Broadberry Sports

Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 1st Team

1st game of the season! Fabulous! And at Newlands where there were 40 players and a great atmosphere.

Newlands 3rd team were our opponents and first up was our very own Captain Cantlay v John Rae. John had his intimidating Scotland t-shirt on, but Rich must have just though he was just one of the Tartan Army as he tried to start a sing along and buy him a pint!

Richard was obviously still in Tour mode in the 1st game as he lost it. John was volleying well and Rich appeared happy to give him plenty of practice on this shot; the first game came and went. But the 2nd saw a completely different Richard. He started boasting well on the backhand and sending his opponent the wrong way at the front of the court. It was soon all even and if Rich (who naively tried to pull out of the team match on Monday, without success, as I told him a hamstring tear didn’t warrant a good enough excuse on a Monday; or after!) kept to the same plan he was going to start looking more and more in control. He did just that for the next two games and came off the court with a well deserved 3-1 victory at No.3 (hamstring tear my ass!).

Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) on at No.5 against Andrew Morris. Great performance this week from Ben with a solid performance. He dominated the match from start to finish with a good length that was struck crisply. He followed this up with some tricky front court play and Andrew was always on the back foot. Great to watch and I look forward to seeing him improve every week and maybe challenge his way up the team (if he’d only stop over stretching. I wince every time he goes into another injury inducing splits).

David Craig was on next at No.4 and what a tussle this turned out to be. He was against David ‘the glove’ Simpson and was having a torrid time of it in the 1st game. He lost this one, but if he could slow it down and get a better length he would be in with a great shout. Richard and I were stunned to see David use a drop shot in the 1st game, as Richard said he’d never seen Dave get the drop-shot out before November. “He may regret using that up, by the business end of the season.” remarked Rich.

Well needless to say it went to 5 (I have a suspicion I may be saying this a lot with David!) AND David coming back from 9-14 to win the 4th game (?!?!?!).

The crowd were enthralled and David C was giving it everything. Unfortunately David ‘the glove’ hit a purple patch in the middle of the 5th game and took a big lead at around 12-9. David fought back and even had a match ball…………..with the whole front wall to aim at………………all 15 feet of it…………except the 19 inch tin bit. Guess what he hit!

After that it just wasn’t to be and Newlands Dave piped our own David Lloyd David 3-2 (still a good 2 points though). MOTM to their David I’d say.

Sean (Norris) went on next against the fastest man in the world. It was like watching Usain Bolt on steroids. Still just as well this Usain (Brendan) was quite inexperienced as in a few years he’ll be a very good player. Sean was getting a little frustrated in the 1st and kept pumpin’ the ball to the back, but as soon as he opened up the court, playing drops to the front left especially, he began to take control. It was a good performance by Sean who could have easily got drawn into a hit-a-thon, but kept the pressure on Brendan to win 3-0

I was on last against Mic Cockburn (you do pronounce the ‘C’ ‘K’!) who is a superb player (thanks for the bribe Erdingers Mic!). He has recently returned from Oz where his game has obviously benefited from picking up heart, courage and a brain (all he needs is the ruby squash shoes now!). He was playing some great shots tonight from all over the court; volleying my backhand cross-court away, the big booming forehand and some good tight drops. However I was also playing well and I thought I volleyed particularly well on the backhand to keep the pressure on throughout the game. We were very close in all 3 games up to around 10 points (in fact I was down in 2 games), but I seemed to get a good run around this time to take each game (it’s a long way up to 15 isn’t it!) but I had to straighten up my game and concentrate to do it. Still I sneaked home 3-0 and was glad to cross the finishing line.

Pizza for dinner and there was actually some left when I got there (must be coz it was veggie!). All washed down with the aforementioned Erdinger. Altogether it was another great Wednesday night and some good chat to boot (except from Sean! Who tried to nick my pizza – unsuccessfully!). A nice bunch the Newlands 3 lads and I look forward to the return (where Mic owes me a lift home!).

Wednesday 26th September 2012 – 3rd Team Hi Guys my turn now. I promised to write a report from battle, but it wasn’t even a skirmish.

Piotrek

Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 1st Team
A trip to Houston tonight and a match up v Strathgryffe 2 – and when I saw Lee Frazer and Garry McIlree at 1 & 2 I thought the 1st team must be strong (and surely that also meant that Ross Lawrie would be playing at 3 in the 2nd team!).

I arrived late (I was trying a new route via Foxbar and got hopelessly lost) so missed the No.5 string match. The two youngsters, Ben (Mazzucco) and Alex Ward were battling it out and Ben managed to bring the match home 3-0 for us; but not before a really tough 18-16 first game. All who watched told me that both players played really well.

Next on at No.4 was big Davie (Craig) v Colin Stewart. What a start Colin got, racing to 5-0 and 6-1 with some quick play and tricky shots. But Dave must have got his fishing rod out as he began reeling Colin in, inch by inch. By the time it was 10-10 the momentum was with Dave and he won the 1st 15-11. He must have been pretty pleased with his performance coz he took the foot off the gas in the 2nd and so was staring down the barrel at 12-14. Colin was tenacious in getting to 14, but Dave was like the proverbial “dog chasing a stick” at this point. He was flying all over the court and managed to keep himself in it through sheer force of will. Dave eventually sneaked it 16-14. The final game was much more comfortable as Colin tired and David took control with some much straighter play to win 15-5 and take the match 3-0.

Captain Cantlay squeezed onto the court next to take on David Archibald at No.3. Dave was catching Rich time after time with his backhand boast and straight drops and Rich was spinning like a top up to 6-3. But at that point he got into the game and started to launch a comeback with 5 points in a row, then Dave got the next 4 on the trot, Rich the next 3 and Dave the following 2. It was soon 14-14 and just at the right time for us Rich managed to clinch the last two points to win 16-14.
Rich would need to get his match head on or this was going to be a real tough one. Fortunately he did exactly that and took command of the game (and in-so-doing the match as well) winning it 15-11 (although he was 14-7 up!). He then routed the last game and at 11-0 down I was wondering where David was going to get a point. Just then Rich attempted a drop and there it was. None the less a good 3-0 win to the team.

Sean (Norris) was up next against Garry McIlree at No.2 and this was a spicy one. It was tight all the way through the match and fiercely contested. Sean managed to sneak the 1st as both players were scrambling about for the ball and position. Inevitably this lead to a few incidents for the marker to call in the 2nd and 3rd games; Garry felt much more aggrieved with the decisions as he came back from 11-5 down to 11-12. Sean was trying to finish things too quickly and Garry had tightened up his shots. Fortunately for us Sean regained his composure just in time and won the 2nd 15-12. The 3rd again had the ref reaching for the rule book on more than one occasion, but with a 9-3 lead Sean was going to be difficult to catch. And so it proved as he eventually won 15-7 to take the match 3-0.

I went on v Lee Frazer last at No.1 and this week I was very glad that the games all went up to 15 (instead of 11) otherwise I fear I may have got chopped! Lee has got some wrist on him and it’s very difficult to read what the next shot is going to be. Probably the best thing is to expect a standard shot and then just run in the opposite direction!
At 11-6 down in the 1st I knew something had to change and fortunately it did as I pulled it back to 14-13 by tightening up at the back. Lee played some ridiculous shot to pull it back into a tie break, but fortunately I managed to just sneak home 16-14. The 2nd and 3rd games saw Lee start to play another ridiculously wristy shot. It was a cross-court drop from his forehand to mine (he’s a lefty) and normally they were too tight or in the nic at the front. He played this so much you would have thought I’d start getting them, but it was 15-10 to Lee in the 2nd and 8-4 in the 3rd before I was making any progress with this one. I managed to get the 3rd back to 12-12 and then went on to win it 15-13, but only because Lee was tiring. So keep the pressure on for the 4th and my mantra was “just make him play another shot”. I think it worked as I won the game 15-9 (at 8-8 I got the next 6 points in a row) and the match 3-1.

In the bar after we all wondered why Richard’s tuby grip, which was on his ham-string last week, was only on his calf this week. Lee surmised that it was a new support and it wouldn’t stretch past the knee! Pizza and Houston Ale rounded up another good Wednesday night out.

I’m off to the Edinburgh Octoberfest Squash Tourney this weekend for some serious training! And by training I mean beer!!

Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – 3rd Team
First up for the 3rds v (Strathgryffe 4) was the much awaited return of Iain Irvine to team squash at no.4. I think Iain (as Steve Elms in the seconds) made the mistake of agreeing with Jason to be an emergency reserve only for the call to come within a matter of hours that they were in. Iain, keen to return to the fray, arrived on time for the match and then wondered where everyone was. The opposition slowly began to turn up and Iain commandeered the show court and was a class above his opponent. Cruising through the first 15-4 just pushing the ball around never a shot hit in anger. The second was a tighter affair with his opponent Ben moving better but Iain had always enough command and he won 15-10 and then resumed total control by winning the last 15-6.

Next up Peter who had the unenviable task of playing 12 year old Mathew who appeared half Peter’s size and a quarter of his weight. Peter welcomed Mathew to the big leagues by drilling a full blooded drive into him early in the match. Mathew was not for calling Childline and did not flinch. Mathew was very well coached and had some beautiful shots including a well-disguised backhand boast. This was a very close affair Peter won the first narrowly 17-15 and the second 15-12. But young Mathew did not crack and he came back to win the next two 11-15 and 12-15. All down to the 5th. Peter managed to prevail with some over the top Ryder cup hollering and fist pumping when a shot hit the nick and the return of some well-loved Polish swear words and scraped through 15-12 in the 5th.

Andrew Alebi followed Iain on Court No.1 – Andrews movement around the court and the ability to keep returning just one more ball helped him win the first and second games fairly comfortably 15-9, 15-6. His opponent tightened up a bit in the 3rd and Andrew started hitting a lot of half court balls. Andrew lost this one 9-15 but started hitting a better length to win the forth 15-10 for a good 3-1 win.

With still none of the 2nd team able to put a match on the shared middle court (Kev C take note) our David Wilson went on against Steve Archibald. Steve was looking very different from his Barcelona/ Aberdeen days(one for the younger readers) and was no match for the experience of Dave who ran out a 3-1 winner in 4 close games – I am afraid I didn’t see this one as I was getting battered on the other court.

Last up me on Court No.1 and playing an awkward left handed opponent called Peter. (Described as Doug Cardiff’s big brother by Kevin R but I think this was more to do with his willingness to question a decision as he far exceeded the slimline Mr Cardiff in the weight stakes) Anyway tight match – lost the first 15-13 but won the second by the same score. 14-10 up in the 3rd when it tried to go for a ridiculous series of winners and managed to lose this 16-14. Pity because if I got that it would have saved me some pain later. Won the 4th 15-12 – all down to the last. Started really badly 7-1 down started to claw my way back but at 11-7 down after an exchange at the front I got hit by his follow through in the mouth. Could instantly feel my lip being split open and my teeth being rearranged and decided straight away with blood coming from my lip to concede the match. Turns out the was probably a bit of an over-reaction as it wasn’t as bad as first feared (just ruined my good looks). Could have done with a straw though to drink my beer.

Anyway good 17-7 win to follow up last weeks win with everyone maintaining their 100% record (everyone winning their matches and me losing my matches).

Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 1st Team
My DLWE home debut tonight and Giffnock 3 came calling.

Ben (Mazzucco) was first on court again this week at No.5 and he demolished his opponent. The first two games weren’t even close, but inevitably a lack of concentration in the 3rd meant he had to scramble his was across the 3-0 winning line, with slides and desperate lunges; thankfully no splits and so no injuries caused. However cross the finishing line he did and I (of course) put the 3-0 win down fully to the new Harrow Syncro rackets he used tonight! I think he played Ewan Wallace, but it’s difficult to tell as I never saw Ewan after that. Good performance Ben!

Next up was Captain Cantlay & David (Craig) going on at the same time and I marked David’s game at No.4 against Mark Lesley. David’s warm up consisted of holding a Costa Coffee takeaway cup. An empty one?!?!? This may have had something to do with the fact that he looked like a plank of wood in the 1st game.

To read more click on ‘read more’ below –

Mark was immediately on the pace and David was bending and stretching about the court like he’d just fallen out of bed, so no massive surprise to report that he lost the 1st game. Still he needed to get a better length as well and his retrieval shots needed to go deeper. The 2nd saw him come out of the traps like a cheetah and took a great lead and although Mark came back at him it was enough of a lead to take the game. Again length was the crucial factor to taking hold of the game and David was starting to get to grips with this he won the 3rd and was about 10-2 up in the 4th. Mark made a great comeback at this point and at one point it was 12-11. However David realised, just in the nic of time, that if he didn’t get the ball to the back before attacking it was going to go to a 5th game. So he dug deep and did exactly that to win the match 3-1.

Rich was on the other court at No.3 against Stuart Pitt. He was telling us this was a warm up for his 6 day Tartan Army trip and if this match was a game of football it was a real game of 2 halves – and fortunately I missed the first half! Richard was getting tanked in the 1st and I heard that the advise was to keep it off Stuart’s volley, but the second also went to Stuart although it was much tighter. The 3rd saw a bit of a transformation with Richard getting well ahead early on and then keeping the match pressure on to take that game. I started watching during the 4th game and it looked like a great battle Rich was concentrating really well and was prepared to keep the rally going for as long as it took; Stuart was retrieving like the rubber-man from Marvels ‘Fantastic Four’ comic. Some of the stretching was great to watch and it reminded me of when I was 16 and could do the same (actually that’s a lie – I could never do that! And I was never 16 either!?!). Anyway concentration won over elasticity and so to the 5th! It was more of the same in the 5th – Rich got a great start and Stuart was tiring. Volleying (a bit) also helped Richard take the 5th and so a great comeback at a 3-2 win.

Sean (Norris) went on next against Noel Woods at No.2. This was never going to be a long game as Noel is all about finishing the rally of in as few shots as possible. So the question tonight was ‘Could Sean stay in the rally long enough for Noel to go for too much and make a mistake or could Noel hit a blinding winner?’

The games were all tight, but Sean didn’t let Noel get into a dangerous position. He always made sure he was ahead at the crucial times and so although the scores were close Sean managed to win 3-0.

I was on last against Caron Lawrie at No.1. Now Caron has been capped for Scotland in the past so you take her lightly at your peril. She put the 1st two rallies away easily and if this wasn’t warning enough then her dangerous serves and great volleys had me nervous (not to mention her off-putting uniform!). So I had to use a few of my own physical attributes to counter the onslaught; unfortunately being tall was all I had, fortunately ‘reach’ isn’t a bad thing at squash. So I reached forward to scrape shots back, reached up to counter her lobs and kept her off the ‘T’ by volleying and keeping her to the back. All this and a good old boom to the back and I was generally in charge of the match. I won the tie 3-0 and was relieved that it didn’t come down to a game of skill – as I would have lost!

MOTM for us Rich and for them I’d say Stu.

So another good win for the team and just when I thought I’d got away from baked potatoes every week guess what was for dinner! Still I did go to the pub for a pint after the entertainment. with Si from the 4ths for more banter! Noel said he was going home to drink a bottle of Jack (presumably to expunge the memory of losing to Sean!! Fair enough I’d say!)

Wednesday 10th October 2012 – 3rd Team
Apparently its written in small print in my terms and conditions that I have to write a match report even although our match away to Largs was cancelled.

This is already proving a great season for me in that I was also selected to play away at Townend and that was cancelled as well so I am missing the joys of deepest Ayrshire on a Wednesday night.

Anyway with a 3rd consecutive team win and personally a first win under my belt (of course I am claiming it) thought I would go and check out the teams playing at home. Immediately devastated to discover no draft beer on tap. I had to do a quick mental calculation of how many little bottles of Moretti at £3 a go my £10 would stretch to.

Enjoyed watching the first team – Ben was devastating but will never last a season sliding around like that. Watched David Craig and Richard Cantly squeeze every penny of value out of their membership by playing for as long as possible. Good to see Sean show them how it should be done and left because I was not sure if Jason could cope if he lost (again) to a girl. Yes it has happened – ask him.

Gave some good advice to Donald in the 4ths after narrowly losing the first and watched him score just one point in the second. Was there when Kevin R’s movement was compared to the boy band One Direction. Watched Neil and Mazz handle the girls and Simon win the battle of the DLWE members.

What Wednesday nights are all about; beer, a win at the squash without any of this running about nonsense and no injuries.

Wednesday 24th October 2012 – 1st Team
Once again my late arrival meant that I missed Ben’s match (poor commitment I know!). Richard said Ben played well and won 3-0, as did Sean. Also Western’s No.1 (Steve) said he was a great No.5 to have and his opponent said he was too strong, so when I asked Ben how he played I was thinking he’d be full of himself. Instead all I got was “I was rubbish”. “Well,” I said “I hope play rubbish and win 3-0 like you!” (I didn’t though I was fabulous!…….. In my own lunchtime!!). So a good 15-10 15-5 17-15 to kick the evening off against John Millar at No.5 (Ben spent the rest of the evening texting).

I did see Captain Cantlay’s match though and he was playing a blinder. 15-9 in the 1st was followed by a great come back from 6-12 down to win a lung-busting 2nd game 15-13. “Hit straight,” was the advise “and even when you get tired of hitting straight and think that he (Hamish Foster their No.3) must be covering the straight he isn’t; so hit more straight.” Unfortunately Rich was of the opinion that Hamish would get bored of volleying his cross court drives away and so he didn’t change until 10-6 down in the 3rd (despite Sean and I telling him between every game). But digging deep Captain C straightened up and 6-10 down was soon 12-10 up. Enough of the tactics for Rich and just boom it any old place. Fortunately at 15-15 Rich found couple of good boasts to take the game 17-15 and the match 3-0 (MOTM to Captain Cantlay for sheer effort; and for winning the game without the use of a drop shot!).

After last week’s comical warm up David Craig had obviously learned nothing from that experience, as this week’s warm up involved wearing his scarf!?! Still at least he had to stand up to watch the previous game, so he did get moving in the 1st (at No.4, against Paul Whitely). Paul must enjoy fishing when home in the Yorkshire Dales, as he turned up with his fishing-racket. He proceed to try and use it a couple of times fishing for ridiculous strokes, which I’d only previously seen from Sean and McSherry (and me!). He didn’t get them as I was marking – it was entertaining chat though! Paul did get 3 tough games however; the first was anyone’s and Dave sneaked it 18-16. The 2nd and 3rd followed similar patterns with Paul hitting all the shots and Dave chasing around after them up to 9ish, after that Dave dominated and Paul tired. David won the next two games 15-10 15-11 and took the match 3-0 (and the bonus points).

During David and Sean’s games we had the fascinating sight of Rich and Ben texting each other from opposite ends of the balcony (youngsters today eh!).

Next up at No.2 was Sean (Norris) v Borja Alcalde; a great name and a great game from Borja. The word idiosyncratic was invented for him on a squash court and at 5-7 down Sean was having trouble working out what was going on. Borja has invented a bizarre ‘backhand/forehand drop’ and an amazing drop from the back with the racket moving at 100mph; all very entertaining to watch. Sean came back fighting to win the 1st game 15-10.

I told Sean something I thought I’d never say to him! It was that he was the squash player on the court and he needed to dominate the ‘T’ (normally I’m saying stop running around like a crazy person!). The marker (Hamish) was having a hard time of it as well, as both players kept asking him to justify his decisions (the best one being when he gave an A4 response to ‘a let’ that was obviously ‘a let’ and he explained all the rules of ‘a let’!). Borja poured everything into the 2nd game and 12-9 up he was going to be difficult to stop. Very difficult as it turns out as he won the game 16-14. I would say “Too little too late.” to Sean, but “Too little” is enough!

Fortunately Borja was tiring quickly and Sean ramped up the pressure physically. Borja was spent and 15-5 15-4 followed quickly for Sean to take the match 3-1 (MOTM to the Spanish bull though for a thoroughly entertaining game).

I went on last against Steve Luker at No.1 and we had a good old tussle in the 1st game. I was a bit lose and Steve was volleying well at 5-5. However I managed to take away his volley after that and this was the turning point in the match. I dominated the rest of the 1st game and won it 15-8. Ben was busy texting whilst marking our game (I know I move slowly, but I didn’t think it was that slowly!). I really took charge in the 2nd game and at 7-0 up I wondered if I could possible had out a doughnut in a game to 15! ‘No’ was the answer, but it was close! Paul (H) the roving reporter had seen enough of my silky skills and went to continue his report of the other match as I won the 3rd game to wrap up the match 3-0.

A Chinese meal for dinner and Deuchars at the bar, whilst listening to Ben slagging Sean for everything from his shirt to his weight (serves Sean right for nicking half my meal!).

Wednesday 24th October 2012 – 3rd Team
Driving towards the club last night I was predicting a 15 – 7 defeat for the Team formerly known as the Colonel’s Carnivores. I was feeling quite content with the fact that there existed no more the burden of Captaincy. And I was embracing the new mind-set that (as the Colonel’s squash is in a committed and inexorable decline) the result didn’t matter. Just go on court and enjoy the run-around.

First on court I was at No 4, and I should have known better. In the gladiator’s arena, the switch is turned on, and it was every bit as frenetic as in the previous stressful past. Felt unusually and unexpectedly spritely (!), injury free too, and managed a 3-1 win versus Dave Claxton.

At No 3 Andrew Alabi played I think Tim Ross, and close contest, but after winning 1st game, ended up going down 3-1. Could have gone differently if Andrew had edged another early game. Improvement in his squash though.

At No 2 David Wilson (Health & Safety specialist) was on against Veteran Whisky man Fred Laing. Never seen 2 players get about court so intensively without using their knees. They could shuffle about pretty well making light of the almost complete seizure of those all important shock absorbers – Fred especially. David had the edge and went 2-1 up but midway through the 4th game, he bonked / hit the wall / ran out of steam he was cooked / knackered. We could all see it. A slight resurgence in the 5th, but there was more chance of Europe fighting back to retain Ryder Cup. And he went down 3-2.
Afterwards David disagreed and said he had a problem with his thigh muscle which caused his switching off (but that problem went away for the early part of the 5th).

At No 5 Piotr the PoleDancer was back against one of the McClures, Ross I think. Ross hit the ball very hard, Piotr competed well, but faded to a 3-1 defeat. No Koorvar expletives – is this the new Piotr. A couple of times latterly and crucially the opponents balls seemed down beneath the tin, but all parties including the marker seemed to deem them points won by the opponent. I mentioned this to Piotrek after, and he agreed they seemed down, but was waiting for the marker to make that call. A bit more contesting next time Piotr, as the match was close, and these decisions might have influenced the result.

At No 1 Alastair the Bairdster against another McClure, no relation. I observed that Alastair was looking leaner and fitter, perhaps having shed half a stone. His tee shirt looked loose and baggy, or was it just too big. David Wilson disagreed that Alastair had lost any weight. By way of explanation he stated that he attends most Thursday nights and is on court with Alastair. What’s that got to do with the price of Pish? Anyway Alastair managed to lose 3-0, but was up against their best player. I didn’t see all the game, because I was marking a 2nd team game – when it was time for one of them to step up to the marking plate, they had showers to take, or lipstick to put on prior to the impending lasagne supper.

Indeed over the said lasagne we remarked that it was unusual for there to be only 2 McClures in the Whitecraigs side. From there we started reminiscing (me and Bairdster) particularly about that 1960’s TV western featuring Doug McClure as Trampas and James Drury as The Virginian (249 episodes each).

So I was right – a 15 – 7 defeat.

See link below …

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055710/

Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 2nd Team
Bad start to the evening when I tried to access the address of Wishaw Squash Club on the west-squash website – http://west-squash.org/clubs/ Bad- the link is/was broken (depending on whether they get their finger out any time soon fix and/or whether you read this tonight or tomorrow) and the output is something that I’m used to seeing at work:

findRecords(‘name ASC’, 30); echo $Record->getPagination(); echo $Record->showTemplate(‘club_list’); ?>

…anyway techie chat aside, I was hoping and praying it wasn’t the place that I grew up playing badminton in when I was younger, Wishaw sports centre, but I soon found out that it in fact was! Doesn’t actually look as bad now on the inside, and the M74 certainly makes it seem closer to civilisation.

When I turned up Donald was on one of the two saunas…I mean courts…and from what I’ve seen, briefly, he seemed to be playing well. I had to go and get changed as my opponent was on the other court waiting. Donald narrowly lost the first 15/13, but bounced back in the second to take it 11/15, he then again narrowly lost the next 15/13 (again) I caught the 4th game which looked out of sight when his opponent (Paul) was up 14-9 on match point…Donald then impressively started to claw it back and thru some clever serve variety managed to get it back to 14-13, it was almost a superb comeback but Paul just managed to nick a point in time at 15/13 (yes again) and it is just as well he did a it looked like Donald could have turned this around if he’d have got it back to 14-14. Unlucky in the end, but this is the first time I’ve seen Donald play so great to have someone of his quality in the teams.

At the same time I was playing a guy called Mark, a runner much like myself. He tried to hit the ball too hard, much like myself, and was a bit of a headless chicken, much like myself! So it made for an unskillful yet competitive game. Two things occurred to me during the warm up 1.) I wouldn’t be able to rely on dropshots getting me out of trouble as it was bl00dy roasting! and 2.) I now have a new least favourite away venue…sorry Bowfield it was nice while it lasted.

Whilst I acclimatised to the conditions I found myself 6-3 down before I started to take a bit of pace off the ball. I managed to find my feet just in time and brought it back to 8-8 and then kick on to win the first 15/10. At the break I went outside for a cool down then back into the furnace. Same again, 8-1 down this time before I got used to the heat, but after shouting at myself a few times and hitting my racquet off the wall (I will need a new Harrow racket soon Jase!) I pegged it back again…bit closer this time, but I won 15/13. 3rd game was a bit more comfortable and I won that one 15/10.

Sara was up next, although I was marking Steve Elms game and never saw much of her match, I fear she had a similar issue with the heat but unfortunately was up against a better opponent (Norman). The first was close with Norman winning 15/13, but it seemed to go down hill in the next two 15/9 & 15/4 – Can’t say for sure what went wrong but I do think the conditions must have played a part.

Next up was Steve against a guy called Kieran. Seemed a good match up at the start but Kieran kept asking for lets when he was nowhere near the ball – He took offence at one point in the first game when I said he wasn’t going to get to the ball before it had bounced twice and from that point onwards I was quietly urging Steve to give him a hammering! That he did 15/12, 15/11 & 15/9 – Steve looked too good for him but it was a hard fought match.

So it was all on Dave R in the final match to take the points home…unfortunately i had to shoot off (poor form I know) and when I left Dave’s opponent (Peter) hadn’t even turned up! Not sure what time he arrived, but his stalling tactics obviously worked as Dave never managed to get into the game and ended up losing 3-0 (sorry don’t know any more than that).

So 4 x 3-0s (I think there was a 5th one on the southside of Glasgow in the Scottish league cup, but don’t want to upset anyone so I won’t mention that one) and one 3-1 meant that we lost overall 12-7. We will bounce back but a fittingly “horror show” result for Haloweeen! (boom boom)

Nite Nite.

Summary

1.) Peter Shivas vs Dave Ritchie 3-0 (?, ?, ?)
2.) Norman Paterson vs Sara McDonald 3-0 (15/13, 15/9, 15/4)
3.) Paul Eley vs Donald McDonald 3-1 (15/13, 11/15, 15/13, 15/13)
4.) Mark Howells vs. Kevin Cameron 0-3 (15/10, 15/13, 15/10)
5.) Kieran watters vs. Steve Elms 0-3 (12/15, 11/15, 9/15)

Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 4th Team
Think it is probably best to do the reporting in reverse order as there was three fantastic performances from our team tonight with Sandro Mazzucco, Iain Beveridge and Kevin Reilly rightfully victorious. Dave Maz and I could only add some morale support as I was in the words of Mr Reilly, “Feckin Pesh and should chuck it!” Point taken well made.

Anyway onwards and upwards

Game 5 Sandro the Slayer Mazzucco vs John the builders hairy arse Kennedy, this was a great result from Sandro who fought back from 2-1 to win 3-2 playing some of the best squash we have seen him playing, once he realised if he kept varying his shots from drops to drives John was not at the races. Well done Sandro. Man of the match for Sandro and John for their efforts.

Game 4 Iain Beveridge vs Mark Sherret who was actually George Dawers without the drum kit! This was a hard fought victory for Iain who played really well throughout the match and managed to close this one out 3 -1, think he took some inspiration from Sandro’s result.

Game 3 Kevin “One Direction” Reilly (Who was actually witnessed going backwards, forwards and side to side!) vs Andy Duff who ran around like a man possesed. After Kevin’s lengthy warm up which included more stretches than would be witnessed at an oaps beauty contest.

Game 2 David Mazzucco vs Roddy Grindlay, 3-0 less said the better

Game 1 Donal MacKinnon vs David Tenant, 3-0, think i got stuck in the tardis, enough said.

Overall Score 12-11 which was a great result and just reward for those who played so well.

Well done and good luck next week.

Donald

————————————————————————-
My version of the same report!
Wednesday 31st October 2012 – 4th Team
4th team match report v SSRC home (if no one else is doing it….Dave….Kev….!!).

@ No.1 Donald McK – if it wasn’t for Donald the whole team would have had to play 1 place higher and would have got gubbed. No.1 is a tough position to play in any team (as all the No.1s found out last night – sometimes you even come up against the club coach). Donald was on first and lost 3-0, but is clearly still on the way back from the cold he was suffering from. But he’s a stalwart and a real team player for turning out through thick and thin (well thick and something!). Donald we salute you and all the other No.1s last night as well!

@ No.2 David Mazz – Dave (on last) had obviously been out guising so was late. He was playing a good player in John Thistle. Same as Donald though for all other points and stalwarted-ness.

@ No.3 Kev R – Kev has been around for a million years and so knows how to win matches at No.3. Classic 3-2 and probably had his opponent reaching for a noose! (also has to be congratulated for going on 2nd and stalling the game for long enough for the No.2, 4 and 5 to arrive late!).

@ No.4 Iain B – Wonderful performance. Iain was 1 game down, but came back to win his first ever West Team match 3-2. What a performance, what a night for the youngster. MOTM for Iain and as he went on 4th , he also brought home the winning bonus points for the team as well!

@ No.5 Sandro – First outing of the season (on 3rd) for Sandro and what an outing it was with a 3-2 win. “Well played.” I said “Thanks, but I was rubbish!” was the reply reminding me of his brother’s comments last week. Great ability that the Mazzucco lads have to play ‘rubbish’ and win! Still Sandro went back on court for another 40mins practice after the match as well! Now that’s dedication. Would have undoubtedly got joint MOTM with Iain if he hadn’t told me he was rubbish! In fact scrub that – he is joint MOTM as I’ve just heard that this is his very own 1st West League win as well. Two players on one night amazing stat. Congrats Sandro – brilliant rubbish!

Team win – well played all.

Play as a team win as a team!

Wednesday 7th November 2012 – 2nd Team
I felt sorry for those that had to endure some peshy football game in East Glasgow, instead of coming to Largs. Although it was dark, Bairdster and I had a lovely drive though Kilbirnie and along the higher terrain. We saw a badger, then a fox, and later another fox. Further along an owl flew across in front of us. Bairdster said tawny owl, but i knew it was barn owl.

There was an exotic international feel to the 3rd team (sorry 2nd team) tonight. Piotrek is very Polish, and Andrew Alabi (emphasis on 2nd syllable – alAAAbi) won’t mind me mentioning his West African roots. Jason from the windswept wilds of Geordie-land and me … Devon born, Devon Bred, Strong in the Arm, Sh*te in Bed. Only the Bairdhound homegrown.

As we came into the picturesque fishing and sea port of Largs circa 7.15 we ventured who would be last to arrive, and find the Inverclyde Sports Centre. To our astonishment the Pole Dancer was already warming up and about to start!

We lost 18-2, with only Jason sparing the teams blushes. His final game went to 14-14, then the lights went out. In the 5 minutes it took them to turn the lights back on Jason stiffened up, and the game went away from him. Different class though to the rest of us, with a portfolio of shots one can only dream of. Like last week we all came close in games, but weren’t able to convert.

Saw the last 10 minutes of the amazing Celtic / Barca game with curry, rice and Guinness.

Wednesday 14th November 2012 – 1st Team
I arrived (almost) on time this week, however due to an early start Ben had already played! Once again he’d won 3-0 and not only that, but the challenge is also now in against Dave Craig for his team spot – this Monday – high noon! Well 5pm anyway! Ben played well (according to him) and if you look at the results on the web-site Ben seems to have gained an inflated ego, as he’s given himself MOTM every time he puts the scores in! However he was sitting with an ice pack on his leg when I arrived so he must have been pushed around the court a bit.

Our captain, Rich C, was on next v Roger Dunlop at No.3 and it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that Roger is a marathon runner. He ran everything down and kept going and going – in fact it would be fair to say that Roger Dunlop (warning, rubbish pun approaching) never got two tyred! Sorry! Rich was in charge of the 1st game, but Roger came right back at him in the 2nd game winning on a 14-16 tie break. In a single match I’d never seen so many back wall boasts in my life ** Roger must stand miles up the court to have to hit this shot so much; all this exertion must have made a difference in the 3rd and 4th as Rich seemed more in control and won them to 9 & 8 thus winning the tie 3-1.

Next up was Big David (Craig) at No.4 against Jim Kenny. Jim was rubbish in the 1st and got tanked 15-9 (9 was flattering) so I settled down for a 3-0 gubbing, however Jim then woke up and Dave did the opposite. I was marking and had to do a bit of investigating in the 2nd as the ball hit one of the players and no-one was admitting to it!
“I know what you’re saying about him not getting the next shot, but did the ball hit you?” I asked three times and when I eventually got a sheepish “Yes” back it was stoke to Davie and on we went.
Great 2nd though and at game ball to Jim 12-14, Davie got into full retrieval mode to peg him back and take the game 17-15. Jim was getting better and better as the game went on and he was now using his backhand drop to great effect. Again he got to 14 first (9-14) again Davie started a great comeback (12-14) but just then a magnificent/fabulous/marvellous/lucky/jammy over-head volley nic won Jim the game. David managed to rescue the momentum in the 4th and ended up winning the game 15-8 and the match 3-1, but it was a good contest (however where was Captain C to support, surely a shower can’t take that long??!!).

Sean (Norris) went on next v Phil McKie and at 11-1 up it was difficult to see how Phil was going to get into the match. Although he lost the 1st, Phil came back to a respectable 15-6, but the next two games followed a similar pattern and Sean was just too strong for Phil winning 3-0 (still no sign of our captain).

I went on last against John Robertson at No.1 and was trying to get my movement smoother than normal. With a few people watching me I was very pleased that this worked to a large extent and I took the 1st game 15-6 and the 2nd 15-9 (I say a few people but no sign of captain Rich) . However John was getting better and better as the game went on and the 3rd was much closer or maybe I was getting too obvious! There were some great scrappy rallies and John was winning most of them, but fortunately I managed to keep the movement strong enough to sneak the 3rd 15-12.

I was amazed to see Captain C at the meal table later and when I asked him what the final match score was, he replied 2-1 to Scotland. Aaaaaaah this explained where he was all night! One of the Townend team wasn’t remotely interested in the friendly football results – right up until he heard that England lost 4-2! Then you couldn’t shut him up!
There was some good scran after the match and the lads looked very jealously at the quantity of food I had for my veggie meal, until Ben pointed out that the dish (of beans, peas and the odd current) looked like someone had taken the contents of a rabbits cage and put it on a plate; then everyone just laughed. The rest of the team tucked into chilli and Big Dave had at least three plates full (!) which must have weighed more than Sean. And certainly the chilli’s jokes were considerably better than Sean’s.

** except for Barry Sutherland who used to play back wall boasts for a laugh from all over the court. This also included right at the front of the court (which isn’t an easy or safe thing to do! But is very funny and therefore OK, but only if you’re Barry!).

Wednesday 14th November 2012 – 3rd Team
New territory for me tonight – writing match report for the 3rd team. Glad to say the outcome is bit better than I’ve been used to, with the 2nd team

Turned up at Western to find out that – surprise surprise – Western had three home teams and three courts…it was gonna be another long one!

At No.3 Piotrek was already on court and our paths crossed as he was coming off court from his third game and i was heading up the stairs – “Any Advices!?” was the shout that followed me up the stairs.

Apparently I missed an absolute belter of an opening game where Piotrek was 14-8 down to his opponent (Ross) and came back to win 16-14 – gutted I missed that but Andrew, Iain & Dave filled me in. He narrowly lost the second 15/13 but managed to edge ahead in the 3rd to win15/12. The fourth game I did see and it was an entertaining affair – Piotrek asked for a stone wall stroke at one point yet to everyone’s amazement was only awarded at Let and then the very next point the exact situation happened again to which Piotrek proclaimed “I suppose that is a let as well” – not this time – 2 identical Lets = a Stroke in this marker’s book, or perhaps he realised he got it wrong the first time. Piotrek closed out the match winning 15/12 in the fourth and looked to be playing some nice stuff from what I seen – keeping the ball at the back of the court. Good start.

Next up was Iain at No. 5. In the first game Iain was running about like a blue ar5ed fly bouncing off all four walls (yup I know – pot, kettle, black…) and couldn’t really get the better of Andrew (his opponent), he went down 15/9. He must have been watching/learning from Piotrek earlier as he had a very impressive comeback to win 16/14 in the 2nd. At this stage he was not getting the ball to the back of the court enough and serving too many out, but his sheer determination got him thru this one. Some wise words from Mazzucco at the break got him on track in the 3rd though and he really started to turn the screw winning the next 15/11.

Going into the last Iain was getting his length right and only serving out once every 3 points however he loves his “Uncle Bill” Style, reverse boasts, even when it means it is going straight back to his opponent. However regardless of that, he just was too good for his opponent as the match went on and he comfortably closed out the 4th 15/7. A great 3-1 win for Iain who looks very comfortable with his Wednesday Squash and has clearly learned a lot since the start of the season.

Next up on the court where time stands still, was Dave Mazzucco against another Dave (Cooke) – Was the battle of the baldy Daves – sorry Dave (& Dave). He seemed up for the match and in the warm-up looked sharp(ish) but not sure what happened in the match it’s self – just couldn’t get his touch right and was struggling to control the point. I’ve seen Dave beat better players with ease in the past so can only put it down to the fact he was waiting off court for so long for his match to start. Unfortunately went down 15/9, 15/4, 15/8. He’ll be back.

On at No.2 was Andrew. I marked this one, and wish I hadn’t. First of all the warm up went on for so long I was able to go and get changed, come back and still have to ask them to make a start. Once they eventually started we seen why his opponent (Michael) was playing so high up – he was rapid! Although playing some dangerous shots when he should have been asking for a let and swinging for the ball missing then asking for a let – “eh, noooo I’m afraid” Despite the crazy calls and some tough decisions from me (which were mostly wrong in hindsight!) Michael won the first 15/8. Andrew then got into gear and started to match Michael’s running about the court – yup that’s right! He was doing great and won the next two 15/10 & 15/12 respectively, however that came at a cost – he fought hard in the 4th but just didn’t have enough left in the tank and went down 15/9. By that point Andrew was spent and the last one he faded. Two good points though but alas a 3-2 defeat.

So at 2-2 a piece and 3 hours later I couldn’t really be ar5ed going on court…but I changed the batteries and headed on down the stairs. A quick warm-up with Neil Craig, as we were both starving and I could hear the duck and plum sauce Chinese being ordered in the background. Not my best performance but the guy I was playing was about 6 ft 5 (although everyone seems 6ft 5 to me) so i tried to keep him to front of the court as he wasn’t keen on leaning down that far…managed to edge the first 15/9 and with some ridiculous “Iain style” running I had a much more convincing second game winning 15/4. In the third I was still relying on my running as opposed to decent shots but it was enough today and I took the third 15/8. So a 3-0 win for us to take the match 14-8 – A good win as Western always seem to have a good team (all 6 of them!).

Turns out the Chinese order was not for us – it was for their 4th team, so we got hit with Pizzas + a few chips, but to be honest they weren’t bad. Was approaching 11 by the time we got a slice so most folk didn’t hand about too long. The chat was mostly around our glass sided court at DLWE – Why can’t folk just deal with it – but they changed their minds when we started to explain the advantages of it which I won’t go into – Rob McMillan would have appreciated the level of chat

Summary:

Neil Craig vs. Kevin Cameron : 0-3 9/15 4/158/15
Michael Ward vs. Andrew Alebi : 3-2 15/810/15 12/15 15/9 15/8
Ross McKenna vs Piotrek Prosowski : 1-314/16 15/13 12/15 12/15
David Cooke vs. David Mazzucco : 3-0 15/9 15/4 15/8
Andrew Carson vs. Iain Beveridge: 1-3 15/914/16 11/15 7/15

MOTM – Kevin Cameron & David Cooke

Overall 14-8 Win for DLWE 3.

Wednesday 21st November 2012 – 2nd Team
Back to 2nd team duty for me this week – both on the court and on the laptop…

When i turned up at 19:05 all 5 of their players waiting beside three empty courts – but Steve and Jason were already there so within 5 minutes we had 4 of ours ready to face the enemy. Just as well we had three courts as we had another team refusing to play on the hugely intimidating glass-sided court 1!?!

First up was Jason on Court 2 against Jim Orr. I never seen any of this match as i was warming up on Court 3 but it was clearly a tight affair with Jason edging out the first game 16-14. Unfortunately Jason had to retire in the 2nd when he tore his calf muscle – ouch! Hopefully it isn’t as bad as it sounds but he did say that he thought he’d actually been hit with the ball when it happened so clearly not a good sign. Good effort Jason and wish you a speedy recovery.

At the same time i was on Court 3 and against Peter Miles who had been warming up for about 15 minutes before i got on the court. He started by telling me that the ball we were playing with was his. I was happy with how i started, was keeping the ball to the back and controlling the T from time to time which is a big improvement. I managed to win the first 15/10 and the 2nd 15/9 but Peter was much closer than those scores suggested and when i gave him a 7 point gap at the start of the 3rd game then it was too much for me to claw back and i went down 10/15. I regrouped and got it together in the 4th and when he got hit a rim shot early on that luckily dropped right in the front left corner and didn’t even apologise! I would have ……… maybe!??!?! Anyway i won the 4th 15/8. Happy with the way I played this week and with a touch of the cold, which Nic seemed to have too, I surprised myself.

Whilst my match was wrapping up Steve was now up against Ian Paterson on Court 2. I missed the first game but unfortunately Steve hadn’t got into his stride and went down 9/15. I caught the second game which Jason was marking (fair play as he must have been in a lot of discomfort) and it looked closer than the 9/15 score int he first game had suggested. Steve just wasn’t finding his signature forehand drops today though and although he got closer in the 2nd he lost 11/15, and unfortunately the third 9/15. Unlucky Steve.

Nic was next up against Graham Downie. When i saw them walk on the court i thought to myself Nic’s athleticism would leave the big man with no chance. Two shots into their warm-up and I realised how wrong I was and that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. He was a class act and this match was gonna be a belter. Nic got off to a flyer and although Graham was hitting the nick every second shot “Nic got to the Nic, just in the nick of time” and kept himself in most points. With sheer determination he closed out the first game 15/13 and a marathon second game 19/17. Every point was so close and as i started to mark the last game on Court 2 I had to be shouted away from court 3…for that reason i couldn’t catch the rest of this match but the third was very close with Graham reversing the score in the first 15/13 and with Nic’s cold and the massive commute from Aberdeen he finally ran out of steam and lost the last two 10/15 in both. A brilliant effort and a fully fit and rested Nic may well have won this one.

Finally on Court 2 Dave was up against John Pinkerton, and i was marking. Dave got off to a slow start and John had quite a few flicky drop shots particularly a front court backhand cross court drop (respect for those shots!) By the time Dave got going in the first it was too late and although he so nearly brought it back he lost the first 11/15. In the 2nd it was another slow start from Dave but he really finished the game strongly and was picking up most of John’s unorthodox shots now but John edged it out and won this one 13/15. Going into the 3rd Dave came flying out the traps and was in control of the game throughout – won this one 15/10. Unfortunately the 4th seen John change it up again and start to control the game a bit more then in the 3rd and he finally closed the match out 15/10. Dave played well but on another day a bit of luck might of went his way…and maybe a better marker would have helped…and he might have brought home the 3 points.

So all in all a disappointing loss 7-16. I couldn’t stay for the food as the mrs gym class finished at 8pm so my lift home was revving the front door…but i did enjoy a ping of Amstel whilst marking Dave’s game…Sorry bout the decisions Dave. Steve, Dave and all their guys stayed though and Dave has already put the scores up using his iPad whilst ordering drinks at the bar – nice multitasking Dave!

Nite.

Results Summary

1.) Jason Grinton vs. Jim Orr: 1-3 Loss (16/14, retired)
2.) Dave Ritchie vs. John Pinkerton: 1-3 Loss (11/15, 13/15, 15/10, 10/15)
3.) Nic Coleman vs. Graham Downie: 2-3 Loss (15/13, 19/17, 13/15, 10/15, 10/15)
4.) Steve Elms vs. Ian Paterson: 0-3 Loss (9/15, 11/15, 9/15)
5.) Kevin Cameron vs. Peter Miles: 3-1 Win (15/10, 15/9, 10/15, 15/8)

MOTM:

DLWE 2 – Kevin Cameron
Parklands – Graham Downie

Overall: 7-16 Loss

Wednesday 28th November 2012 – 1st Team
Cameron House came to visit last night and it’s difficult to know who has the better home advantage between our clubs? Us – with the strange glass side wall or them – with their sauna courts.

David (Craig) was on first this evening and he turned up in fancy dress (see pic of MJ signature white glove) as Michael Jackson! He was on against Rolf “Harris” Hanson at No.3 and after the first rally it seemed like this game could be on for a long time. But looks were deceiving as David (MJ) dominated proceedings and Rolf didgerri-diddn’t get too much of a look in. All the rallies were competitive and often quite long, but David seemed to win most of them. After the first game Rolf said to me that he was knackered and not feeling very fit “Well you picked the wrong opponent tonight then!” I said! As the match wore on Rolf got more into it, but as Rolf couldn’t tie MJ down sport (!) the final result was always going to be a win for MJ…. SHAMONE!

Sean was anxious to get on early and get away (Ben was disappointed he didn’t have Sean to take the piss out of over the food) so he went on second at No.2 v Alan Barbour. Alan seemed out of it at 12-8 down in the 1st, but Sean let him back in and at 12-12 it could have gone either way. Fortunately Sean wrestled the game away and won 15-12. The 2nd was much more convincing at 15-7 and despite a good come back from Alan in the 3rd Sean wrapped things up 15-10. MOTM to Alan though (decided by Ben in an attempt to wind Sean up via the match report!??!).

Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) against Chris Brown at No.4. The 1st was a fun game with a frenetic pace and both players sliding all over the courts. In fact it looked a bit like the Keystone Cops at one point (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8jphxpi1ro) with bodies flying all over the place and Ben picking himself up from the splits half the time. Chris was really fast and Ben seemed happy to play ‘see ball hit ball’ squash. Michael (Davie C) Jackson was marking and when Chris faulted a serve and Ben queried it Dave said “It was borderline.” and just left it at that. Ben scratched his head as Davie wasn’t volunteering any more information! And the game just seemed to go on with no decision given (well it made me laugh anyway! Davie loves marking!!). Ben squeezed home 15-12 in the 1st, but after that he started constructing rallies much more sensibly rather than just throwing himself about the court he started taking control of the match. Chris continued to use his speed well throughout the tie, but Ben kept control and wrapped things up 3-0.

John (Turner) arrived and he and I went on at the same time. John played David Cargil at No.5 and I went on against Jim Marsland at No.1 so I didn’t see John’s game. However I did see him coming off the court regularly and looking content so I assumed he was winning and he really was. The score suggests he gave his opponent a bit of a thumping 15-3 15-5 15-8 and so definitely MOTM to JT for such a dominant performance.

Meanwhile on the other court I had the mother of all first rally’s. It was never-ending and neither Jim or I was prepared to give an inch! I managed to win it after about 500 hits! And both of us were breathing very hard indeed – ‘Handout 1-0 in the 1st’. Jesus! At this rate I wasn’t gonna last past 3-4!!!

Fortunately the rallies went down to a more manageable level (although still far too long for my liking – as anyone who has played or watched Jim will know!).

Jim was doing about 5 times the amount of running that I was and this was exemplified by the fact that whenever he drove the ball straight down the BH wall and I volleyed straight and long – Jim ran all the way to the ‘T’ and then all the way around me (like I was a roundabout). And for anyone who has ever played me will know, that is a b****y long way to go!). I was delighted to let Jim continue doing this as long as he wanted and he obliged for most of the 1st game and I sneaked home 15-12. The 2nd was another energy sapping game and we were locked together all the way through it. At 12-12 it was just a matter of keep on doing what worked and don’t worry if you’re too tired. I did and took the next three points 15-12.

Jim dominated the early exchanges of the 3rd game and went 4-2 up, but I then managed to work him around from that point and he tired (as unlikely as that sounds!). I got the game back to 9-4 and won it 15-5 Which means that………… wait for it…………. I beat Jim Marsland on fitness!?!?). Quality!

So a good 5-0 win for the team to keep us in contention. There was curry for dinner and a nice big bowl of salad for me. What an athlete!

If you’ve ever played at Cameron House you’ll know that there isn’t any space for 10 guys to sit together for food. Old habits obviously die-hard as I was amused to see that the teams were split on two different table, despite us having a table for about 15. I asked Davie why 3 of the Cameron House guys were sitting on their own and he just said “It was borderline.” And no one was any the wiser!

Wednesday 28th November 2012 – 3rd Team
4th Team Report vs Broomhill 3rds
With the cull of dodgy reporters expected as a result of the Levinson report things have come to pass that I have been nominated …forced to become this week’s reporter

A good night to make my virginal debut as it was the local West End Derby against the wee team down the road Broomhill

The demolition of the Uni boys from Strathclyde last week meant the 4th team went into the game with high hopes. The only change in personnel being the Colonel having being called to serve at a Drive Thru we had the youngest and most promising Mazzucco join the team

First up was Sandro playing a fellow youngster called Andy and to keep the Football Derby cliche going ” it could have gone either way” One minute Sandro was playing like one of Jason’s best pupils hitting in the corners and long, especially on backhand the next his drop shops were resembling the finesse of Big Daddy (A wrestler for our younger readers). Sandro lost the first game won the second comfortably, got good advice from his Dad( who Sandro told me later he always ignores) and as a result lost the third and fourth to lose 3-1

On next was young Iain as opposed to old Iain ie me, I saw the start of this game and Iain looked in control playing the Jason way, I then came to witness him lose the fourth to go 2-2 had he too being listening to good advice !.I watched the decider and Iain either raised his game or he been asleep previously as he comfortably dominated to win the last game easily . Well played and gave hope to the fourths that the veterans would bring home the bacon

On that note I was next up playing a guy called Danny Cameron, which as they also had a Darren Cameron reinforced my belief the name Cameron ie our Kevin had some mystic Squash roots.The Cameron’s of old had developed from Shinty experts into the field of Squash .The less bright ones had become Tories and gone into politics instead. As it was this Cameron was made of the beatable variety but conversely this Beveridge proved to be the girls blouse clan tonight, no offence to girls blouses, as I managed to ignore again wise old owl Jason’s top tips of length etc. Things were not helped by my attempt at a world record of ball out services in a row I managed 5. Ultimately lost 3-1 and back to the squash drawing board.

Kevin was then up and his match proved to be a ding dong , I ended up marking David’s game so only saw the first game, it seemed to me to be a battle of technique vs fitness I will let the readers judge which camp Kevin veered towards. As it was he lost the first narrowly and after what became a big tussle took the match eventually 3-2 well played

At number one was the head of the Mazzucco clan or at least the male side David . I marked this game and enjoyed the clash of styles David’s elegant play up against an all action Ulsterman in Michael Jackson yes I am sure he is related to the sadly departed Prince of Pop, David won the first in a easy style lost the second in an even easier style and then had the annoyance of Sandro giving him advice in this case “don’t run into the walls and don’t serve out ” both of these I have to report David up to then had been avoiding. He lost the third but came back strong in the fourth leading 13-10 and then having game points, but Michael just pipped him 17-15 and celebrated with a moon walk.

So the wee team had done it and brought down the mighty DLWE – the phones in on Radio Clyde will be buzzing with accusations!

The meal proved to be a good curry and David had the final bit of advice from his sons to pick up the tab for them

Scores
Sandro Mazzucco – lost 3-1 (8-15 15-13 13-15 7-15)
Iain Monaghan – won 3-2(15-12 15-17 15-8 13-15 15-4)
Iain Beveridge – lost 3-1 (13-15 15-11 7-15 13-15)
Kevin Reilly – won 3-2(12-15 15-11 5-15 15-12 15-13) MOTM
David Mazzucco – lost 3-1 (15-9 3-15 10-15 15-17)

Match Score Lost 16-9

Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 2nd Team
Only a short report tonight

Not a great night as second team went down 17-5

Kenny lost 1 – 3 – but massive respect for traveling all the way up from Derby to make it.

Steve won 3 – 2 – digging deeper than a Chilean miner to come back from match point down – and get very well deserved MOTM – his opponent (Emma) also got M OTM

Donald lost 1 – 3 – but played well in a very competitive match

Dave ( sporting that fluorescent top ) lost 0 – 3 – but said he was happy with the way he played

I was like Frankie Dettori in France ie not at the races – went down 0 – 3 and not happy with the way I played

Spicy beef chilli. Brown wholemeal rice. No salad. Sat in a dark corner.

Night all

JT

Wednesday 5th December 2012 – 4th Team
vs Whitecraigs LT&SC 3rd Team

Ice Ice Baby !

Yes it was cold tonight as the 4ths got on the long – johns and got the games in early before the big freeze.

We were at home tonight and as a result had cold advantage whereby the freezing nature of the courts helped our all action style. We arrived to find the big team the Firsts had decided to play all their games on the show court to no doubt please the groupies. The fourths therefore had two courts to grace and fully exploited this to make it to the bar early.

Neil Ross was first up , having just got off the plane from Vietnam and suffering from a dodgy curry in Singapore he played as though he had never been away or so I was told as only saw three points. The first game was close at 16-14 but as he acclimatised to the sharp drop in temperature he went on to win 3-0 .

Old Iain ie me was on the second court at the same time against guy called Angus who being of a certain vintage, can remember when Beer was 50p a pint and Jason played junior Squash. Angus indicated the cold courts were not helping him get to my drop shots which to be honest must mean it was really cold. I ultimately won 3-1

While Angus and I were gracing court 2 on court 3 young Iain was playing a contact game called touch rugby sorry squash as the game seemed to centre on both players not calling lets or points as a matter of honour. I saw the third game and looking beyond the lack of lets and bumping, Iain had just enough to win reasonably comfortably 3-0

I then scored David Mazzucco against Dick, David was wearing a new rather fetching all black number with a Celtic green strip down the side very new season. The new kit seemed to work as David really dominated from start to finish the only scare being the dreaded Achilles playing up. While his Achilles did cause him to stretch and moan like a Dutch porn star in between games, he also won comfortably 3-0

As I and others looked forward to a pint Kevin on last decided to show what squash was all about by having a real ding dong with a guy called Bob. The match had games going either way, good shots, poor shots, racket strings broken, questioned calls, much perspiration and gratuitous swearing, basically all the crowds could want or at least the two of us watching. Kevin played well mostly but so did Bob who eventually won narrowly 3-2

Neil and Iain could not make the curry maybe out of reputation, if so they would have been pleasantly surprised Dick from Whitecraigs had four helpings. Much chat at food amongst the older guys over big freezes of yesteryears not one mention of the Chancellors Autumn statement.

Result Won 17-4

David Mazzucco won 3-0 vs Richard MClure 15-10 15-9 15-10
Kevin Reilly lost 2-3 vs Bob Brodie 13-15 15-13 9-15 15-10 8-15
Iain Beveridge won 3-1 vs Angus McKay 15-13 15-4 12-15 15-11
Neil Ross won 3-0 vs Andrew Murphy 16-14 15-9 15-13
Iain Monaghan won 3-0 vs Chris Balflour 15-11 15-10 15-8

MOM Bob Brodie and I think they said Kevin or so Kevin told me

Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 2nd Team
First outing as Captain for me and i got off to a flyer…turned up at 18:15 (mainly due to the fact the wife had an early Body Attack Class), collected the sheets from reception, had a quick chat with the first team before they headed off to play Craighelen and even had time for quick Sauna to loosen up those muscles…or so i thought. By the time i wandered downstairs at about 5 to 7 i could see that I’d lost track of time as was almost a full house with the DLWE 3 team marking games on scraps of paper – whoops! Lesson learned.

No.3

Steve was on first after we managed to work out that Paul H was in at No. 5 as Sara had a sick note (bet she wrote it herself) – So we all shuffled up a position. There was a lot of fuss over Court 3 since it was so cold but since Zahir was already on court 2 and Ian was just about to start on Court 1 for DLWE 3 team, then Steve volunteered to take one for the team. Besides, I heard the usual grumblings about the asymmetrical show court from Steve’s opponent Alex.

The “cold court” obviously had an effect on Steve as he never really got going in the first and went down 7/15. In the 2nd however he got into a lot more in the 2nd and although it was a tight affair Steve edged it 15/13. The two were well matched and going into the third it was obvious it would be another close one, that it was but this time Alex reversed the score to take it 13/15. After that Alex had the momentum and unfortunately the match was closed out 4/15 in the 4th. First blood to Jason’s old stomping ground.

No.4

Next up was Al Baird at No.4 on a normal court (2) against Peter Lewis. I was marking this one and as usual made some questionable calls…unfortunately for Al most of them were against him – sorry mate. Was a good start with point for point exchange up until 3-3 but Peter started to put a run together and at 3/9 he just had too much of a lead to be caught – he closed it out 7/15. I’m not the best for giving advice but i reassured Al that Peter really had nothing that Al couldn’t handle…he agreed and went out in the second and matched Peter a lot better getting to 9/10 but then peter got a run of points again and won the second 10/15. After that unfortunately Al couldn’t get back into it and lost the 3rd 5/15. A great effort and a tad hard done by, particularly when i gave a stroke when Al was clinging to the wall like spiderman demanding that he had plenty of space. I stand by my decision but feel bad.

No.5

Next up was Paul at No.5 on the show court against Ross McClure. Unfortunately I was on at the same time on Court 2 so missed the whole match but from the sounds of it Paul was in all the games and but unfortunately after losing the first 12/15 and clawing back the 2nd 15/10 he narrowly lost the third 13/15 and then the last 10/15 to go down 1-3. I know Paul is struggling with his back after training on Monday so fair play for such a valiant effort.

No.2

So then it was my turn against Ian McDermott with a new harrow that Jason had given me earlier that evening. Ian was a really nice guy and that made for a very well friendly and well mannered game between the two of us. However I think I perform better when i dislike my opponent as my head wasn’t in the first game at all! I was still picking up enough points to stay in the game but after hitting possibly the worst server in the history of DLWE late in the game i just couldn’t close it out and lost it 13/15. Seriously, the ball actually hit the ground then the tin so never actually hit a wall – Al Baird was a big support from the sideline though, when i turned around his head was in his hands and he was hunched over

It was obviously me getting used to the racquet but thankfully i got a hit of a feel for it in the 2nd and when i added my usual shouting and swearing i was back to my best, I took the 2nd 15/5, the third 15/6 and closed out the match with a 15/9 win to take it 3-1 – I’ll keep the racquet after all Jase!

No.1

I missed the start of the “battle of the Johns” as John Turner took on a very good player in John Howie. John T was moving well and picking up but John H was a very smart player with a great volley. JT lost the first 9/15 and really gave it his all int he second deserving to better his first game score but unfortunately only matched it losing 9/15 again. The third he gave it his all and some of the rallies made for great watching as i sat on the floor with a bottle of Moretti..and although JT made it into double figures this one John Howie took the final game 10/15 an MOTM to go with it. Again, great effort.

So a disappointing 5-16 Loss for us and quite honestly we are in a bit of trouble I fear as this will most likely put us 2nd bottom of the division which given the way we have played first half of the season is extremely harsh.

I’m sure the chat would have been good for the food/drink afterwards as they were a nice bunch but as my wife’s body attack class finished hours earlier i decided to skip the meal to avoid having to kip on the couch…

Summary of Scores

No.1 : John Turner vs. John Howie : 0-3 : 9/15, 9/15, 11/15
No.2 : Kevin Cameron vs. Ian McDermott : 3-1 : 13/15, 15/5, 15/6, 15/9
No.3 : Steve Elms vs. Alex Everingham : 1-3 : 7/15, 15/13, 13/15, 4/15
No.4 : Al Baird vs. Peter Lewis : 0-3 : 7/15, 10/15, 5/15
No.5 : Paul Hannah vs. Ross McClure : 1-3 : 12/15, 15/10, 13/15, 10/15

MOTM : Kevin Cameron & John Howie

Overall : 5-16 Loss

Wednesday 12th December 2012 – 4th Team
4th Team away vs Wanderers 2nd

For some with a knowledge of Space Hoppers and Multi Coloured Swap Shop they will remember a so called seminal picture from the 70′s called the Wanderers

In it the main gang were armed with mainly baseball bats and took great delight in clubbing various unfortunates, tonight I am afraid the fourth team too were at the end of a Wanderers beating

As anyone who supports the England Football team (Is there anyone) will testify, the importance of a fit Captain cannot be underestimated. Look at Beckhams Metatarsal or Ferdinands dodgy knee, without these problems England would have won the world cup and I would have married Angelina Jolie. So on arriving tonight to find our Great Leader David Mazzucco was injured our entire team visibly shuddered or possibly that was from the freezing temperatures outside.

Thus we were faced with only four players to face the baseball bats, first up was angelic Sandro who never got going at all, he seemed out of sorts and before you could say England face penalties again ,he was shaking hands at the end of a 3-0 loss

On the other court Neil Ross was putting up a stiffer fight. I only saw the third game after marking Sandro’s but he led 14-11 and somehow lost . His mood was not helped by also leading 14-11 in the first game. Neil later confided at 14-11 his main thoughts were keep it in play. I to continue the England football theme thought of David Batty and Gareth Southgate making sure their penalties were on target. Another night he would have been 2-1 up, as it was another 3-0 loss.

I then entered the three lion’s den and after winning the toss instantly put my first serve out I won the next point and served yes you’ve guessed it out again. I then proceeded to take a fearful clubbing as all thoughts of playing the Jason way went out the window and I ended up pictured as a vegetable on the front of the Sun – 3-0 battering

As my game seemed as brief as Scotland’s stay in the World Cups I was able to watch some of Iain Monaghan’s game . I had scored his first game which Iain controlled and played well in . However when I came back the news of the various beatings must have filtered through to him as it was 2-2 going into the last. I would like to report he closed out the game but I can’t he lost 3-2

So the Fourths run of winning matches ie one came to an end in a 18-2 humiliation. To think we had invented the game

We repaired to the Press bar and tucked into another 70′s favourite of Pie and Beans

7 days of hurt still counting

Scores on the doors Anthea

Neil Ross vs David Mcpherson Lost 3- 0 14-16 5-15 15-17
Iain Beveridge vs Craig Jones Lost 3-0 6-15 4-15 11-15
Iain Monaghan vs Peter Whyte Lost 3-2 15-11 6-15 16-14 7-15 6-15
Sandro Mazzucco vs John McTiernan Lost 3-0 9-15 7-15 9-15

MOTM Wanderers Peter Whyte DLWE Iain Monaghan

Wednesday 19th December 2012 – 2nd Team
Strange to start the reverse fixtures before the year end.

2nd Team welcomed Townend 3rds to DLWE.

Townend could only muster 3 people for their home fixture so it was not surprising that we received an e-mail from Kevin C halfway through yesterday to say there would only be 4 of them. There followed speedy requests from both Paul and I to achieve the coveted non playing slot. As this was unresolved we both went down to the club and tossed a coin (insert your own tosser comment) for it – I won which meant Paul would play.

Quick Summary in the order they played.

1. Steve lost 3-1 – played well in patches
2. Andrew won 3-2, 16-14 in the 5th. Great effort MOTM. Think he had a match point in the 4th game but felt the audience deserved more.
3. Paul won 3-0. Didn’t see it because I was marking but good effort since he didn’t feel up for it and hopefully he has sweated out his virus (didn’t know you could sweat red wine)
4. Dave Ritchie – wearing his new shirt for this decade – won 3-0, In complete control against an out of sorts opponent.

Overall 16-5 victory against bottom of the table Townend.

Food – good spicy chicken pasta but usual early closing on the bar put a dampener on any early festive spirit.

Happy Xmas

Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 1st Team
The first west Team match of 2013 and it’s already the 2nd fixture of the 2nd half!? Eh??
Great to see the Strathgryffe 2nd team lads make the trip to the north side to see us. First on were Ben (Mazzucco) v Alex Ward and Richard (Cantlay) v David Archibald. I marked captain Cantlay’s match so missed Ben’s game. Rich dominated his match and played some good squash; in fact Sean and I both agree that Rich is actually turning himself into a squash player these days! He was controlling the rallies and had David either very short with a quick hard punch to the front, or played a good deep length (and the drops were good as well). David was very quick and fit, but was just handing the initiative back to Richard most of the time. A good 3-0 win for Captain C.

Meanwhile Ben was giving Alex the run-around. I went over to watch in-between games and Ben was moving well and not letting Alex in at all. So I wasn’t surprised to see that he won the match 3-0. Another solid win for Ben.

David (Craig) creaked onto court at No.5 next against young Struan Grant (who is a giant and must be standing about 6’5” at the moment). David’s getting better at warming up these days though and he now has to take off a pair of trackies over his gutties, so that get’s him moving a bit.
Well it was a good win for David and he was generally just too steady for Struan, although he did have to go the distance in the 3rd game to win 16-14 and take the tie 3-0. Struan played well and did move David about well and I reckon in a year or three he’ll be beating all of us! (as will Ben, and Alex!)

Next up was the now legendary No.2 battle between Sean (Norris) v Garry McIlree. Now this isn’t the biggest match up you’ll ever see in a squash court, in fact I asked “Do you two need a full sized court to play on? Or maybe you could play your match under the stairs and free up a court for the rest of us!” You can imagine the abuse I got of little Sean for that!
Another great game though and a five setter as well. Sean looked in control of the games he won – and tired in the ones he lost, so it was going to take a big effort in the 5th. And a big effort was what we got from both men (and a fair amount of fishing from Sean) – still all the antics and games-man-ship made not a jot of difference to the result, but the better length and waiting for the right opportunity did mean that Sean sneaked home 3-2. MOTM to Sean and Garry I say.

I (Jason Broadberry) went on last against The Pirate (Chris Patrick) at No.1 on court one, with the all-glass-side-wall. Well you should have heard the moaning from Chris. He couldn’t see the ball, he couldn’t hit the ball, he could however “heed-the-baw”!
“Well,” I said “if you actually look at the ball rather that the women walking past then you have a sporting chance big yin!” – We switched courts and when Chris stopped greetin’ we had a great game. I won the first two (with some unbelievable squash. No really you wouldn’t believe it!) Chris won the next two (with some quality hacking!) and so to the 5th.
Between the 4th & 5th games Rich said “You’re not trying; now pull your bloody finger out and stop being a chump.” Well he didn’t use those exact words, but that was the gist! A bit harsh I though as Paddy is a bloody good player and he was also playing quite well. Still I would certainly have to concentrate better to stand a chance, and as concentration is the one thing Chris can’t do it may make the difference!

And it did. I won the 5th game and the match 3-2.

So a good match win for the team and maximum points as well.

At the meal the youngsters wanted to know about my hair and my veggie-ness over dinner (have youngsters not got better things to discuss these days, like girls and cars?) so I batted off the questions and then and reminisced with Paddy about the old days, when we played in the same team. Happy days! (and the Ballyearl Festival of Squash – Chris is a legend over there!).

Wednesday 9th January 2013 – 3rd Team

And so to Houston, Renfrewshire – home of the famous and ancient hostelry and micro-brewery, The Fox and Hounds – to meet the top dogs of local squash, Strathgryffe.

In the heyday of country sporting pursuits in Renfrewshire, the pub was formerly known simply as The Fox. It was later renamed in honour of a well known local pooch, who burst into the bar late one afternoon, wearing a stetson, and declared : ‘ I’m looking for the man who shot my paw’.

In more recent times the pub has gained an enviable reputation for brewing some of the finest ales produced in that part of Johnstone.

The Club is to be found across the road, and we were given a warm welcome.

First up at Number Five was the Colonel, playing a young and eager pup, Matt Wright. The youngster was good, but the Colonel soon sent him away with his tail between his legs. The Colonel may be barking, but he produced some fine squash, to seal the win, 3 – 1.

Next was Dave Wilson against the youngest pup in the litter, Jack Smillie. David looked sick as a dog as the youngster fetched everything David could throw at him, in one rally recovering from a spectacular fall, only to get up and win the point. Dave lost 0 – 3, at Number Four, against an undoubted future show winner. At the end Dave, in red shorts, white socks and white top was beautifully coordinated, his socks matching his top, and his shorts matching his face.

At Three was Andrew Alabi, whose opponent was a fierce-looking terrier with a hairy muzzle, James Noone. Although his bark turned out to be worse than his bite, he ultimately out-foxed Andrew, who played some good stuff, but lost 3 – 2. James was the master.

At Two was Strathgryffe’s Steven Archibald against PH. Although the games were close, in truth, the match wasn’t, Steven winning 3 – 0. Which just goes to prove that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Last on at Number One was the Bairdhound, playing an old adversary, Michael Grant. Michael’s game had come on a lot since his days at Bearsden & Milngavie, and although Al retrieved well, he was eventually overcome 3 – 1, narrowly losing a number of points, but ultimately being left with something of a hang-dog expression.

So the home team ran out 16 – 6 winners, and in the bar later they had the countenance of a dog with two tails. But the chat was good, and the food enjoyable, if not quite enough to ensure a shiny coat and healthy teeth and gums.

This week’s Crufts winners were Jack Smillie and the Colonel.

Quote of the night comes from me, and is to be found in a sad little incident at the end of the evening as I left the Club. To round off an already depressing night, I hit a dog as I drove out of the carpark. Happily the mutt wasn’t badly injured, but its owner quickly appeared and started shouting and swearing at me. I smiled and tried to calm her down. I explained that her beautiful little mongrel was man’s best friend. And mine too. And he was ok. But she continued ranting and raving, and accused me of making light of a very serious situation. Her little pooch could have been killed, and all I could do was stand there and smile. Eventually I decided that a sincere apology was the best response. ‘I’m sorry’, I finally said, ‘ that my karma has collided with your dogma’.

G’night.

PH.

Wednesday 16th January 2013 – 1st Team
There were 3 Giffnock teams playing on only 2 courts tonight, so I steeled myself for a midnight finish as we lined up against their 3rd team. Fortunately team 1 were playing team 2 so that helped!

When I arrived David (Ritchie) was already on against Andy Penman at No.5, in a 6.30pm arranged match. Dave was 1-0 down, but when I joined it in the 2nd game I wasn’t sure what the problem was. David was dominating the game and was hitting a really good length, which Andy was either having to go and retrieve a lot or he was taking a chance and hitting too many down. Dave was moving to the front well as well. I thought this could be a good chance for us. It was! Davie won the 2nd and continued on in much the same vein for the rest of the match. Good 3-1 performance from our new No.5.

David (Craig) went on next against youngster number one, Patrick O’Sullivan at No.4. This reporter is shocked to announce that David won the 1st game, which is a feat that he’s not managed this year (?) except last week (??) Having said that it was 16-14. I was thinking if he can win the 1st game he’s got a good chance in the rest of the match. However Patrick was just getting into the swing of things and was playing really well with some tenacious squash and a lot of good movement. The match swung one way and the other and inevitably to the 5th. David dug deep in the 5th and kept his nose in front most of the way and in the end this made the difference, as he pressed home the advantage (just as well as he may never beat him again!). Great game though and both players got MOTM.

Next up was Rich (Cantlay) at No.2 v Ewan Wallace; now this was another real barnstormer. Ewan got off to a flyer and was breaking Rich’s rhythm really well with some good volleying (and a harsh stroke on game ball from our marker Dave R). However the backhand side was where this match was going to be won or lost as Ewan’s backhand was weaker and he made a lot more mistakes on this side. The first problem was to persuade Richard of this, the next was for him to exploit it with good length. Rich dominated the 2nd game by forcing quite a few mistakes on Ewan’s backhand. Strangely Rich didn’t believe this and instead put it down to the rhythm he was playing and promptly got chopped in the 3rd 15-5!
Another sales job was required and I told Rich that the reason he lost was coz he let Ewan volley on the forehand too much, and dictate the play. If he played the ball more onto the backhand he would be able to dictate the rhythm and force a load of errors ……………… 6-15 to Rich in the 4th.
Last game and last chance to persuade Rich to pound the backhand. He largely did this, although I’d have preferred to see a better length. He eventually squeezed home 15-11; a good fighting performance from Rich at No.2.

I had a quick look at the Giffnock 1st and 2nd team No.1′s playing, Kevin Moran v Stu George. Well it looked like a totally different game to the match we were playing! Stu sneaked the 1st and I saw the 2nd game. What a performance by Kev in this one – he looked dominant and precise. The change I noticed since I saw him last (in just this one game admittedly) was that all his concentration was going into hitting the standard shots brilliantly (instead of over playing the trick shots) and his game looked great. He eventually won 3-1 I think.

Back to our match and Ben (Mazzucco) took on Nick Firth at No.3 next and this turned out to be another great battle. Could Ben keep it off the tennis coaches volley and also hit a good length? Well the answer to this was ‘yes’ he could, but only just. It was 16-14 13-12 15-12 15-12, Ben played really well and there was a great battle of wills as to how many different places Ben could serve without giving Nick a volley (it would be fair to say Ben won this battle). Then it was a matter of whether Ben could get a good enough length and then dominate the rally from there, he certainly did this in the last 2 games and came out victorious with a 3-1 win (Nick was so upset with this loss he’s going to leave the country! Next week!).

I went on last against James Singh (youngster number two) at No.1 and had heard that he’s been getting some good scalps in the team challenges recently, which worried me. Fortunately I was able to dominate this one and James made just too many errors. I’ve no doubt that he’ll be chopping me in years to come, but tonight I didn’t have to Singh for my supper! (sorry about that!).

Talking of supper it was macaroni cheese topped with chorizo. And there was a novel way of making this vegetarian for James and I. Just take the top layer off and hey presto the rest was veggie! Still at least the beer was veggie – a lovely pint of Erdinger.

So a good win tonight against the Giffnock lads and as 3 of the matches were really tight this could easily have gone either way.

Oh look it’s the 17th Jan – Happy birthday to me!

Wednesday 16th January 2013 – 3rd Team

A visit from Largs 2 tonight who are even lower than us in the division 5. I arrived 7.30 unavoidably detained. The bold and glistening Mazzucco already had the demeanor of a victor having despatched his opponent 3-0 at No 4. David Wilson on court at No 2 and he won 3-1, against Andy Auld (?). Apologies for lack of detail but I didn’t see much.

I felt lethargic and was trying to wake up on the rowing machine upstairs when my meditative calm was interrupted by old mother hen Mazzucco fussing about me being on downstairs. Sprinted down (overtaking Mazzucco) but The Hound had taken the Court. He lost 3-1 against Graeme Bamford. Never seen Bairdster so angry and frustrated, shouting, cursing, racquet throwing etc. Meanwhile I managed 3-0 over Drew Shaw, close games though (the rowing woke me up a bit).

Finally the PoleDancer at No 5, arrived later, and he and his opponent took to court both in dazzling white, but Piotr had red shoes (for dancing later). There was a sort of (un)poetic symmetry about their game. Piotrek won the first game, but tired, and went down 3-1. Needs to think about fitness – I consider it would have been a more even match against their number 4, not sure why.

So a 14 – 7 win I think.

As soon as they came off, sweating like goodness knows what they had to decide on their drinks order as it was 4 minutes short of 9.45 last orders.

Col

Wednesday 23rd January 2013 – 2nd Team
So not sure what the league tables on the website are all about as it would appear that Strath Uni have played 14 and won 14 yet are second to Whitecraigs who have won 9 and lost 5 – explain that one to me. Given we lost 1-18 in the home tie then we were always gonna be up against it tonight…

A pleasant surprise to have so many available courts and have so many players turning up before 7pm…Strath Uni also had new changing facilities, looks a lot better than last year and “shed” load (that should save you editing the report later on Jase) better than when I studied there many moons ago.

First up, at No. 3, was Jason G against John McIntyre. I was heading on to another court at the time of their game starting so missed the whole thing, but although the games were all close Jason was able to win the 1st & 2nd 13/15 and although he dropped the third (15/11) he closed the match out in the fourth(12/15) to give us a valuable 3 point start.

I was on the glass back court, at No. 4, against student Robbie Paterson and it became obvious from the opening exchanges that the person who made the least mistakes would take this one. He had better shots than me, but he was his own worst enemy in the first when things didn’t go his way. Given I made fewer mistakes in the first i took it 10/15 but i soon spiralled out of control in the 2nd and when it was 14-11 to Robbie i looked out of it. However i fought back to bring it to 14-14….then made two more mistakes! In the third Robbie upped the “stakes with more mistakes” and i took it 8/15. We both started to play a bit better in the fourth thankfully but he definitely deserved to bring it back to 2-2 the ay he was playing and that he did(15/11).

There was a lot of running from both of us up until now but it would be nothing in comparison with what was to come in the decider. The quality was miles better than the previous 4 games and there was absolutely nothing in it u until 9-9 but then Robbie got a few crucial points to go 12-9 up…but i wasn’t going to give up now. But although i got a few back i found myself facing Robbie with Match point at 14-12…i stuck in though and before i knew it was 14-14. None of us wanted to drop the pace now. 15-15, 16-16 17-17….21-21! Robbie threw his racquet over the wall out the court(is that a forfeit?) at 21/22 Robbie had yet another match point and when he served it looked to me to be down! I half stopped and half continued – but by that point i was out of position and Robbie finished me off! What a horrible way to lose the match! To add insult to injury Colin from their team told me in changing room he thought it was down – absolutely gutted! I got MOTM from their team for this but it was no consolation…

Sigh – Anyway, onto No. 5. Steve was playing a suspiciously talented No. 5 in Andrew Forbes who could have easily given Robbie a run for his money and even John McIntyre. I didn’t see any of this but Steve was disappointed to pick up few points and we lost this one 3-0.

I did catch Dave Ritchie at No.2 however playing Colin Clarke who had a lot of deceptive flicky shots going on throughout this match. The first there was nothing in it and at 14-14 it could have went either way. Unfortunately for us though Colin had the upper hand and closed it out 16-14. The second was bait more one sided and Dave never really matched his lung bursting runs he was making in the 1st and dropped this one 15/9. The third was extremely close and at 13-13 Dave looked in control of the rally but the bottle crashed right at the finish line and Colin swept up 3-0 with a 15/13 win. MOTM for Colin.

Finally on at No. 1 John Turner was up against Strath Uni’s best player – Joe McDonald. As i was watching Dave’s game i seen none of this one(one downside to so many available courts) but unfortunately Joe was simply too good and ran out a 3-0 winner (6, 2, 4).

So a hammering – 16-5 but this team will win the league and are very very strong.

The food was a way down the road in “Home” which was mobbed with young students…we looked like the old Jimmy Saviles in the corner. Unbelievably the food was funded by the pub itself – as they sponsor the team! Think we are missing a trick at DLWE, but at least Colonel got our opening hours extended – top work! The spread was perfect for us athletes – Chips, Pizzas, Chicken Nuggets, Chicken Goujons, Onion Rings, Garlic Bread, Sausage rolls – all a tad cold but filling nonetheless. Washed down with a Budvar for me, a shandy for Jason and a couple of Softies for the softies – Dave and John.

Summary Of Scores

1.) Joe McDonald vs. John Turner : 15/6, 15/2, 15/4 : 3-0 Loss
2.) Colin Clarke vs. Dave Ritchie : 16/14, 15/9, 15/13 : 3-0 Loss
3.) John McIntyre vs. Jason Grinton : 13/15, 13/15, 15/11, 12/15 : 1-3 Win
4.) Robbie Paterson vs. Kevin Cameron : 10/15, 16/14, 8/15, 15/11, 23/21 : 3-2 Loss
5.) Andrew Forbes vs. Steve Elms : 3-0 Loss

Overall 16-5 Loss

MOTM – Colin Clarke & Kevin Cameron

Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 1st Team
I took a picture before the match and have put it at the bottom of this report – guess which one I am? Answers on a post card!

I had to drive to O.R.M.S.K.I.R.K – Ormskirk! on Wednesday; 440 miles later I arrived at Broomhill at 7.30pm. Dave Craig was on court when I arrived and was having a right old ding dong with Alan Marshall. It was 2-2 and I met Alan, between games, in the changing room and he was looking warm, but keen to see what the 5th game would bring. Well David ramped up the pressure in the 5th and Alan was doing a lot of running (as was Dave, but then he’s used to that in the 5th!). Dave managed to keep a crucial lead throughout the game and the pressure to come back was just too much for Alan. So an excellent 3-2 win for the big man.

A despondent looking Graham Clark told me that he’d been soundly thrashed by some young whipper-snapper at No.4. So I assumed young Ben must have already played before I got there; and indeed he had. Funny that I keep missing his games, must be his early bedtime!

Sean was on the other court at the same time and was struggling against Paul King. Anyone who knows Paul will know he suffers from a rare condition called ‘Squash F#*#ing Tourettes’ and it was clear to see that he’s not found a cure for the condition yet. He is however playing well and he was giving Sean the run around with some good volleying. It would be fair to say, however, that Sean wasn’t playing his best as he appeared to be targeting the middle of the court for every shot. But 1-1 Sean appeared to have a way out; could he do what all great players do and force a winning result even when he was not playing 100%. No he couldn’t (!) and he got chopped in the next 2 games to lose 3-1.

As Sean sat in the changing room with his head in his hands I said to Ben “Don’t worry you can still take the piss out of him!” But Ben has obviously matured of late or maybe he could feel the pain Sean was in as he said “No, I can’t do that, it’s too soon. I’ll wait until he’s had a shower first!”

Captain Cantlay was on next at No.2 and I marked the 1st game against David Lamont. Richard won this relatively easily, apart from David volleying all his serves about 1mm above the tin. This made the score look tighter than the game felt. I left to go on court at this point and Richard took the opportunity to slip back into his old style and give away games from a dominant position. Now I’ve no doubt that David played considerably better to go 2-1 up, but Richard’s analysis after the match was that he didn’t play a straight drive until the 4th and then won the last 2 games to win 3-2 (obviously he was purely relying on his silky shot making in the 2nd and 3rd games! Richard could learn from some advice that was once given to a good friend of mine, which was ‘play to your strength, hack it to the back.” True Graeme??

I was not looking forward to playing Euan Henderson at No.1 and no one was looking forward to marking us as they all disappeared! I had to really motivate myself just to get my legs going at all. Just before going on I thought ‘this is going to hurt’, but strangely it didn’t. Euan was happy to trade 4 shot rally’s with me. He completely ignored the 1st rule of squash, which as we all know is ‘Don’t hit the tin’. So as Euan was happy volleying all his backhands into the tin, I didn’t break Barry Sutherland’s 2nd rule of squash (made up straight after he saw the 1st rule) which is ‘Don’t get tired!’

I was astounded at how many volleys Euan hit into the tin, but also grateful as at about 12-12 in each of the first two I won. The 3rd game was much more straightforward and I was 10-0 up at one point (wondering if I could hand out a 15-0 doughnut). Unfortunately I was given a disgraceful decision (!??!) at this point, but there is little point in arguing when you’re already 10-0 up, so I just got on with it and won 15-3 in the end.

So another good win for the team and during the food Sean was telling the story of some chump who had come to Broomhill to play a match against Alan and had been beaten 3-0. However in the 90 seconds between each game Alan was busy dashing up stairs to the kitchen to make the team chilli, and only having half an eye on the match itself! “That was me!” piped up Big Davie Craig! (thus falling into Sean’s cunning trap!).
Still Alan also made some nice veggie chilli for me as well and some Thwaits Wainwrights to wash it all down. Good chat and a good night oot!

Wednesday 30th January 2013 – 3rd Team
Meanwhile 3rd team also at home to 2nd in the table Broomhill 2. Again I arrived late as I was consuming a beef burger at Ketchup to mark Ben’s 12th birthday.

The place was a decent temperature, not too hot not too cold – a refreshing change.

Already Andrew Alabi had played at No 3 and lost 3-1 to Phil Mcfadyen. A useful point.

David W was on at No 1 against former surveyor (and 20 years ago colleague at James Barr), now postie Dennis Liddell. Dennis’ new career has turned him into a Whippet / LongDog cross, he could do with some decent Sunday roasts. Always going to be a struggle for David, but he got several points in some games. 3-0 to Dennis.

Then, Piotr at No 4 won first game against Brian (?), then went down 3-1. A useful point though, well done.

About same time I went on as No 2 against Alan Ovenstone and Neil Ross at No 5 v Ray Small (?).

I lost 3-0 with 1st 2 games both at circa 13 each before Alan got the important points. Annoyed not to sneak something out of this, but the truth is I know how Alan won his 15 points, and don’t really know how I managed to get 13 points, in 1st 2 games. Don’t eat a burger meal (even if the meat is provided by Simon Howie) before squash. Alan undeniably better though.

Meanwhile Neil did well to avoid a 3-0 defeat, and went on to win 3-2. Excellent work, and these points may well make a difference come end of season.

So, a 17 – 5 defeat. Away to Glasgow Uni next week.

The other point that deserves a mention is that Piotr and Andrew are playing a mini league game this morning from 7.45! They will likely be finished by now. Andrew to enjoy a day off and Piotr to dance around a dentist chair east of Glasgow.

Col

Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 1st Team

Well if you’d said that playing the top of the table side in Glasgow Uni, that it was going to be 2-2 with the last match going on I’d have said ‘I’ll take that’.

We had strengthened our side by dropping Sean (!) So at No.5 David (Ritchie) went on against Oli Blakemore. The first game was all Oli, but David played well to get into the match and not let Oli have it all his own way. The 2nd and 3rd was 11-15 each, but in truth Oli was just a bit too strong.

Next up was Ben (Mazzucco) v Paul Donnelly at No.4. Ben won the 1st game easily and was in control of the 2nd as well, but Paul was obviously just getting used to the court and Ben’s game as he dug in. The 3rd was a real battle and Paul ran everything down, however even at that Ben was match ball up (3 of them in fact!). But with some amazing digging Paul eventually took the game 17-15.
Ben needed to keep the ball 3 foot deeper as he was hitting mid-court too much. Once again Ben was in the lead and Paul was coming back at him. Fortunately (at 12-6 up) Ben had just enough of a lead to will himself into 3 more winners, and he was mightily relieved to close this one out 15-12.

Dave (Craig) was on at the same time v Ramzy at No.4. Ramzy doesn’t half crash the ball about the court! His racket zips through the air and the ball takes a hell of a pounding. I didn’t see the 1st game, but Dave won it 15-12 so I assumed he must be in control. He also won the 2nd and I joined it in the 3rd and saw Ramsey in full flow and Dave struggling with the 500mph speed of the ball! Ramzy won the 3rd 18-16 and was now really back in the match. I told Dave he needed to slow the pace of the ball down and make his opponent generate all the speed himself (and get it tighter). Well the 4th was also a good battle, but David managed to keep control in the early stages to go 13-5 up and just as well as he sneaked home 15-11.

Rich (Cantlay) was on against Ben Carpenter at No.2. Poor old Rich was really up against it as Ben’s (who hasn’t lost a game this season that I can see on the results page – having said that they only go up to December!) game was the opposite of Richard’s and he was very good at what he does. Ben won the 1st two games to 10 & 5 with great drops and aggressive volleying. He was also 13-5 up, in the 3rd, as Rich screwed the nut and started the unlikeliest of come backs! 6,7,8 well done Rich, but wait 9,10,11,12,13 the crowd were getting really excited!! Just then, as Ben hit another tin he shouted in frustration “F#*# off you f#*#ing bell**d!” And that was all the motivation he needed to break the tension and find the final point! So 3-0 to the Uni.

Well as I said earlier it was now 2-2 in matches and I went on the glass-side-wall last with new No.1 Charlie Hibbert. Charlie looked and looked at the side wall with great suspicision during the knock up and I could see he was far from impressed. I heard court 2 become available and so I offered moving court and Charlie almost bit my fingers off! When we got onto the new court he turned to me and said “No excuses now I suppose!” And it was a good point!

What a forehand Charlie has got! You can’t read it, he’s lightning to the front left and deceptive in the back left (he’s a lefty by the way)! Right don’t put it there then! So most of the game was spent trying to get a wide cross-court onto the right hand side. I won the 1st 15-7, but the 2nd was a real tough one and although I had a small lead throughout the game Charlie kept coming back at me. At 14-14 I’d already squandered 3 game balls; Charlie got 2 game balls of his own and on the 2nd I asked for a ‘let’. I thought it was reasonable ‘let’ but Charlie thought it was a ‘no let’. The marker (big Davie Craig, who hates marking, but had to do this one as no one else was about!) Was completely silent for an absolute age (later on I heard Dave was muttering to himself ‘F#*#ing hell’) and then gave me a ‘yes let’. I’d been fearing the worst with a pause that long. I eventually won the game 19-17 on the 5th game ball. Phew!
I steeled myself for an even harder 3rd game, but it didn’t come. I was up 11-3 with some lucky nics and Charlie was hitting the tin a bit too much. I was determined not to let him back into the match and was very relieved to cross the line 15-8.

So a fantastic win for the team and good chat with the Uni guys after – we even gave them a lift to Ashton Lane to carry on their student lives of out every night and never up til lunchtime!!!

Wednesday 6th February 2013 – 3rd Team
A long time since I played at Glasgow Uni. In my view the students are not getting any younger, does that mean I am not getting older?

Craig Paris (at No 5) had already lost 3-1 by the time arrived. I can imagine just how it went, close games, shouting, histrionics, more shouting, and the occasional volley taken with the right foot. He has already left the building, too.

Piotrek at (No 3) was in a particularly funny mood tonight; don’t know why, perhaps he felt unusually mature. In his long 5 setter, he was revealing Polish humour with his own spin on it, plus a bit of Polish gamesmanship taking advantage of marker’s inexperience. Piotr was loving it though, and brought to the venue his best squash this season. At hand out though, he would hirple up to the service box like a lame old man, joke with the marker, before serving. Lost 3-2. It was 8.50pm by now.

At No 4 Neil Ross played well to go 2-0 up; then lapses of concentration let his opponent win the 3rd. Belief flowed into the student, as it ebbed away from Neil, and anger , and frustration set in. A 3-2 loss for Neil tonight. In the Grosvenor Café they were putting the very average (even when hot) pizzas on the table at this stage.

At No 2, I had a nice game, against Robin but lost 3-0, played ok, but not in the clutch, and managed to get around 40 points, but no games to show for it. And David Wilson (No 1) up against a very useful chap called Nobuhide Otsudo and also lost 3-0.

An 18 – 5 defeat. Hopefully a few more can make it further up the teams to give us a chance, would make a huge difference to the 3rd team experience.

Strange to be playing a team of students, who – collectively – were more mature than us! Whilst Piotr and I were struggling through the coldest pizza, their 1st team turned up, so we heard about their game at Anniesland. Be interesting to read Jason’s version.

Nite Nite.

Wednesday 13th February 2013 – 1st Team

Sean and I arrived so early the club was still shut when we got there, so we nipped across the road to the Dreghorn Fish & Chicken Bar for some carb-loading! At 6.45pm we went back to the club and their No.2 & 5 had arrived and we had No.1 & 3! How does that always happen?

Soon after Sean (Norris) was on at No.3 v Phil McKie so I took to the roof for refereeing duties. It was immediately obvious that this was going to be a clash of styles with Phil playing the shots and Sean chasing them. Sean was his normal nippy self which caused Phil to question some of the pick-ups and he was becoming more and more convinced that the ball had bounced sometimes up to 4 or 5 times! But Sean always calls his 3 bounce pick-ups so I was happy that all was good!!!

Sean won the first two games with some good boasting to confuse his opponent (Phil was getting a bit grumpy by this time! Not sure why though? He must have forgotten to get the wife a Valentine’s pressie and was annoyed that it would have to be flowers from the petrol station! Again!!).

Phil did take the 3rd game and played well to do it, matching Sean’s determination at the business end of the game, but Sean wrapped things up by winning the 4th. Phil was soon back to his normal self and said “Do you want me to spell ‘bad marking’ for your report? Bloody cheek!! MOTM to Phil – good grumpy performance!

Talking of marking, John Crawford (SSq top ref) was there and was telling me about the recent ‘Edinburgh Open’ when they were experimenting with the 3 ref marking system, which is supposed to get rid of the bad calls as all 3 refs give a decision and the majority decision is taken. Anyway up steps Daryl Selby (World Ranked No.10) and asked for a ‘let’ and on one occasion he got 3 different calls from the 3 refs (no let, let and stroke!) Classic!

Next on court was big Davie (Craig) v Graham Crawley @ No.5. Fortunately for Graham the signs were looking good for him, but unfortunately it was only the ‘signs’, that his company produce and are all over the walls, that looked good!! as David stamped his authority on this game. The best part of the game was when Graham and their marker started shouting at each other for no particular reason that anyone could see. I assume the reason this ‘Ayrshire rammy’ kicked off wasn’t the marking, but more the language used to describe what a ‘wee pr#*k’ the other was! Anyway markers changed and handbags were soon put away. Dave won this one 3-0 with a good dominant performance. Shot of the match did come from Graham though. I was sitting behind the glass court as Graham was in a lot of difficulty at the back wall. He smacked the ball straight at my face and when I opened my eyes I was amazed to see the ball rolling along the backhand wall (at the front of the court as a drop shot) and big Davie trying in vain to peel it off!

Ben (Mazzucco) went on next v Jim Kenny and managed to win the first game easily. Unfortunately he assumed (and not for the 1st week) that this was the end of things and he could muck about for the rest of the night. Jim showed him how wrong he was as he volleyed really well to push Ben all the way in a nail-biting/entertaining 3rd but Ben sneaked it about 22-20. Ben got the match head back on and eventually won the 3rd more comfortably with some much straighter squash (3-0) to Ben.

Captain Cantlay arrived late from Edinburgh and went on next v John Robertson at No.2. I went to change and when I came back Rich was 2-0 up, but John was thoroughly in control of the 3rd. He was dropping Richard all over the court and Rich was looking a bit slow. John took the 3rd and came off complaining about his Achilles, so I wasn’t surprised to see Rich wrap things up in the 4th game with some much more focused play.

I was on last against my old mate Kenny Hardie. Kenny told me he had the cold and was hassled with life in general – get your excuses in early I thought!! I told Kenny that I’d never been playing better and felt great (despite a few too many jars last night at the pub and feeling a bit lethargic! Well the wife was away!). It was a good contest though and neither of us was giving any quarter. It was soon apparent that I’d have to a) play as straight as possible b) keep it off his big booming forehand and c) try not to get too involved with the chat! First game to me. The second was a real tough one and tight all the way. Kenny was on the charge and determined to test Jim’s marking skills! But in a stop start game I managed to get a few crucial points at the right time and just about sneaked home. I got a good lead in the 3rd and this was going to make me hard to beat as long as I kept my concentration, and so it proved as I won this one more comfortably. MOTM to me? Well in my head anyway!

So a good win for the team and it keeps us in contention for (the dreaded) promotion! Great chat with the Townend teams afterwards and when I said “We could have been top of the Division if the Newlands match had gone our way, Ben replied “Yeah, and we could also have been top if Sean wasn’t playing every week!” – line of the night!

So some more carb-loading with pizza and chips (and Belhaven Best) for dinner. Sean said he’d been to the doctor today and the Doc told him to watch what he ate, so he’s booked a trip to Ayr Races today! Boom-boom (thanks to Scot Morton for that gag!)

Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 1st Team
SSRC last night and Sean wanted an early start. He obviously knew that asking for the week off for his anniversary was going to get him nowhere (!) so instead he arranged an early start, so he could get back for his date! (top commitment!)

When I arrived Sean was on against David Irvine at No.3 and was 2-0 up and 14-6 up in the 3rd. But I have to say from what I saw, David was right in it. He pulled the score back to 14-9 and all the rallies were tough. However Sean won 15-9 and so the first 3 points were on the board.

Captain Cantlay was on next v Martin Sullivan at No.2 and before I give Richard a right slagging I’d like to say that I think he’s been playing really well in the past few weeks and really improving his game over the whole season. It’s also important to say that you only play as well as your opponent lets you and Martin kept things tight at the right times. Right, with all that out of the way, Richard was rubbish last night and I’m not sure he’d have beaten an egg if it were put in front of him! Seriously though it’s impossible to keep a good run going indefinitely and tonight was just one of those games. As I said Martin played well, and in the first game he came back from 6-10 to win 15-10, with some excellent tight length to the back.
Rich got the 2nd with an amazing come-back of his own. He was 12-8 up then lost the next 6 points to go 12-14 down! I awarded the game to Martin on the next point, but was told by both players that I was “as blind as a bat” and Richard’s shot was up. Reprieve! Rich then went on to take the game 16-14! The next saw a similar score line happen, but Martin won this one. I turned to Big Davie C in the 4th game and said “The amazing thing is that Richard is playing badly, but is still in the match!” – well he was in it all the way to the end, but Martin took the 4th in a close 17-15 finish (a 5th would have been interesting!).

Ben was on at the same time v Kenny McGill and I missed the first two games as I was marking, although I did hear rackets flying all over the court on a number of occasions. Must have been Kenny’s as Ben was 2-0 up and appeared to be in control using Kenny’s pace against him. He was also trying to keep it off Kenny’s volley and he’s becoming a bit of an expert at this as he seems to have to do it every week. In the 3rd I saw Ben playing some good controlled squash and using the attacking half volley well. I’m sure that earlier in the season this would have been a five setter, but Ben took this 3-0 and played well.

Big David C went on next against a guy I’ve played a few times over the years, so I thought I’d give Dave an insight as to the nightmare game he was about to experience! Joe Healy is notorious against all who have ventured on court with him and now David can be added to this list. Having said that he did win the 1st game and had a really tough 17-19 in the 2nd, but obviously Joe was just getting into his stride. I was on court after the 1st so I didn’t see it, but Dave said he tried everything to keep the ball off Joe’s volley, but in the end Joe won the tie 3-1 (Dave looked dazed and confused afterwards).

I went on last against Chris Farrell and it was the decider! Love it!!! I remember watching Chris play in the 1st half and he was “pure meltin’ the baw” so I knew I had to be ready for this. I got a great lead in the 1st (10-2) and although the winners started to fly off Chris’s racket at this point and he got it back to 12-10. But with another big push I won the game 15-10. I had an even better start in the 2nd and was 13-2 up, no chance of losing from there!! 2-0 boom! I was now in a dominant position and was not going to let the foot off the gas, and managed to close the match out 3-0.

So a close 3-2 win for the team and an early night. The bar was actually still open when I got there, although Martin and Dave had eaten my salad! Still the chat was good, even though I don’t think Ben realised that Sean had left early. He was slagging everyone off, like he was having his usual verbal battles with Sean! He’d already deposed Richard as Captain when I arrived and was busy doing salad jokes at my expense! Captain Cantlay pretended not to want the captaincy, but in a fabulous passive aggressive move, proceeded to fill in all the scores, discuss the next three team matches and settle the bill (and buy me another Old Speckled Hen). Well played Captain!

Wednesday 20th February 2013 – 2nd Team

No report????

Wednesday 27th February 2013 – 1st Team

Sean phoned me earlier on in the day to discuss the match and as we were chatting about who we may be playing Sean tried to describe his likely opponent. “Will I be playing that really tall guy?”
“Well,” I replied “that doesn’t really narrow it down Sean! In fact you say that every week “I played that tall guy, I played that tall guy.”

At 6pm I got a message that Cameron House could only get 4 players out, so I had to give our new No.5 (JT) the bad news and the rest of us headed to Loch Lomond. Sean took the road high over the Erskine Bridge and I took the lower road under the Clyde Tunnel and do you know what? Sean was at the banks of Loch Lomond before me!

Cameron House guys were missing about 3 key players and so were very short this week. Ben (Mazzucco) had already played and won 3-0 v Alan Burns. I understand that this is Alan’s first season in team squash so not a massive surprise to hear he lost to Ben.

Captain Cantlay was back to form this week as he took on Andy McGroarty at No.2. He was looking dominant in the match and was imposing his game on Andy. Good length and good volleying meant a good 3-0 to The Captain.

Sean (Norris) was on next against David Cargil at No.3. I marked this through the solid 30 foot glass wall and spared myself the ignominy of shouting through the door frame, by doing the marking in sign language. You know, one finger for 1-0 (careful what digit you use – I mean you don’t want to start a fight**) and of course two fingers for ‘No Let’ Sean! Sean was in dominant form to win the match 3-0 and was rarely in trouble.

I went on last against Alan Barbour at No.1 and this was an interesting game. Alan has an uncanny ability to volley anything, and I mean anything. Serve – volley short. Drive down the wall high – volley short. Drive down the wall anything above a foot – volley. Cross court – volley short. The game was getting away from me at 13-9 (ish) and so I thought serve like a tennis player and try and make everything hit the floor as low as possible. This made a massive difference and I came back to 13-13 and then went on to win the 1st game from there. The 2nd game was much the same with a lot of banging and crashing about the court; with me trying to keep everything low. Not pretty, but I did win it 15-10.
This was all a bit too tiring, so I thought of going the other way and lobbing everything. Alan’s first return of serve (which had snow on it!) was dispatched in no uncertain terms. But this didn’t deter me and I just tried to lob everything even higher! A few went out, but in the main it worked as Alan went a long way back to play the shot and so I hit a quick drop to win the point. It was soon 15-9 match to me and so we headed off to the bar.

Sean had hidden a Cameron House “Wedding Pack” in Richard’s bag and we goaded Richard for a while about this, suggesting he could get married after a squash match to save a bit of money. Richard seemed to shed a tear at this chat, but apparently that was due to a contact lens getting stuck around the back of his eye. Slagging Richard was in full flow and was all going well until Sean ordered a half pint! Alan Burns just looked at Sean and said I’m not sure if they do them in halves!

Good craick with the Cameron House lads and meat-balls and pasta for dinner. It was an excellent idea in the current climate to call them ‘meat-balls’. Master stroke to use the ambiguous term! Could be beef, could be horse testicles – it’s still meat!
And the veggie option of pasta and sauce left me wondering if hoicking out the meat balls/horse testicles was what made it veggie?

** This method of calling the score wouldn’t stop any fights in Townend (although the argument when we were there was about the score, so maybe it would!)