strong their No. 5 was. I was up against Colin Hutton (a lefty). First game I was happy with how I started and gave myself enough of a lead at 14-10 to close the game out…or so I thought…before I knew it, it was 14-13 and it was only for Colin hitting the tin at the front of the court I was able to draw first blood. I knew I had stolen it though and the momentum was with Colin. Into the 2nd and he had me sussed. He was controlling the T and just pushing me all over the court and towards the end of the game I tweaked my knee again but make no mistake this contest was only going one way regardless of that. So he took the second(15/8) to make it 1-1. He then used the momentum to repeat the score in the third to take the lead. Going into the 4th I decided just to push myself as far as I could – I have a week and a half of no exercise anyway so should give me enough time to recover! I managed to get close in the 4th and at 13/13 I was in with a chance but in the end it wasn’t to be and Colin closed it out 15/13 to take the match 3-1.

    Afraid I had to leave straight after but was hopeful that with Jason and Dave still to go on we had the chance of at least a few more points. As I was leaving Dave was warming up at No. 1 and I hear that he got to 14 a couple of times but unfortunately went down 3-0 and his opponent (unknown) was MOTM.

    Jason went on at No. 2 afterwards and must have been a good match cos it went to the 5th game, but in the end, their No. 2 (again unknown) took the final game to win 3-2…I very good 2 points which may be crucial at end of season.

    I missed the meal but smelt the garlic bread as I left – bet it was good! Anyway my flight has just been called so better run, best of luck next week DLWE2!

    Summary of Scores

    No. 1 -> ??? vs. Dave Ritchie : 3-0 Loss
    No. 2 -> ??? vs. Jason Grinton : 3-2 Loss
    No. 3 -> Andy Walker vs. Donald McDonald : 17/15, 15/8, 7/15, 18/20, 10/15 : 2-3 Win
    No.4 -> Colin Hutton vs. Kevin Cameron : 13/15, 15/8, 15/8, 15/13 : 3-1 Loss
    No.5 -> Jim Cross vs. Al Baird : 15/9, 15/6, 15/9 : 3-0 Loss

    MOTM – Donald & No.1 for Whitecraigs RFC2

    Overall 17-6 Loss

  63. February 28, 2013 at 9:10 am

    Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 1st Team
    SSRC last night and Sean wanted an early start. He obviously knew that asking for the week off for his anniversary was going to get him nowhere (!) so instead he arranged an early start, so he could get back for his date! (top commitment!)

    When I arrived Sean was on against David Irvine at No.3 and was 2-0 up and 14-6 up in the 3rd. But I have to say from what I saw, David was right in it. He pulled the score back to 14-9 and all the rallies were tough. However Sean won 15-9 and so the first 3 points were on the board.

    Captain Cantlay was on next v Martin Sullivan at No.2 and before I give Richard a right slagging I’d like to say that I think he’s been playing really well in the past few weeks and really improving his game over the whole season. It’s also important to say that you only play as well as your opponent lets you and Martin kept things tight at the right times. Right, with all that out of the way, Richard was rubbish last night and I’m not sure he’d have beaten an egg if it were put in front of him! Seriously though it’s impossible to keep a good run going indefinitely and tonight was just one of those games. As I said Martin played well, and in the first game he came back from 6-10 to win 15-10, with some excellent tight length to the back.
    Rich got the 2nd with an amazing come-back of his own. He was 12-8 up then lost the next 6 points to go 12-14 down! I awarded the game to Martin on the next point, but was told by both players that I was “as blind as a bat” and Richard’s shot was up. Reprieve! Rich then went on to take the game 16-14! The next saw a similar score line happen, but Martin won this one. I turned to Big Davie C in the 4th game and said “The amazing thing is that Richard is playing badly, but is still in the match!” – well he was in it all the way to the end, but Martin took the 4th in a close 17-15 finish (a 5th would have been interesting!).

    Ben was on at the same time v Kenny McGill and I missed the first two games as I was marking, although I did hear rackets flying all over the court on a number of occasions. Must have been Kenny’s as Ben was 2-0 up and appeared to be in control using Kenny’s pace against him. He was also trying to keep it off Kenny’s volley and he’s becoming a bit of an expert at this as he seems to have to do it every week. In the 3rd I saw Ben playing some good controlled squash and using the attacking half volley well. I’m sure that earlier in the season this would have been a five setter, but Ben took this 3-0 and played well.

    Big David C went on next against a guy I’ve played a few times over the years, so I thought I’d give Dave an insight as to the nightmare game he was about to experience! Joe Healy is notorious against all who have ventured on court with him and now David can be added to this list. Having said that he did win the 1st game and had a really tough 17-19 in the 2nd, but obviously Joe was just getting into his stride. I was on court after the 1st so I didn’t see it, but Dave said he tried everything to keep the ball off Joe’s volley, but in the end Joe won the tie 3-1 (Dave looked dazed and confused afterwards).

    I went on last against Chris Farrell and it was the decider! Love it!!! I remember watching Chris play in the 1st half and he was “pure meltin’ the baw” so I knew I had to be ready for this. I got a great lead in the 1st (10-2) and although the winners started to fly off Chris’s racket at this point and he got it back to 12-10. But with another big push I won the game 15-10. I had an even better start in the 2nd and was 13-2 up, no chance of losing from there!! 2-0 boom! I was now in a dominant position and was not going to let the foot off the gas, and managed to close the match out 3-0.

    So a close 3-2 win for the team and an early night. The bar was actually still open when I got there, although Martin and Dave had eaten my salad! Still the chat was good, even though I don’t think Ben realised that Sean had left early. He was slagging everyone off, like he was having his usual verbal battles with Sean! He’d already deposed Richard as Captain when I arrived and was busy doing salad jokes at my expense! Captain Cantlay pretended not to want the captaincy, but in a fabulous passive aggressive move, proceeded to fill in all the scores, discuss the next three team matches and settle the bill (and buy me another Old Speckled Hen). Well played Captain!

  64. February 28, 2013 at 9:12 am

    Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 3rd Team


  65. February 28, 2013 at 9:12 am

    Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 2nd Team

    No report????

  66. February 28, 2013 at 9:13 am

    Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 4th Team
    Baby Boomers teach youngsters lessons !

    Yes class it was the return match with the callow youth from Strathclyde University

    I arrived at 7.05 to find as expected the show court assigned to the fourths as the first team who were also playing have a strange aversion to playing on the glass sided court one . I suspect they are the sort who keep the lights off on their honeymoon !

    I found Iain Irvine had already started his match at No 1 against a young Brazillian student . Two points arose from this, Squash – Brazil yes not all play football. Secondly the Brazillian was called Ian not Kaka Ronaldo or Romario but Ian is obviously a sexy name for the ladies of Rio. I never saw much of the game, our Iain apparently won the first easily to three but then realising you never score first against Brazil ultimately lost 3-1. From what I saw young Ian’s scampering style gradually wore Scottish Iain down until he eventually lost 3-1.

    Next up was Donald Mckinnon on at three and having seen most of the game ,it really was Man against boy with Donald never in danger and winning easily 3-0

    I up next at 5 ,also while not imposing totally at the start also had a fairly easy win at 3-0

    I then marked Kevin’s game at number 3. He was playing I think their oldest player ,I know this as he did not need an ID Card at the Bar. In the warm up Kevin was doing the usual slow motion swings with vague connections to the ball when with the ball and wall nowhere near his racquet suddenly self destructed , it felt like one of these strange events where people self combust !

    Kevin’s first reaction was who sold me this and can I get my money back. He then appropriated Donald’s racquet and carried on . The residue of the racquet did prove useful to the team as Kevin later threatened to use it on David( who had lost a game badly) by placing it in an area which would have affected his capability of walking straight. The game itself was closer than mine or Donald’s but I always felt Kevin was too strong and he also had fairly comfortable 3-1 win

    That left David at No 2 playing what looked to be a child prodigy at Uni as he looked barely 12 . You will note that our young Sandro was not playing due apparently to the inability to complete homework so maybe this was youths revenge. For Sandro alas no as David in the end won fairly easily 3-1 . The game he lost he didn’t play well hence the aforementioned advice from Kevin where he would the racquet. No fancy Dan Jason tactics here in the real Men’s team.

    So Age triumphed over youth and we all seemed to enjoy the food beer and orange squash afterwards

    Scores on the door Anthea

    Iain Irvine lost 1-3 15-3 10-15 12-15 9-15
    David Mazzucco won 3-0 15-13 17-15 8-15 15-5
    Kevin Reilly won 3-1 15-9 10-15 15-11 15-12
    Donald Mackinnon won 3-0 15-12 15-7 15-6
    Iain Beveridge won 3-0 15-11 15-5 15-5

    Overall win 16-4

    MOTM Iain Beveridge plus Brazillian Ian Fernandees

  67. March 7, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    Wednesday 27th February 2013 – 1st Team

    Sean phoned me earlier on in the day to discuss the match and as we were chatting about who we may be playing Sean tried to describe his likely opponent. “Will I be playing that really tall guy?”
    “Well,” I replied “that doesn’t really narrow it down Sean! In fact you say that every week “I played that tall guy, I played that tall guy.”

    At 6pm I got a message that Cameron House could only get 4 players out, so I had to give our new No.5 (JT) the bad news and the rest of us headed to Loch Lomond. Sean took the road high over the Erskine Bridge and I took the lower road under the Clyde Tunnel and do you know what? Sean was at the banks of Loch Lomond before me!

    Cameron House guys were missing about 3 key players and so were very short this week. Ben (Mazzucco) had already played and won 3-0 v Alan Burns. I understand that this is Alan’s first season in team squash so not a massive surprise to hear he lost to Ben.

    Captain Cantlay was back to form this week as he took on Andy McGroarty at No.2. He was looking dominant in the match and was imposing his game on Andy. Good length and good volleying meant a good 3-0 to The Captain.

    Sean (Norris) was on next against David Cargil at No.3. I marked this through the solid 30 foot glass wall and spared myself the ignominy of shouting through the door frame, by doing the marking in sign language. You know, one finger for 1-0 (careful what digit you use – I mean you don’t want to start a fight**) and of course two fingers for ‘No Let’ Sean! Sean was in dominant form to win the match 3-0 and was rarely in trouble.

    I went on last against Alan Barbour at No.1 and this was an interesting game. Alan has an uncanny ability to volley anything, and I mean anything. Serve – volley short. Drive down the wall high – volley short. Drive down the wall anything above a foot – volley. Cross court – volley short. The game was getting away from me at 13-9 (ish) and so I thought serve like a tennis player and try and make everything hit the floor as low as possible. This made a massive difference and I came back to 13-13 and then went on to win the 1st game from there. The 2nd game was much the same with a lot of banging and crashing about the court; with me trying to keep everything low. Not pretty, but I did win it 15-10.
    This was all a bit too tiring, so I thought of going the other way and lobbing everything. Alan’s first return of serve (which had snow on it!) was dispatched in no uncertain terms. But this didn’t deter me and I just tried to lob everything even higher! A few went out, but in the main it worked as Alan went a long way back to play the shot and so I hit a quick drop to win the point. It was soon 15-9 match to me and so we headed off to the bar.

    Sean had hidden a Cameron House “Wedding Pack” in Richard’s bag and we goaded Richard for a while about this, suggesting he could get married after a squash match to save a bit of money. Richard seemed to shed a tear at this chat, but apparently that was due to a contact lens getting stuck around the back of his eye. Slagging Richard was in full flow and was all going well until Sean ordered a half pint! Alan Burns just looked at Sean and said I’m not sure if they do them in halves!

    Good craick with the Cameron House lads and meat-balls and pasta for dinner. It was an excellent idea in the current climate to call them ‘meat-balls’. Master stroke to use the ambiguous term! Could be beef, could be horse testicles – it’s still meat!
    And the veggie option of pasta and sauce left me wondering if hoicking out the meat balls/horse testicles was what made it veggie?

    ** This method of calling the score wouldn’t stop any fights in Townend (although the argument when we were there was about the score, so maybe it would!)

    • March 7, 2013 at 12:20 pm

      Good report jason

      Sean”s new name is half pint from now on!

      Alan volley barbour.

  68. March 7, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 2nd Team

    An upgrade to the 2nds for Me and the Pole Dancer. What chance the 2nds? Well with David Ritchie, Jason Grinton in the side and Davie Craig, I thought we might steal a victory!

    No 2 – Jason was on early against David Morrison, and pulled his groin in the first rally, so he went down 3-0. What a shame for Jason.

    No 5 – Piotrek versus Kieran O Neill. Piotr’s squash on a steady improving line over the season, and contended early on. However, Kieran was too strong, and Piotr (wearing several (but not 50) shades of grey with his red dancing shoes lost 3-0.

    At No 3, David Ritchie also lost 3-0 to Jim Smith. David admits he was not on top form, but showed some promise mid match when opponent felt a wave of nausea after David’s racquet walloped one of his testicles. Good tactics Dave, but even that ddin’t work.

    Me at No 4 against Amanda Nicholl. I won the 4th game, and lost the other 3 to 11, 13 and 13 points. I had a chance (partly because I don’t think Amanda was at her best) but just couldn’t perform on the big points. Lost 3-1.

    David Craig played poor old John Rae. Whilst Davie lost 1st game 12 – 15, and the 2nd game 16 – 18, I was always convinced Davie would win, fitness telling in the end. Sure enough he turned things round in the 3rd game winning 17 – 15.

    David never asks for a let, he just cannot resist chasing every ball down even if his opponent is totally in the way. At one point I thought he was trying to re-enact a scene from Brokeback Mountain. Actually, he does occasionally ask for a let, but only after he has tried to play the shot and Piotr (who deserves an award for his readiness to mark matches) quite rightly says he played the shot. The look on Davie’s face can best be described as “plaintive” and reminds me of a dog that has been left in the rain. Also it reminded me of a tall Paisley accountant called Jerry Maguire – he looked just the same when he was cleaned out of chips at an all-night poker session.

    Entertaining it was, and in the 4th Davie left himself too much and despite huge effort and elevated levels of fitness he went down 11-15. Had he done a few drops from front of court, rather than just mid court, it would have been a different story. Lost 3-1.

    Team lost 18-2. Hope you all have a nice day. March tomorrow, 1st day of Spring!

  69. March 7, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Wednesday 27th February 2013 – 4th Team
    DLWE 4ths vs Broomhill 3rds

    “Rejoice Rejoice” – Margaret Thatcher 1982

    I well remember as a spotty youth listening to the “ evil one” or “ exalted leader “ depending on yours politics stride out on Downing St to celebrate the sinking of the Belgrano in the Falkland War

    Similarly I assume the streets of the West End have the bunting out to celebrate our crushing defeat of Broomhill

    I had rushed down from business in Aberdeen arriving at 7.15 expecting to be admonished for being late to find no one around . Five minutes later all our team seemingly arrived together. Unison in arms.
    The main chat consisted of working out what Kevin had done with his golden locks as Donald kindly pointed out the pudding bowl at the barbers must have been useful. So after initial hilarity we got down to business.

    First up was David at No1 as Broomhill no 1 needed to leave early. I saw almost all the game and David never looked troubled albeit the scores were reasonably close – 3-0 opening win

    Next up was Mr Enigma -Sandro who was playing an ex David Llloyd player in Kerry – Sandro proved how the epitaph is being made redundant by playing, after an initial slight hesitation, consistently good squash. Kerry who had beaten Sandro in the past had no answers and a well deserved 3-0 result followed, I suspect his first home league game will be harder against that talented young fit player a Mr Beveridge I believe

    On next at 4 was myself to find my opponent being my neighbour from up the street Angus. In a fit of neighbourly charity Angus let me win the first fairly easily and so to the second. Obviously Angus then remembered that I wasn’t part of the neighbourhood watch as in the middle of a point he managed to whack me with his racquet(my fault too close looking for a let!) I have ended up with an eye cut that has given me a vague boxer look admittedly a boxer who goes down in the first. After some blood spillage and the proverbial sticking plaster we played on and I closed out the game to 3-0

    Donald was on next at three and it proved to be a close game in the first, which his opponent narrowly won. Donald came storming back confidence restored to take the next three reasonably easily 3-1

    That left Kevin at No 2 to close the match . I marked this game and both players at time hit excellent shots. Kevin as usual knows where to hit it and his positioning was excellent . Good stagecraft, knows when to call lets as well ! He ultimately had just too much although all games finished to 13 – 3-1 win

    We all stayed for drinks and enjoyed the pies and beans , without naming names some managed to have two

    5-0 victory team getting into stride, shame it’s taken most of the season !


    Won 18-2

    David Mazzucco 15-9 15-11 15-13 3-0
    Kevin Reilly 15-13 15-13 13-15 15-13 3-1
    Donald McKinnon 12-15 15-9 15-6 15-9 3-0
    Iain Beveridge 15-11 15-13 15-8 3-0
    Sandro Mazzucco 15-10 15-9 15-9 3-0

  70. March 14, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Wednesday 6th March 2013 – 1st Team
    Well we played ‘Dumfries & Hamilton Squash Club’ last night (D&H) in the penultimate game of the season. We’re only a handful of points behind Glasgow Uni, so the team was all geared up for a good match and hoping to keep the pressure on the Uni in case they slipped up with their match against Newlands. So with the same team as the 1st half we were confident.

    Ben (Mazzucco) was on first against D&H’s Keith Gristwood. Keith was picking up his 4th cap for the D&H 2nd team tonight and he started positively by winning the 1st game 15-8, but Ben came right back at him in the 2nd to level things up. Unfortunately Ben was carrying a injury and was finding it harder and harder to push off. Then when he went into one of his ridiculous lunging splits, he jarred his ankle, fell over and it was all over. Ben retired after the end of the game and so D&H got the first win on the board. Keith had to make the long trip home so we didn’t see him again.

    Sean was on the at the same time on one of the sauna courts v Graeme Jones. He seemed to be thriving in the conditions as he largely dominated the game to win 3-0. Graeme had to go so we didn’t see him again.

    I went on the same sauna court next against Calum Philips and after having a hard game with him in the 1st half I wasn’t looking forward to the ‘thwack fest’ that was bound to happen. It did! Calum had a much better appreciation of this court and his 500mph thwack was difficult to cope with. Having said that I don’t think I played particularly well and didn’t move as sharply as I needed to. Still take nothing away from Calum he thrashed me 3-0 easily enough.
    Davie Mac consoled me later by saying that if Calum lost a couple of stone he’d be some player – well, I thought, that’s a bit like a kettle calling another kettle….. a kettle (whilst chatting to Mr Pot!). Mind you I’ve lost some weight recently on these protein shakes and more importantly I also had a haircut and lost half a stone just from that!

    Captain Cantlay followed on the same court straight after, against ‘The Riddler’ (aka D&H’s Robin Ridley). Richard came off after the knock-up sweating like a……… kettle (!) and said “What the hell’s that court all about?” I said “Don’t worry it’s the same for both players, as Robin’s used to colder courts at his home club as well!” Well anyone who knows Robin, knows he’s about Division 1 – No.3 standard so he chopped Rich up good and proper. A good debut performance for Robin, wonder if he’ll get another game in before the end of the season? Robin had to leave early to make the long trip home so we didn’t see him again.

    We made the mistake of playing the 5 game specialist (David Craig) last! Dave went on at No.5 v Mike Tomlinson. The match was good fun to watch with Sean marking (yeah I know! Sean!!) and me, Rich and Ben supporting the Big H. There was no sign of D&H support for Mike though (mind you Kev Moran was running Kenny Boyle about on the sauna, so maybe that tempted Calum away).
    Dave was in his usual mode of ‘dog chasing stick’ and despite winning the 1st game (which is as rare as a ‘Riddler’ around these parts) and the then the 2nd as well!! What was going on?? Silly! Mid off the next game the balance of The Force was restored as he couldn’t stop a great come back from Mike. However Mike got a bit tired by the end of the 5th and Dave was still chasing like a whippet, so he was able to secure 3 points for the mighty DLWE.

    Good chat in the bar later, although no veggie food for me. The Dumfries & Hamilton club obviously haven’t the learned the “Make Any Dish Veggie” recipe yet. Which, as we all know by now, is make whatever meat dish you like and simply hoick the animal out. The Newcastle Brown Ale did go down well though.
    We were entertained by Ben and Sean, who were at each other’s throats as usual:
    Ben – “Hey Sean, what’s your favourite potato?”
    Sean – “Aaaaaah poor Benny, did you dislocate you fanny tonight?”
    Ben – “Did you need to stand on a chair to see over the balcony, when you refereed the match?”

    And don’t even ask about the homework chat!!

    So with that I can safely say that we’re now a mathematical certainty to get promotion to Division 1 (unless the West Committee take points off us for anything, like playing our team wildly out of order or using ringers?!?!).

    Sean marking!”

  71. March 14, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Wednesday 6th March 2013 – 2nd Team
    “Man Flu” got the better of me last week or so, but Jason was his usual persistent self in pressuring people to play against their will

    As I wandered into DLWE for the first time in 3 weeks I was met by a couple of my old Uddingston team mates from a good 10 years back, who were playing for SSRC 3 against our DLWE 3 guys – Maggie Dick and Steven Carlin…I remembered them as very good players so knew our guys were in for a tough night and wondered who the hell SSRC had playing in their 1st and 2nd teams if those guys were in the 3rds!

    No.5 (Dave Wilson vs. Robert Wilson)
    Dave was up against Robert at No. 5 to kick us off, in the battle of the Wilsons. I never seen much of this one as I had to go and get ready to go on next but by the sounds of it this was quite one sided and although Dave bettered his points tally game upon game he never managed to get enough to trouble Robert and went down 3-0 (7, 8, 11)

    No. 2 (Kevin Cameron vs. Colin Richards)
    I went on, wheezing, at No 2 against Colin Richards. I haven’t hit a ball in about a month and it showed. I had enough steam to edge the first 17-15 but I never really got going and Colin comfortably won the second(9) and the third (11). John T was marking this won and must have been getting frustrated with the fact that if i took his advice(back of the court, back of the court) i would have probably won this match comfortably – however i never, and it goes to show that without my usual stamina then I’m a piece of cake to play against In saying that i did manage to find a few drops and my shallow cross courts were good enough in the 4th to level the games 2-2 (15/11) but in the decider was back to my usual and lost to 6 – Not a good day at the races but I suppose 2 points is better than i may have expected before i stepped in the court.

    No. 4 (Al Baird vs. Emma Ford)
    Al was on at the same time as me against Emma Ford and it was a very good contest by the sounds of things (again never seen this as on court myself). Al narrowly lost the 1st (12) but then picked up the next two (both 11) at that point he must have ran out of steam as Emma took the 4th (to 7) and finally the decider (to 5). A good 2 points from Al who after a slow start to the season is finishing strongly in the 2nd team.

    No. 3 (Steve Elms vs. Gordon Smith)
    Steve did his usual this week – “I’m not playing on cold court 3″, two minutes later he was warming up on there I marked this one and it was another good contest. He narrowly lost the 1st(13) but then reversed the scoring in the second to level it up. Steve then kicked it up a notch in the third had game point at 14-11…he served and after a few exchanges played a nice drive down the line as Gordon tried to reach but was just caught behind Steve and not close enough in any case(in my opinion). Steve quickly accepted the point and went off court then Gordon asked if he was getting a let or not? Never actually been in the position where i’m having to make a call when one of the players is nowhere to be seen. Much to his disappointment i told him he just wasn’t close enough. He accepted it but it clearly had frustrated him…so much so that he came out in the 4th fighting and won 6/15…sorry Steve maybe I should have called you back on court and we could have played the let! After that Gordon had th momentum and took the final game 9/15 to give us our 3rd 2-3 loss of the night…

    No.1 (John Turner vs. Michael Currie)
    Finally it was our top man on against the best that Renfrew has to offer. I missed the first two as was marking Steve’s game but Michael won those both to 7 so comfortable enough for the DLR No.1. In the 3rd though John gave it his all and it was a game of leap frog from 8-8 up until 13-13. John was serving at 13-13 and to the crowd’s dismay he served it out! Once the groans from his team mate’s had subsided John politely asked for a 2nd serve – Impressive to have a sense of humour at that stage of the game Michael ended up taking the next point and the match 3-0.

    So a bit of a doing, 18-6 Loss. We are certainly heading down after next week’s final game of the season which brings a tear to the eye since we have showed a lot of fight this season but ah well, it may mean we can win division 4 next season!

    We made the 10pm last orders with a bit of time to spare and we used the extra time to play a game of find the chicken in the pasts bake. Myself and Gordon won…everyone else finished on zero points We then played a game of who can get the most discount with their vantage card – Steve won with a whopping 17% for being a founding member of DLWE, joining the club in 19 Canteen.

    Summary of Scores

    1.) John Turner vs. Michael Currie : 7/15, 7/15, 13/15 : 0-3 Loss
    2.) Kevin Cameron vs. Colin Richards : 17/15, 9/15, 12/15, 15/11, 6/15 : 2-3 Loss
    3.) Steve Elms vs. Gordon Smith : 13/15, 15/13, 15/11, 6/15, 9/15 : 2-3 Loss
    4.) Al Baird vs. Emma Ford : 12/15, 15/11, 15/11, 7/15, 5/15 : 2-3 Loss
    5.) Dave Wilson vs. Robert Wilson : 7/15, 8/15, 11/15 : 0-3 Loss

    MOTM – Kevin Cameron & Emma

    Overall Loss 18-6

  72. March 14, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Wednesday 6th March 2013 – 3rd Team
    In the Ryder Cup final day singles Jose Maria put out his stars early doors, Luke Donald, Rory Mcilroy, Ian Poulter. Get some blue on the board, and let the momentum take hold.

    And so it was that the 3rd team’s leaders Nos 1 and 2 G Sanders and Andrew Alabi took to the courts 7.00 prompt against Steve Carlin and George Allan respectively. By 7.30 we were off court, and Steve and George were having a hit, under exercised and under challenged that they were. 2 3-0 defeats.

    Then, David Mazzucco at No 3 against Maggie Dick, pesh at 1st , he got his first point at 0-8. 2 games down in no time. Then in 3rd game he played very well and actually won that game. Not sure if I’ve ever been more proud of the Bold Pretender. Kicked on from there to lose 3-1.

    Then Hopalong Kevin Reilly at No 5 versus Nick Allan the Geordie formerly playing at Glasgow uni. He beat Kevin 3-0, but Kevin showed some liveliness at times. Like a near dead reptile, that jolts into action as if by a defibrillator. Never managed it 2 shots in a row though. Kevin loves his squash though, and happy to be playing. If he had to choose between squash and fishing though, …………. fishing….. Squash?

    Finally, Jooyoung waiting patiently to play Cammie Burns at 4. The most notable thing was that they both had the same forehand, where on the backswing, they don’t lift it above elbow height. Cammie had the edge though, so a 3-0 defeat. Good of Jooyoung to represent the club though, albeit he hadn’t been primed on protocol afterwards regarding supper.

    An 18 – 1 final score-line, and our general feeling was it could have been worse. Just imagine if one day everyone turned up to play! Look on with admiration and envy at the regular 5 warriors that turn out for the 1st team.

    Mazzucco, Reilly and Me hosting at supper time. Supper was the usual bland pasta that had tiny traces of chicken. Of no good for the carnivores and it also put off the veggies. That Maggie Dick is a cheap date, didn’t eat the slightly carnivorous pasta, and drank a glass of water. The rest of them had plenty of tales to tell about various characters in West of Scotland Squash, who is tweeting what, and an interesting tale was told about a rare defeat for young Macmillan at Whitecraigs RFC and how he demanded a certain passenger had to remove his gear, as he wasn’t getting a lift back …

    Nite Nite

  73. September 27, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Wednesday 13th March 2013 – 1st Team
    Kurt, the Craighelen team captain, texted me earlier in the day to see if we could get an early start. So I kicked off at 6pm and when I got to 10-5 up in the 1st game it was soon clear that Captain Kurt would have to ‘cling-on’ for dear life to stay in the this game! (I would apologise for that terrible pun, but I’ve got a few more to come!). I went on to clinch the 1st game.
    Well I thought I showed great ‘Enterprise’ to sus-out Captain Kurt’s game in the knock-up. His forehand was flashing, but he was letting everything bounce on the backhand, so that was the target. ‘set squash ball to stun’ and stick it right into the corner! Great plan and it really worked. Well it would be ‘illogical’ to change a winning game, so I didn’t and that’s really the ‘Bones’ of what happened. Having said all that, Kurt and I were competing hard in the 5th game, but that was because we played a couple of friendlies. First points on the board for us (Sean refereed and he was rubbish! Well I say rubbish, but I actually mean funny, as he gave a ridiculous ‘out’ and a ‘no let’ against me just for a laugh!)
    Sean Norris and Rich Cant(p)lay went on next at the same time. I marked Sean’s and he played Si (Steve Taylor?!?!?) at No.2. Si started slowly and Sean took the 1st game at a canter, but then Si woke up and started playing shots from all over the court. Sean thought he could win without running. He couldn’t – 15-8 chopping to Si. But Sean did manage to get things going again and was chasing about the court like a good-un after that; he managed to regain his momentum and win the last two game. He played a particularly good shot at the end of the 4th game and Ben said ‘That was a good shot, but I’m not applauding it as I don’t want to encourage him.’
    I didn’t see Captain Cantlay’s game, but he won 3-0 at No.2 v Kieran Martin and the scores make it look like he dominated the match, as he won it 15-7 15-8 15-8.
    Well it’s only taken him all season, but David (Craig) actually went for a proper warm up this week! Not his usual coffee or scarf routine! Davie had heard that he was playing a real quick and fit guy called Graham Beveridge, so this inspired the Big Man to actually do warm up for the first time ever! And what a difference it made, he won a 1st game that he would have normally lost and was able to deal with the comeback in the 2nd game to win it 15-12. The 3rd was even better as he dominated the game to win it 15-3 and so took the match 3-0.
    Rich marked Davie’s and then also took on last match of the season, which was Ben (Mazzucco) against Chris Bowman at No.4. Ben dominated this one and won 3-0. Having said that he did keep hitting nonsensical angles back onto Chris’s racket. Fortunately this was mixed in with some far better play, such as some good sharp drives that died quickly and some very good straight drops as well. Rich wanted a special mention in the match report for marking 2 games in a row, as he said his wrist was sore by the end (I would have thought that his right wrist would be a lot stronger than that!)
    So a good 18-1 win for the team against a weakened Craighelen side and we were early to the bar. Sean was throwing the usual verbal boomerangs, as the same old jokes keep coming back, week after week, year after year! Rich get’s the “when are you getting married?” chat, Ben gets the “You’ve got to split up with your girlfriend before you go to Uni” chat and when I hear him lining up his “fattest vegetarian gag” there’s no need to ask where did that boomerang come from?!
    Davie (master of accents/voices) admitted that he’s only here fae the Glasgie banta’. To which I replied that he was actually the only one in the team from Glasgow, as Ben’s parents were living in Clydebank when he was born. “That’s even worse than Glasgie, fae the banta’! chirps up Davie “Glasgie is a step up from Clydebank!”
    But as Ben nursed his ankle from over stretching around the court and we turned to Richard to quiz him on getting married (the topic that makes him squirm the most!) Sean summed up the season quite nicely by saying “Rich, you’ve got commitment issues and Ben you’ve got over-commitment issues!”

  74. September 27, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Wednesday 13th March 2013 – 2nd Team
    So firstly, apologies about this being so late but i needed to wait til Whitecraigs put the scores on website to get the names of their players since i didn’t get chance to get a copy of score sheets
    It was a battle at the bottom of the table for the last game of the season and our team pretty much needed a clean sweep(18-0) to have any chance of leap frogging Whitecraigs LTC….or Whitecraigs LT & SC as Jason would say! In any case it looked like both teams were heading down along with Townend – unless the rumour about Ayr possibly dropping out was true – we’ll see…
    So first up was Nic at No.2 , who was in a hurry to get away, as needed to be up early in the morn for yet more work travel…Nic couldn’t get into the first game against Peter Lewis and as a result found himself one down. Nic then regrouped and managed to edge the second to level the scoring but I’m sure Nic won’t mind me saying he was looking a bit rusty and short of match practice – wasn’t his usual clinical self! I had to go and get changed at the start of the third game but in the end Peter won the next two to take the match 3-1(15/6, 9/15, 15/12, 15/9).
    John Turner went on court at No.1 at the same time as me so i missed his whole match but he was up against the best Whitecraigs LTC had to offer, in John Howie. It wasn’t a great start for John and he narrowly avoided the granny! but was saved by a solitary point. Thankfully he was a lot closer in the next two where he reached double figures in both but John was just too good and took the match 3-0(1,11,13). When i came off court to ask John the score i actually thought he said he won the first but what he actually meant was “he got one in the first”!
    So i was on the court next to John at the same time at No.3, and i was playing a rematch of the home tie against Ian McDermott which Ian kept reminding me i won 3-0…and that he thought i was on steroids the last match we played with all the running. Mind games i think as i couldn’t get int to he match at all and ended up losing 3-0(11,10,13) as well…i think i’ve finally run out of steam this season…looking forward to the break!
    Doug Cardiff was on at No.4 against Alex Everingham. I never seen any of this as i was marking Al’s game but heard it was a good match although the outcome was similar to earlier scores: 3-0 to Alex (9, 10, 10) – MOTM to Alex.
    At No.5 Al Baird was up against slow Harry. I remember slow Harry for the first leg where he played Sara and Sara was losing the plot with how slowly he was walking back to the service box between points – reminds me of JT! Al got off to a flier and was really impressive in the first but although Harry was slow between points, he perked up during the rallies…was a great game to watch/mark and at 14-14 it was anyones game…unfortunately a couple of mistakes from Al game the first to Harry(16/14). After this Harry had the momentum and showed some real class to take the next two(5, 6) to put the final nail in DLWE2′s coffin.
    So 18-1 Loss and MOTM goes to Nic for being the only one to get a point! (i think they have entered the names in wrong on website so will get them to change)
    Pizzas took there time to arrive but we were happy to watch the arsenal game whilst we waited. Chicken Tikka Pizza went down a treat…as it always does with a couple of other ones and some chips and pints of Peroni – athletes!
    It has been a long season, with little rewards for DLWE 2 but I’m confident if we get some stability in the team then we can come straight back up the the 3rd division…
    See you all next season!
    Summary of Scores
    No.1) John Howie vs. John Turner : 15/1, 15/11, 15/13 : 3-0 Loss
    No.2) Peter Lewis vs. Nic Coleman: 15/6, 9/15, 15/12, 15/9 : 3-1 Loss
    No.3) Ian McDermott vs. Kevin Cameron : 15/11, 15/10, 15/13 : 3-0 Loss
    No.4) Alex Everingham vs. Douglas Cardiff : 15/9, 15/10, 15/10 : 3-0 Loss
    No.5) Harry Coughlin vs. Al Baird : 16/14, 15/5, 15/6 : 3-0 Loss
    Overall 18-1 Loss
    MOTM – Alex & Nic

  75. September 27, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Wednesday 13th March 2013 – 3rd Team
    Newlands 7 v DLWE 3
    I turned up at Newlands at 7.10 just to watch The Colonel getting thrashed in the knock up, so things were looking grim.
    The Colonel won the toss (always a good tosser is the Colonel) and romped in to a 3-0 lead then the wheels came off big time and lost the game 15-5.
    The next couple of games were slightly better but the Colonel was never in danger of winning a game, his opponent was just far too good.
    The Colonel then went off for a shower watched my match and went to play poker! Obviously his mind was elsewhere. 3-0 loss
    Next up was yours truly against Frank the awkward left hander who serves like happy Gilmour plays golf, a moving serve I think it is called. Before I knew it he was 11-3 up; after giving myself a good shake I managed to get level then even had a game point but lost it 16-18. No problem I thought still time to get it back and so in to the second game, score reversed 11-3 to me, just take it easy don’t rush – 11 – 9, bugger this so closed it out 15-10.
    By this time I realised he did not like lob serves or chasing drop shots (surprisingly a one direction song came in to my head – wonder why?), on to the 3rd game and easy win for me, frustrated Frank swore and threw his racked out the back of the court which woke the Colonel and Neil up who were reclining in the front row watching the game and had to dodge the flying Dunlop racket!
    Fourth game was again a see saw I went up he came back, but in the end I edged it out to give us our only win of the night. 3-1
    Neil was on next against a very thin female student, so no pressure. Neil thrashed in first game, slightly closer in second game, thrashed in third, went home early. 3-0 loss
    Piotrek on next same story. 3-0 loss but he stayed for food.
    David on against Richard, well I think it was Mr Wilson because he was limping about the court and not moving for drop shots doing his best Kevin Reilly impersonation when Kev was in his dark days of weekly injuries.
    Second game was slightly better, but outcome was always favouring the Newlands guy. Third game went much as the first. 3-0 loss
    All in all a damned good thrashing, bit of a wait for the pizzas, some new combo with bits of hotdog or just dog in the crust!
    Season over for another year. The only way is up – well there is always next season 
    David Mazz

  76. September 27, 2013 at 9:36 am

    Wednesday 13th March 2013 – 4th Team
    The Long and Winding Road
    At home for the last game of the season and also the last game for now( we will see) for two of our mighty squad.
    Our opponents were the Wanderers who living up to their name wandered in at various times past 7pm
    First up was myself playing at No 4 . My opponent had been at DLWE since 6pm so was eager to get on . He had even knocked up with Jason before 7pm. The mini lesson with Jason must have helped as I won the first comfortably to 5 . Thereafter I went increasingly into a squash tailspin, of the more points I lost, the more I tried, the more I tried, the more I lashed out, the more I lashed out the more points I lost. Eventually I lost 3-2
    While I was playing Sandro at No 5 was showing me all the composure I lacked by winning rather easily apparently 3-0 , no more talk of the Enigma. His opponents in the mini league are quaking or at least raising a Roger Moore eyebrow.
    Next up was both Joo at three and Donald at two, I only saw a bit of Joo’s game as I was marking Donald’s but against an experienced player he stuck at it and I did hear his opponent moan about the referee’s decisions , always a good sign .He lost the first two won the third and tiring lost the fourth.
    A good effort.
    Meanwhile Donald in what he says is his last game for DLWE (Don’t believe the papers I expect him back in the Autumn) played good squash against a good opponent . Donald hitting long signed off with an excellent 3-0 win
    Last up and the decider was the Champ Kevin , all eyes were on No I court as two tribes go to war blared away ,at least in my head. Kevin looked taut and agile, at least against his opponent Craig who was carrying a few pounds. As usual looks can be deceiving as I found out in a nightclub in Edinburgh one night but that is another story. Kevin won the first and second game, good fight back in the second, then lost the next two as superior fitness told! He then looked to be closing the match at 12-8 up in last but …. Lost. A great match and if this is to be Kevin’s last match for DLWE a good way to sign off.
    The food was the usual Pasta Bake getting a bit boring, but chat was lively . Sandro the ex Enigma was particularly chatty about all his future victories against amongst others his Dad and myself. We shall see . The chat was so good the first team kept on trying to muscle in, obviously their chat on Marxism, Is there a God and do I look good in this was exhausted
    I was so full of a last night exuberance I forgot to copy the scores so only have result
    Kevin Reilly lost 2-3
    Donald McKinnon won 3-0
    Joo Young lost 1-3
    Iain Beveridge lost 2-3
    Sandro Mazzucco won 3-0
    Overall lost 11-12
    A aet that is ani

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