Match Reports DLWE 2011/12

  1. October 7, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Wednesday 28th September 2011 – 1st Team
    Absolutely excellent match tonight. Team won 3-2 (14-11)

    First up- – I lost to Allan Law 3-0. NO injuries – so cant really complain.

    Next up – Ben narrowly lost to the most unorthodox player – in the world. 3-2

    Next up – Sara beat Kenny Hardie 3-2. Gutsy performance. Should get so negative about her performance. Good digging.

    Next up – Richard beat Andy McCully. Best from Rich for a while, really played well and looked like the pomegranet juice is paying off.

    Finally – Doug beat Rosco. Nailbiting match – Doug scraped through, looked confident.

    Club temp was in the low 90s with humidity much the same. Not much fun at all. Some well kent faces down there – good bunch of guys – delighted to stuff into them.

    MOTM : Doug
    COTM : David C

    Amcs

  2. October 7, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Wednesday 28th September 2011 – 3rd Team
    Result of DLWE 3 V Townend 3 as follows.

    1. Mark Smith beat Bill Mair 3-2
    2. Garry Dickson lost to Phil McKee 0-3
    3. The Colonel lost to Steven Greig 1-3
    4. Al Baird lost to Brian Terras 0-3
    5. I beat Ian Shaw 3-1

    So overall a 7-15 loss. Not a disaster but we must do better if we are to stay in Div. 4

    Some individual comments are as follows.

    Mark had a typical scrappy five set match which was very close. However mark won 15-13 in the fifth. At 13 all Garry at last took a hard line with Mark`s opponent and told him a shot clipped the top of the tin and then refused a let, to give Mark the match. Mark looks to be thickening up slightly round the middle and may have to cut down on the home cooking. However a great win.

    Garry had not played squash since March and it showed. He also has tennis elbow. Lost comfortably 3-0. Needs practice and may have to play a bit lower until he improves. Trademark drop still in evidence but not as effective as usual.

    The Colonel played well in spells but should have done better against an opponent who had not played for several months. Needs more practice.

    The Bairdhound started very slowly against an opponent who looked better than position 4 in their team. A comfortable 3-0 win for Brian Terras in the end.

    I won 3-1 against an opponent who was as mobile as me! Should have won 3-0. However good to start off the season with a win.

    So as said earlier not a disaster but much room for improvement.

    Regards

    David Wilson

  3. October 14, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Wednesday 5th October 2011 – 1st Team
    Excellent win tonight 18-3 against Whitecraigs LT&SC. A good start to season with 32 points after 2 weeks.

    In order of play:
    5- Ben Mazzucco (double z double c) destroyed Alex Everingham 3 zip – who was heard after the 2nd game saying ‘we are in trouble if that’s their number 5′. Not much to say other than good solid performance from Ben. Good educational focus after his game while other matches were played doing some homework until feeding time (my influence).

    4- Lee ‘the the bullet’ Gunn made a long trip back from that island next to Lanzarote that no one can say or spell to look as tanned, muscley and trim as ever (or ‘like a bender’ as young Macmillan put it -think he was referring to the tan in October in Scotland). Squash was a little rusty and even his new trainers (bought especially to star for the first team) couldn’t save him from losing the first to Alistair Ross. Then remembered who he was (DL squash club finalist 2 years on the trot ) and handed out a 3-1 beating. Good stuff and great to see him back in the team. Unfortunately that’s it till after Christmas.

    3 – Davie (he is human after all) Craig also turned up looking like a bender (again as Douglas put it) with a full tan and musceles. Unfortunately this fit look was seen through as his opponent (Sandy Barr) made him run around and the 2 weeks of fun in Mexico was starting to take its toll. The first time ever that Davie has looked tired during a game of squash. However true to form, didn’t let that ruin the night and handed out a 3-1. Good digging big stick.

    2 – me. Played good enough, but was just simply another step towards a week of fun that starts Friday 7.30 aim. 3-0 win against Ian McDermott.

    1 – this was the one that grabbed the attention. How would the young wannabe comedian stand up to John Howie. I was genuinely expecting a 3-2 and thought it might go to John. Douglas had other ideas. He did drop a game but the 3 he won John only got 4, 5 and 7 points. Superb result. It must only be a matter of time before he is able to beat me . Still waiting for the challenge tho. Have phoned Vodafone to make sure there are no undelivered texts from him requested a challenge, but apparently nothing. Showed no committment to his education whatsoever – instead of using the 2 hours he waited around to read Shakespeare / Catcher In The Rye / To Kill A Mockingbird, he handed out abuse to his fellow team mates.

    MOTM – Andrew McSherry – best I have seen him play on a Wed for ages.

    COTM – Davie Craig – I felt it was unfair he got it last week when he didn’t even play so given it to him this week to make up for it.

    Night night (hopefully the young guys in bed asleep and not playing shooting games on the PS3 which I lectured them about).

    Richard (a walking good example to the young ones)

  4. October 14, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Wednesday 5th October 2011 – 2nd Team
    Excellent and comprehensive report Rik which I will not even attempt to replicate.
    Good 13:8 win for the 2nd team tonight at home against Whitecraigs RFC.

    In order of play.

    Paul Hannah (50ish) v Adam Reid (12) and just slightly bigger and heavier than his racket…cracking little player and one to look out for in the years to come. The old experienced hand though was too much for the young pup and Paul despatched him 3 zip.

    Sara v Dave Golding, Sara lost the first then wins the next 2 before losing the 4th to make it two all, at last Sara introduced her normal A Game and took the 5th 15:6, tough game and Sara had to dig deep while far from her best…well earned player of the match award.

    Doc Dave v Graeme Kelly. After taking a game each Dave seemed to struggle with his opponents unpredictable game, lost the next 2 and the match 3:1 but a valuable point.

    Jason Grinton v Mark Reid. Jason just wasn’t himself tonight and lost 3:0 to a player that he would usually comfortably see off…making noises of giving up Wed nights, lets hope not as he is far too good a player not to be involved…perhaps a spell further down the teams may help, thinking 2 or 3 in the second team??

    Me v Rbt Steel. Pivotal match with the scores at 2 all…sneaked a 3:0 win…16:14 in the 3rd with a cunning disguised shot of the rim of the racket (very difficult to coach that kind of thingl!!!), would most certainly have lost and passed out if the match had continued.

    Well done troops.

    Bon soir

    Robert Mac

  5. October 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Wednesday 5th October 2011 – 3rd Team
    At no 5 David Wilson v Bernard Dunn.
    I marked this with glasses on. It’s amazing what you can see! You see things others don’t. Nobody argues with 4 eyes. Bernard was up for it, and whilst I thought David played well, he lost 3-1. Did well to get a point.

    At No 4 The Colonel v Linda Duncan.
    Nice warm courts to my liking but calf injury from an ill advised 10k on Sunday meant I wasn’t charging round the court in normal fashion. Won a game, but worsening calf at end of 3rd meant 4th game was quite a short one. Interesting though, when you cannot move you are forced to paly good shots for a change – might try to learn a lesson there. Lost 3-1.

    At 3 Kenny Lumsden v Grant Stevenson (?)
    Great to see Kenny turning out for us. But like many of us a bit ring rusty and went down 3-0. Unlucky not to get something out of the tie. I know it is disheartening, but simply by turning out it gives others slightly better chance of points further down, and into lower teams. Importance of this cannot be over-emphasised (that is main reason I played despite injury). Thank you Kenny.

    At no 2 Garry Dickson v Douglas
    Both ring rusty (if I can say that), Garry especially as he disnae play squash April to Sept. Two elements to Garry’s game Raw Power and Deft Drops – it was the former most in evidence last night. Garry has 3 (no 4) expletives that come out during a typical game of his sqwuash.

    1 Ahhh, that’s P*sh! (rising in volume towards final syllable)
    2 That’s Sh*te (louder than expletive 1)
    3 Ohh, you (big) Diddy!! (normally after faffing a drop)
    4 Ohh, you (big) f*nny (again after missing an easy drop)

    Expletives 1 & 2 were barely used possibly as lots of females about. Expletive 4 was a new one to my ears. If you get to know his game you can just about guess which exclamation is coming after losing a rally. And if it is expletive 3, you can be certain that next time he gets to serve, it will be a very hard one. I felt particularly sorry for the ball in this game. Garry went down 3-2.

    At No 1 Mark Smith v Kerri Nicol
    A great game to watch mainly due to quality of Kerri’s squash. She out performed Mark, winning 3-0. Mark came very close in 3rd game losing 18 – 16. One for the 2nd team to look out for later this Autumn.

    Col

  6. October 14, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Wednesday 5th October 2011 – 4th Team
    Good win for 4th Team away at Allander 2

    I won 3-1
    Kevin won 3-0
    Ramzy lost 0-3
    Andrew 3-0 walk over for opponent who did not show
    Dave Maz 3-0 win

    One of their players, Fraser, good enough to give Andrew a hit because of no show.

    Off to Cyan, Milngavie for Soup, Sandwiches and drinks – very good.

    2 mins up the road – in bed for 10.30 reading about the adventures of a young Holden Cauldfield.

    Night

    Al

  7. October 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Wednesday 5th October 2011 – 5th Team
    I will keep it short, just like the matches!

    In summary we got humped 18-0 so it was not an easy introduction to team squash for 3 new team players, on a positive note it will only get better.

    1. Donald MacKinnon lost 3-0 to Dennis Liddell
    2. Neil Ross lost 3-0 to Phil Mcfadden
    3. Kevin lost 3-0 to Stuart Walker
    4. Malcolm Day lost 3-0 to Mark Robinson
    5. David McGill lost 3-0 to Alan Currie

    Next week will be better.

    Food was hot and had not been sitting for a couple of hours! Every cloud does have a silver lining!

    Donald

  8. October 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Wednesday 12th October 2011 – 1st Team
    Depleted first team played Giffnock away last night.

    In order of play

    Me at 5, won the first and lost the next three, should have done better.

    Sara at 4, lost 3:2, played well but probably feels she should have won.

    At 3, Ben retired through early injury, 3 zip loss.

    Davie Craig at 2, marathon match v Noel Woods which he narrowly lost in the fifith.

    Doug at 1, won 3 zip.

    Final score 12:8 for them, it would be easy to say with a full strength team would have comfortably won this match but Giffnock were also fielding a weaker team, citing the same issues we have…an unsettled first team!!

    Kind Regards,

    Rob Mac

  9. October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Wednesday 12th October 2011 – 2nd Team
    Indisputably underdogs at the outset of this thriller on the Southside of Glasgow, David Lloyd 2 produced some unquestionably industrious performances to run out 3-2 winners against an incredibly unrelenting Newlands 5 side.**

    Results, with relevant detailed analysis of individual performances, were :

    1. Brien Boland 2 David Ritchie 3. Unambiguously indefatigable.
    2. Gordon Wilton 2 Paul Hannah* 3. Undeniably indecisive.
    3. Steven Black 2 Mark Smith 3. Unremittingly incessant.
    4. John Hazlett* 3 Garry Dickson 2. Irrefutably unlucky.
    5. Keiran O’Neill 3 Kenny Lumsden 0. Unfortunately injured.
    Final Score 12 : 14.
    * Denotes Man of the Match.
    **This Match Report is a tribute to the late David Francey.

    P

  10. October 27, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Wednesday 12th October 2011 – 3rd Team
    A young team they were, only one chap over 14 I would say.

    On at No 5 Andrew Alabi against the youngest of all, Mark Coyle. Mark went 2 games up, then Andrew settled in, took some advice from Bairdster, let his opponent’s young temperament get the better of him, and ran home with a welcome 3-2 victory. Well marked by the Colonel, but for loss of concentration early in the 3rd game.

    At 4 Ramzy Ross against Callum Stout. A good game. Ramzy let to 2-0 lead slip, but won the decider 15-7, for another good 3-2 win. Ramzy played well.

    At No 3 Kevin ‘Duracell’ Cameron v the only fully grown player Paul Geri. Kevin did very well to win the 2nd and 3rd games, but opponent initially startled by Kevin’s energy, eventually got the measure of him. Lost 3-2

    Then the old timers.

    At No 1 I soon ran out a 3-0 defeat from young David Tolland. Managed about 15 – 20 points in total. Delighted that calf didn’t deteriorate (maybe game didn’t last long enough), or maybe it was thanks to the silicon insoles (from Boots) recommended by legend Kenny Lumsden.

    Finally, at No 2 Bairdster didn’t last much longer against Stuart Pitt, also losing 3-0.

    So a 16 – 8 defeat, could have been worse; could have been better I suppose if Kevin had sneaked one more game, for the match victory. 2 more points than the codgers though. The likes of Ramzy and Kevin in particular could march past us in the hierarchy, but you’ll have to beat me first. Come and have a go, if you ….

  11. November 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Wednesday 26th October 2011 – 1stTeam
    Evening punters.

    Strong performance all round tonite from the troops. Ran out 18-2 winners against Townend 2.

    Douglas Mac (1) bt John Robertson 3-0. John would not have been able to cope with Dougals ‘class’.

    Robert Findlay (aka Slug) (2) bt John Evans 3-1. Didnt see the game – but fairly clinical by all accounts.

    David C (3) bt Phil McKie 3-1. Didnt see the game – but fairly clinical by all accounts.

    Ben Maz (4) bt Graham Crawley 3-0. Saw the last game- Ben seemed to be phased a lit by Graham’s unorthadox technique (or complete lack of technique) – but stayed focused at the end to wint the 3rd 15-13

    Robert Mac (5) beat Steven Gregg 3-0. Some of the best stuff Ive seen from Robert – against some pretty classy opposition (all cheese and no burger someone said). Totally in control of the match from start to finish.

    MOTM – Robert. By a mile.
    COTM – mmm… controversial I know – Im going to plump for Richard.

    nitenite.

  12. November 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Wednesday 26th October 2011 – 5th Team
    Good solid 18-0 win for the 5th team, no tricks for the students but they were treated to some lively conversation and hot food.

  13. November 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Wednesday 2nd November 2011 – 1st Team
    Cameron House arrived minus their out and out number one so advantage us, that said we are at least 3 regular first team player down….

    In order of play;

    1.At 5 Me v Jim Lloyd, Jim was drafted in at the last minute, doesnt play regular squash never mind team squash but showed enough signs that he could do some damage…3:0 to me.

    2. At 4 Sara v Gus Mccuaig, just back from holiday Sara had to work her socks off against the very awkward and stuffy Gus, Sara won 3:0 and player of the match, Gus won a remarkable 40 points in defeat 16:14, 15:13, 15:13.

    3. Ben v Rolf Hansen, Rolf wins 3:2 in what sounded like a belter of a game (I was marking on other court), good 2 points against a seasoned campaigner.

    4. Davie C v Andy McGroaty, great game to mark and watch, Davie played like a man possessed to win 3:0.

    5. Last up at 1 Doug M v Alan Barbour, Alan is the kind of player that would have you in bits if you let him, Doug didnt and won 3:0.

    A terrific 17:3 victory and must keep us comfortably in the top 3rd of the division.

    Ayr away next week

  14. November 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Wednesday 2nd November 2011 – 2nd Team
    David Lloyd second Team welcomed Townend Thirds from North Ayrshire. In the hope that Auld Lang Signs (no, really!) might extend their sponsorship to division 4, the results were as follows : –

    1. David Ritchie 0 Roger Dunlop 3 No onie guid. Played squash like Souter Johnie.
    2. John Turner 2 Billy Mair* 3 Braw effort. Sprattled roun’ the court, but hirplin’ at the end.
    3. Paul Hannah 3 Ian Fairbairn 0 Feckless and slaw. Played like a fou crowlin ferlie.
    4. Mark Smith* 3 John Crawford 2 Hawk’d deep to pull off braw victory.
    5. Alistair McKenzie 3 Iain Shaw 0 Skelpit the ba’ weel.

    When the drouthy neebors sat down, the final score was 14 – 8.

    *Tap laddie.

    Aye.

    PH.

  15. November 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Wednesday 3rd November 2011 – 2nd Team
    1. Garry Dickson lost 3-1 to Harry Coughlin.
    2. David Wilson won 3-2 against Ian McFarlane.
    3. Al Baird lost 3-1 to David Claxton.
    4. Kevin Cameron won 3-0 against Gordon McClure.
    5. Ramsay Reid lost 3-0 to Graham Reid.

    So overall a 14-8 loss.

    Garry had a reasonably close game but needs more practice after his summer break from squash.
    I took too long to get to grips with my opponents drop shots but lasted five games reasonably well despite jet lag.
    Al had a close game but his opponent dealt with Al`s lobs and drops fairly well.
    Kevin was man of the match. His speed about the court and cross court drops make him a real handful at this level. He had a fairly comfortable win. With more practice leading to a tighter game, he could move up the rankings quickly.
    Ramsay found it difficult to cope with his opponents tight serves, lobs and drops. Still all part of the learning curve.

    Next week the 3rd team are at home to Western 4, the 4th at home to Broomhill 2, and the 5th away to Bowfield 2.

    Regards

    David W

  16. November 24, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Wednesday 9th November 2011 – 1st Team
    played top of the league ayr tonight.

    in order :
    JT lost 3-1 won the first, seemed to play well
    Dave R lost 3-0 close in the 3rd, could have got a game
    Dave C won 3-2 could have won 3-1 played well
    Mark lost 3-0 never saw this match
    I lost 3-1 close games, could/should have gone to five.

    COTM goes to A McsSerry (pre approved/advised by Dave C) , awarded due to poor managerial skills, a gay ankle and … it just seemed right !

    P.S NO MORE CALL OFFS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. November 24, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Wednesday 9th November 2011 – 2nd Team
    Decent win last night away to Newlands 6.

    13:9

    1. Me v Bernard Dunn (MOTM), lost 0:3 not my finest hour but BD was fit and quick.

    2. Sara v Kerri Nicol, 3:0 win, some good quality squash here, tough first game and thereafter Sara took control.

    3. Jason Grinton v Linda Duncan, 3:1 win for Jason and his appearance was much appreciated although I think it came as reminder to him as to why he has hung up his racket on Wed evenings.

    4. Paul H v Colin McIntyre, 1:3 defeat, Paul wasn’t given a chance to get going due to Colin’s unique style and experience, good point though.

    5. Kenny Lumsden(MOTM) v Douglas McArthur, 2:3 win and was the pivotal game, Kenny looked down and out at 2:1 down with his dodgy knee playing up but he found some reserves from somewhere and came storming back to take the last 2 games and a victory for the team, thoroughly deserved MOTM award, well played.

    Kind Regards,

    Robert Macm

  18. November 24, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Wednesday 9th November 2011 – 3rd Team
    Many thanks to David W for deputising, and apologies for arriving late, getting quickly humped, and leaving early.

    At no 3 David W lost 3-0 to talented youngster.

    At No 4 Ramzy Ross lost 3-1 (I think) and played very well, but needs to engage brain and learn a little more about lets and court craft. He will soon develop these skills and move on up the rankings.

    At No 5 Bairdster lost 3-2 – 2 useful points against a team that was 2 divisions above us last season.

    At no 2 I was outclassed by Chris (Thames?). He kindly gave me the 3rd game, for which I was grateful. I can tell I am out of my depth when I get off court not especially knackered.

    At No 1 Duracell K Cameron lost 3-1 to lean rangy youngster – didn’t see the game as I was suffering down on Court 3.

    So an 18 – 5 defeat, when Zero Points (with French intonation) a feasible outcome. Thanks to Jason g for playing further up, because we may not have got those 5 points otherwise.

    Next week, home to Whitecraigs RFC. The youngsters will be 1 year older. Bairdster beware!

    Graham S

  19. November 24, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Wednesday 9th November 2011 – 5th Team
    Playing as the 4th Team against top of the table and undefeated Broomhill 2

    1. Dr Andrew v Graham Clark – 2-3 loss
    Andrew played extremely well in a close match – good retrieving and running but his opponent just had the edge on him

    2. Mazz v Alastair Pickard – 0-3 loss
    Carrying a bicep injury and not being able to hit a hard forehand I resorted to “floaty droppy crap” as Kev put it and the 2nd and 3rd games were close 21-19 & 16-14

    3. Zahir v Dennis Liddell – 0-3 loss
    Close 2nd and 3rd games did not see muck of this match but Zahir needs to get on court a bit more – like the rest of us!

    4. Br Bob – Phil McFadyen – 0-3 loss
    Bob was lat on despite being first to arrive and wanting away early. The battle of the belly’s with Bob losing out to bigger belly Phil who had just become a grandfather that morning.

    5. Malcolm v Alan Currie – 0-3 loss
    Malcolm needs to play more squash as he was very rusty.

    Had we had the proper 4th team out Broomhill were beatable and DLWE 4 would
    be close to the top of the division….. I have a dream!!!!

    Regards,

    David Mazz

  20. November 24, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Good result for the lads tonite – 4-1 (16-6 victory).

    For once – I managed to be relieved of parental duties early – and popped round the corner to WRFC to see all the matches.

    First up – Doug @ 1. He beat Jim Cross 3-1. Jim’s a grafter – but Doug was just too strong for Jim. Solid performance – never in doubt.

    Next up Ben @ 4 – solid 3-0 performance. Ben remained focused the whole time – punishing his opponent with some quality length.

    I then played Graeme @ 5. Was looking like a 3 zipper – then went over on my ankle and dropped the 3rd. Had it been a bounce match – I would have stopped there – wild horses could take me off on a Wed night. Thankfully the (large) grey squirrell was playing for DLR next door – and he advised to “just hit nicks”. So I did. and wont the 4th easily. JB should do a squash equivalent of the golf Stroke Saver series of publications. One doc does all opponents, matches, courts & standards. Just hit nicks – a (free) lesson for us all there.

    Richard (fresh back from his 3 weeks of sun, sand, see & sex) was next up. There was a real sense of anticipation in the air. Up against Archie @ 2 – Archie is in his 60s to be fair. Rich won the first relatively easily (I dont think Archie’s pacemaker was switched on). Anyway – RH then proceeded in the 2nd to go 9-0 down – and it all started to go Pete Tong. Big time. Rich then lost the 2nd & 3rd. He managed to claw it back to 13-13 in the 4th – got to 14-13 – had Archie pushin his zimmer front & back and front & back and front & back and front & back and then after a 142 shot ralley with Archie dialling 999 at the front of the court then proceeded to cream it into the tin. 14-14 and there was only going to be one winner here – and it wasnt going to be Rich. 3-1 loss. Things can only improve here. When asked what position he wanted to play next week – he said hed happily play for the 2nds. I suggested he’d have to fight his way to get in there.

    David then came on and beat Mark Reid @ 3 3-1. Some really spectactular recover shots and movement from David. Mark is no slouch – and Wavey should be pleased with this performance.

    COTS (s for season) is no Richard.

    amcs

  21. December 1, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – 1st Team
    Good solid 16 3 win against Strathgryffe 2 tonight.

    At 5, Sara lost 3 1 against a young guy who was very good technically. Good game to watch (and mark) and closer than 3 1 suggests. Sara did well to win third after 2 0 down and unlucky not to take 4th. Andrew was their deserved man of the match.

    At 4, Young Mazza dished out a 3 zip drilling. A quick ‘on, 3 zip, off’ effort. No messing. Good win. Think it was a result of him getting himself in the zone pre match with some One Direction up full blast on his Ipod.

    At 3, Davie (sporting a more hairy tache this week until he did his post match groom which really sharpened things up around the chin). Hard shift against a decent female who was good technically. Also clearly been coached. Not enough to overcome ‘The Big Handsome’ tho who won 3 zip.

    At No.2 I was nervous about playing Rambo knowing his unortodox style could add to my woes from last week. He turned up his usual ‘colourful’ self and asked for let after let after let – and obviously pointed out to the marker when he was expecting a stroke! I did however win 3 – 0. Nice guy, just doesn’t like losing.
    Oh nearly forgot. Frank actually asked for a let in-between rallies at one point – apparently to advise the marker he wasn’t going to be ready. I have never seen that before (even at Ballyearl!!).

    At 1 Douglas handed out another demolition against their No 1 who is very tidy player. Also a bit of arguing on this game around lets which douglas got involved in a couple of times to avoid being left out. Didn’t need to bother as never going to lose.

    COTW – no home team award

    QOTW – a self nomination (similar to Andy last week) from me with ‘I love watching you eat’ to DC. I have never seen a man prepare a baked potato for chilli in such a manner before. Obviously no stranger to a baked tattie with chiili.

    A one off award for Late Arrival of The Week (LAOTW) – an award which is built into Dave Ritchie’s house as we never thought anyone would ever beat him – goes to AMCS – turned up as we all headed for the showers. Never saw a shot. Good to have his chat after the match tho.

    Night night

  22. December 1, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – 2nd Team
    And so to Western for what turned out to be another classic shoot-out.

    First up were two grisly and experienced gunslingers in the shape of Neil Craig and Robert MacMillan, reminiscent of Clint Eastwood and Gary Cooper in their heyday. The contest got off to a lively start, with R. producing a deft forehand drive for the first point. However N. fought back quickly, and gained a two-point advantage. R. then won the next with a clever, disguised drop shot (disguised as a drop shot). The following few points were exchanged after lengthy, lung-bursting rallies. This was turning into a real shoot-out, reminding the heaving gallery of the OK Corral. Word even got to the (saloon) bar. Linda was seen, moseying on through, lips like Audie Murphy’s saddle-bags. The game ebbed and flowed, a delightful lob here, a skillful boast there. Every point was hard-fought, with no quarter given. Word on the public gallery was that this could be the game of the season. The match was finely poised at 12-10 in Neil’s favour, and the tension was almost unbearable, when Robert realized that he was playing the wrong opponent. In the wrong team. On the wrong court.

    Robert (now reminiscent of Lobey Dosser playing a starring role in Blazing Saddles), resumed proceedings, this time against the correct opponent, ( Duncan Park), and won 3-2, after some fine squash, emerging as the only player in the history of Scottish Squash to win a match after 6 games.

    Other scores were :-

    5. Allan Mowat 2 Mark Smith 3
    4. Euan McLean 2 Paul Hannah* 3
    3. Brian Dunn* 3 David Ritchie 2
    1. Euan Faulds 3 john Turner 2

    Overall result :- western 12 DL 16.

    *Denotes the evenings John Waynes.

    Quote of the night : ‘ Robert, you’re on the wrong court ‘.

    PH.

  23. December 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – 3rd Team
    Got there early as I was playing No 5, and had to get away for 8.30 tennis game. Smithy was already there playing No 5 for 2nds also playing Western (4ths). He said he thought he saw Robert Macmillan’s car outside – I said I thought he was marking a 1st team game before wondering across.

    But, we made our way up to the “viewing corridor” to see the big man already working up a sweat. It took us a few seconds to work out that he was playing in the wrong match, against the no 2 in the 5ths, rather than 4ths. Looked like a close first game!!! I read a few times RM using the T word when others do silly things such as D Craig arriving at the wrong Whitecraigs. But this is surely the first time anyone has actually started a game against the wrong team. But I wouldn’t want to use that word.

    I then went on court and like every match but one this season the score was 3-1, but this time I managed to come out on top. Much happier playing further down the order. I then legged to to DLWE for tennis, but before tennis I rushed to the squash courts to inform of Robert’s mistake. Quote of the week a text from son to Dad “you played the wrong team, you Fanny”

    Meanwhile form man Kevin Duracell lost 3-1 at No 4. Kenny Lumsden lost 3-0 at No 3 and the teuchter Al Mackenzie who I thought might be rusty won 3-0 at No 2! Robert must have tired him out!

    I got back in time to see Garry Dickson play the decider at No 1. He lost 3-0 in my red swimming trunks which his big sweaty arse managed to squeeze into. I expected them back next week suitably laundered but instead he return them wet soaked in shampoo saying he was off to Malawi on Friday, and thought i’d like to see them before Xmas.

    So a 13-7 defeat for the team. As only 2 of us stayed for supper our hosts thought they could manage with 2 pizzas rather than 3. But they didn’t bargain on someone from another match pinching a slice! Their number 2 was suitably alarmed when he only managed to get 1 slice. Who was it? Well Robert Macmillan playing 1 and a quarter matches could not wait any longer, and found this way of continuing his connection with our game.

    Col.

  24. December 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – 4th Team
    The 4th team fielded their strongest team of the season and won 18-3.

    First on was Dave M at 5 who played well with some nice shots. A comfortable 3-0 win against a player who didn’t move much but had some tricky drop shots.

    Next on was Andrew A at 4 who also played well and ended up winning 3-1.

    Ramzy really wanted to play second as he had agreed to take his girlfriend out. However his opponent took too long to get changed and Andrew went on instead. Despite a prompt 3-0 win, Ramzy was late to meet the girlfriend and had to postpone his night out. Well we all have to make sacrifices for squash and get our priorities right. I didn’t see a lot of Ramzy`s game as Richard`s entertaining match against Rambo was on the next court. An impressive performance from Richard.

    Al Baird went on next at 3 and won 3-1 against an opponent who moved about well and got to some good shots at the front. Al`s lob serves proved decisive in the fourth game.

    Finally I went on at 1 against Jill and promptly lost the first game. However some advice to keep hitting it into the back corners as she doesn’t turn quickly from Andrew McSherry proved a ‘turning point’ and I won the next three games.

    So an 18-3 win which is our best of the season so far. Next week we are at home to SSRC4.

    Regards

    David Wilson

  25. December 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – 5th Team
    Quick one as heading to Far East for a meeting shortly (Edinburgh).

    I don’t have the actual teams sheets as passed them to Maz to enter on website however not very difficult to forget scores – no matter how hard I try. Opponents names however are another matter?!?!?

    In Team position order:

    CP v Dan ? I lost 3-0. Played crap. Couldn’t hit a straight, decent length drive down wall, too many mistakes and rushed shots. Should have been able to beat this guy.

    Piotrek v ? Lost 3-0 however just coming back to playing team squash (or just to coming back to playing squash in general). Think he’ll admit himself that he has put on a bit of beef. Bit of play and sure he will be back to his usual self.

    Donald v Alison?? Lost 3-2. At least got us 2 points and avoided a total granny! Didn’t see match as i was on other court. Better than the rest of us!

    Malcolm v Charlie Lost 3-0 From what I saw of this Malcolm put up a decent fight but not enough to match Charlie.

    Michael v ? Michael’s first ever team squash match and it was over in a flash……. or should I say a crack. He was 1-6 (roughly) down in first match and jumped to intercept a lob and cracked his ankle. Had problems with it in past when he dislocated it a few years ago therefore was game over and a 3-0 walkover to opponent. Hopefully ankle ok and will be back to play again soon. Better get ankle sorted soon!

    Poor night all round.

    Anyway – no great quotes last night therefore here are some one liners to cheer us up after a poor night of squash: (no prizes for guessing who is the author of the quotes below!!!)

    • I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese.

    • The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

    • I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

    • I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lbs of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

    • My girlfriend’s a redhead, no hair, just a red head.

    • A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

    • I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself.

    • She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

    • I was walking along the road. I knew I was walking because one foot was following the other. A car drew up beside me and stopped. The driver opened the door and asked me if he could give me a lift. I replied that I didn’t need a lift as I lived in a bungalow.

    • I knocked and the woman opened the door in her night dress. I thought to myself at the time what a strange place to have a door.

    And before you say it……….YES the old ones are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Regards,

    Craig P

  26. December 15, 2011 at 12:00 am

    Wednesday 30th November 2011 – 1st Team
    To set the context, I am not going to attempt any funnies tonight as Pauls report is still too fresh in peoples mind so any attempt at humour would fail miserably.

    Good 17 6 win tonight away to craighelen to maintain strong first half of the season.

    Ben was at 5 and won 3 0. Didn’t see game as arrived late from work (and then couldn’t find club) however convincing win by all accounts.

    Rob was at 4 and unlucky to lose 3 2. Saw the 4th and 5th games and Rob played decent and just pipped at the post. If you are going to lose then lose 3 2.

    DC was at 3. Convincing win 3 1 I think (or could have been 3 0) – not sure as I was on at same time. Good anyway. Will be sad to see the moustache go!

    I was at 2 and won 3 1. Slow start but got there in the end. Playing pretty rank right now.

    Doug was up against a good player at 1 but again convincing win. Keeps good record going. A few loose shots creeping in down the middle but apart from that streets ahead. Seems unfair how fit he is!

    And that was that. No idea who they appointed as man of the match. Defo not me. Douglas would be my guess.

    So strong win and once results all entered should see us in 3rd at least. Snail available for next 2 matches to strengthen all teams.

    Quote of the night came from the guy to my left – when rob said ‘I don’t know how I keep my shape’ as he helped himself to his 4th bit of pizza the guy said ‘ I know, you should be more triangular the amount you eat’

    Cheers

  27. December 15, 2011 at 12:00 am

    Wednesday 30th November 2011 – 2nd Team
    When Harry met Sara….

    The seconds paid their annual pilgrimage to Whitecraigs tonight to meet their second team. Scores, in reverse order, were :-

    5. Ian Mcfarlane 0 Kevin Cameron 3
    4. Fred Laing 2 Mark Smith 3
    3. Tim Ross 0 Paul Hannah 3
    2. Colin Hanbidge* 3 David Ritchie 0

    Pick of the matches was last up, in the shape of veteran campaigner, Harry Coughlin against the youthful and energetic Sara McDonald. Sara bounded on to court, very much up for the game. Harry wheezed in, looking every one of his 130 years.

    This latest remake broadly followed the theme of the original 1989 release : can a man and woman ever truly be friends…………… where there is a significant age gap.

    The game got under way. Harry was slow, but effective, and took the first 15-12. But Sara was back on court quickly, ready for the next one. After the statutory 10 minute break, Harry wandered in, presumably remembering he was playing in a squash match. After some quality rallies, Sara prevailed, and took the second.

    But she was clearly becoming frustrated by the pace of play. Harry was taking so much time between points that the marker was by now on to his fourth pint of Trade Winds. The pace, or lack of it, seemed to get to Sara, and Harry again found himself one up. Sara asked for a time check between games. But no one the gallery had a sundial.

    By the fourth Harry was moving slower than Riff Raff in the Rocky Horror Show. When he came onto court, spectators swore they heard the door creak. Sara stepped it up and took the game decisively.

    Two all. By the start of the fifth, Harry was so decrepit, he made Bruce Forsyth look like Graham Norton. But the game was good and the quality of squash high. Sara won. And was pleased. And relieved. And managed not quite to fall out with her ancient adversary.

    Final score Harry Coughlin 2 Sara McDonald 3.

    And solution to the film’s conundrum? Well, depends who you listen to. Harry: ‘No’ (for obvious reasons). Sara : ‘No’ (‘I could never be friends with someone whose birth certificate has expired’).

    Overall score DL W/E 15 Whitecraigs 7

    Quote of the night : ‘ Harry, that’s last orders’.

    *Denotes tonights star performers.
    PH

  28. December 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Wednesday 30th November 2011 – 3rd Team
    3rds up again stit tonight with weakened side against craighelen 2. They wouldn’t play court 1, so we were down at the colder end of the courts. Ramzy Ross claimed court 2, and was not going to be pushed off, for fear of missing yet another date. His mentor Jason was on hand to watch most of his game v their no 3, Dave strickland wearing those same flourescent shorts. Some advice from Jason almost helped him win second game, but he went down 3 – 0.
    Next was Andrew Alabi, of jaunty gait, and frequently hands on haunches suggesting a bad back but the man is fit and well. Indeed, he won the 2nd game but lost 3-1 overall to their no 5, Ian Anderson.

    Simultaneously David Wilson at no 2 against Steve Graham. Close in first game, but lost 3-0.

    Alastair Baird at no 4 against fitness man Chris Bowman. Bairdster came close in all games, and was unlucky to lose 3 – 0.

    At no 1 I lost 3-0 v Kieran Martin. Came close in 3rd but couple of drops went down and so did I. Came off court under exercised again. A sure sign of being too pesh to compete.

    So AAlabi spared blushes in 18-1 pummeling. His quote of the night, “i should have won”

    Much excitement about next week’s squash fest. Hopefully, good turnout from teams further up, so that 5ths can play. Good numbers not bringing their cars.

    Colonel

  29. January 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Wednesday 14th December 2011 – 1st Team
    A win 12 9 tonight at Broomhill tonight. Given how tight it is a top of league might not be enough to see us in 2nd at the turn.

    At 5 ben had good 3 1 win against the guy who used to play at Whitecraigs LT&SC.

    At 4, snail beat him self by continually aiming for the tin.

    At 3, DC got pumped 3 0 by the Chilliman

    At 2, I just beat the tennis guy 3 2 who digs out everything.

    At 1, douglas won 3 0. Good first game but the rest easier.

    Just looking at the league its hard to tell who will be 2nd behind ayr. Hopefully us but not convinced.

    Hopefully we are in strong enough position to provide good platform for good 2nd half and win a promotion spot.

    COTW – a tie between (i) Douglas for his new back pack; (ii) snail for managing to beat himself without involving his opponent; and (iii) DC for getting beat by a guy who was making chilli at the time which he was stirring inbetween games.

    QOTN from the Chilliman who shouted through to a dejected DC as we all sat at the table:

    CM: hey Davie
    DC: yes, what is it
    CM: you might be good at modelling but your shi*e at squash!

    Hope everyone has a good christmas and new year. Bring on the first match of 2012.

    Ps special mention to douglas who I am sure was getting filmed for a programme of Man versus Food. Had 2 massive plates of chilli and rice at Broomhill and for dessert had a plate of thai green chilli and rice back at DLWE. I would suggest Rob leaves the bathroom window open all night

  30. January 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wednesday 14th December 2011 – 2nd Team
    Excellent 16:5 win tonight v Western 5 which should assure us of second place at the end of the first half, well done one and all especially after a tough start through the loss of Lee, Jason, Andy and then no Rik for 4 weeks.

    Sara won 3:0 v Sheena, fellow medic and friend from way back, match was much closer than the score suggests in a very friendly match, never in the history of squash have I ever seen one opponent offer another a let because they had a cough!! Quite charming.

    I won 3:1 against Helena the florist who didn’t like the courts, didn’t like losing, didn’t stay for hospitality, didn’t say thanks, didn’t say goodbye, didn’t like the way she played, didn’t offer any form of chat, strained her back and clearly didn’t like me.

    Paul lost 3:1 against their newest player who will spend most of next session rising up the teams, a good player who is just a bit ring rusty…oh matron!!

    Dave Ritchie won 3:1 v Danny, had to focus throughout but played well and deserved a good solid victory to round off this term.

    Last up was John Turner v Alan Mowatt, John wins 3:0 but had to work his socks off for it, Alan has been over the course many a time and deserved a game, tough battle and another fine win for john.

    Plenty of food to be had as only 5 of the 10 ate.

    With settled teams next term there is a real chance the firsts and seconds will be promoted, bring it on.

    Kind Regards,

    Rob

  31. January 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wednesday 14th December 2011 – 3rd Team
    A positive end to the year! A big 13-9 win for DLWE 3 against Newlands 5. However, not without much excitement and some controversy.

    At 4 – Graham Sanders kicked off against a Kieren O’Neil. GS never really settled throughout the game. Could have, and probably should have won. An off day with 3/15, 11/15, 10/15. A 0-3 loss at game 1.

    At 5 – Myself, played okay against a Roy Nicoll. A mixed bag of shots yet again! However, a win nevertheless. 16/14, 15/9, 14/16, 15/13. A 3-1 win at game 2.

    At 3 – The Duracell rabbit had already kicked off on court 3 against a John Hazlett. Again, another scenario of could have / should have. 10/15, 7/15, 15/7, 9/15. A 1-3 loss at game 3. Make sure the battery’s fully charged for next time.

    At 2 – Kenny Lumsden had a good game after losing the first. He sorted himself out and fought back for a big 3-1 win (9/15, 15/11, 15/6, 15/8). All about the length Kenny…

    At this point it was all square at 2 games a piece and all down to Mark Smith at No.1 to give us the win. A few pre-match exchanges were made between himself and opponent Gordon Wilton. One I recall was Mark saying something along the lines of ‘I am playing the old man’ with Immediate retaliation from Gordon by taking the first game (9/15).

    Psychological warfare still continued and likely played a key role in the outcome of this game with both players giving each other some verbal abuse, but with most directed at the Colonel who swiftly took action. One occasion that stood out was the Colonel saying (after have given a stroke), ‘I gave you the stroke didn’t I? So shut up then’. Apologies from both players then came streaming in. Colonel in command.

    So excitement to the very end both on and off the courts. A close finish, but Mark picked up his game and succeeded with a good 3-1 win (9/15, 15/12, 15/6, 15/11) to provide the 3rds with the first win of the season! Good finish to the season, but this has to continue (and will!) if the 3rds have any hope of avoiding relegation.

    Onwards and upwards.

    Ramzy

  32. January 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wednesday 14th December 2011 – 4th Team
    1. I lost 3-2 to John, a young fit guy. Played reasonably well and did well to win the 4th game to pull it back to two all. However had to work extremely hard in 4th game and energy levels had run out for 5th game. On a positive note seemed to be moving better than usual, possibly due to warm courts at Western, and even played a winning crosscourt drop off a good drop from my opponent. A rare sight indeed. I won motm which is difficult to understand as two of our players won their matches.
    2. Al Baird beat Neil Craig 3-1. Neil is now famous at DLWE as the player who started and almost finished a game with Rob M before the latter realised he was on the wrong court playing against the wrong player from the wrong team. Neil confirmed that Al gave him a much better game and he was confident of beating Rob M if the game had continued.
    Anyway back to the game last night, Al was always in control and got his lob serves and drops working well. A good win.
    3. Andrew A beat a woman 3-2. Close game with Andrew playing some good disguised shots. A good win in the end.
    4. Dave M lost 3-2 to another young fit guy. Close game with Dave playing much better than last week. Not much in it but Dave just eased out in the fifth. Dave`s opponent won motm.
    5. Craig P lost 3-1 to another young fit guy (anyone under 40 looks young and fit to me). Craig played well in spells but continues to make too many mistakes and hit too many loose shots. Needs to insist that the wife lets him out more for squash practice.
    So a 14-11 defeat in a match we could have easily won.

    Regards

    David W

  33. January 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Wednesday 11th January 2012 – 1st Team
    Unfortunately a loss for the 1st team tonight at home to Townend.

    I was held up at work and so asked the Squashfather (Rob Mac) to look after things until I arrived since he would be down watching. He diligently turned up at half 6 and got everything sorted ready to go. I was surprised when I turned up at 7.20 to learn not one match had started. Townend were refusing to play on court 1.

    Anyway Andy Maculley had no probs and wanted to get on whatever court was free as he was here to play Division 2 squash. We had a good match and it was pretty even but Andy was putting too much down at front left resulting in a 3 1 win for me.

    Meanwhile, court 2 had become free and John Turner was having a ding dong with Danny. Presumably the court met Danny’s strict specification requirements and he won 3 0.

    Next up was Doug Mac against Colin Wilson, a new Townend recruit from down south and a healthy addition to their team. Looked very good and Doug lost the first 11 15. However, Doug did brilliantly and came bad with a strong 3 1 win. Good effort. Colin was a fine loser and never had any complaints about the court.

    Next up was Allan Law v Young Ben. A fine gentleman is Allan. Nice first game and he took it 15 8. No complaints, moans etc. However, in the second he asked for a let, fishing for a stroke yet again, and I awarded a let since Ben was clearing the ball. Allan was outraged and kept moaning and moaning. I made a simple observation that it was similar in nature to him awarding a let in my game. He misinterpreted this as me saying I was making a consequential decision based on his marking of my match. Hardly, I like to think I am a bit more genuine than that. Anyway, Allan won eventually 3 1 by playing some decent stuff. Even apologised to me after saying he realised he was out of order.

    At this point it was 8-7 to Townend who are the team behind us in the league.

    So it all came down to The Big Handsome v Ross Allan. A fantastic battle. Must have started about 8.45 and they were still on court as the bar was formally shutting at 10pm (the agreement to stay open until 11 on a Wed was obviously only applicable in 2011!). Davie was doing his usual game and frustrating his opponenet while playing some nice stuff. Managed to get 2-1 up but unfortunately lost 3 2.

    So Townend won 11 9 and with the 3 bonus points made it 14 9. A well fought victory for them – can’t take that away from them.

    PS Mazzuco pulled me up for only giving Ben a let after he turned saying that turning only applies off a serve. Have checked on the internet and no mention of that. As far as I knew, it was any shot where you turn. Can anyone clarify??

    PPS although the bar was formally shut at 10pm, the girsl did helpfully stay open a little later which was aprreciated. The food was also good so thanks for DL for that.

    Cheers

  34. CAL
    January 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Turning rules applies at any stage in a rally. Take it from a qualified ref.

  35. January 19, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Really? I though the turning is only for the serve and says that if the ball hits you’re opponent then you lose the rally. Turning during the rally is a different rule? No?

  36. CAL
    January 19, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Rule 4 is Service rule. Rule 9 & Guideline G4 is turning rule and does not refer to service or Rule 4.
    If you turn and hit the opponent, you lose the point, period. Whether on service return or later shots in the rally.

    http://www.worldsquash.org/ws/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/110920_Singles-Rules-V6.pdf
    hope this helps

  37. January 19, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    OK, I see that rule 4 applies to both the serve and open play, however your assertion that “If you turn and hit the opponent, you lose the point, period.” doesn’t appear to be correct as G4 states “Referee shall award a stroke to the opponent, unless the opponent made a deliberate movement to prevent a good return reaching the front wall, in which case the Referee shall award a stroke to the striker.”

    I think my understanding was right as it’s also not an automatic let on turning (I was really referring to the appeal process, as I take it for granted that if you’re unsighted and hit your opponent you lose the ralley – I know I didn’t say that!)

    According to 9.2 – If the striker turns:
    9.2.2.2 – the striker may, before striking the ball, out of fear of hitting the opponent with the ball, stop and appeal. The Referee shall award a stroke to the striker, if deciding that the opponent did not make every effort to avoid the interference on turning (*G5)
    (so presumably running to the ‘T and just camping there?)
    9.2.2.3 – the striker may, before striking the ball, out of fear of hitting the opponent with the ball, stop and appeal. The Referee shall not allow a let, if deciding that the striker could not have made a good return regardless of the interference.
    (bit harsh!)
    9.2.3 – the striker may, before striking the ball, out of fear of hitting the opponent with the ball, stop and appeal. The Referee shall not allow a let if deciding that the act of turning was to create the opportunity to appeal rather than an attempt to return the ball.
    (who does that?!?)

    (*G5 – if the opponent had ample time to clear but made no effort to do so, or deliberately moved thereby creating the interference, the Referee shall award a stroke to the player).

  38. January 29, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Wednesday 18th January 2012 – 1st Team
    Reasonable win 14-7 against bottom of the table Whitecraigs LTC tonight. Surprising our whole team turned up at the right club first time. Top marks.

    In order of play, first up was DC at 3. Lost 3 0 to Alex Everingham. Let’s leave it at that.

    Next up was Ben at 4. DCs horrendous form seemed to rub of on Ben in the first game against Alistair Ross. However pulled himself together after game 1 and banged out a 3 1. Good work.

    Next up was me at 2. Pulled out a cheeky little 3 zip against Iain McDermott. Job done.

    Then it was Douglas. Unfortunately John Howie did his ankle in on 4th point so not much of a match even altho he battled on.

    Super Dave Ritchie arrived about half 8 and had clearly had long tough day (including a funeral). Went on court and had a real ding dong with Harry Coughlin which he just got pipped at the post. Did well and just too many mistakes. 2 valuable points tho and gets my man of the match.

    That’s a proper club. We ate dinner in the dirty bar. Peroni on draft (which unfortunately I couldn’t sample) and some pre dinner darts followed by lasagne and chips while watching el classico

    QOTW – several but mostly non printable. Therefore will go for douglas saying at dinner ‘he is non undefeated -what’s the opposite of undefeated again?’. Eh, its defeated douglas!!

    next week me, doug, ben and DC available. Never got chance to ask Dave.

    Night night

  39. January 29, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Wednesday 18th January 2012 – 2nd Team
    We let big Bob down with 17 – 4 defeat. But We all could have and should have, and even deserved better than the results.
    At 5 I lost 3 – 1 to Robert Steel, my usual result. Could make excuses but Jason, when suits for a lesson? Need to work on front of court craft.
    At 4 Kenny Lumsden lost 3 very close games to Alan Gregg , all of which he could have won.
    At 3 Kev C had the tables turned on him by good performance from young Harry. Outplayed – even his ridiculous amount of running could not help him.
    At 1 Paul Hannah was playing well in my view against Dave Golding. Deserved more than 3 – 0 defeat. Finally, a classic case of attrition from the electrician, with a 3 – 2 win over Steven McCormack. A good man to have in your team.
    Colonel

  40. January 29, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Wednesday 18th January 2012 – 3rd Team
    3RD team lost 18-2 to Newlands 6

    Only Al Baird and Garry D each got one point.

    Very poor performance. Only item of note is detailed below.

    My opponent pulled off a stunt I had not seen before in 30 plus years of playing team squash. He was tiring in the first game so he threw himself into the glass door of Court 1 and jammed it shut. It took 10 minutes to decide what to do, as we could`nt leave the court, and so he had recovered by the start of the second game. At the end of the second game he was again tired but this time we had to wait until DLWE management unscrewed the glass door and we had to move to Court 2 to continue the match. Again he had more than ample time to recover. I am considering an appeal to the West Committee over this incident as I was unable to press home my superior fitness.

    Regards

    David W

  41. January 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Wednesday 18th January 2012 – 4th Team
    Sadly a 6-17 loss but a good battling performance all round

    1. Craig v Jaco Ferriera 0-3, 13-15 score line in all 3 games could
    easily have gone either way, did not see any of Craig’s game as I was on
    court at the time. His opponent go MOTM for forgetting his shoes, but made
    it back to beat Craig before I finished my match

    2. Mazz v Ian Gault 3-2 win very close game had everything in it but
    the kitchen sink, 2 broken rackets (only strings), ball in the face (me just
    under the eye) off a back corner boast, blocking, serving down on match ball
    and some shocking refereeing from Donald!! At least I won and MOTM for my
    efforts – sore legs today

    3. Kevin v Ray Small 1-3, Kev got off to a good start and won the
    first then the wheels came off. Rallied in the 3rd game losing 11-15 but by
    then the tank was empty and Kevs tank grows weekly on beer!

    4. Donald v Brian Cunningham 1-3. Another close game that could easily
    have gone our way on another night. Serving out twice on game ball in the
    same game does not help!

    5. Dr Bob v Norrie Macmillan 1-3. Bob got off to a good start against
    an awkward leftie and then lost the next 3 games by a few points. Bob used
    up too much precious energy have a game with Craig before the match, playing
    tennis and swimming, no time for work these days!

    Food was OK, bar was open Mr Wilson got trapped on court 1 when the back
    wall support bracket cracked and the door jammed shut. He need to stop
    boasting himself off the glass!

    Over and out.

    Regards,

    David Mazz

  42. February 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Wednesday 25th January 2012 – 1st Team
    It was Giffnock 2 at home this evening.

    Got up this morning with good intentions of trying to sort out early start since 3 teams playing at home. 3 hours of texting later wished I had never bothered (especially when I realised that their No 1 had turned up at 6.15 and wasnt aware our No 1 not turning up till 8). And one DLWE team had cancelled.

    We knew it would be a very tight match given the team they have been putting out. And a must win if we have any realistic chance of going up this season.

    The SquashFather was on first at 5. Up against Greame Swain. Greame Swain at 5 – this is going to be a long hard night! Given I picked the SF up off a train at 6 and he was ready on court at half 6 I knew this was going to be a toughy for him. He went 1 game up but then Greame came back to go 2-1 up. However the SF loves a come back and managed to pull back to 2-2. Unfortunately Greame pulled through in the 5th but it was close. 15-12. Great battle and set the scene for the night ahead.

    I arrived and found out I was playing Graham McAinsh – never what you want to hear unless you enjoy back to back spin classes. This will surely be a near death experience if i am to win this. Graham played his usual game in the first and sneaked it. I then managed to get the next 2 and even altough being 13 11 up in 4th graham came back and got to 2 2. All down to the 5th and it went all the way but I managed to snaeak it 15-13. Thoroughy enjoyed the match and either player could have won.

    Next up was DC. There was only one thing certin here. This had 3 2 someone written all over it. But was it for DC or Gary Blanchflower. Fortunately it was DC who prevailed but only after excellent game from both players. DC went 1-0 up but then slipped down to 2-1 down. At this stage Gary seemed to tire and DC turned on his usual superhuman function. DC won the next 2. Gary did seem to slow with his kneee injury but DC deserves his win.

    At this point I thought I would go and grab a shower as things were hottening up. Next up was a young team double header. Douggie M against Niall Morris and Benny M against Steve Patton.

    Post shower I nipped in past the bar for a beer and realised Naill was watching the football. Fairly relaxed approach to a warm up!!Turns out after winning the first 3 points against Douggie M he pulled a calf and game over. V unlucky – particularly given he had been waitin for 2 hours.

    So match to DLWE. Disappointing way to claim the bonus points after the first 3 tussles but as they say “some days ur drinking the wine, other days ur crushing the grapes”. And tonight, we were drinking the wine.

    Not all over yet tho and Ben and Steve didnt fail to let the side down with yet another 5 set thriller. Steve started very well and went 2-) up with some very tidy squash. However, as is often the case, Ben started to play to his best into the third and ended up clawing back to 2-2. It went all the way on the 5th and eventually Steve managed to pull through 16 14 in the 5th. Another thriller.

    So it ended 16 to the Winedrinkers and 10 to the Grapecrushers. Excellent bunch of guys and much closer then the score suggests. However, no one ever remembers the runners up!

    DL served up some Desperate Dan stylee pies afterwards which were cracking – the sort of size you would imagine even Andy MacSH to eat 2 of. Just wish big DC had stayed to see how many he would have managed! The only non pie eater was Dave Ritchie who, late as usual got himself some haggis, neaps and tatties. Good work DR.

    Man of the match for DLWE was me. Obviously. Man of the Match for G2 was Steve.

    C8ck of the match was Douggie M for a) leaving his partner waiting (I got same abuse when I was at school); b) tearing his partners calf; and c) eating my lid (and it was a proper lid).

    Night night

  43. February 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Wednesday 25th January 2012 – 3rd Team
    18 – 1 loss for 3rds at giffnock with ramzy Ross getting a game.

  44. February 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Wednesday 1st February January 2012 – 1st Team
    Average night tonight, but we got12 points none-the-less against Townend 2.

    I arrived at 7pm and sat freezing my n*ts off for at least 2 hours at the back of a court with jacket and scarf on! Went on court and surprise surprise pulled my groin. I would have warmed up and stretched but those who have been will know u can barely get in the door let alone find a space to warm up or stretch.The court itself was hot at the back and freezing at the front.

    In order of play:

    The SquashFather (Rob Mac) lost 3 zip. This was an early start at 6.30 and by the time I arrived he had lost the match and then played another and won 3-1! I believe the 3 zip was a much closer contest than the scoreline leads u to believe.

    Dave Ritchie had a tremendous 3-2 win at 5. Went 2 down but settled into the game in the 3rd, stopped the mistakes and ended up worthy winner. Man of the match.

    Douglas went on at No.1. Never a contest. Not much to say other than he destroyed Danny. If it was a boxing match it would have been called off.

    Davie (I play with my left hand in the first game) Craig turned up and played total @ish in the 1st (as he told me he would). Then won the next 3 against tricky opponent. Good win.

    I went on. Played average / poor in first. Pulled groin early in the second and then that was it. Stupidly played out. Not sure what I was trying to achieve.

    Two big games coming up. Next week away to Cameron House (tbc). I’m available I think – subject to injury clearing up – will follow the Big Handsomes (David C’s) tips and ice every night till Sun then stretch and heat thereafter (no squash allowed).

    Night night

  45. February 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Wednesday 1st February January 2012 – 4th Team
    Good win at Glasgow Uni last night 15-3

    1. Ramzy v Sharkir (MOTM) – 0-3 loss. Sharkir (Sharkey to his team
    mates) made Duracell look like he was on ordinary alkaline batteries. Fast
    about the court great volleying skills. Not much squash finesse, nearly took
    Ramzy’s head off at one point, never dropped but just kept running. Close
    score in the games only 8 points in it

    2. Andrew A v David Ellis – once Andrew got to the correct university
    having been to Strathclyde convincing 3-0 victory

    3. David Maz v Sarah Iveson – 3-0 solid performance result never in
    doubt

    4. Craig P v Josh Bain – 3-0 Comfortable win for Craig

    5. Donald (MOTM)v Ian Chalmers – 3-0 win Not one of Donald’s best
    performances but good enough to win

    Back to winning ways for the 4ths

    Regards,

    David Mazz

  46. February 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Wednesday 8th February January 2012 – 1st Team
    Short summary tonight. Mainly cause I missed most of action but also short of time.

    Good win 13 7 against cameron house.

    Matches I never saw any of:

    At 5 Rob got beat 3 1. Don’t know much more than that. Important point.

    At 4 Ben won 3 0. Don’t know any more than that. Excellent and important win.

    Games I saw 2 minutes of each:

    At 2 (me and DC did swap) , DC won 3 0. Excellent and important win.

    At 1, Doug lost 3 0 up against very good guy.

    Games I saw all of and was involved in:

    At 3, I won 3 1.

    So 13 7 win to DLWE 1 and hopefully keeps us in 3rd.
    Cheers

  47. JT
    February 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Wednesday 8th February January 2012 – 2nd Team
    The second team returned from the Badlands of North Ayrshire (ie A Townend Called Malice) having suffered a 15 – 8 defeat.

    Dave R lost 3 – 0, didn’t see it as was late (dodging the snipers on the roof – jeez, first time I have ever been there)

    Kev ‘Duracell’ Cameron won 3 – 1 – great result – not sure if it’s his first outing in the seconds, but he did a fine job and will undoubtedly continue to improve as court craft develops – great effort.

    Smithy lost 3 – 1, having won the first 15 – 1 ( think got to 13 – 0 before his opponent got a point, so close to that elusive ‘granny’) and totally cruising before his opponent managed to get out of neutral .

    Douglas lost 3 – 1 to Billy – the guy with a bullet like whip crack away forehand and – Douglas was very close, think that two of the games he lost went into “two clear”

    I won 3 – 2, having got 2 – 0 up before hitting the mental ‘off’ button, nearly getting grannied myself in the third (he got to 13), but managed to awake from my slumber just in time to take the decider. Must keep concentration. I think that the arrival of the pizzas during my match and the waft of a deep and crusty meat feast ultimately put my opponent off more than me.

    On the pizza point, Smithy put in a fantastic performance on the four seasons cheese – destroying the opposition with a 5 slices to 3 victory.

    We came away with 8 points and every soldier managed to make it home out of no mans land.

    Have a good day

    JT

  48. February 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Wednesday 8th February January 2012 – 3rd Team
    Carnivores lost 16 – 7, one of our better performances, against Whitecraigs LTC 2’s.

    At 5 Bairsdter arrived with very bad cold, handed me his tenner sure he wasn’t hanging around, then lost 3-0 to Ross McClure. Al would have hoped to win in good health, deserves MOTM just for turning up.

    At 4 Ramzy continued his good run and beat Ian Macfarlane 3-1. Then left early to go courting.

    At 3 I was up against a nice chap called Graham Reid. Garry warned about the sort of game it would be, but I didn’t believe it could be that much of a that sort of game. Lost 3-2.

    At 2 Kenny Lumsden lost 3-1 to Fred Laing (I know how Jason likes opponents’ names esp if his old stomping ground), and rues a damaged foot.

    At 1 Garry Dickson lost 3-1 to Tim Ross, and might have done better had he not been boozing till 3am last night.

    Nite Nite, Colonel

  49. February 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Wednesday 15th February January 2012 – 1st Team
    Absolutely brilliant win tonight for 1st team against top of the table ayr.

    Easy to see how they are top of the table. And that was them with a player out.

    However, the first team guys put in by far their best team performance of the season so far:

    In order of play:

    At 4, ben was 2 0 down and came back to win 3 2 against dave morrison. Absolutely superb result to kick us off. I only saw 4th game as they started early. Looked like he was playing top oif his game. Apparently slow start but then coming back from 2 nil down makes his performance even better. The nominated home player of the match

    At 5 big bobbie got beat 3 0 by robert summerville. Didn’t see any of his game but think he was pipped at the post in all 3. Made up for it after with some fine marking, drinking, eating and chatting. Surely a strong contender for ballyearl – team captain obviously.

    At 3 I won 3 1 against alistair meldrum with a groin injury and a cold. My man of the match

    At 2, Davie Craig played probably the best squash I have ever seen him play – against scott bradford. Used his brain, his fitness, touch and good looks all in one match. Amazing. He even asked for a stroke when it was actually a stroke. At 2 matches to 1 up this was the one that could give Ayr their first defeat of the season and DC pulled it out. Let himself down after the meal by only having 2 portions of lasagne. Balanced it up with no salad. Never been in the golden arches with him but bet he does the ‘chips first’ techinque.

    Last up was young doug against euan allison. It was now about points and the young pretender delivered. Convincingg 3 0 but very tight game. both players made it a good game to watch and mark. Can’t wait to play doug in a competitive match now. Reckon he might take a couple of games off me.

    So 15 6 to DLWE.

    Well done all. this was a very good win and hopefully we can keep it going for rest of season.

    Night night

  50. JT
    February 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Wednesday 15th February January 2012 – 2ndTeam
    Steady little 16 – 6 victory for the number twos tonight versus Newlands (why have I got Paul Simon’s ‘Graceland’ going through my head ?) 6th team.

    Douglas C lost 1 – 3 – didna see it as I was late, in fact didn’t see Douglas’s opponent at all thinking about it – obviously desperate to get away from us and our sizzling company

    Paul H won 3 – 1 versus one of their younger female players – didn’t see that either , but very tidy performance apparently

    Steve Elms won 3 – 2, having been 2 – 0 up, and pegged back to 2 – 2 before getting over the line 15 – 13 in the fifth, and just about managing to not blink first. Steve and his opponent were having a great game of ‘ see who can repeat the same shot which caused me to lose the point last time, most times’ – but seriously a great ‘ dig in’ effort from Steve. The other vital point to note in this match was the T shirts worn by his opponent – he started off with a Pulp Fiction one with nice image of Vincent and Jules on it ( “a Royale with cheese”), then changed into a Bruce Lee Return of the Dragon one – just left you wondering if he got three for the price of two and what he would pull out next – Dirty Harry ? Apocalypse Now? Sadly, we will never know…..

    I won 3 – 0 , best I have played for a while if I say so myself (my two squash brain cells in alignment for once)

    Dave R won 3 – 0 against another of their young females. Didna see as I was on other court , but good effort. Still chuckling to myself having seen Dave put his blue ‘Compo’ beanie on leaving the club.

    So basically I only saw one match , plus my own.

    Oh yeah, Steve picked up the MOTM award, as did Douglas’s elusive opponent.

    Night all

    JT

  51. February 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Wednesday 15th February January 2012 – 5th Team
    Good win last night for 5ths.

    Quick summary below as lots of insurance broking things to deal with today!!!

    Craig P v Ronnie Barron 3-0 WIN
    First two games were 16-14 however I’ve been on wrong end of similar scores in past few weeks. Thought I played well – consciously trying to keep it simple and it seemed to work I was happy!

    Kevin Reilly v Craig ? 3-1 WIN
    Well done Kevin. Hope knee ok as you took a bit of a tumble when your opponent tried to rear end you at match point!!

    Donald McKinnon v Brian ? 2-3 LOSS
    Unlucky Donald ! – went 2-0 down and fought back to 2-2 surviving several match points to win 4th 16-14. On another night could have been 3-2 to you!

    Malcolm Day v Fraser ? 0-3 LOSS
    Convincing win for Fraser. During food afterwards Malcolm put his tiredness down to having had a bit of a late night on Valentines night….He told me about the Lobster he cooked and the wine they quaffed however, thankfully, did not expand on that!!

    Gregor Murray v Andy Mansell 3-1 WIN
    Well played Gregor – 100% record in West of Scotland Leagues. Gregor lost first game however came back to win 3-1. Good performance for our young new recruit making his debut!!!

    All in all a good win.

    Regards,

    Craig P

  52. March 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Wednesday 22nd February January 2012 – 1st Team
    Good win 15 7 for 1st team tonight against 3rd bottom Whitecraig Rugby. Should keep us in 3rd but with Giffnock closing in and playing Whitecraigs tennis tonight the gap may be reduced.

    In order, top down:

    At 1 Doug beat Colin 3 0 in a strangely niggly match from 2 nice guys . Sounds a little bit metrosexual that. Didnt see much of the game as I arrived late but looked like the “Hamburger” was in control. Both seemed to think the other was fishing etc but all in all a straightforward victory I think. And they had a make up cuddle afterwards.

    At 2, DC fresh from setting up his new David Craig Tiling facebook page (I hope its as good for checking out woman that fall into the absolute belter category as his own fb page is) had a great 3 1 win against Jim Cross. Always going to be a battle and DC played excellent in first 2. 3 and 4 were bit tighter but DC pulled through to win 19 17 in the 4th. Official man of the match.

    At 3 I won 3 0. Feeling sluggish with only playing wednesdays over the past month but happy enough to win tonight. My man of the match

    At 4 Ben had a good win 3 1 against the roaming scientist – or the sliver fox – which ever you prefer. at 2 1 up and 5 10 down in the 4th it looked like it could go the 5th but Ben dug in and delivered a good 3 1. Carrying a thigh strain so excellent win under the circumstances.

    At 5 the “Big Mac” lost 3 0. Not looking himself on the squash court right now and despite his good efforts never managed a game when at the start of the season just might have got a win. Wasnt helped by an outrageous stroke decision on 13-13 when it was a clear let. Hopefully next week he returns to his usual self.

    So 15 points to add to the tally. And next up Strathgryffe 2. At Ramboland. Unfortunately I am unavailable next week as away to Slovenia on serious business of the kilts and beers variety. However, Rob has arranged for Sara to step in at no 4. Therefore, step up for Ben and chance to grab the glory – can Daddy M remind him to do kicking at rugby next wed afternoon – he is always sluggish when he does contact rugby.

    Good luck guys – 15 points minimum

    New addition this week – the DC eating report: with 19 of the 20 players staying for food there wasnt much opportunity to really “let the big dog eat”. However, managed to secure himself a baked tattie the size of a 18 bowling bowl and good portion of chilli. Expertly demolished and managed to eat the lot without any chilli dribbles. Good effort, Never spoke until the plate was clean. Good solid performance. 7/10.

    Night night

  53. JT
    March 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Wednesday 22nd February January 2012 – 2nd Team
    It was downstream, but not downhill tonight for the band of brothers that is the number twos as we went off to see Craig and Helen (what a lovely couple) and came back with a 16 – 7 victory.

    I arrived just in time to miss all the other matches, and somewhat worried by the number of The Muppets posters I passed en route which I was convinced was an omen for the nights events, but thankfully it was not.

    First up was Douglas Cardiff who went down 3 – 1 to Dave ‘shorts’ Strickland (12 – 15; 10 – 15; 15 – 11) Douglas had to leave at 2 – 1 down, conceding the final game, as he had an important delivery on for work – hats off though for turning up and bagging the point.

    Next ‘lightning’ Kev ‘Duracell’ Cameron beat Rab McGinley 3 – 0 (15-13;19-17;15-2) – nice work by the speed master !!

    Then our very own Mark ‘Smiffy’ Smith beat Shaun McDonald 3-1 (9-15;15-3;15-9;15-5) – get in !

    Paul Hannah had the match of the night beating Chris Bowman 3-2 (19-21;15-8;15-7;14-16;15-9) – tight as a nats, with Paul bringing that bacon home. Both Paul and Chris got MOTM. Magic darts.

    So that’s when I struggled in , having been up and down the Helensburgh road several times looking for the damn place ( more Muppets posters), maintained composure just enough to beat Steve Graham 3-1 (15-10;15-13;9-15;17-15). Quite pleased with that, although the pale pink and blue walls in that place somewhat give the impression of playing inside a Battenburg cake.

    All round a very decent evening then for the seconds – good work guys…….but please no more Fozzy Bear posters……….

    Night all

    JT

  54. March 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Wednesday 22nd February January 2012 – 3rd Team
    DLWE 3 lost 17-5 last night to Whitecraigs RFC 3.

    Al Baird at 3 and Dave Mazzucco at 5 both had close 3-2 games. Dave won his and won MOTM and Al lost his.

    Garry D at 1, me at 2 and Andrew A at 4 all lost 3-0.

    Next week the 3rd team are at home Western 5, the 4th team are away to Bowfield 2 and the 5th team away to Western 6.

    Only 4 weeks left now to the end of the season.

    Regards

    David W

  55. March 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Wednesday 22nd February January 2012 – 4th Team
    1 Craig v Craig Southern 3- 1 Good comfortable win for Craig, lost the first but then settled down to long controlled rallies which his opponent struggled to keep up with. MoM for Craig. Noted some ballerina moves from Craig getting to drop shots.Weird.

    2 Me v Liam Grimshaw – 1-3 Unforunately I Started slow (standstill) so lost the first game. Quickly accelerated to a controlled hobble and won the next. My opponent knew what to do with the ball ,and, although he worked for it, won the next two with my legs giving up early in the 4th. Deserved win for Liam and MoM.

    3 Neil R v Phil Leak 0-3 Neil went on same time as me so did’nt see match, first two games were close though. Neil still learning Team squash in his first season ,so doing fine. Both players did a great job of giving Malcolm a marking course, although I don’t think Malky noticed..

    4 Big Donny v Ian Gibson 3 -0 Match just over when I arrived, so cant comment, and ,although the big Man was sweating a lot, seems to have been a comfortable win.

    5 Malcolm v Dougie Sinclair 0-3 Once again Mad Malky turns out for the team at the last moment, phoned by the Maz at 1630. As usual did his best, but not playing enough, so comfortable win for Dougie. Point of note : Malcolm turning to support Team Squash at this age, (just like Uncle Bill) is pretty damn good. Lets keep an eye on his matches.

    Overall Score 7-13.

    KR

  56. March 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Wednesday 29th February 2012 – 1st Team
    Interesting night at Strathgryffe and a painful 14:8 defeat.

    In order of play:

    Sara played at 4 and struggled a bit with some aches and pains, too much squash over the weekend I reckon, tried her best, but just off the pace and went down 3:0.

    Next on was me at 3 against Colin Wilson, won the first and narrowly lost the next 3, decent match and a point on the board.

    As I came off the court I see Ben storming out the door having just been given a “conduct match against him” NEVER HEARD OF THIS IN MY LIFE AND PRESENTLY CHECKING THE RULES. Having not witnessed the scene first hand I cannot comment on the detail, but we all know Ben, pleasant young man who normally wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

    Next on at 1 was Davie Craig against the grade 2 referee (we were informed), thought I’d mark this one, went without incident, but it was like treading on egg shells, Davie played very well and won 3:1.

    Last up at 5 was Dave the doc, off skiing to France tomorrow but back in plenty time for next Wed, top man. Played very well against Morgan McGuire and won 3:1, he had to as Morgan is a fine player. Morgan has lost her squash mojo these days but too good a player not to come back.

    So…bit of a disaster on a number of fronts and just three games remaining.

    Kind Regards,

    Rob

    • KFC
      March 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

      Ho Ho – I think there are 3 rule books. First one for when you play, Second one for when you mark and Third one for when you are supporting your team member and an opposition bod is marking. Producing this Third rule book on the balcony can be highly influential if unleashed on an opposition marker who is not confident in his own first rule book….

  57. March 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Wednesday 29th February 2012 – 3rd Team
    At 5 Andrew Alabi won 3-2 v Tom Swift. Well done Andrew.
    At 4 Al Baird won 1st but lost 3-1 to Jon Moore
    At 3 David Wilson lost 3-0 to Geoff Cordwell. Consistent though, all games went to 9 points.
    At 2 I lost 3-0 to Allan Mowatt, a game I think I would have won any other season. Pish! No heart, no fitness, no tactical awareness, no quality.
    At 1 Ramzy lost 3-0 to Sheena, who was playing very well.

    I didn’t see 1st 3 games, as I was at Jordanhill based physio Karen Glass. She knows her stuff, and it is clear that advice and diagnosis from previous physio was incorrect. So if calves and left shoulder can be mended, there might be some sport left yet for the wounded Colonel.

    A trip to Craighelen next week, could be tough.

  58. March 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Wednesday 7th March 2012 – 1st Team
    A decent 13 pointer v Craighellen I guess. Hoped to have scored more with a full strength team but decent given the circumstances. The circumstances being young Macmillan injured kicking a football in the playground. Now thats definately what I call a schoolboy error.

    When i turned up I genuinely thought we had 6 points at best in us given Douglas was injured and dc was carrying a strain.

    And so in order of play:

    At 3, the young Mazucco, straight from community service for last weeks behaviour (which consisted of weeding Rambos garden apparently), delivered a great 3 1 win against the angry man. Turns out the angry man has fantastic chat. Anyway, ben played well and worked the guy out well and won a match which he could have quite easily lost.

    At 2, I went on next after my partner ruffled the Squashfathers feathers by not being ready the millisecond the 2nd team game on the court before finished. Ground out a horrible 3 2. It was so bad even i was struggling to watch at times. Anyway, happy with the win.

    On next was Big Rab. At 4. Looks like he needs a holiday. Did very well to win a game but playing against a standard of player I have definately seen him beat in the last year. Important point and lots of effort. Think he needs some dc early morning training. Rocky rocky rocky

    Next up was Dave Ritchie. Wearing his new gear which made a bold statement along the lines of “I know its not the 80s anymore, bring on the 90s”. He was feeling some pain before going on court so I thought it might be a flat defeat but Dave proved us wrong. Put in a fantastic shift and perhaps the best I have seen him play in terms of shot choice. It was like poetry in motion. Bagged the 3 points and brought home the bonus 3. My man of the match by a mile. Superb. Made better by the fact his opponent was absolutely knackered in the 4th and when he collapsed against the side wall when Dave had claimed the 3 1, the angry man stuck his head on court and shouted “and dont come off till you’ve got some f***ing answers”. In a jokey way but still genius.

    And so last up was DC. Carrying an injury and so one bothered watching as we were all too busy watching the doc. Lost 3 0 against their No 1 who is very good player but did well to get 13 points in each game. If we knew that was going to happen we might have watched. And managed through without injury. Job done.

    And so it was 13 points. Probably means we will fall behind Giffnock this week, but with them finishing with Townend 1 and Townend 2 we are still right in the mix.

    Real man of the match – Ben M for declaring at dinner that he played well tonight as wasn’t at school today.

    Davie Craig ate 130g of pasta. Standard. At best. Although to his credit it was all using the back to front over the head technique as he watched the pens on the plasma. Dropped a couple of tubes but still weighed in at around 130g. Good work.

    Night night

  59. March 15, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Wednesday 7th March 2012 – 3rd Team
    Excellent 16 – 4 win in Helensburgh tonight, …. for Craighelen.

    At Mazzucco lost 3 – 0. On form he could have won. Perhaps he was disoriented, as two of the opposition had less hair than him. Meanwhile , at 2 David Wilson did well to get a game against Chris Bowman ?, but lost 3-1.

    Then on went Andrew Alabi against Sean. An unusual game, with lots of very short rallies and momentum swings. When Sean was serving there would often be Sharapova style grunts, such was his exertion. Andrew win 3-1, played well again.

    At 3, Alastair Baird was dazzled by the flourescent shorts of retired submarine man , and lost 3-0. Turns out his opponent is from Devon, like me. Pity, as I have been deriving an aura of individuality, being the only one up here.

    Finally, I lost 3-0, not quite as pesh as last week, once I got going.

    I am beginning to resign myself to the reality that the Carnivores might not quite manage promotion this year.

    Next week, we are up against DLWE 2nds. Cannot recall if we are home or away, but it represents one of our best chances of a win. Possibly, a beer or two after, so bring your beer vouchers, in case.
    Oh, and unlike the 1sts we managed to find the place without incident. If only we could play squash.

    Nite nite.

  60. March 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Wednesday 7th March 2012 – 4th Team
    Short report from the forgotten Men down at the bottom.

    Much weakened team sent to the depths of Maryhill against a team already promoted and will to very well in Div5 next year.

    18-0 gubbing, few items of note were:

    Dave just getting back into it after a long, long layoff, one for the future.

    Sandro zooms about like Ben, just needs the rackets skills, will also do well in the future.

    Neil nearly won a game against Mr Thistle, pity as miserable John hates losing anything,Neil doing well though.

    Maggie just too good for the Big Don of Strathblane. Nice mini skirt in bar. Not the Don.

    My opponent didnt turn up till 9, his first match of the season, cycled from shawlands in 20min, does triathlons and marathons etc etc, and a leftie to boot.

    Marvellous.

    KR

    • March 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

      There was no danger of me losing a game wee nan.

      • March 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

        That should say ‘wee man’ of course.

        Smartphones are not always too smart!

        🙂

  61. September 27, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Wednesday 14th March 2012 – 1st Team
    Part 1 of ?? (8.01pm)
    Away fixture to western 3 tonight.
    In the end they only had 4 players. Ffs

    In order of play:

    I won 3 0 at 2. Against awkward and tricky player. Just wanted on and off given carrying calf injury. I am man of the match so far cause no-one else is close ******* close to playing!! They have 4 here and we have 1 and 3. Joy!!

    More to follow…hopefully tonight

    • September 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

      Part 2 of ??? (8.52pm)

      Just had to dry myself with a tshirt and hairdryer – the schoolboy error of forgetting your towel to an away game

      On the squash front DC won 3 zip at 1. Not much to talk about really apart from the guy going raj over a mcsherry marking decision. Andy helpfully took the time to explain the decision making the guy angrier and angrier. Shouting ‘I don’t want an explanation, its b****ocks’

      Oh here is grumpy just arrived up now!

      A shandy beckons. Bens guy not here yet. Don’t worry, I am asking him some trigonomerty and algebra based questions. Dc throwing in the odd music quiz one.

      • September 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

        Part 3 of ???? (9.03pm)

        John T currently 1 game all carrying very heavy cold. Doing very well despite looking ready to collapse – hope I don’t have to phone nhs 24 cause he’s here!

        Marker just had glass of chardonney delivered. Nice touch.

  62. September 27, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Part 4????? (9.27pm)

    JT pulls out a 3 2 win. Tremendous effort. Looked close to passing out. Seriously. I kept saying not to push it too hard but he pulled it out. Man of the match. 3 important points. No one staying for food except DC – this has got 3000 calories and 100g of saturated fat written all over it! Have asked one of the other team to film the machine destroying a 5 man chinese banquet and send me the link. Sorry to be missing it live.

    Ben on court. Pretty much knows everything there is to know about maths.

    • September 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

      Part 5 (10.20pm)

      Ben at 2 2 and 6 10 (ben has 10). Good game against clearly best guy in team. 7 10. 8 10. 9 10. 9 11. 10 11. 11 11. 12 11. Baws. 13 11. 14 11. 14 12. 15 12. Good effort but pipped at post.

      17 4 to DLWE

      Boom!!

      Good win. Should put us back in 3rd.

  63. September 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Wednesday 14th March 2012 – 2nd Team
    Cracking match tonight against our 3rd team, always interesting to see how well the lower team play on these occasions, determined to give their seniors a lesson while at the same time the senior team tend to relax assuming victory is inevitable….dangerous combo!!!

    Final score 18:8 to us but battle scars all over the place.

    Too many incidents to comment on but important to note I won man of the match and rightly so, a commendable performance with the first of my handful of lagers on board!!

    Western away next week for our final match…pizza or Chinese and then i suspect Oranmore!!

    Kind Regards,

    Robert Mac

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